Episode 71: Conversation (2)

As the four of us gathered in Endo’s room, the atmosphere grew rather awkward.

‘Well, I suppose you all know…’

That was how Mayo-nee began.

　She covered everything: how my parents expect her to take over the family and become a doctor; how she wants to become a doctor on her own terms rather than inheriting the practice; how I want to go to a Faculty of Education rather than the medical school my parents have in mind for me — all of it

‘Well, it’s all a bit complicated, but I reckon Hoshizora and I have no choice but to speak to our parents directly. The timing will probably be around the start of the summer break. You know, Hoshizora’s school has home visits in the summer, right? So we need to have things settled before that, or the atmosphere when it happens is going to be really uncomfortable.”

“I agree.”

When I said that, Hikari-san and Endo-san, who had been listening, nodded in agreement.

“If it doesn’t go well, we’ll just have to come up with a new plan then and there!”
With that, my sister wrapped up the conversation.

“Oh, come to think of it, I haven’t told you two yet, but we’re actually dating.”

Those unbelievable words came flying out of Mayo-nee’s mouth, and I felt dizzy.

“Huh?” “Eh?”
Endo-san’s voice harmonised perfectly with mine.

“Mayo, you’re being way too direct, you’ve got them both flustered.”
“Well, there’s no other way to say it, is there?”

Mayo-nee spoke, looking incredibly happy yet slightly embarrassed.

It’s true that when she’s with Hikari-san, Mayo-nee sparkles just like she used to. Whilst I’m glad to see her like that, I feel a little resentful that I couldn’t make her feel that way myself.

“How far have you two gone?”

Endo-san asked a question even more direct than the two of them.

“We’re a couple, so we do everything. Going on dates, holding hands, kissing, hugging, and more.”
Hikari-san answered with a beaming smile.

I couldn’t keep up with the conversation anymore; it seemed my mouth had given up on speaking, and my brain had given up on thinking.

“Are you going to tell your parents you’re dating?”
When Endo-san asked this, Mayo-nee gave a wry smile.

‘I intend to tell them eventually. Right now, Hoshizora’s and my future plans are more important, so we need to sort that out first.’
‘I see.’

And with that, the Q&A session came to an end. As it was getting late, we decided to take turns having a bath. Endo-san went first and left the room.

Once it was just the three of us, Hikari-san began bombarding me with questions.

‘How far did you and Hina-chan go?’
She asked with a smirk. I don’t know what she’s expecting, but I don’t think I can give her any of the answers she’s looking for.

“Nothing at all. Endo-san and I are just friends, so nothing’s happened.”

“Eh?” “Huh?”
This time, Mayo-nee’s and Hikari-san’s voices harmonised perfectly.

Mayo-nee and Hikari-san were staring at me with such intense expressions that I felt like looking away.

“Wait, you’re lying… because you’ve been doing all sorts of things, haven’t you…?”

　Mayo-nee says this in a tone of utter exasperation. I wonder why I have to be told something like that.

“Yeah. Is there a problem with that?”
“No, I mean, what’s your mindset when you do that?”
“I don’t know…”

I really don’t know. I don’t even remember clearly how things came to this. Before I knew it, Endo-san and I had ended up in this kind of relationship.

The two of them sigh and hold their heads.
Why?

　Next, Hikari-san asked me a question.

“So, Hoshizora-chan. How would you feel if Hina-chan were holding hands or kissing someone else?”

How would I feel? I’ve no idea.

I’ve never seen it happen, and I don’t want to. I might not like it if Endo-san showed that expression to anyone other than me.

I suppose I’d prefer to be the only one who knows Endo-san’s happy face, her sad face, and the face she makes when she kisses.

‘I don’t know. I think I’d hate it.’

The two of them were clutching their heads even more than before, looking as if they were about to collapse onto the floor.

Just as we were having this exchange, Endo-san came upstairs, so I ended up taking a bath.

When I came out of the bath, the two of them were on their way to the bedroom.
‘Goodnight, Hoshizora-chan!’
“Goodnight, Hoshizora.”

“Goodnight.”

Thinking they were as rowdy as ever, I said my goodnights and headed over to Endo-san.

“Haa…”

When I entered the room, Endo-san was letting out a deep sigh.

“Endo-san, I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine.”

Looking closely, I saw that Endo-san’s hair was still wet.

“Aren’t you going to dry your hair?”
“They were bombarding me with questions, so I couldn’t.”

“——Shall I dry it for you?”

　When I plucked up the courage to speak, Endo-san looked at me with an expression as if she’d seen a monster.

“——Is that alright?”

　She asked timidly.
　Wondering if I really looked that scary, I nodded my head in agreement.

　Endo-san’s hair is absolutely beautiful.
It’s so glossy, I wonder what she uses on it. It feels lovely to the touch; the sort of hair you just want to keep stroking.

I gently stroked it as I dried it, taking care not to mess up that beautiful hair.

“All done.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”

An awkward silence hung in the air.
Endo-san had been giving me nothing but awkward reactions since a little while ago.

　It must be because she was asked something strange or something like that.

‘Endo, what did they ask you?’
‘Hmm… about school, I suppose.’

Endo had the look she gets when she’s lying. I wondered how I’d come to be able to tell when she was lying. And my heart gave a little twinge at the thought that she’d lied to me.

“Why are you lying?”
“How did you know!?”
“If we spend this much time together, I’m bound to figure it out.”
“Haha, I’m no match for you, Takizawa.”
“So?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t answer that right now. But I’ll tell you properly one day, so please forgive me.”
“Okay, I understand.”

Endo-san looked a bit distressed, so I decided not to press the matter any further.

