Episode 33: In the Way — Honoka’s Side
side.Honoka
I hold lightly onto Yuna’s sleeve and lean my body in close.
Even the smallest amount, I want to feel her warmth.
The heat coming through my fingertips seems to ease some of my unease.
But that alone isn’t enough.
I want to be closer. Even closer.
I want to feel Yuna more.
So my body draws in on its own.
Resting my head gently against her shoulder—
As if answering that feeling, Yuna catches her breath, just slightly.
That reaction calms the impatience inside me, just a little.
But the unease doesn’t go away.
I’m right here, beside Yuna.
Even touching her like this, my heart won’t settle.
Like something is rushing me.
A scorched, restless feeling, burning slowly at the edges.
— That girl who left the classroom a moment ago.
I found myself looking toward the door.
And she glanced back toward me too, just for an instant.
Only a moment.
But that moment was enough.
Like she was aware of me. Like it went both ways.
…No, that’s wrong.
It’s me who was aware of her.
I know nothing about that girl.
Not her name, not what kind of person she is, not what she is to Yuna.
I’ve only ever seen her once.
At the café, with Yuna.
That’s all.
That should be all it is.
(…She’s in the way.)
The moment the thought crossed my mind, I startled myself.
I’ve never even interacted with her.
Never exchanged a word with her.
And yet, just from her being near Yuna—
Just that alone is enough to make me feel this strongly, this ugly.
(…I really am this possessive.)
Just the other day, I told Yuna, “You’re pretty possessive, aren’t you.”
Said it with a face like I was different.
And now here I am, this bothered by Yuna having contact with someone else.
I want to be the only one who knows everything about Yuna.
Until now, it never even occurred to me that Yuna might connect with someone else.
She only ever looked at me.
Only ever saw me.
So a feeling like this never even had room to exist.
I tighten my grip on her sleeve.
So why.
Why am I this anxious, this uneasy, this impatient.
Over someone I’ve only seen once, at a café.
Someone I don’t even know. Don’t even know the name of.
Just that, and my heart is in this much disorder.
“Hey, Yuna.”
So, right now, like this.
By touching her, by feeling her, I try to erase the restlessness inside me.
“…I love you.”
She’s mine.
Mine, and only mine, Yuna.
So I have to stay closer to her side. Even more than this.
Carrying that thought, I lean in against her shoulder once more.