#116: a complete farce / ep.4
Here, at the privately-booked girls’ bar Ikebukuro, At Cute.
The LED lights glowing brightly — the exact opposite of Antiqua’s dim warmth — reflected off the surface of the non-alcoholic Shirley Temple resting near Mikoto’s hand.
The negotiation demanded she stay stone sober.
“Mind if I sort this out a bit? Ashiya Chie’s whole web of relationships.”
Rinko cut in from Mikoto’s right. She pointed alternately at Shandy, smiling behind the counter, and at Miyashita Kanade, seated on Mikoto’s left.
“First, Ashiya’s ex is Miss Awful. Am I right so far?”
“Everything except ‘Miss Awful’ is correct.”
“And the current girlfriend is Miyashita-san here.”
At the phrase “current girlfriend,” Kanade nodded, hesitant and vague.
Perhaps thanks to being trained by Shandy, Mikoto immediately picked up on it.
“Things aren’t going well with Ashiya Chie?”
“Well, it’s not exactly an ordinary relationship.”
“Nobody sitting at this counter has an ordinary relationship.”
She had no idea about Michelle’s, but Michelle was already well past ordinary in terms of the sheer volume of alcohol she’d consumed. She probably fell outside the norm in her own separate category, so that was fine too.
Trying to keep the atmosphere approachable, Mikoto offered a small smile — only for Kanade to give a self-mocking little sneer.
“Ever had three people cheating on you at once? All of them women, too.”
“Three—”
Mikoto found herself parroting the phrase back. Struggling to think logically, she tried mapping out a relationship diagram in her head. Counting Shandy, that made four arrows radiating out from Ashiya Chie.
Perhaps taking pity on Mikoto’s obviously limited comprehension, Kanade filled in the gaps.
“At minimum, three at once. That bartender’s a separate category entirely. Honestly, even I don’t know exactly how many there are.”
“That’s insane. Is she trying to run a harem or something?”
Rinko frowned, ready to condemn her, but Kanade gave no response at all.
However many times she’d been betrayed, she couldn’t seem to let go of her affection. It was obvious just watching her, unable to tear her eyes away from her silent phone screen. Watching this, Shandy shrugged her shoulders and murmured, mixing her own cocktail as she spoke.
“Chesha’s just conveniently justifying her own irresponsibility.”
Where Ashiya Chie was concerned, Shandy never sugar-coated anything. Beneath the sharp condemnation, the quiet fury came through in the force with which she crushed ice for her cocktail.
“That woman’s emptiness isn’t the kind one or two people can ever fill. She’s a beast devouring love itself.”
“That’s not true. Chie-sama loves everyone equally, that’s all—”
“If you truly believed that, you wouldn’t hesitate over accepting my invitation, would you?”
“………..”
A shadow fell over Shandy’s quiet expression. Having once loved Chesha herself and been betrayed, she surely knew this from lived experience.
Rinko, on Mikoto’s right, nudged her side. Apparently unable to follow along, she leaned in close, wheedling “explain?” — though Mikoto suspected that closeness was really the actual goal.
The implicit argument between the two of them concerned Chesha’s habit of maintaining relationships with multiple people at once, and the position of her various partners. Mikoto was in the middle of sketching out a rough diagram to explain when Shandy, apparently losing patience, sharpened her tone.
“I’ll say it plainly. A woman who can’t commit to just one person is trash.”
“You’re a bigot. You refuse to accept polyamory.”
“That’s exactly Chesha’s trick. She believes claiming victimhood as a social minority excuses anything she does. It’s nothing more than exploiting people’s kindness.”
“No! I decided to love Chie-sama… to accept her way of life!”
Shandy bowed her head. Then spoke, in a tone testing for genuine intent.
“You’d twist even your own capacity for love, just to be loved by her?”
Everyone but Michelle fell silent. Not committing to one person applied to Michelle too, in a sense, though she remained blissfully oblivious, downing her glass regardless.
