Episode 31: Yui-san, Do As You Please

My first trip with Yui-san became an unforgettable experience in so many ways.

This journey taught me something.

That scenery shared with someone special is truly wonderful and leaves a powerful impression.

That a single embrace can make you feel like you’re soaring to heaven.

And that I feel this way because I like her.

　Truthfully, I’d known all along. I’d just been pretending not to realise.

Once I admitted it, it felt like a weight had lifted from my shoulders.

All the restlessness, all the frustration – it’s all because I like Yui-san.

I thought it was a sweet yet bittersweet love, like dark chocolate.

＊＊＊

　The day after returning from the trip. I messaged Ritsu-san saying I’d bought souvenirs, and she came to pick them up at my part-time job.

“Here, these are souvenirs.”

I slipped the Hakone souvenir I’d stashed under the counter — so she wouldn’t be seen eating cake by other customers — into her hands.

“Ooh, thanks! Definitely the right call asking Kanata-chan instead of Yui!”

“I only bought enough for you to finish, as it doesn’t keep well. You shouldn’t eat too much either.”

“You can never have too much of something blessed. My old granny back home said so, so it must be true.”

Seeing Ritsu-san beam like that, I couldn’t help but smile too.

Ritsu-san has grown quite fond of my part-time job’s café and started dropping by often.

She’s probably my most frequent customer among my acquaintances. Yui-san mostly gets picked up and never comes inside the shop.

“So? How was Hakone?”

“It was really enjoyable. The hot springs were lovely, and Owakudani was amazing. The mountain railway uses switchbacks like this to climb the slope.”

I explained with hand gestures, but Ritsu-san just tilted her head, looking puzzled.

“Switchback? What’s that?”

It seemed Ritsu-san wasn’t particularly interested in railways.

Of course, I wasn’t an expert either; I’d only learnt about it because Yui-san had told me.

“…Anyway, you should go with Yuri sometime. It was really lovely.”

Giving up on explaining, Ritsu-san smiled and said, “That sounds nice.”

“So, about that. I’ve been wondering… how was the evening?”

“Eh…? Last night?”

Asked so abruptly, I let out an involuntary, utterly ridiculous gasp.

“So it was as rumoured? She was good? That girl?”

“W-wait, I’ll ask, but what exactly do you mean by ‘good’…”

“No, I mean, sex…”

“R-Ritsu-san! What are you saying?! I don’t know anything about that sort of thing!”

　My face flushed bright red as I shook my head vigorously. Then Ritsu grinned and pointed at her own neck.

“You’re lying. I can see it.”

“Liar!”

Realising she’d pointed out the hickey, I frantically covered my neck. I’d covered it with concealer, but had it rubbed off on my collar? What to do?

　Then Ritsu burst out laughing.

“You did it after all, didn’t you? Got caught? A hickey.”

Only then did I realise I’d been set up.

“No, it’s not that! This is Yui’s prank, I swear nothing… nothing happened…!”

“Bullshit… Eh, really? Nothing happened?　Even though you were in the same room all night? That Yui didn’t make a move? Is that even possible?”

It wasn’t that nothing happened. In fact, she tried to do quite a lot. If I hadn’t clearly said no back then, I might have ended up having a very different kind of night.

But now, I’d heard something I couldn’t just let slide.

“Um, by the way… about that rumour that she’s good at it… did the girls say that?”

I stare intently at Ritsu, careful not to let her see the flames of jealousy burning fiercely deep within my chest.

“Ah… no, sorry. That was a slip of the tongue. Forget what I just said.”

I feel a slight pang of irritation at Ritsu, whose eyes dart around conspicuously. No matter what, this girl is always on Yui’s side, one way or another.

“It’s fine, really. I know what kind of person Yui is. She doesn’t even have a girlfriend, just leads girls on for fun. She’s got the worst reputation with women.”

The amazing thing about Yui-san is that she makes up for that flaw with her overwhelming charm.

“Ah… well, yeah, that’s true. But I think Yui’s been putting in a lot of effort lately, don’t you? She’s really calmed down compared to before. I reckon it’s all for Kanata-chan’s sake.”

“But doesn’t she still sneak the occasional bite?”

When I pointed it out, Ritsu scratched her cheek awkwardly. See? I knew it. There’s no way Ritsu, who drinks with her all the time, wouldn’t know about it.

“Hmm… But if you don’t like it, I think you should say so clearly. The Yui we know now would probably listen to what Kanata-chan says, wouldn’t she?”

“I didn’t… say I didn’t like it.”

I do dislike it. I want to say it. But I know full well I have no right to say it.

If she were the kind of person with a heart broad enough to love me completely, flaws and all, then maybe it would be fine. But I’m not that kind of person yet.

I want to believe there’s no lie in her words when she said she’d talk about it someday.

So, since Yui-san said that, I didn’t want to be the one to put pressure on her.

I don’t want her to think I’m a pain. I’ve finally realised I like her, and I don’t want her to dislike me.

　But given my impatient nature, if I catch another glimpse of another woman next time, I can’t promise I won’t give Yui a proper telling-off.

“How devoted,” Ritsu sighs.
I don’t know if it’s devotion, but I reckon this is the best I can manage right now.

After finishing closing duties, I leave the shop through the back door. It’s turned rather chilly. Winter was already knocking at the door.

The seasons cycle like this, passing in the blink of an eye.

Yui-san couldn’t pick me up today, so I had to walk home alone. I pulled my coat collar up and started walking towards the station.

“Aosawa!”

