Episode 68
What do I do?
My heart’s pounding so hard I can’t get ready at all.
I ran my long hair slowly through the iron and shaped the ends so they curled softly inward. I’d put on the one-piece I’d bought new. And I’d wrapped the choker Morishita gave me carefully around my neck.
I’d put more effort into my makeup than I ever had in high school, and… wait, am I trying way too hard?
My giddy mood was suddenly dragged back to reality.
Just as the feeling went flat, the intercom rang, so I scrambled to the door and opened it.
My eyes met the girl in front of me and I caught my breath.
I didn’t know where to look, and as my gaze flitted around, it landed on her casual shirt and jeans.
I had to say something, so I called out.
“Morning.”
“Morning.”
“Morishita, are you wearing makeup?”
“Yeah. Sort of.”
“Y-you look cute.”
I choked on the one thing that really mattered, and wished I could redo that moment.
We couldn’t just stand there like posts, so I took her hand and drew her inside.
“I’ll be ready in about ten minutes, so sit down and wait in here?”
“Here’s fine.”
Morishita leaned against the wall of the entryway and started looking at her phone.
I left her there and started getting ready as fast as I could.
How did I look to Morishita’s eyes?
Did I look cute enough for her to think so?
I was so fixated on how I looked that I wanted to touch myself up over and over, but I had a feeling that if I looked in the mirror I’d never be able to go out again, so I just packed my bag and headed for the entryway.
When I came closer, Morishita looked up and stared me over. I started worrying that something looked off, and regretted not checking the mirror after all.
“Sorry, thanks for waiting.”
“No. Let’s go.”
“Okay.”
Morishita drifted out and started walking. I hurriedly locked up and ran after her.
The spring sunlight was warm and soft, and it should have felt pleasant, but my heart was making such a racket that I couldn’t enjoy the weather.
Morishita was walking beside me.
It seemed my bento strategy had worked.
I wasn’t sure it counted as a success, but thanks to it I was out on a date with Morishita, so it had worked in my favour.
I was glad I’d practised cooking like my life depended on it.
I was relieved about the bento strategy, but what filled most of my mind now was the question of what Morishita was thinking as she spent this time with me.
I’d told Morishita how I felt, but nothing had changed between us.
I couldn’t tell whether it was because Morishita was forcing herself to act normal, or for some other reason.
And even though I’d boldly declared I would make her like me, I had no idea what I could do to get Morishita to like me.
It seemed to me that Morishita wouldn’t fall for someone just because they lavished gifts or devotion on her. And yet, if I drifted even a little away from her, she was the sort who might simply vanish.
There were so many things I didn’t know.
“Hey, you don’t have to force yourself to wear the choker.”
“Huh?!”
She spoke at such a perfect moment that I jumped as I answered.
Seeing that, Morishita looked doubtful.
“I’m not forcing myself. I like it. Don’t I look cute wearing it?”
I played it up a little, and Morishita’s eyes went round. But then she softly lifted the corners of her mouth and looked at me.
“Well, cute, I guess?”
“Ahh, that’s the teasing kind.”
“You’re oddly stubborn, Fujishiro.”
“So are you.”
I couldn’t help being happy, and a laugh slipped out.
Today Morishita wasn’t minding walking with me.
Maybe because we were in an unfamiliar place with hardly anyone we knew, I could walk without worrying about the people around us too.
But, greedy as I am, I wanted to go one step further.
I kept looking at Morishita’s hand swinging loosely at her side, then down at the ground, then back again.
I want to hold Morishita’s hand.
But we aren’t lovers.
We aren’t friends either.
It’s just my one-sided love.
I didn’t want to do something Morishita would hate for the sake of my own selfishness.
“Fujishiro, what’s wrong?”
“Hm!? Oh, nothing…”
“You’ve been like this a lot lately.”
“Like this?”
“Cheerful, then suddenly gloomy.”
Morishita spoke with a pained look.
That’s right.
She was someone sharply attuned to other people’s moods, who noticed even the smallest changes in me. She’d saved me many times because of it, and I loved that about her.
I knew her nature well, and yet I’d acted in a way that worried her, and I felt awful about it.
“Sorry. I was spacing out.”
“If there’s something you want to say, say it.”
Morishita fixed me with a pure, innocent stare.
I loved that about her, but knowing how I felt and still being kind to me like that seemed unfair.
So I thought maybe I could be a little selfish, just this once.
“Can I hold your hand…?”
“Even when I said no, you always held it on your own.”
“True. Then—”
I took her hand before she could say no.
My whole body grew hot, and my breathing turned shallow.
I checked Morishita’s expression, and though I couldn’t tell what she was thinking, she kept facing forward with a straight face. Even with that straight face, Morishita was beautiful, and my eyes and heart were both stolen.
I was frustrated that I was the only one being made to feel this way, but my heart was beating so fiercely that I had no room left to retaliate.