Breaking the silence, Shandy pressed the attack on Kanade.
“I see. So you’re capable of twisting yourself, then. Not needing to become the one and only, so long as your beloved Chesha wishes it. As one member of a merry little troupe, sharing pillows in turn with the other mistresses, sharing in the joys and sorrows of loving the same woman together. Because she chose someone as worthless as Miyashita Kanade, after all. Because she granted you that gift, after all. A life more fulfilling than any dull commoner could ever comprehend!”
Shandy delivered this in a theatrical, ringing voice. Old skills clearly hadn’t rusted; caught staring in fascination, Mikoto watched her throw in a wink before continuing.
“Ah, what a magnificent, true love this is! Not even the great Shakespeare could pen an ending like this! What a bizarrely wondrous affair — the very women betrayed by this trashy philanderer, rallying to defend her!”
“…The very concept of ‘betrayal’ here is a mistake to begin with. You don’t understand polyamory.”
“Indeed, I couldn’t possibly understand it. And yet I can still say this — Chesha’s nothing more than a common, trashy cheater.”
“How can you say something like that!?”
“Because I simply won’t tolerate cheating.”
Shandy declared it, shooting a glance at Mikoto as she did.
If this was meant as a public statement against cheating, Mikoto thought, some kind of carrot-and-stick reward wouldn’t go amiss. She started to say as much, then swallowed the thought along with her Shirley Temple instead. Interrupting now would only complicate things further.
“A question, Miyashita-sama. If I accepted Chesha’s invitation, what would the rest of you do?”
“…If Chie-sama chose you, I’d accept it. It’s fine even if I couldn’t be number one.”
“Unfortunately, you wouldn’t even manage to be number two.”
Shandy smiled like a devil.
“I’m a woman who won’t rest easy unless I have my lover entirely to myself. Anyone who lingers around my lover — colleague or actual sister, I don’t care which — I won’t tolerate. I’ll eliminate them, thoroughly.”
Apparently she felt jealousy even toward Kotone.
Rinko, choosing to lean in closer right after a statement like that, sent a chill down Mikoto’s spine. Just as Kotone had said — her body ran hot. Mikoto shook the thought away before it went somewhere strange.
“Which is why, if I chose Chesha, I’d expect Chesha to choose only me in return. The rest of you would be discarded.”
“That’s impossible! Chie-sama would never do such a thing!”
“Then let’s confirm it, shall we?”
Shandy tapped Ashiya Chie’s name on her phone and made the call. Before it even rang three times, the call connected, and switching it to speakerphone so everyone could hear, Shandy posed her question.
“Chesha. There’s one thing I’d like to confirm.”
“Ah, Shal. Have I ever once broken a wish of my beloved’s?”
“I do admire the sheer thickness of a face able to spout nonsense without a shred of embarrassment.”
“As sharp-tongued as ever. So, what’s this confirmation about?”
Shandy raised a finger to her lips, gesturing for everyone to stay quiet.
Mikoto covered Michelle’s mouth with both hands, since she’d leaned in with obvious curiosity.
“My future prince has apparently tamed quite a number of innocent princesses. Which has left me concerned — will I too end up crying into my pillow, same as the other princesses?”
“What an adorable thing to worry about. Are you saying you want me to choose?”
“Indeed. Since you’ve expressed a wish to marry me, won’t you show me some backbone?”
“Are you familiar with the word ‘diversity’?”
“Quite intimately, yes. But is there really any need to respect a philanderer who won’t respect me as an individual?”
“You’re saying you can’t respect the way I love?”
“Not unless you respect the way I love in return.”
“…Rest assured. You’re my number one.”
It was Chesha who broke first in this deadlocked exchange. And yet — as if she’d already anticipated exactly this line — Shandy kept up the barrage, sharp words flying like knives.
