Episode Thirty-Six: I Get Jealous Too, You Know
“So you two really are dating.”
Before I could even manage a proper happy new year, Ritsu-san, sweet sake in hand, opened with exactly that, and I scrambled to yank my hand free from where it had been laced through Yui-san’s pocket.
“Wh-what are you talking about…”
Her usual gentle, downturned brown eyes narrowed, sharp with mischief.
I’d slipped up. I knew perfectly well we’d be running into Ritsu-san today, and yet holding hands with Yui-san out in public had become so routine by now that it never once crossed my mind to let go before she showed up. I regretted that, deeply.
“You two were totally holding hands just now.”
“…Yui-san does this with anyone, doesn’t she.”
I said it, grasping at straws. I have no idea if she actually holds hands with just anyone, and honestly, if she does, I’d hate it — but right now, it was the only defense I had.
“Really? I’ve never held hands with Yui, not once.”
Ritsu-san said it, clearly enjoying herself, and I looked away, mortified. There was no way out of this now.
I’d already lost. Ritsu-san’s every bit as quick-tongued as Yui-san — anything else I said now would only dig the hole deeper.
“Ritsu, don’t tease Kanata too much.”
Struggling, I felt a wave of relief as Yui-san stepped in to rescue me.
“Kanata, don’t worry about anything Ritsu says. Let’s hold hands again?”
She said it, smiling, holding her hand out toward me.
There was no way I could take it again, not under these circumstances. I stared into those black eyes, trying to work out what she was thinking, and noticed — those same black eyes were faintly, unmistakably laughing too.
Yui-san had known perfectly well she’d get teased by Ritsu-san. And she’d left our hands linked anyway, on purpose.
She could have just said so — that we should let go before running into Ritsu-san.
So mean. The two of them were definitely having fun teasing me together.
“…No thanks. I’m never holding your hand again, ever.”
I shook my head, side to side, and Ritsu-san burst out laughing.
“Sorry, sorry, I’m just kidding, don’t sulk. Friends hold hands all the time, it’s normal. So hold my hand instead this time. Have you checked out the food stalls yet? I’ll treat you to whatever, as an apology.”
She winked, sharp, and grabbed my hand, pulling me along.
Just as my mood had started to lift, a hand closed tight around my other one, stopping the step I’d already taken.
“…Ritsu.”
I turned at the sound of Yui-san’s clearly displeased voice. I understood what she wanted to say from the look alone. Ritsu-san, following the direction of that stare — down to where my hand was linked with hers — swung it back and forth, grinning, mischievous.
“What? You two aren’t dating, right? If she’s not your girlfriend, what’s the problem? Right?”
She said it, peering into my eyes, smiling like a mischievous kid. Put on the spot for agreement, I ended up nodding along with the momentum, and Yui-san’s brows drew together, sharp.
“…Kanata.”
Eh, me now? What am I supposed to do? Ritsu-san showed no sign of letting go, and the hand Yui-san had grabbed wasn’t budging either.
She just kept staring at me, and, at a loss, I glanced back and forth between the two of them, flustered.
“Yui. If you want Kanata-chan all to yourself, you should actually date her first.”
Ritsu-san said it and tugged my hand, and this time, Yui-san’s grip came apart almost embarrassingly easily.
Yui-san let out a sigh and, giving up, fell into step behind us.
Unusually for her, her face was so plainly, obviously displeased that I couldn’t help a small laugh.
*
“Where’s your hometown, Ritsu-san?”
I asked, hand in hand with her, walking down the row of food stalls.
“Akita, for me. Absolutely brutal snow country. Yui was so shocked the first time I took her back there.”
Took her back there? Caught off guard by the unexpected phrase, I glanced at Yui-san without meaning to.
“Yui-san, you’ve been to Ritsu-san’s family home?”
“Yeah, I have. First winter of college, I think?”
“Right, right. Yui got so into it, building a snowman, totally hyped.”
Akita, huh… it did seem to suit Ritsu-san somehow. Fair-skinned, beautiful.
They’re close friends, of course, so it’s not strange for them to have visited each other’s homes. But still — I couldn’t help a small flare of envy at that bond between them.
I want to see that too, someday. Yui-san, hyped up, building a snowman.
Ritsu-san’s hand in mine felt warm. But I found myself, just slightly, missing the warmth of Yui-san’s pocket.
*
Out of everything at the food stalls, what caught my interest most, oddly enough, had nothing to do with New Year’s at all — it was takoyaki. Steam rising off it, the delicious smell drifting up, I sat on a bench and popped one into my mouth.
“Mm, so good.”
How many years had it been since I last ate takoyaki? Coming back to Japan felt worth it most, sometimes, in exactly these small moments — touching foods only Japan really has.
The six-piece box kept disappearing into my stomach, one after another.
“You really do look like you’re enjoying that, Kanata-chan.”
“Eh, really?”
I do like eating, sure, but I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me before.
“Yeah, it looks incredibly good.”
“Then, have the last one, Ritsu-san.”
She’d bought them for me in the first place, after all. I speared the last piece with a toothpick and lifted it toward her, meaning to feed it to her directly — but suddenly my hand was snatched away. Startled, I froze for a second.
Pulled, not toward Ritsu-san on my left, but toward Yui-san on my right.
Before I could even process it, Yui-san had already popped the takoyaki straight into her mouth.
I stared, stunned, at Yui-san chewing away. The takoyaki that was supposed to be on the toothpick — gone. Just gone.
“Yui-san! I was going to give that to Ritsu-san…!”
“Thanks for the meal.”
Smiling, bright, and Ritsu-san burst out laughing at her.
“Yui, you’re way too much of an adult to be pulling that!”
