Episode 53: I Wonder How Many Days It’ll Take For This Kiss Mark to Fade
“Can I smoke here?”
“Mm, probably fine. No one lives on either side.”
The ill-fitting window rattled open, and the cool night air brushed my cheek.
I lit a cigarette, leaned against the rusted railing, and let the smoke out slow.
I noticed Yuno had come to stand right beside me, watching me steadily.
“…Want one?”
I asked, glancing sideways.
Yuno smiled and gave a small nod.
“Thanks. They’re expensive, so I can never afford them myself.”
She said it, putting the cigarette between her plump lips.
Watching me again, intently. Her upturned gaze, still faintly damp from crying earlier, looked unreasonably cute.
“Ah, sorry. The light.”
I started to hold out the lighter — then thought better of it, and instead touched the tip of my own cigarette gently to hers.
Yuno’s face came in close all at once, looking steadily up at me from under her long lashes. I couldn’t quite meet her eyes and ended up looking down.
A small crackle, and the tip of Yuno’s cigarette glowed red.
“Heh, so people do light cigarettes like that.”
“Did Saeko never do this with you?”
“Nope. Reina’s the first.”
“…Eh.”
“Are you pleased?”
“What? Not particularly…”
“Ehh? You totally are~”
She poked at me, teasing, with a finger.
That teasing face was strangely beautiful and artless at once.
Something deep in my chest ached, sharp.
After that, I asked about everything since she’d left. What had happened, what things were like now.
How she’d lived in an internet café on what little savings she had left, after leaving my place.
How she’d found new part-time work and rented this apartment.
How she was juggling several jobs now, scraping by, careful with money.
Yuno’s gaze drifted somewhere distant as she slowly drew on the cigarette.
Her profile was as beautiful as ever.
And yet her cheeks were hollowed, the veins at her throat showing through — it looked, somehow, painful to see.
The tofu steak had genuinely been delicious, but I doubted she’d been eating properly at all.
Thinking that, something in my chest creaked, quietly.
“…Come back. To the apartment.”
I said it, still looking out past the balcony, after letting out a stream of smoke. It had come out of my mouth almost before I decided to say it.
“Eh?” Yuno murmured, small, and looked over at me.
“I’ll support you again. You won’t have to worry about money. If the jobs are too much, quit them. We can go eat good food, all the time.”
Yuno smoked for a while, in silence, drawing in, letting out.
As if thinking something through, slowly.
Then, eyes lowered, the corner of her mouth lifting slightly, she said:
“…No. I’m not going back there anymore.”
“…Eh?”
“I decided. To live properly, as my own person, on my own two feet.”
It was an answer I hadn’t expected.
I’d assumed that going back to the apartment would make things easier for her, that she’d say yes without hesitation.
“And besides,” Yuno went on. “I really love the view from here. This room’s comfortable. I like it.”
“…I see.”
Yuno’s changed too, I thought.
I gave a small, quiet laugh and pressed the cigarette butt into the ashtray.
＊＊＊
I checked my watch — eleven at night.
Still time to catch the last train. As I started getting ready to leave, Yuno asked, puzzled:
“Not staying the night?”
“No, I’ll head back today. Early start tomorrow too.”
That wasn’t the real reason.
If I stayed, I knew the feelings would overflow, and wouldn’t stop. Something told me having a physical relationship here again, tonight, wasn’t right.
“I see.”
Yuno’s brows drooped slightly, a wistful look, and she smiled — a smile that looked a little forced.
It struck me as unbearably cute.
As I turned toward the door, my sleeve was tugged.
“Hey, Reina. Just a little… okay?”
“What.”
Pulled close, Yuno’s scent drifted softly around me — and then her face was close against my neck.
Her lips touched, gently, at my throat. I felt her breath.
That’s when——
Juuh.
“Ow——”
The strongest she’d ever done it. Several seconds, maybe ten or more, sucked at my neck.
My throat throbbed, dull. I half-wondered if her teeth had grazed it too.
Then, gently, Yuno traced the mark with the pad of her finger. At a distance just barely touching, barely not.
That teasing, drawn-out motion sent a shiver crawling over my whole body.
“Wha— Yuno. What’s——”
“This kiss mark.”
Yuno whispered, slow, in a sweet voice.
“I wonder how many days it’ll take, to fade.”
No light in her eyes, an expression heavy and melting.
She tilted her head, slowly.
“Come see me again, before it does, okay?”
— What was that.
This girl is wicked, and a little devil.
My chest ached, sharp enough to hurt. Genuinely, unbearably cute.
“Bye-bye,” Yuno said, smiling brightly, waving her hand.
Outside, the rain had stopped, the damp night air clinging to my skin.
I went down the apartment stairs and turned back. Looking up at the balcony, Yuno stood leaning against the railing, gazing absently into the distance.
In the old, dim building, she looked like the only point of light — that beautiful.
But at the same time, a sharp unease rose in me.
Fragile.
As if she might vanish at any moment.
As if she held no attachment to living at all.
That slender body, I thought, might get carried off by the wind, like sand, scattering — and I couldn’t look away.
Our eyes met, and Yuno smiled, faintly.
A wistful smile, and yet a calm one.
Unbearably dear, and my chest ached, painfully.
＊＊＊
Home.
The too-large apartment held no warmth at all, same as ever.
The flat, mineral smell of concrete caught at my nose.
Yuno’s smile stayed burned into my mind, refusing to fade.
Artless, and bewitching.
And yet looking, somehow, like she might disappear at any moment.
Will there be a “next time” for us.
Will Yuno still be alive, properly, tomorrow, the day after, a year from now.
An anxiety with no clear cause rose in me, sharp.
I want to stay by her side, always. I don’t want to look away.
Instead of saying “I’ll come see you before the mark fades,” I wish we could just stay together, always, instead.
Thinking that, lying down on the queen-size bed, the night deepened before I noticed.
＊＊＊
The next day.
“Morning,” I called out to the whole office, and the staff returned the greeting, scattered, in turn.
I set my bag at my desk and walked, without hesitation, straight to Saeko’s.
“Saeko.”
“Mm, morning, Reina. What’s up?”
“I need to talk to you about something.”
Saeko looked up at me, tilting her head, puzzled.