Episode 28: What Do You Like About Me, Nana? Tell Me Everything

I spread out a futon on the floor of my room and waited for Mitsuki. She returned, having finished drying her hair and changed into black shorts and a T-shirt, looking like a middle school sports club member.

“…Eh? A futon?”

“You can use my bed, Mitsuki. I’ll sleep on the futon. You’re an important guest, after all.”

　The futon was freshly aired and the sheets freshly washed. Sleeping in the bed would be fine; I thought I’d covered all bases.

“Ehh… couldn’t we just sleep together in the bed?”

“Nah, nah, it’s too cramped.”

Truthfully, it was a semi-double size, so sleeping together wasn’t impossible. In fact, when Maki stayed over before, we slept together in this bed. Preparing a futon was just too much hassle.

　With Maki, I wouldn’t mind sleeping while holding each other. I’m confident I could sleep soundly through the night.
But not with Mitsuki. Even just her shoulder touching mine makes my heart feel like it’s going to explode, and besides, I’ve got a history with her.

“…Nana, are you thinking about something naughty?”

“N-no, I’m not!”

“Really?”

“I’m not lying!”

“Then I’ll check.”

As I frantically denied it, Mitsuki grinned and threw herself into my chest.
The sudden sway of her black hair carried the scent of the same shampoo I use.

“Mitsuki, just…!”

Her ear pressed against my heart.
My heart, racing wildly and pumping blood through my body at breakneck speed, couldn’t be fooled.

　Her ear pressed tightly against my chest, Mitsuki shrugged her shoulders and chuckled teasingly.

“Mmm, Nana, you really are cute. I’ll give you a big hug, huggle.”

“…Bloody hell, Mitsuki, you really have a great personality, don’t you…”

“Do you dislike this side of me, Nana?”

“…I like it, but! I wish you’d stop already!”

I like everything about you, including that side. I like Mitsuki.
That’s why it hurts so much, yet Mitsuki doesn’t understand at all.

“What do you like about me, Nana? Tell me everything.”

Hey, please don’t say things like a troublesome girlfriend. Not that I’ve ever had one!
　That kind of girlfriend move really hits me straight in the heart, so please stop.

Staring back at her fixed gaze, I grabbed Mitsuki’s shoulder and pulled her away.

“I can’t explain that sort of thing. Like, what I like about you.”

“Why not? I want to know. What part of me made you fall for me?”

“I’m going to take a bath. You sleep, Mitsuki.”

“You’re stingy, Nana. You could tell me.”

Mitsuki, now away from me, sat on the edge of the bed, dangling her legs and pouting her lips sulkily.
Ignoring her, I pulled my nightclothes and underwear from the wardrobe, slammed the door shut, and left the room.

　＊＊＊

Every time I spend the night with Mitsuki, I always end up taking a cold shower from head to toe.

I need to cool down my overheated brain and regain some composure.
I resolutely turned the tap, and the deathly cold water doused my entire body, making me cry out, “Hyah!”
Hee, cold water in the dead of winter really is dangerous. I’ll catch a cold.
Gritting my teeth, I immediately turned the tap the other way. This time, the hot water felt unbearably scalding, making me recoil. It was just one disaster after another.

When it comes to Mitsuki, I instantly become useless.
Things I could normally do without a second thought become impossible. My mind, which should be spinning quickly, seizes up like rusted machinery the moment she looks at me.

　God, please grant me nerves of steel so that whatever Mitsuki says to me now won’t faze me.

Because I genuinely love and cherish her, I don’t want to defile Mitsuki with my selfish desires.

Please, I hope Mitsuki is asleep by the time I return…

After bathing, I opened my bedroom door while praying. Inside, it was dimly lit, and Mitsuki lay asleep on my bed with her eyes closed.

Seeing Mitsuki’s sleeping face — I felt a little disappointed, and guilt threatened to crush my chest.

What on earth am I thinking? I’m the worst.

I shook my head slightly from side to side and lay down on the futon spread beside the bed.
　Turning my back to her, I pulled the futon up to cover myself completely up to my shoulders and squeezed my eyes shut.

My heart was still pounding. It must be because I saw Mitsuki sleeping.

The ticking of the clock’s second hand echoed, and it bothered me so much it made my mind race.

The Christmas present I’d prepared for Mitsuki — I’d actually planned to place it by her pillow after she fell asleep.

　I’d rehearsed it properly. But no. My body wouldn’t move as my mind commanded.
If I let my guard down even slightly, I feared my hand would reach out to Mitsuki like before. I was scared to sit up.

