Episode 106: Even if it hurts, hold me tight

“Ouch…”

“Are you alright?”

Yui peered at my face with concern as she slowly peeled off the plaster stuck to my elbow.

　Having safely completed my five-day hospital stay without incident, I’d been staying at Yui’s place for the past few days.

Since I’d hit my head, I needed to be monitored for a while. Worried about me living alone, Yui suggested I stay at her house.

Even though I’d insisted I was fine to go back to work, Yui wouldn’t allow it. As a result, I ended up using my paid leave to take an extra week off work.

　When I stared intently at my injured body in the mirror, I was genuinely shocked.
I have no recollection whatsoever of how I fell, but my body was covered in bruises and grazes. At first, even turning over in bed was excruciatingly painful.

My left arm was particularly badly swollen from the impact, and for a while I couldn’t even lift it. I was so relieved it wasn’t broken.

“It hurt terribly at first, but it seems the bleeding has stopped and the swelling’s going down now, thank goodness.”

“That’s good. Your wounds heal quickly, don’t they, Kanata? …I hope it heals nicely.”

After changing my plaster, Yui-san took my arm and gently pressed her lips against the still-healing bruise mark on my left arm, as if cherishing it.

“It’s fine. I’ve never had a scar left behind from an injury. Not yet, anyway.”

“It’s true, your skin is so pale and smooth, truly beautiful. …That’s probably why I feel so compelled to leave a mark. It’s a bit like the urge to leave footprints in fresh snow. An impulse to mark you, I suppose.”

Staring intently at my bruise with such a serious expression, she said this, making me want to laugh.
　Marking… Yui-san, you really must have been a wolf in a past life. That possessive streak of yours is something I find utterly irresistible, too.

“…Yui-san, even back in school, you’d leave love bites on me whenever you got the chance, didn’t you? Did you do the same to everyone? To mark them?”

When I asked teasingly, Yui-san flushed, looked up hurriedly, and shook her head.

“Of course not. I wouldn’t do that.”

“So, only me?”

“Only you, Kanata. Because I didn’t want anyone else to have you.”

“Hmm, I see. Even though you wouldn’t make me your girlfriend back then, you had no qualms about giving me hope like that. I was constantly being toyed with by you, Yui-san, the whole time.”

　When I pouted my lips accusingly, Yui-san said, “Just forget about it,” trying to brush it off, and gave a wry smile.

Even though it was in the past, Yui-san noticed I was starting to feel a little annoyed at the memory of her hanging out with other girls. She gently stroked my cheek and peered into my face.

“Right. Kanata, are you thirsty? Fancy something to drink?”

　Whenever I started to get moody, Yui-san always sensed it keenly and pre-emptively tried to cheer me up before things got worse.

Being simple-minded, I adored Yui-san for spoiling me like this, so I always cheered up easily.

“Is that alright? Then, hot milk…”

“Mm, understood.”

As nimble as ever, Yui-san immediately stood up and headed for the kitchen.

After I was discharged from hospital, Yui-san took such good care of me. She cooked meals, washed my hair, dried it for me… though perhaps that wasn’t much different from what she always does.

Still, whether it was worry over my injury or not, I felt a little dissatisfied that she didn’t hug me, not even when we slept together, nor now as we sat here in the living room.

　Just now, I tried subtly rubbing against her arm and pinching her left hand to hint at it, but Yui just smiled and looked away, not pulling me close like she usually does.

Sure, some places still hurt, but I’m fine — she doesn’t need to fuss over me so much.

I tucked the elbow with the plaster into my clothes.

　While dangling my feet and waiting for hot milk, I suddenly reached for the box sitting on the coffee table.

Truth be told, I’d turned twenty-five while hospitalised.
Yui-san seemed terribly disappointed we couldn’t celebrate properly, but the birthday present I’d begged for was delivered to me by her own hands on the day itself.

　When asked what kind of camera I wanted, I replied, “One that’s cute, compact, and takes good pictures.”
Despite such a vague request, the camera Yui gave me fulfilled every single one of my wishes.

I take the small camera out of its box. A compact body, a large lens.
The black leather fits comfortably in my hand. It’s simple, with a somewhat retro feel, and the red, round logo is really cute.

　Yui-san is amazing. It’s as if she knew exactly what I’d like without me even saying a word.
With this camera, I’ll take lots of photos of Yui-san. I wonder what kind of wonderful pictures I’ll be able to capture. My heart flutters with anticipation.

The microwave beeped, and Yui-san returned from the kitchen. I’d been waiting for this moment. Peering through the viewfinder, I framed her figure and clicked the shutter.

“…What are you doing?”

I smiled slightly at Yui, who tilted her head, still holding two mugs in her hands.

“Test shots.”

After placing the two mugs of hot milk on the coffee table, Yui sat down beside me.

“Hey, Kanata. Since we couldn’t properly celebrate your birthday, let’s go on a trip sometime soon. Like we promised, take a long holiday.”

“Sounds good. Since you’ve gone to the trouble of buying me a camera, I want to take loads of photos. Where shall we go?”