“Fufu, do you honestly think a hollow, childish line anyone could say would satisfy me? Even Mikoto-san could say ‘you’re my number one,’ after all.”
Glancing briefly at Mikoto, Shandy raised a hand to her ear. Listening for it. Meaning, presumably, Mikoto should say it now.
Nervously, Mikoto leaned in and whispered exactly what was requested against Shandy’s ear. Being overheard by Rinko and Michelle, both leaning in with equal curiosity, was mortifying. Something about this didn’t sit right.
“My way of loving. Unless you can respect that we love each other as our mutual number one, I can’t entrust myself to you. Give me a favourable answer, Chesha.”
On the other end of the line, Ashiya Chie let out a slow groan.
“Well, then…“
“It’s simple enough. In exchange for loving me, swear you’ll abandon your other lovers. If you’re going to call yourself a prince, you’ll need to prove the breadth of character to grant such a selfish request.”
“If that’s what you wish, understood.”
“Cutting all ties with every woman besides me. Confirmed?”
“I’m not so simple a woman — sly and narrow-minded as I am, I’ve made sure to record this properly, you know.”
“Even your taste in hobbies is questionable, dear.”
“You’ve suddenly gone quiet the moment you realised this was being recorded, haven’t you? Being this afraid of leaving something on record — could that be a sign of a lecherous heart still wanting to keep cheating, keep the affairs going?”
“Let’s talk in person. Where are you right now?”
“I’ll need an answer swiftly, ASAP. Your favourite phrase, isn’t it? Now, within three seconds. Three, two—”
“Fine, fine! I’ll end it! You’re the only one I love!”
The exchange playing out before her was so painful to witness that Mikoto couldn’t bring herself to look at Kanade’s face.
But Shandy wasn’t finished yet. As if delivering the final blow, she pressed on.
“That reporter who once visited my shop — a Miyashita Kanade, I believe her name was. She was also your lover, wasn’t she?”
“Hmm, was she now?”
“I dislike that woman. Will you make sure to properly end things with her too?”
“I’ve already told you, my word stands. Only you.”
“Fufu,” Shandy laughed. Having accomplished her goal, she pressed the button to end the call.
“That’s all I needed to hear. Goodnight. Sweet dreams.”
“What is this even supposed to be, this is your idea of ‘cutting the puppet’s strings’…? Without even knowing how I feel…”
Kanade’s trembling voice broke the silence. No need to check her expression to know how she felt. If anything, there wasn’t even the courage to look.
Reflexively, Mikoto found herself scolding Shandy.
“Shandy-san. That’s way too cruel.”
“Is it? I only told her the truth.”
“That was just showing off how superior you are…”
“Surely Rinko-san understood, at least?”
Exposed to Mikoto’s pleading gaze, Rinko looked flustered, tipping back her glass and asking for a refill. Assuming she was on Mikoto’s side, Rinko finally, reluctantly, spoke up.
“She’s right this time. Though it’s still pure malice.”
“Why!?”
“Guess you wouldn’t get it, Mikoto,” Rinko said, then carefully chose her next words. Choosing them carefully, of course, for Kanade’s sake, wallowing in despair.
“To Ashiya, anyone will do. Staying attracted to someone like that is just hollow, that’s all.”
“That’s—”
—surely something Kanade had already reckoned with herself.
Just as Mikoto started to say as much, Kanade finally broke down sobbing. The composed front Miyashita Kanade had kept up until now cracked open completely.
“You think I don’t know that!? But there’s nothing I can do about it…! What am I even supposed to do…!”
Kanade moved. She lunged at Shandy across the counter, grabbing her by the collar. The woman who’d stayed so composed until now had transformed entirely.
“This is the price you pay for twisting your own capacity for love.”
“Screw you…!”
“You genuinely wanted to be someone’s one and only, but out of a desire to be liked, you fled toward the easier path.”
“That’s why she’s a woman who loves many people at once…!”
