Here?

That was my first thought.
Amamiya Tōru’s words as she straddled me, tearing at my clothes. Please. I beg you.
She wants my first time. To put it bluntly, does that mean she wants to have sex? With me, a woman?

　It wasn’t that I’d never considered it.
In fact, I’d often fantasised about going beyond kisses and hugs with Amamiya Tōru.

I want to do it someday.

I’ll keep saving up, raise the price, and at least do it once.
After finishing the transaction and parting ways, I walked home alone, thinking about it over and over.

But to make that fantasy a reality, one huge barrier stood in the way.
That being — we’re both girls.
　We still stand on the line where we can make that desperate excuse: kisses and hugs are intimate forms of communication even between people of the same sex.
But the acts beyond that go too far to be dismissed as mere communication. Above all, without at least some degree of affection, those acts cannot happen. Especially the first time.

……….

　Is it because I’m still a child that I think affection is necessary?
Or rather, am I just a romantic girl who insists the other person’s affection is absolutely essential, only to be laughed at and dismissed?

……………. No, being laughed at by others isn’t really a hardship for me.

I’ll stop looking for an escape route.

Truthfully, my only worry is whether Amamiya Tōru will regret it.
　……Even that might have sounded like an evasive answer.
I’m probably afraid of discovering the gap between our feelings. That I alone love Amamiya Tōru through the act of ‘sexual intercourse’, while she sees it merely as an act, devoid of love.

If it must be, I want to say ‘I love you’ and feel her completely.
If it must be, I want to hear ‘I love you’ and let my feelings surge wildly.

　That’s my perfect ideal, filtered through my fantasies.

I can’t help but calculate our current relationship and judge whether we’ll reach that point.

I want to know.

I don’t want to be uncertain.

I too want something beyond kisses and hugs.

So please tell me.
Please show me with words.

　Amamiya Tōru.

Do you like me?

◇

I undo the buttons on Mashiro’s blouse one by one, starting from the bottom.
Just as she did to me in the hotel the day before yesterday.
Her lower abdomen comes into view, her beautiful navel appears, and then her underwear becomes visible.

Hmm.

This is rather something.

I understand why Mashiro wanted to undress me.
　This is rather… exciting.
I should be used to seeing her in her underwear by now. I thought I got excited by the act of kissing and hugging, not because I was aroused by Mashiro Kuroda as a girl.

She is my light. She is warm.
But if you asked whether she excited me, that was a different matter.
That’s what I thought.

It might be too late now, but I realise that was a mistake.

　The act of undressing itself doesn’t excite me.
But undressing Mashiro emphasises the fact that I get to see her skin – skin rarely seen by others – in a special way.
That’s why it excites me.

And seeing Mashiro so utterly helpless only makes it worse.

I thought Mashiro would stop me halfway through.
But her hands don’t grab mine.

　She kept staring at me.
But I already knew. She was probably too absorbed in formulating a reply to my words, and couldn’t see me standing right in front of her again.

I’d already told her everything I wanted to say.
I’d freely conveyed everything I wanted to do.
I wanted her first time.
My emotions were a mess, but if she could accept even that desire, I could feel at ease again.

I feel weaker now.
I was weak from the start, but perhaps I was just putting on a brave face.
At least, the me before becoming this close to Mashiro would never have been swayed by emotions like this.

But it’s alright now.
I think I can even accept that part of myself.

If Mashiro accepts me here.
Then I too can make up my mind. I can decide.

　By truly connecting with Mashiro, I feel I could finally name this feeling I have for her.

So take your time, Mashiro.
Just this once, I won’t rush you. I’ll wait as long as it takes.
Though if I must say, this defiant version of me will keep sliding my hands further up your body while you remain silent.
If that doesn’t bother you, then take your time.

　◇

While I remained silent, Amamiya Tōru took a bold step.

Her hand traced a line upwards from my lower abdomen, lifting my breasts as if it were nothing. Left, right. Alternating as she moved upwards.
My underwear began to shift gradually.

Wait. Really?

I still hadn’t said anything.
And I hadn’t heard the words I wanted to hear from her.

　Even so, if I didn’t say something, she would finally pull my bra completely aside, exposing my embarrassing nipples.

“W-wait!”

I grabbed her hand again.

Anxiety lingered, though.
It wasn’t that I disliked the act itself, so I couldn’t refuse.
Still, one thing was certain: my first time on a school infirmary bed?

It was far too…
…stimulating, and erotic.

　I said.

“I don’t want to do this here.”

