Episode Forty-Three

“‘Himeiba’? Hmm. In a nutshell, agency policy?”

The next day.
When I plucked up the courage to ask about “Himeiba”, Ibara replied with surprising nonchalance.

“We got on well enough normally, but with Hime, we’re just friends. Not lovers or anything like that. Well, you know, the so-called ‘yuri marketing’ thing.”

“Yuri marketing.”

Another unfamiliar term popped up.
Marketing… does that mean they’re promoting something?

“Don’t you recognise the term, Shigure-san?”

“Sorry, I’m not really up to speed with the idol scene.”

“Hmm, well, basically. There are people who get excited when Yōme and I act affectionate towards each other.”

“Really?”

“Really. So we play up how close we are in all sorts of situations. Like hinting at our private life on SNS, sharing anecdotes on radio shows, and of course on stage too.”

“I thought idol fans always supported just one person. Like in fan votes or for handshake tickets.”

“Well, some do, and that’s the majority. But quite a few support couples. Especially ‘Charles’. Like I said earlier, the agency encouraged that approach.”

“Huh.”

“Probably my interactions with Hime were the most popular, but then there was Hitomi and Shiro-chan’s Purple Team too.”

Akai Hitomi-san was the Little Red Riding Hood-themed idol, and Aoba Jōna-san was the Bluebeard-themed one, right?
They were a red and blue pair, hence the Purple Team, apparently. I see.

“Himeiba, well, Hime was really enthusiastic about it. She’d plan videos for us to film together, write scripts for our talks…”

“Is that so?”

“That girl was pure ambition, I suppose. She was seriously aiming for the top. She’d use anything and everything to get there. What do you call that sort of thing?”

“Hmm… Focused?”

“Yes, exactly. Hina was focused. She was dead serious about being an idol.”

　Ibara cut herself off there and took a step closer to me.

“Anyway. That’s the situation, so you don’t need to worry. I’m devoted solely to you, Shigure-san.”

“…Right, right. Thanks.”

Her face was close.
I quickly turned my head away. Ibara puffed out her cheeks.

“Ah, your reaction’s a bit abrupt. I’m being serious here.”

“…I’m going to take a bath.”

“Off you go then.”

I turned my back on Ibara and hurried towards the washroom.
My ears were burning. I hoped she hadn’t noticed.

†

Soaking in the hot bath, I replayed our earlier exchange in my mind.

──It’s yuri sales. Part of the job.
──I’m devoted to you, Shigure-san.

“…Ugh…”

I felt like burying my head in my hands.
It wasn’t that I doubted Ibara’s words.
Quite the opposite, actually.
Hearing Ibara say that, part of me felt relieved.
Ah, thank goodness. So that’s how it is, I thought.
I’m well aware of it by now. There’s possessiveness towards Ibara inside me.
But having it thrust at me like this, so clearly, well… it’s hard to bear.
　It’s pathetic that I, seven years older than Ibara, have no composure whatsoever.
Perhaps Ibara felt this way too when she learned about Runa.
I’m the witch who puts Ibara to sleep, and Ibara is my princess.
Part of me thinks that’s fine, yet another part of me is unsettled by the word ‘couple’.
So, does that mean I want to be Ibara’s lover?
　……
No, I don’t know.
I care deeply about Ibara. I want to hug her, sleep beside her. I want to be kind to her, and seeing her face when I wake up brings me such relief.
But I can’t confidently declare this is romantic love.
What I find in Ibara isn’t intense fluttering, but something closer to peace.
Or perhaps it’s respect – the feeling you get when gazing upon something precious and dazzling.

「……Hmm」

I still don’t get it.
Or rather, the fundamental problem is…

「……I’ve had far too little romantic experience… even though I’m a grown woman…」

High school was all about club activities, university had Runa always by my side, and since entering the workforce, I’ve had absolutely no time for such things.
So I’m a complete novice. Even kissing, to be honest, that thing the other day was, well.
　Yes, that.
That, you know, the deep one.
What on earth was Ibara thinking back then?
Haru had declared that Ibara liked me (in that sense), but even that wasn’t exactly based on solid evidence.
　Ibara invaded my personal space from the very first meeting, and even without that, things got rather… heated the day before. So wasn’t it just the aftermath, or the momentum of the moment? A momentary mistake, perhaps?
That suspicion just won’t go away.
I mean, we’re the same sex, she’s seven years younger, and she’s a former idol, an absolutely stunning beauty.
There’s not a single thing that makes us a good match, so I can’t feel the same certainty as Haru.
　It feels like, “Really?”
If it were true, we’d have ended up bathing together, we hug every night, and we sleep in the same futon every single day.
If that were the case, wouldn’t I have been attacked long ago?
Or perhaps Ibara is holding back tremendously.
What is it?
Honestly, I’m curious.
What does Ibara think of me?
　I am curious, but I can’t exactly ask her directly, “Do you look at me in a lecherous way?”
If I’m wrong, she’ll be utterly repulsed, and even if I’m right, she wouldn’t just say “Yes” so readily…….

If it turns out to be completely different, I’ll become that self-conscious woman (twenty-four years old) who misunderstood she was being admired by a beautiful girl and blew herself up.
I hate that idea.

“…Hmm…”

Is there any way to confirm Ibara’s feelings?
Like, perhaps tempting her a little and seeing how she reacts?

“…No, no, that’s not right…”

That’s a bit much, even for me.
Besides, how exactly does one go about tempting someone?
I’ve heard plenty from the battle-hardened Hibari-san when it comes to just talking about it.
　But I’ve never once tempted anyone in my entire life, so I’ve absolutely no clue how to go about it.
Besides, a twenty-four-year-old tempting a seventeen-year-old high schooler? That’s just awful. What kind of villainess am I?……

…………….

“…Something like this…?”

I bent my arm in the bath, striking a pose to emphasise my average-sized chest.
　The Hibari-san in my mind disapproved: “Hmm, not quite right.”
Oh, I don’t understand anything.
Love (?) is difficult.
The words Haru said to me resurfaced.

──Hey, Ame. What are you going to do from now on?

“That’s what I’d like to know myself…”

My sigh mingled with the rising steam and dissolved.
　Blocked by the white mist, the answer still seemed far from reach.