“That’s what I’m calling running away.”
Shaking off Kanade’s flailing arm, Shandy cleared her throat once.
Then, in turn, she grabbed Kanade by the collar and pulled it tight. A woman who paid back exactly what she received, dutifully. The unusually sharp edge in her voice was, perhaps, a small retaliation for all the various schemes Kanade had once directed at her.
Her trademark smile had vanished entirely, and the blank expression left in its place was frightening — and, at the same time, oddly reassuring.
“You’ve been too considerate. So desperate to be liked, you never even tried to fight back, the way I just did.”
“But if I do that, I won’t be loved!”
“So what, you’ll just keep doing whatever you’re told!”
Rare for her, Shandy raised her voice in genuine anger. Not just venting frustration for its own sake. She was angry, specifically, for the sake of the Miyashita Kanade she now held by the collar, face inches from her own.
“Chie-sama is fighting against the prejudices of the world! I wanted to support her in that!”
“This isn’t about the world. It’s a problem between you and Chesha, specifically. I’m not denying the wish to support her. I’m angry at you, for letting that wish dominate you entirely and killing your own real desires in the process.”
“Because I don’t have a choice! I—”
“Chesha’s specialty is skillfully exposing her own weaknesses. Let me guess — she told you that, since it’s polyamory, the world will never understand?”
Having apparently struck a nerve, Kanade fell silent. Shandy pulled the collar tighter still and continued.
“People lower their guard toward someone who’s exposed a weakness to them. They mistake it for being uniquely trusted, and start exposing their own weaknesses in turn. And then, what the other person offers next is validation. Being soothed by empty, universal phrases like ‘that must have been hard’ or ‘I understand’ — and falling in love with it.”
“That’s not—!”
“It’s exactly that. That woman’s entire bag of tricks amounts to nothing more than this. Elementary techniques you’d find in any pop psychology book on the shelf.”
Shandy released her grip. Letting out a long sigh, she gave Mikoto a wry, self-deprecating smile.
“Which is exactly why I didn’t want to say any of this. My own foolishness, having once fallen for something this cheap, is embarrassing enough as it is.”
Shandy had once loved Ashiya Chie. Mikoto could now understand, in her own way, what Shandy’s carefully hidden past must have looked like. Growing up in such unfortunate circumstances, what she’d needed most, surely, was someone she could trust completely, someone who’d acknowledge her existence.
“So you were happy, being loved, foolish past and all?”
At Rinko’s murmured, knowing tease, Shandy’s cheeks flushed faintly.
The meaning landed for Mikoto too, in that instant, and warmth spread through her chest. She hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol, and yet her heart seemed to give a loud, sudden thump all the same.
Shooting Rinko a meaningfully suggestive smile — remember this for later, Mikoto reinterpreted it — Shandy cleared her throat and continued.
“Now then. As promised, the method for cutting the puppet’s strings. Miyashita-sama, you need to confront Chesha directly. If you don’t want to break up but you do want the relationship to change, there’s no other option than striking someone who won’t respect you with your own sense of dignity.”
“And what if she ends up hating me…?”
Kanade answered weakly, and Shandy laughed.
“That’s not remotely my problem.”
Everyone was stunned. After all that build-up, she’d simply thrown her hands up. Mikoto couldn’t help but shout.
“How can you be this irresponsible!?”
“Outsiders meddling further would be the truly irresponsible move. This is entirely something the two of them need to decide between themselves. Didn’t you decide on your current relationship with me the same way, Mikoto-san? Through talking it out yourself?”
“Isn’t that a totally different situation?”
“It’s the same thing. Whether you love men or women, whether you can’t settle on just one, or can only ever love a single person — if you want a relationship to last forever, sooner or later there’s no way around either talking it through, or landing a punch.”
It seemed to land, though Mikoto suspected it would still end in a fight regardless.