‘Takizawa, shall we sleep together?’
‘I don’t want to share a bed with you.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because you’d definitely try to do something weird.’
‘I won’t do anything weird.’
‘You lied just now, so I’m sure you’re lying about not doing anything too.’

If I slept with Endo-san, my heart would race and I wouldn’t be able to sleep; besides, I had a feeling I’d be the one doing the weird things.

“I don’t want to…”

she uttered those words like a small child throwing a tantrum, her cheeks puffed out.

“Sleeping with Takizawa really calms me down. When I wake up in the morning and Takizawa is right there in front of me, I feel glad to be alive. You can think I’m creepy if you like, but it’s all the truth… If sleeping with me makes you feel uncomfortable, I’ll give up.”

　There she was, right in front of me, watching my reaction with a slightly sad expression.

I think Endo-san is being sneaky.
I get the feeling she’s saying it knowing full well that I won’t be able to refuse if she puts it like that.

I decided to give in and get under the duvet.
I’m particularly bad at giving up when it comes to Endo-san, so I reflected that I really ought to break this stubborn habit for my own sake.

That said, I think Endo-san ought to work on being a bit less stubborn herself.

　Lying down facing Endo-san brought us closer together. At this distance, I could hear her breathing clearly, and it made my chest feel a bit tingly.

‘I was bombarded with questions too.’

Ever since the two of them questioned me, I’ve had this feeling as though something has crept into my chest, and it’s rather uncomfortable.

‘Eh? What sort of questions?’
‘They asked what I was thinking when I did something like that.’

Saying that, I held her wrists down so she couldn’t resist, and, leaning over her, stole her lips.

If we do this many times, will you understand how I feel?

What do you mean?

I don’t know, but I want to do it, so I’m doing it.

Why do you want to?

When I do this with you, my chest feels tight. But at the same time, it calms me down and makes me want more.

　I pressed my lips against her again and again.

I took Endo-san’s hand.

We pressed our bodies together until I could feel her body heat.

Even so, she still didn’t understand, so I poured my own body heat deeper into her.

Endo-san would never reject me.
Knowing that, perhaps I’m being a bit of a cheat for doing this.

　Endo-san places a hand on my shoulder, and our eyes meet through her slightly parted eyelids. When our eyes meet, my heart starts racing, so I close my eyes and concentrate.

Endo-san’s hot tongue mingles with mine, as if responding to my warm one.

It’s just that, yet it feels so good.

The thought of Endo-san doing this with someone else makes me feel sick. Whether it’s because I’m thinking about that, or because we’re kissing, I find it hard to breathe.

　I want Endo to stay just as she is.
I don’t want her to belong to anyone else; I want her to stay by my side.

As if to distract myself from the discomfort, I bit down hard on Endo’s tongue. Perhaps it hurt, because she tried to pull away, so I held her tight to keep her from leaving.

　―――No.

I don’t want her to do this with anyone but me, and I don’t even want her to find someone else she wants to do this with.

Thinking that, my passion intensifies.
We become so entwined that I lose track of how to breathe.

I wish this moment could go on forever.

I want to know more about Endo…

I want to touch Endo more…

“Ta, ki… mmph…”

Endo-san is trying to say something, but right now I just want to stay like this until I understand my own feelings.

“――Takizawa!”

Endo-san’s voice snaps me back to reality.
Endo-san’s breathing is so ragged her shoulders are heaving.

her cheeks are flushed, and her clothes and hair are dishevelled.
I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way.
　I know that, but I felt like I couldn’t control myself.

“I don’t understand my own feelings, so I thought I’d keep checking until I do.”

　Hearing that, Endo-san turned red all the way up to her ears.

“Takizawa told me not to do anything weird.”
“Right, I’m going to sleep now.”

　Saying that, I turned my back on Endo-san and went to sleep.
　I was a little shocked that Endo-san had rejected me.
　So, I don’t want to face her.

　…………

Endo is so obedient.

There’s no warmth against my back, as there usually is.
When I told her not to do anything strange, she really didn’t do a thing.

It’s a bit annoying… why does she have to obey me even at a time like this?

When I turned back towards Endo, her eyes were wide open.

It’s all Endo’s fault.

　I don’t want to make Endo-san into something different from everyone else in my mind.

I don’t want to make her special.

I don’t want to make her someone important to me.

Because one day, she’ll disappear from my life…

And yet, I can’t help but harbour a tiny bit of hope.

That perhaps Endo-san won’t disappear from my life after all.

Even though that’s absolutely impossible.

　I hugged Endo tightly and bit her ear.

‘—Takizawa, that hurts.’

If I just bit her ear right off like this, would Endo disappear from my life?

Or would she ask me to stay with her forever, to make me take responsibility for her deaf ear?

Even if Endo-san were to disappear from my life, would I remain within her?

Even if she were to disappear from my life, I just hope I never fade from her heart.

No, that’s not it…

I don’t want her to disappear from my life.

‘Hina, please stay with me forever…’

Whispering that in her ear, I hugged Endo tightly.

There was no reply.

I know.

Once we graduate, our relationship will end.

I can easily imagine our connection fading away just as suddenly as that of Nao and Akari, who were so close until our second year.

　That’s why I should try my best to stop Endo-san from becoming any more important to me, to stop her from becoming someone special.

I’ve known that all along.
I’ve been trying my best to make sure it doesn’t happen.

But, contrary to my intentions, my feelings are growing stronger and stronger, and I can’t do anything about it.

My feelings have gone to a place I can’t control.
I have to chase after them.

　The strength with which I hold Endo-san grows.

Even if Endo-san disappears from my sight, she need only think of me.

It was a night when such greedy thoughts knew no end.