It was practically like giving permission, saying it just needed to be somewhere else.
Normally, that would have been the end of it. We’d both sit up, joke lightly about skipping class even though it had started, and nothing else would happen until after school. That’s what I thought.

“Don’t you want me to see? Here?”

Amamiya Tōru asked something utterly nonsensical.
And she pointed at it, right over the bra that was barely still covering the tips of my breasts.

Where on earth had the girl gone who’d been crying and emotionally unstable just moments ago?

“Of course I don’t.”

How embarrassing. What kind of thing was he making me say?

“Hmm. …Well, alright. Let go now. I won’t do anything.”

The tension left her hand.
I released mine as instructed.

“So, Mashiro’s answer is that you’ll only give me your first time here, is that right?”

Seemingly wanting a clear answer, Amamiya Tōru pressed again.
She wouldn’t say the words I wanted, yet made me alone bear the responsibility for them. It felt a bit unfair.
I didn’t intend to refuse, but I resented how things were unfolding to suit only her, making me want to put up a bit of a fight.

“So, if I said I wouldn’t give it to you, what would you do, Amamiya-san?”

Instantly.

My bra was pulled aside, and I felt her hands kneading my bare breasts.

I’d let my guard down.

“Mmmph!”

A sound escaped me involuntarily at the sudden sensation.
　Even when I touch myself, I don’t feel anything special.
Is it really like this when someone else touches you?

“That won’t do. Don’t sulk. Accept it.”

Tears welled up in my eyes from embarrassment.
Looking at Amamiya Tōru, she was smiling slightly, looking pleased.
Even so, to break her transparency, negative emotions were better than positive ones. Besides, it was unexpectedly frustrating that her hands had drawn such an embarrassing sound from me. Frankly, it wasn’t amusing to see her colours flicker over something like this.

Yet, for some reason, Amamiya Tōru’s eyes widened.
What on earth had startled her?

“Mashiro, they’re standing up.”
“Eh?”
“Ahaha. Mashiro, you really are naughty. You actually want to do that with me, don’t you? You’re excited right now, aren’t you?”

Amamiya Tōru looked utterly delighted.
She moved her fingers, boldly kneading my breasts.

In response, a moan escaped me, despite my efforts to suppress it.

The source of this intense pleasure.
It seemed my nipples had been sensitive even before she touched them.

“I’m just so happy,”

Amamiya Tōru said.

“Knowing you’ll accept me makes me happy.”
“I haven’t properly said I accept it yet!”
“So you’re one of those tsundere types, Mashiro?”
“That’s not it!”
“It is.”
“Mmm. Mmh!”

Her palm rubbed and kneaded the tip of my breast.
The hardened nub reacted hypersensitively to her movements, making my body shudder.

“Ah. You’re incredibly cute right now, Mashiro.”
“Shut up!”

With each little squeal I made, Amamiya Tōru’s face grew redder and began to melt.
I could feel her excitement.
When that happened, her hand movements grew more intense and bolder, trying even harder to make me feel good.

　I had no choice but to bite my own finger.
To stop any more embarrassing sounds escaping.
Drool dripped from the corner of my mouth. I couldn’t even care about that anymore.

Amamiya Tōru was forcing me into heat.

It should have been frustrating, yet my face began to melt too.
I wanted more of that pleasurable stimulation.

“Mashiro, can I kiss you here, now?”
“We’re at school. Of course not.”
“Right. Shall I?”

With one breast still being kneaded, the finger I’d been biting is pulled away, hand and all.

And then—

My lips are taken forcefully.

The instant I’m kissed, my tongue extends of its own accord.
　I licked her lips.
Normally, she’d pull away here. She’d create distance and the kiss would stop. Amamiya Tōru would become displeased.

So why?
Why only at a time like this?

Amamiya Tōru pushed her tongue out too.
Our tongues entwined, exchanging saliva.
As if each of us were invading the other’s mouth.
Such an intense kiss.

　Right here.

The long-awaited second deep kiss felt good.

So good, it snapped the thread of my thoughts cleanly.

I wrap my arms around her back.
Pull her close, begging for a kiss as she gasps for breath.

The words came out so directly, there was no way to hide them.
They just slipped out naturally.

“Amamiya-san, I like you, I like you so much. Kissing feels good.”

Through tear-blurred vision, I didn’t care about Amamiya Tōru’s expression as she froze, eyes wide.
Only I existed here, craving nothing but stimulation.

“Amamiya-san, I love you. Say you like me too. Say you like me so much.”

Right now, I was utterly consumed by nothing but voicing my desire, without a single thought.