Episode 36: It’s Just Feeding Her Jelly, and Yet…
By the time the whole changing ordeal settled down, it was already past noon.
“You haven’t had lunch, right, Hanamori-san? Aren’t you hungry?”
I called out to Hanamori, lying on the bed, while pulling a jelly cup I’d bought at the convenience store out of the fridge.
“You should get at least a little something in you, even a bit.”
“…Okay.”
Hanamori answered in a thin voice. She really did look rough.
“Alright, let’s eat this then. Jelly should go down easy.”
I peeled open the jelly lid and held it out to her along with a spoon. “Here.”
Hanamori reached her hand out partway — then stopped, seeming to think something over.
“…Can’t.”
“Eh?”
“My hand…”
Hanamori looked down.
“Your hand?”
“It’s heavy… my arm too…”
“Right, of course, you’re not feeling well.”
“And… my vision…”
“Your vision?”
“It’s blurry… I can’t judge the distance…”
She glanced at me, briefly.
“If I spill it… the room’ll get dirty…”
“Ah, right…”
“And… the spoon…”
“The spoon?”
“I might drop it…”
Hanamori’s gaze went back and forth between my face and the jelly cup in my hand.
“Um…” I was at a loss, and Hanamori looked up at me with glossy eyes.
“Asami-san.”
“Wh-what?”
“Aren’t you going to feed me?”
“……….Huh?”
Her feverish voice caught me so off guard I couldn’t process it for a second.
“Eh!? Ah, no, but—”
“Come on, you should be able to tell. Please just notice.”
She gave me a slightly sulky look, glaring at me. Shameless even while sick. But her face, flushed with fever, looked oddly sultry.
Kohn, kohn.
Hanamori coughed. She really did look like she was struggling.
“…F-fine. Got it.”
This is caretaking. This is an act of caretaking. Nothing weird about it. Absolutely nothing.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, holding the jelly and spoon.
“Okay then… u-um… here.”
I scooped up some jelly and brought it toward Hanamori’s mouth.
Hanamori slowly parted her lips.
The room had gone completely silent.
No TV sound, no sounds of life from outside. All I could hear was—
The small tik… tik… of the spoon scraping the cup.
It stabbed at my ears unnervingly.
Hanamori’s glossy gaze slowly tracked my hand holding the spoon.
Her lips parted just slightly.
I offered it forward, and the instant the jelly touched her lips—
“…Nom.”
A soft sound, small.
Slurp, the jelly drawn in, her lips closing. A small swallow, her throat moving.
(Wait, what is this sound doing to me…?)
She’s just eating jelly normally.
Why is this giving me such a strange feeling? Am I an idiot?
Hanamori’s eyes narrowed slightly, letting out a small breath.
Just that small gesture, and I felt my own temperature rise.
“…It’s good.”
A slightly nasal, hoarse voice.
The lingering trace of that voice settled somewhere in my chest.
“Okay… next.”
The spoon, toward her mouth again.
Hanamori’s face drew close again. Close enough to feel her breath.
“Nom…” her lips closed around it again.
Faintly wet lips.
I hadn’t even touched them, and yet my heart jumped hard, as if I had.
(Close, close, close. Why is this so close?)
“Asami-san.”
“…What.”
Hanamori looked at me,
eyes narrowed, suspicious, direct.
“Don’t stare like that.”
“I—I’m not staring.”
“You are. Way too much.”
She stated it flatly, but her voice was sweet, damp.
I offered the spoon, and Hanamori slowly opened her lips.
The instant the jelly touched them, Hanamori’s tongue pushed back against the edge of the spoon.
With a small slurp, the corner of her mouth went faintly wet.
This is, genuinely… giving me a strange feeling.
Wanting it to end quickly, and also not wanting it to end. Both at once.
The moment I looked away, Hanamori’s eyes narrowed.
“…Asami-san, you’re making a weird face again.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
Hanamori said it, the corner of her mouth curling into a smirk.
In the quiet room, only our two voices and the sound of eating jelly echoed.
Every time I heard that sound, my body temperature climbed.
(Why is just jelly doing this to me…? Am I really this much of an idiot?)
Finally, the jelly ran out.
“Thanks for the meal.”
Hanamori said, looking satisfied. I let out a breath.
My heart wasn’t going to survive this.
“Asami-san.”
“…What.”
“Your face is bright red.”
“…Quiet.”
Hanamori said that and lay back down on the bed.
Kohn, kohn.
Coughing, Hanamori quickly drifted into a sleeping breath. She must have been exhausted.
I sat down beside the bed and found myself staring intently at Hanamori’s sleeping face.
Flushed cheeks. Long eyelashes. Peaceful, even breathing. A childlike sleeping face.
(…Cute.)
I found myself thinking it, unable to stop.
Whoever gets to be with her every day, seeing this sleeping face every night, must be a happy boyfriend.
Waking up to this face right beside him every morning. Saying “goodnight” to each other before bed.
Whoever gets to live a life like that, surely—
But.
That’s surely not going to be me.
I’m just a senior coworker at the company. Nothing more, nothing less.
My chest throbbed, aching.
Without meaning to, I reached my hand out toward Hanamori’s head.
I touched her soft hair. Still faintly damp from the fever.
Gently, I stroked it.
Then, Hanamori’s eyes seemed to smile, just a little.
…Precious.
I thought it again.
I stayed there for a while, watching Hanamori’s sleeping face.
Before I knew it, I’d drifted off to sleep too.
I woke up with a start.
“…Mm.”
Ah, crap. I fell asleep.
Checking the clock, about an hour had passed.
I’d driven the sales car here, I needed to get back to work.
Looking at Hanamori, she was still deeply asleep. Sleeping soundly. Better to let her sleep, probably.
I quietly stood up and reached for the door to leave the room.
That’s when it happened.
“…Asami… san.”
A small voice.
I turned around.
Hanamori’s eyes were still closed. Asleep.
(Talking in her sleep…?)
*
“…s-, …desu.”
*
She was murmuring something.
But I couldn’t make out what she’d said.
I moved closer to Hanamori.
*
“…ki, …desu.”
*
Hanamori’s lips moved slightly.
Su?
Ki?
Suki? Like?
My heart gave a huge jolt.
(Wait? Eh? Did she just say… like…?)
Might not be that. No, probably not that. Definitely not that, has to be.
But.
I couldn’t help hoping.
Could it be? Could it be, about me?
I stared intently at Hanamori’s sleeping face. A peaceful expression, breathing evenly.
I took a small breath.
And then, in a trembling voice, I murmured.
*
“…I like you too.”
*
A voice too small for Hanamori to hear.
But I definitely said it.
I left the room as I was and quietly closed the door.
Out in the hallway, I leaned my back against the wall.
My heart was pounding hard.
(What am I even saying…?)
But.
I found myself thinking, glad I’d said it.
It probably hadn’t reached Hanamori.
Even if that had been sleep-talk, meaning something completely different.
Getting back into the sales car alone, I gave a small laugh.