Respect Ashiya Chie’s way of thinking, and Miyashita Kanade would remain a puppet exactly as she was now. Respect Kanade’s way of thinking instead, and Chie would have to bend. However carefully anyone tried to thread the needle, the relationship between the two of them — or, more accurately, among however many people were involved — seemed destined to remain forever unresolved.
“But whatever you reach at the far end of that fight — that’s what I’d call the two of you’s real answer.”
“The two of us’s answer, huh…”
Mikoto still wasn’t fully convinced, but something seemed to have struck a chord in Kanade. Murmuring quietly, she drained her glass of water. Then, stopping Shandy’s hand as she reached to pour a refill, she spoke.
“…The cocktail Chie-sama used to love. Can you make it?”
“Yes, the XYZ, I believe. One moment.”
“Eh!?”
The XYZ. Antiqua’s signature “get out” cocktail — the sign given to unwelcome customers. Mikoto had occasionally seen it served even now, sometimes going so far as to add a salted rim in the snow-style presentation, just to underline the meaning further. Meaning, essentially, salt in the wound.
Shandy’s bartending form, though different from her usual manner, still made for a striking sight. Under the bright lighting of this shop, her focused expression and the loose strands of hair glowing white stood out sharply, impossible to look away from. Even now that the mysteries of her past had come fully to light — no, precisely because of that — she looked more beautiful than ever.
Handing the finished cocktail to Kanade, Shandy suddenly clapped her hands. “That’s it,” she said. No doubt another terrible idea. It felt like a waste, having just been enjoying the view.
“I’ve decided I want to help support your romance, Miyashita-sama.”
“You’re saying that with the ink barely dry, honestly. You just said this was a matter between the two of them.”
“Then let me rephrase. I’ve decided I want to make Chesha suffer.”
“Now I’m in.”
Rinko and Shandy, both flipping their positions in an instant, had landed on this new plan. Rinko must have had her own accumulated grievances against Chesha, too — she’d kept her brow furrowed the entire time the discussion of Chie’s habitual philandering had gone on.
“How?”
At Mikoto’s question, Shandy stepped out from behind the counter. Telling Mikoto to stand, the two of them faced each other. Shandy, normally slightly shorter, now stood with her eyes level, thanks to her platform boots. Their face sizes and hip positions still remained completely different, but somehow, that difference itself felt endearing.
“I’ve decided I’ll become Chesha’s woman. Just a little.”
For a moment, the meaning genuinely failed to land. Shandy was often cryptic and hard to follow, but this was a whole different level of incomprehensible. Given that they were — at least by verbal promise — engaged, the idea that she’d casually announce an affair this boldly hadn’t even crossed Mikoto’s mind as a possibility.
There was surely some plan behind it. Even Mikoto could understand that much.
But accepting that plan was another matter entirely.
“Sorry, I just… I don’t understand what you’re saying…”
“Right, I imagine so.”
“Would you cut it out already!? What do you think Touko-san wrote that whole ridiculous script for!? It was to keep you and Ashiya apart the entire time, wasn’t it!?”
“Please, just listen, Rinko-san. Mikoto-san.”
Shandy took her hand. Crouching down to meet Mikoto’s downcast gaze, she spoke.
“I understand the anxiety, the feeling that this is unforgivable. It’s not what I want, either. I understand, all too well, just how painful it would be to lose your trust.”
“Then why…?”
“Because I want to settle my past, once and for all.”
Shandy had spent all this time refusing to let anyone touch her past, burying it under lies. That past had finally caught up close enough to reach her. There was no covering it back up now, and no pretending not to see it.
“I don’t want to keep dragging Chesha’s shadow around forever. Which is why I need to teach that woman something. That the Charlotte she once loved doesn’t exist anymore.”
Mikoto could understand that feeling. If she were in Shandy’s position, she suspected she’d do the same.
But she found herself unable to answer.
She was scared. She hated the idea.
“If you say no, I’ll give it up. I’m scared too, you know.”