Hearing my name from behind, I turned to find Hayakawa-kun grabbing my hand.

“Isn’t your senior picking you up today? I’ll walk you home.”

　Hayakawa-kun’s cheerful smile made my heart ache. If only I’d refused sooner, like Yui-san told me to.

Winter is almost here. Keeping things ambiguous like this, continuing to take up his time, surely isn’t true kindness.

“…Just to the station is fine.”

Hayakawa-kun’s expression stiffened, as if he sensed something.

　I understand now how frightening it is to have affection rejected. And I can see now just how cruel I’ve been to him all this time.

“There’s something I need to tell you, Hayakawa-kun.”

“Eh, yeah… what is it?”

We walked together to the station. The headlights of passing cars repeatedly illuminated his anxious profile before fading away.

“Hayakawa-kun… do you still like me?”

Asking so directly, I could tell he swallowed hard.

“…Yeah, I do.”

“…I see.”

His reply left me disheartened. How much better it would have been if he’d said he didn’t like me anymore.

“You said I didn’t have to give you an answer to my confession yet. But I thought keeping quiet wasn’t right either.”

　As the station lights came into view, Hayakawa-kun stopped walking. I turned to face him.

“Do I really have to hear it?”

“Please do.”

“Right… Yeah, I suppose so, Aosawa. You’re cute, after all. You should have a boyfriend soon…”

Hearing that, I shook my head from side to side.

“I don’t have a boyfriend. But… there is someone I like. So, I can’t return your feelings, Hayakawa-kun.”

Ah, it’s painful, I think. Seeing Hayakawa-kun shrink away makes me feel suffocated, as if I’m seeing myself in him.

Love is painful. If feelings are reciprocated, it brings happiness, but if not, it becomes a blade that gouges at the heart.

“…What kind of person does Aosawa like?”

“Someone very kind, but also a bit sly.”

Saying this, Hayakawa-kun gave a self-deprecating laugh.

“Why don’t you just go out with them?”

“…Because they have no intention of being in a relationship.”

“Why do you like someone like that? I’d treat you much better…”

He turned back to me, his tone accusatory.

I wonder… Hayakawa-kun would certainly treat me well too, but surpassing Yui-san would be rather difficult, I think.

“I don’t know why. …But I do. It’s beyond help. It’s not logical.”

When I stated it plainly, Hayakawa-kun bit his lip in frustration.

“…I see. I understand. Thank you for telling me.”

Hayakawa-kun is a good person. If I hadn’t met Yui-san, there might well have been a future where I dated him.

But I did meet Yui-san.

　Because I’ve discovered this intense feeling that burns my chest so fiercely, it makes me think everything I thought was love before was fake.

There’s no going back now.

I don’t care if it’s a quagmire. Even if it’s a love that leaves me crying, screaming, and covered in wounds.

I parted ways with Hayakawa-kun at the station. Rocked by the train, I head home for two stops.

For some reason, I suddenly feel an overwhelming urge to see Yui-san. Maybe it’s because I said I liked her, but my feelings are accelerating rapidly.

　She probably wasn’t home yet, but if she was definitely coming back, I could wait for her forever.

Lying sprawled on the sofa, waiting for Yui-san to return, I heard the front door open.

I threw myself at her as she opened the living room door, her beloved sweet perfume tickling my chest.

“Yui-san, welcome home.”

“I’m home, Kanata. What’s this? You’re greeting me today?”

Yui-san smiled happily. She pressed her lips to my eyelids, then my cheeks, and I hugged her tightly.

“Sorry I couldn’t pick you up.”

I shook my head. “No.” I stared intently at her lips, wanting a kiss. Yui-san smiled softly and peered into my face.

“…You’re being rather clingy today. Something happen?”

“…Is it wrong to be clingy when nothing’s wrong?”

Even I have nights when I feel like being clingy, when things pile up.
Because you spoil me, I seem to have become addicted to that kindness.

“…No, it’s not. You can be as clingy as you like. Fancy something to drink? I’ll make you anything.”

“…Hot milk would be nice. With honey. But before that… kiss me.”

Yui-san’s eyes widened slightly, looking a little surprised. I wondered if she’d meant it when she said I could be clingy, but then she smiled, took my chin, and lifted my gaze.

　Her deep black eyes met mine directly.

“…All right. What sort of kiss would you like?”

Making me say that. I averted my gaze, and Yui chuckled softly.

“Why are you asking that? You never ask, you just do as you please.”

“Hmm, well, because I want to do what you want me to do. I’d like you to tell me.”

Yui-san is quite mischievous. Her thumb gently traced my lips. Just that alone made me imagine what would come next. I already knew how wonderful kissing her felt.

“…Do as you please, Yui-san.”

When I said that in a small voice, Yui-san burst out laughing.

“Alright, I’ll do as I please. But no complaining, you hear?”

She pushed me hard, pinning me down on the sofa. As Yui-san, who had thrown herself on top of me, took off her coat and flung it onto the floor, my heart felt like it was being squeezed tight.

“Just a kiss, alright?”

“I know.”

She smiled happily, then bit down on my lips. I closed my eyes. As I pulled her arms around my neck closer, I could feel Yui-san give a soft chuckle.

“Enough, I’ll die if you keep this up,” I gasped, raising the white flag. It was only some time later that I finally got my hot milk.

　When autumn ends and winter comes, I’m sure I’ll meet a Yui I haven’t known yet.

Hey, Yui, you didn’t know, did you?

If you only ever thought of me, I’d give you everything I had.

I truly, genuinely believed that.