Episode 63: 17 Years Old (4)

I must have been fast asleep, as I have absolutely no memory of the train journey. I’m seventeen now, old enough to know better, but I got a bit too carried away at the zoo.

　We got off the train and headed for our respective homes.

Today was fun. Too much fun.
That’s why I found myself feeling even more strongly than usual that I didn’t want to go home, and my legs felt heavy.
Perhaps because I was walking unnaturally slowly, Endo-san kept glancing over at me.

It’s all Endo-san’s fault.
Because she took me to such a fun place, I’m feeling even more gloomy about going home than usual.

‘Takizawa, can we pop into the supermarket?’
‘Sure, but—’

I wanted to delay going home even a little, so I decided to tag along with Endo-san’s shopping. Endo-san was holding a basket and happily selecting ingredients.

‘Takizawa, what do you fancy eating?’
‘Huh…??’

I let out a strange sound, taken aback by the nonsensical question.

“Why don’t you stay for dinner at my place? I’ll make whatever you like.”
“Why?”
“It doesn’t matter what, just come along.”

Why…?
Can Endo-san read my mind? Or did my slow walking pace give me away, that I didn’t want to go home?
If that’s the case, it’s rather embarrassing. As if to cover up that embarrassment, my tone becomes sharp.

“I never said I was free tonight.”

“I told you to keep the whole day free, and you don’t have any plans after this, do you, Takizawa?”

It’s true, I certainly don’t have any plans.
Endo-san sometimes says rude and hurtful things.
It’s mean of her to say that knowing full well I don’t have any friends like that.

It’s frustrating, but I decide it’s far better than going home, so I accept Endo-san’s invitation.

“So, what do you fancy eating?”

Whatever Endo-san cooks is delicious. So I’d be happy with anything. I wonder what sort of face Endo-san would pull if I could actually say that.
I have a feeling she’d get a bit carried away.

“Pa…”
“Pa?”
“I’d like to eat pasta, any sort will do.”
“Do you have a favourite dish?”
“I think I might like a creamy sauce.”
“Got it! Leave it to me!”

　Saying that, Endo-san kept throwing ingredients into the basket. I wonder if the meal I’d thought of on the spur of the moment is really something she can whip up so easily.
There’s a famous character in a children’s anime who can produce all sorts of tools out of thin air; let’s just say Endo-san is the cooking version of that.

On the way home, even though we hadn’t spoken a word, Endo-san was smiling the whole time. I wonder what’s got her so happy. I often don’t really understand Endo-san.
　No, actually, I never really understand her.

“Excuse me…”

　No matter how many times I’ve been there, I always feel nervous entering Endo-san’s house. I’ve hardly ever visited anyone’s home before, so I’ll always feel nervous, no matter how many times I go.
　It’s certainly not because it’s Endo-san’s house.

　The lights come on in the previously pitch-black house.
　My routine when I visit Endo-san’s house is always the same.

　I put my things in Endo-san’s room and wash my hands. Once I’ve finished washing my hands, I go to say hello to Endo-san’s mum and dad, who are in the back of the house.

They always welcome me warmly.
Whenever I visit, there are always sweets and tea offered at the Buddhist altar. From the way the house is kept, I can tell that Endo-san is a polite and conscientious person.

Having finished greeting them, I decided to go back to Endo-san.

‘Thanks as always.’
‘It’s only natural, seeing as I’m at Endo’s house. Anyway, is there anything I can help with?’
‘What’s the matter, Takizawa? Do you have a fever?’

I usually just watch Endo-san cook, so I thought I’d like to help out for a change. Doing nothing makes me feel a bit restless. Also, I found myself thinking, just a little, that I’d like to be able to cook as well as Endo-san.
However, I knew she’d get a bit carried away if I said that, so I gave a different reason.

‘I’m going to be living on my own when I start uni, so I just want to practise now.’
‘Are you going to a university outside the prefecture? Which one?’
I don’t need to tell Endo-san that, do I? Teach me how to cook instead.’

Saying that, I shove Endo-san into the kitchen.

“Right then, I suppose I’ll get Takizawa to chop the spinach, mushrooms and bacon.”

I tried to chop the ingredients as Endo-san instructed, but I couldn’t manage it. I didn’t know how to make the cuts with the knife.

“Takizawa, that’s dangerous… You’ll cut your finger like that. You grip the knife like this and hold the food down like this.”

Saying that, Endo-san reached around from behind me and leaned over me to show me.

　Endo-san’s body pressed against my back.
Her breath brushed against the nape of my neck.
Somehow, I couldn’t concentrate on using the knife at all.

I felt embarrassed by the awkward proximity to Endo-san and the fact that I couldn’t even use a knife properly, and my ears and face were bright red.

But if I moved now, it would be dangerous as she was holding the knife, so I had no choice but to put up with it.
I took a deep breath to regain my composure.

　With Endo-san’s guidance, I managed to chop the necessary ingredients, and she took care of the finishing touches.

The milk is bubbling away, and she’s adding the ingredients and seasoning it. The ingredients I’d just been chopping are turning all limp and floppy, just like Endo-san when she loses her motivation.

It smells delicious.

When I see Endo-san tasting it, my gaze naturally drifts to her lips.

　I haven’t touched those lips recently.