“There’s somewhere I’d like to go. With you, Kanata.”

“Somewhere you’d like to go? Where is it?”

“That’s still a secret. But I’m sure you’ll love it, so will you let me choose the destination?”

“Alright. I’ll look forward to it.”

I’m so excited. I need to get the hang of this camera properly before then.
As I peered intently at the LCD monitor, Yui gently pressed her lips to my temple.
When I looked up, Yui was gazing at me with such affection, smiling.

“…Yui-san.”

“Hmm?”

“Not there. Here.”

I tugged gently at the waistband of her sweatshirt and drew my face closer.
Yui-san looked slightly startled, but she seemed to realise my request immediately and gave me a kiss that merely touched my lips softly.

Her arms, which had gently wrapped around my waist, were clearly holding back for my sake, merely resting there without embracing me.

I simply couldn’t bear it any longer. Still clutching her sweatshirt as she tried to pull away, I licked her lips with a soft smack.

Yui jerked her face away from me as though she’d been startled. See? She’s holding back after all.
If I’d gone this far, the usual Yui would’ve beamed happily, grinning from ear to ear, and then cheerfully started undressing me.

“…Yui-san, you’ve been acting strange ever since I got discharged.”

“Eh? Really?”

“You’re usually all over me straight away. Where’s that wolf-like Yui-san gone?”

“Wolf… Am I usually that aggressive?”

Seeing Yui-san give a wry smile, I couldn’t help but laugh. She hadn’t realised.

“Well, you did say before that ‘two weeks of waiting is impossible’.”

“I’m not that shameless as to lay a hand on an injured person, you know!”

“Hehe, I know. But… you could at least hug me, couldn’t you? It makes me feel lonely when you keep such a distance.”

“I want to hug you too. But I worry your body might still hurt…”

“…Even if it hurts, hold me.”

Saying that, I reached out both hands towards her. I could tell Yui-san took a slight gasp.
Her arms gently wrapped around my back, as if handling something fragile. After making sure I wasn’t in pain, her embrace gradually tightened, until she held me firmly.

　I nestled my face against Yui-san’s neck and closed my eyes.
My side where her arms touched actually hurt a little, but it didn’t matter at all.

I felt happy, my heart filling up.

On the day I got injured, after Yui-san’s father had left — I told Yui-san everything Kitakami-san had said to me.

Kitakami-san seemed unwilling to give up on marrying Yui-san. However, he proposed tacitly accepting our relationship instead, offering to be our cover.
And if we didn’t conform to his desired form, he threatened to expose our relationship.
He already had evidence in his grasp.

A photo of us simply walking side by side would have been bearable.
But we gazed at each other with such obvious tenderness; that photograph captured us exactly as we were, our affection overflowing from our eyes. Anyone could see we were something special.

His proposal might not be such a bad deal. Perhaps it really is the choice that leaves no one unhappy.

If I could just let go of my pride and swallow his demands, we could live quietly together, hidden from society, without having to hold back for anyone.

Marriage, without substance, is nothing but a piece of paper.

　I know that.

What Kitakami-san wants is just that ‘piece of paper’, not Yui-san herself. So it’s obvious that once he gets that outward relationship, he won’t say anything more.

But it’s not logic; my heart strongly rejects it. No matter how many angles I try to consider it from, the answer I reach is always the same.

I absolutely cannot accept such a proposal.

　Just imagining Yui wearing the ring Kitakami-san gave her on her left ring finger makes my heart burn with jealousy.

I never wanted our relationship to be public. I don’t need it recognised by the masses.

Even so, I don’t want a third party intruding on my relationship with her. I don’t need a fig leaf.

I trembled with fear at how Yui-san might react when I relayed Kitakami-san’s proposal, but she merely snorted derisively and dismissed it outright.

Hearing those words, I felt profound relief. It was such a relief that she felt the same way—

　Closing my eyes, I felt her steady, rhythmic heartbeat throughout my body as I called out Yui-san’s name.

“Hey, Yui-san. I’ll be returning to work next week too. How about we go see your father soon? I’m sure he’s waiting to hear from us.”

“I’m fine anytime, but are you really alright, Kanata? Not pushing yourself too hard?”

“I’m fine. Let’s finish everything and travel together without any worries.”

“…Right. But before that, make sure you rest properly and let your injury heal, Kanata?”

I nodded.

I’ll make sure Yui-san’s father properly recognises me.

And if possible, I hope we can find a mutually acceptable compromise with Kitakami-san too.

　Even if that doesn’t happen, our feelings won’t change.

I fell for someone who had an engagement.

The feelings that built up over those four years apart were simply too immense. I couldn’t wait even a single year for the engagement to be broken off.
I did something unreasonable. But I don’t regret it.

　The memories we built together after connecting with Yui-san were an irreplaceably happy time.

I am prepared to pay for my sins. I will neither run nor hide.

I cannot give Yui-san to Kitakami-san. Absolutely not.

So this time, let us settle this once and for all.

To gain the days where, no matter our age, we can walk hand in hand without caring what others think.