Yui-san stuck her tongue out at Ritsu-san in response. Sandwiched between the two of them, I felt like I was seeing a side of Yui-san I’d never seen before, and thought — this kind of hanging out with everyone might be nice, once in a while.
*
“That’s plenty already. Give Kanata back now.”
Yui-san said it, taking my hand, and Ritsu-san let go easily, with a breezy okay~.
Ritsu-san had probably only held my hand to tease Yui-san in the first place, and right as we were parting ways, she leaned in close and whispered, secretly, “the necklace suits you.”
Yui-san noticed my flushed cheeks and pressed, wanting to know what she’d said, but Ritsu-san just laughed it off.
Does Ritsu-san know about my feelings, I wonder. She’s probably seen more women falling for Yui-san than I can count, so it wouldn’t be strange if she’d noticed.
Our joined hands were drawn back into her pocket. Let’s head home, Yui-san said, and I nodded, small.
Back home, settled onto the sofa, my arm was suddenly pulled and I found myself hugged tight, Yui-san nuzzling insistently at my neck.
“Um, Yui-san…?”
The arms holding me were stronger than usual, and, curious, I looked over to find Yui-san smiling, bright.
Our hands, gripped tight together. She was smiling, but the strength of the arm holding my body felt strangely mismatched with that smile.
“…Do you always hold hands with your friends like that, Kanata?”
“Eh…”
With friends? Hands? Like with Yuuri? I shook my head, side to side.
“I don’t.”
“Then why’d you hold Ritsu’s hand today? You could’ve just refused.”
The black eyes staring at me steadily weren’t smiling at all. Wait, could it be — is Yui-san actually angry…?
“I-I mean, why, because Ritsu-san just…”
My excuse trailed off into a mumble. When I dropped my gaze, downcast, Yui-san’s fingers tipped my chin back up — look at me properly. Our eyes met, head-on. There’d be no escaping this, apparently.
“But refusing, in that situation, wouldn’t that have been weird…? Besides, I hold hands with you all the time too, Yui-san…”
“Are Ritsu and I the same, to you?”
Something in me went cold. Of course not. You’re not the same at all. Unable to find the words, I fell silent, and Yui-san’s lovely brows drew tight.
“…So then, if Ritsu asked, you’d do this kind of thing with her too?”
“Eh…!?”
Mmph — my words were stolen by a kiss, and, my shoulder pushed back, I sank into the sofa without any resistance at all.
The heated kiss sent a sharp, numbing jolt through the back of my head.
Her soft tongue traced along my lips, and, reflexively, I parted them just slightly, and my tongue was effortlessly caught up, tongues twined together, and the sensation sent a shiver racing down my spine.
Whether I’d do this kind of thing with Ritsu-san too. As if. She knows that already.
Unable to bear the force of that jealousy with nowhere else to go, I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her in close myself.
My breath grew ragged, and once I was properly out of air, her tongue withdrew. She licked her wet lips slowly and looked down at me, and I stared right back into those black eyes, refusing to lose ground.
“…I don’t think… Ritsu-san would ever do… this kind of thing…”
Chest heaving, barely able to catch my breath, I forced it out. Ritsu-san’s not gay, and she’s not as loose about this as Yui-san is either.
“…I’m asking whether you’d accept it, if she did.”
Her fingers traced slowly from my neck down to the diamond resting at my collarbone.
“…I worked so hard, you know, just to get you to let me kiss you. And here you go comparing me to Ritsu.”
She said it, brows drawn into a childish pout, and I couldn’t help laughing.
Yui-san’s usually so smooth about everything, but underneath it, there really is a genuinely cute side to her too.
“…Why are you laughing? I’m being serious.”
Displeased at being laughed at, her expression soured, and I pulled the arms around her neck in tighter, staring into that sulky black gaze.
“I don’t do this kind of thing with just anyone. You’re special, Yui-san. So please forgive me… for today.”
The displeasure in her eyes finally softened.
Held in an embrace tight enough to almost hurt, I let out a small breath of relief — good, I’ve been forgiven.
I think today really was my own fault.
If Yui-san ever held hands with one of my friends right in front of me, I’d absolutely hate it too, and I’d get upset about it, no question.
Though, in my case, I probably don’t have nearly her patience, and I doubt I’d be able to hold back my complaints all the way home.
“…You’ve got a cute side too, don’t you, Yui-san.”
I said it with a soft laugh, and Yui-san lifted her head to look at me, steady.
I gently smoothed back the glossy black hair falling loose, tucking it behind her ear, and my fingertip brushed against her earring, so I let it linger there instead, tracing it.
“…I get jealous too, you know.”
“Do you like me that much?”
I asked it on purpose, wanting to hear her say it. Let me hear the answer. My finger, tracing her earlobe, slid gently down, brushing against her soft lips.
“…I like you. I’ve told you that plenty of times already.”
The hand at my lips was taken, and our mouths met once more.
Something warm welled up, slow, deep in my chest. Just being told she likes me is enough to make me this happy.
Kissed at the neck, my body gave a small shiver. Gently licked at first, then, suddenly, sucked hard enough to sting.
I recognized this sensation. The same as the hot spring, when she’d left that mark on me.
“Yui-san, if you suck that hard, it’ll leave a mark.”
“…I want it to. That’s the point.”
“A h-hickey — isn’t that something you leave on someone you’re dating, or… sleeping with…?”
“That’s right. It means you’re mine.”
For someone who won’t even properly date me, the nerve, saying something like that. I thought so, and yet, caught off guard by that raw display of possessiveness, my heart gave an unwilling little flutter, and I found I couldn’t refuse her at all.
In the end, Yui-san’s mood never fully recovered for the rest of the day, and she kept me held tight in her arms, refusing to let go.
By the end of it, two more hickeys had joined the first, and the next morning, I found myself standing in front of the mirror, concealer in hand, letting out a long, heavy sigh.