Just as I was thinking such guilty thoughts, Endo-san seemed to notice my gaze.

‘Would you like a taste too, Takizawa?’
‘I’ll save the pleasure for when I eat it.’
I did want a taste, but I felt it would taste even better when the dish was finished, so I decided to decline.

　The cream pasta with bacon, mushrooms and spinach was ready. Endo-san makes dishes that look like they could be served in a restaurant.
I’m always amazed by the quality of Endo-san’s cooking.

‘Let’s eat.’

I neatly twirled the pasta onto my fork, scooped up some sauce and ingredients with my spoon, and brought it to my mouth.

　The richness of the cream and the pasta blended perfectly in my mouth, the flavour spreading throughout. It was astonishingly delicious.
I simply couldn’t fathom how the ingredients I’d so clumsily chopped could turn out so delicious.

“I think it turned out quite well this time. It’s delicious, isn’t it?”

Endo-san said this with a beaming smile.
It was a bit frustrating to admit it, given the smug look on Endo-san’s face, but I nodded and decided to continue eating.

　The pasta was gone in the blink of an eye. That pasta, which had been so delicious, is now inside my stomach. Even if I stroke my belly, the delicious pasta won’t come back.

Every time, after I’ve finished eating, I think I should have savoured it more.

Once I’d finished clearing up, Endo-san called me into his room.

When I entered the room, Endo-san handed me a gift bag.

　What’s this—?
My head is full of question marks.

“Takizawa, happy birthday.”

The moment I heard those words, a tingling heat welled up deep within my chest, gradually turning into a warm sensation.
Endo-san looked away slightly, looking rather embarrassed.

“Why…”
“Sorry, Takizawa. You wouldn’t tell me, so I just went and asked Mai.”

　Saying that, she looked at me, looking rather embarrassed. So, did she go to the zoo today because she knew it was my birthday?

　I don’t want this.

　Going to the zoo with Endo-san on my birthday and having such a good time, and even receiving a birthday present…
　A day that leaves such a lasting impression will one day become a painful memory.

　It’s no good.
　I don’t want to create anything precious or cherished memories.

——No way.

I know it’s wrong, but a little voice inside me is whispering that just this once, I should be allowed to savour this happy moment to the full.

Such a naive thought crosses my mind.

‘Oh, and I’ve made a cake, so let’s share it.’
Saying that, she fetched a cake from the fridge.
Made it? Handmade by Endo-san?

Endo-san brought over a strawberry sponge cake.

‘Did you make this, Endo-san?’

It looked exactly like the cakes you see in shops, so much so that I almost doubted it.

‘Yeah. I practised making it for Takizawa. I’m really proud of it. I’m going to turn the lights off.’
Saying that, she placed a single candle on the cake and lit it.

　My emotions simply couldn’t keep up with the situation. It felt like I was running a race against a cheetah. The atmosphere of the moment and I were drifting further and further apart, as if I were about to vanish from sight.

“Come on, blow it out quickly.”
Her voice snapped me back to reality just as my consciousness was drifting away. In the darkness, Endo-san was pointing at the candle’s flame.

I did as Endo-san said and gently blew with the air from deep within my chest.

‘Happy birthday.’

I wonder how long it’s been since I was celebrated like this…
Probably since I was in primary school.
Eating cake on my birthday, receiving presents, spending the day with someone.

“Can I open the present?”
“Of course.”

When I opened the present, a black rucksack, not too flashy, appeared.

“Takizawa, you’ve got loads of reference books and stuff, yet you’re still using a handbag. A rucksack would be easier to carry, and since you’re going into Year 3, I thought it would be a good time to switch.”

I’d actually been thinking of buying a rucksack myself.

Does Endo-san know everything about me? I feel as though she can see right through me, enough to make me think that.

　I tried the empty rucksack on. It settled on my back as if it had always been mine, making my heart feel light and airy.

“It suits you.”

Endo-san always says I look good no matter what I wear or carry. That’s why I usually try not to take it too seriously.
But just for now, I could believe those words were true, just a little bit.

I took the rucksack off and decided to share the cake sitting on the table with her.

‘The cake’s lovely. Is there anything Endo-san can’t do?’

As I muttered this to myself, Endo-san smiled happily. Why does she seem to be enjoying herself more than I am, the one being celebrated?

And just how much time did she spend preparing all this…? Even I know that baking a cake isn’t easy. She must have researched the animal descriptions at the zoo in advance, too.

Why would she go to such lengths for me…?

　I don’t understand a thing. So many questions come to mind that I’d like to ask, but I can’t bring myself to ask them directly.

But looking at Endo-san, who looked so incredibly happy right in front of me, I couldn’t bring myself to ask any of those things.

I think Endo-san’s smile is the best.
If you interviewed people walking by, ninety-nine out of a hundred would say she’s cute. I think I’d be the one remaining person who couldn’t bring myself to say she’s cute.

　My heart feels all warm and cosy today.

It feels like the first time in ages that I’ve felt warmth from the very depths of my heart.

I used to think that part of me, which had grown so cold when I was little, would never warm up again.

But Endo-san warms my heart with the greatest of ease.

She’s a sly one.

All I could do was stare blankly at the plate of finished cake and the rucksack I’d been given.