Because I like Mitsuki.
I want to kiss her.
If I were to experience what comes next someday, I want it to be with Mitsuki.
Truthfully, I want to touch Mitsuki before anyone else. I want Mitsuki to touch me before anyone else.
　When night fell, the beast I’d thought I’d locked away in the closet awoke.

I let out a sigh, and from behind me came the rustling sound of the futon shifting.

“…Nana, mind if I come over?”

Here it comes.

Mitsuki — she hadn’t been asleep.
I gulped.
　I simply kept my eyes tightly shut, ignored Mitsuki, and feigned sleep.
I was probably dead giveaways that I was awake, but I couldn’t make a sound.

Without waiting for my reply, I heard Mitsuki get out of bed. As I froze, unable to move, Mitsuki slid under my covers without a moment’s hesitation.

　Her body pressed flat against my back, and my breath caught.
All my nerves concentrated on my back. As if Mitsuki’s heat was flowing into me from where we touched, my own body temperature shot up rapidly.

“Nana, can we talk for a moment?”

I took a deep breath.
Then, after filling my lungs completely with oxygen, I exhaled slowly and fully.

　Asami Nana, you are being tested right now.
Empty your mind. Think of nothing. Cast away all distracting thoughts.

“…Mitsuki, can’t you sleep?”

I desperately tried to steady my voice, which threatened to break. My heart felt ready to burst. Sweat began beading on my forehead from the rising heat.

“…I thought I’d like to talk to Nana for a bit. Just until I fall asleep. Is that alright? Will you listen to me?”

“…Yeah, sure.”

I had no choice but to agree.
What could she possibly want to talk about?
I braced myself, but what Mitsuki quietly began to say wasn’t what I’d imagined at all.

“…Nana’s house is really warm. Your parents are kind and lovely.”

“Really?”

“Yes. And Nana takes after her father, doesn’t she? Your smiling face was just like his.”

“Ah, that… I get told that a lot.”

Mitsuki’s voice echoed over my shoulder. That beloved sound spread gently through my whole body.

“I’ve never seen my own father, you know. But I’ve looked at my face and body, found the parts I don’t resemble my mother, and imagined what he might be like. What kind of person my father is…”

“…I see.”

I knew she didn’t have a father, but I hadn’t realised she’d never actually seen her biological father.

So that meant Tasuku and her were half-siblings…
Then, perhaps, had Mitsuki’s mother remarried?
Mitsuki was still in high school, so suddenly living with a man she wasn’t related to by blood would surely be difficult for her.
Had her mother made arrangements for that? A so-called ‘separate residence marriage’?

Before my grandmother passed away, she told me about my father in secret. Seems he was a right piece of work. Even though he was Mum’s classmate, he wouldn’t acknowledge her. At high school, Mum was the only one who ended up having to leave… Since Dad’s family register is clean, he might be married to someone else somewhere. Maybe he’s even got children already. If so, I might have siblings I’ve never met, siblings I’ve never even seen.

What am I supposed to do? This is incredibly heavy. A heavyweight topic indeed. The environment Mitsuki lived in was beyond my imagination.
Unconcerned with my speechlessness, Mitsuki continued matter-of-factly.

“I think Mum must have sacrificed so much to raise me. She was daft, wasn’t she… Having a child at sixteen? I couldn’t imagine it. She should have just had an abortion instead of being so stubborn.”

“Mitsuki…!”

I spun round and called her name. Mitsuki just stared back at me with quiet eyes.

Why would she say something that felt like denying her own existence? My chest ached as if it were being squeezed.

“…Why are you saying that?”

I genuinely didn’t understand.
A fear washed over me that I might never truly grasp the darkness Mitsuki carried.
Different upbringings naturally lead to different values. Right now, I felt like I didn’t understand Mitsuki at all.

　What was Mitsuki trying to tell me?

“Nana’s home… seems happy. That’s why Nana grew up to be such a straightforward, warm person. You know… sometimes I think if it weren’t for me, Mum could have had a happier life.”

“Don’t say that. Mitsuki’s mum raised you carefully, didn’t she?”

“But she had someone more important than me, that’s why she gave birth to Tasuku.”

　What does that mean?
I can’t follow this.
Someone more important than Mitsuki?
There’s no way a parent could have something more important than their child—

“…My mother is having an affair.”

The quiet voice echoed through the room.

The eyes fixed on me were utterly cold, like the piercingly icy sea in the dead of winter.