That answer felt unfair, somehow.
“Saying it like that, how am I supposed to say no?”
“True. That was a bit of a cheap trick on my part.”
A small, faintly self-mocking laugh slipped out from her.
Mikoto understood how serious she was. Understood, fully, that she genuinely wanted to put an end to the past.
“If you don’t want this, that’s fine. It’s roundabout, but let’s just go with the Yanase family’s plan instead. That one looked fun too—”
Mikoto drew a breath, and straightened her spine.
“…My, my. To think you’d say something so faint of heart. Sounds like it might rain champagne tomorrow.”
She’d decided to swallow down the anxiety, the sorrow, the pain, all of it.
She stretched, reaching for a height she had no idea where she’d even learned to fake.
Shandy flinched, ever so slightly, then answered with an equally mysterious smile of her own.
“Fufu. Wouldn’t you rather have a rice shower than a champagne shower?”
“Indeed, I long for one desperately. But my lover here is proving rather reluctant to nod her head yes.”
“Have you lost patience with her?”
“My affection only grows deeper by the day. She simply won’t give me an answer… so, admittedly, some days are difficult.”
“My, keeping a lovely woman like you waiting. What a cruel woman she must be.”
“That, too, is simply part of who she is.”
“To be loved that deeply — that woman must truly be a fortunate one.”
“You think so?”
“Yes. I’d swear to it.”
It had been a while since they’d shared this kind of light, ticklish back-and-forth. Every time, Mikoto suspected she got swept along by this exchange more than she should — but today, at least, she wanted to let herself be swept along completely. Burying the anxiety, the fear, the disgust, beneath a stretch and the tart-sweet taste of a Shandy Gaff.
“Now then, a small Game. Catch me as I fall into your arms.”
With that, Shandy stepped out of her platform boots and stood flat on the floor. Her eyeline dropped to its usual position. With the tight fit of her maid uniform, her waist stood out even more sharply than it did in her usual long T-shirt at home.
“Is a Game this simple really acceptable?”
“Then let me add a condition. Hold me the way the woman I love most always holds me. An embrace as reassuring as home — the kind that makes me want to come back, no matter how many idiot women out there might embrace me instead.”
“Quite the difficult order, on top of invoking ‘home’…”
“Simple enough, isn’t it? Because I already consider you family, you see.”
Shandy would never drift toward Chesha. She’d always come home, without fail.
Which is exactly why — even if she left once, there’d never be a second time.
“Gh, can’t— breathe…”
“Ah, ah! Sorry!”
“Please, gently. I’m a fragile little thing, you know, I’ll break.”
Ignoring the obvious “where, exactly?” retort that deserved, Shandy settled comfortably into the embrace.
Recalling the right pressure, Mikoto held her, gently and tightly at once. Through the arm wrapped around her waist, through the chest pressed together, she felt Shandy’s heartbeat. Both of their pulses were racing. Imagining what might come next, of course tension was only natural.
“…Pass. That felt exactly like home. Well, not that I actually have one.”
“If you don’t have one, we’ll simply make one.”
“I’d like two children, personally. One girl, and then a boy, for luck.”
“T-that’s… a conversation for much later…”
“Fufu. Just teasing.”
With that, Shandy returned to mixing cocktails. Judging by the ingredients, presumably a Shandy Gaff, for a bit of a mood boost. She was every bit as tense and anxious as anyone here — and yet she stood behind that counter as a bartender regardless, burying it all beneath a smile.
Which is exactly why Mikoto knew. Could be certain.
If she could manage it, then Mikoto could too.
“Hey, what was that just now…?”
Having witnessed the entire scene, Kanade whispered quietly to Rinko.
“Just showing off. Isn’t it unbelievable?”
“…I want that with Chie-sama too.”
“First off, drop that ‘Chie-sama’ title already!”
With Rinko’s exasperated shout, the night wore on.