Beautiful and adorable.
She, no longer transparent, overflowed with countless colours.
That smile no longer suits her.
For tears of joy only truly shine when one is happy.

But then again.

Shall we die together?
I can never refuse a proposal from Amamiya Tōru.
Even this time, deep down, I found myself thinking it might not be so bad.
I could see it too. That Amamiya Tōru, having finally gained true freedom, actually wanted to live longer. But because she hated the thought of spending time alone without me, she made the agonising choice of “double suicide”.

I’m a terrible woman.

Knowing she depended on me that much revived a dead emotion within me – a faint sense of joy.

I ask her back.

“Amamiya-san, are you truly fine with me being the one beside you in your final moments?”
“…Hmm. Ehehe.”

Amamiya Tōru’s cheeks flushed crimson.
She murmured shyly.

“I want it to be Mashiro.”

Her voice trembled.

◇

If we came to a love hotel. What we’d do was already decided.
　What should we do today? Communicating without words, just through eye contact. Only a girl I truly trust could do that.

I see. I see.

Me as the receiver, you as the giver, eh?

That we both wanted ‘intercourse’ before dying is genuinely not funny.
But Amamiya Tōru, exposing her beautiful soft skin before me, was smiling. I found myself smiling too, a faint chuckle escaping me.

“Ah. It’s been ages since I saw Mashiro smile.”
“Eh?”

True enough.
Lately, I’d been having nothing but nightmares, barely sleeping, my expression dead, my emotions dead. But now? What was this? I wasn’t exactly drowning in carnal desire, yet my heart felt strangely clear.
Perhaps it was because the chains binding my heart were loosening, knowing relief was near.
　So it was Amamiya Tōru who set me free after all.

“Ah—”

Tsu-tsu-tsu-tsu.

Just like her, my exposed skin, my stomach, was traced.

Resting a hand beside my face, Amamiya Tōru, leaning over me, wore a bewitching smile.
Her gaze travelled downwards, starting from my face.

“Mashiro, you’re beautiful.”
“Huh!?… You’re more beautiful, Amamiya-san.”
“……”
“Amamiya-san?”

As I flushed red and hid my mouth with my arm, Amamiya Tōru fell silent, her gaze fixed on me.
After a moment’s pause, she spoke.

“Mashiro, when shall we die?”
“Eh?”
“We need to decide on the place too, don’t we?”
“………. Let’s think about the method first, shall we?”
“……………. Ahaha, you’re right about that. Sorry, I’ve ruined the mood. Shall we think about this later?”

Amamiya Tōru’s eyes flickered.
　As if not wanting me to notice that flicker, she forcefully drew her face closer.

Chu.

First, a kiss that merely touched.
Repeatedly, over and over, kisses so gentle they were almost too careful.
Placed like a peck.

By the time heat mingled with our breaths, this time, without either of us initiating it, a tongue extended.
As if seeking each other. Tongues entwined.

　I’d closed my eyes, focusing all my senses on the touch of her tongue, but something pressed against my eyelids and I opened them.

The kiss stopped.

“Ah, no. Don’t look, Mashiro. Don’t look.”

She was crying while kissing me.
Today, she was a crybaby.

“I… I love you, Mashiro.”
“Yes. I love you too, Amamiya-san.”
“Ahaha. Really, right now, I’m so incredibly happy.”

She didn’t even wipe her tears, just letting the droplets fall onto my eyelids and cheeks as she spoke. If she hadn’t concentrated on forming the words, her voice would have been swallowed by sobs at any moment.

“I don’t want to die, you know.”

She murmured it as if forcing the words out.
As if not seeking a reply, she licked my cheek as though ending the conversation.
As if erasing evidence of tears, she licked my eyelids too.

(I still want to die, you know.)

Please forgive me for thinking such contrasting thoughts.

“Let’s make ourselves feel good together one last time, shall we?”

Amamiya Tōru whispered in my ear.

“So that this memory continues into the next life. A passionate kiss to be remembered.”

She said that and gave me one single, intense kiss.
That was the signal.
We began intercourse, making no sound but gasps, solely to carve ourselves into each other’s bodies.

　This was the first and last time we made love without drowning in lust.

　◇

　Leaving the hotel.
　The two of us walked hand in hand down unfamiliar streets.
　As if on an expedition, choosing paths unknown to us both. Moving forward.

“We can’t go home now, can we?”
“No, we can’t.”
“I feel so terribly sorry for Mum and Dad.”
“………Yes. I feel bad too, leaving without thanking Mashiro’s parents. We were taken care of by them.”
“If there’s a next life, I want to be Mum and Dad’s child again…”
“………Then I want to be born with Mashiro this time. Like twins?”
“Hehe. Then I’d be the older sister, then.”
“Eh? Me, Mashiro’s little sister?”
“You want to be my big sister?”
“Ahaha. I think I’ll stick with being the little sister after all.”
“Huh? Why’s that?”
“If I’m Mashiro’s little sister, then Mashiro would probably call me ‘Tōru’, right?”
“………”
“Truth be told, I don’t have many regrets about this life. But if I had to pick one, it’d be letting Mashiro keep using formal speech with me.”
“………”
“Mashiro, you really did use formal speech with me right until the end. It feels a bit late to say now, but I suppose I regret it just a little.”
“………That really is a bit late, isn’t it. ………Well then, Amamiya-san.”
“What?”
“Say one thing to me: ‘Stop using formal speech now’.”
“I already said that once before.”
“Say it again.”
“……… Hey, Mashiro.”
“What is it?”
“Stop using formal speech now.”
“………”

I looked at the cute girl beside me, holding my hand.

Emotions I thought were dead now temporarily dwelled within me once more.

I smiled.

“Yeah. Fine.”

Then I called her name.

“Tōru.”
“Hmph. It feels weird, I’m embarrassed.”
“Tōru.”
“Enough already. What is it, Mashiro?”
“Tōru.”
“Stop it! No name-calling!”

Hey, Tōru. Listen?

What? Mashiro

Thank you for staying by my side until the very end.

　And then.

Walk.

Walk.

Like a journey that never ends.

Keep walking.

Before we knew it, we were walking across a large bridge.
Side by side, we stopped right in the middle of the bridge.
Beneath us flowed a large river.
How high was the bridge above the river? Probably about three storeys high, if you think of a school building.

　Before we knew it, the sun was slanting low.
It was still a little bright. Yet the sky was shifting towards orange.
We ended up spending all the money we had on the hotel, didn’t we.

There was plenty of traffic on the bridge.
But we seemed to blend into the scenery itself.
No one paid us any attention.

We looked down together at the river flowing steadily beneath us.

“Mashiro.”

My name was called.

　The grip on our joined hands was strong from both of us.

And two immature children.
Our hands were trembling.

Even so.

Amamiya Tōru smiled at the end, as if to say this was alright.
Here too, while shedding tears.

“Mashiro. I’ll always, always love you.”

We placed our feet on the bridge railing.

Still embracing, we jumped.