Episode 87: Always, Just Look at Me

The shrill alarm clock jolted me awake. Reflexively, I reached out and smacked it, sending a blast of icy air into the warm duvet that made me shiver.

This winter is unusually cold.

I’d been a bit sceptical when the news suggested we might see snow early even in Kanto… but this chill makes it seem possible.

　It’s so bitterly cold that crawling out of bed feels like an enormous chore. I roll over, still clutching Shachi-kun, and sigh.

The morning sun streams through the curtains. Time to get up. I have to go to work.

After meeting Kitakami-san last night, I thought I’d sorted things out a bit by venting to Yuri all the way home. But even now, in the morning, my mood hasn’t really lifted.
　Like a body blow, the memories of last night were slowly taking effect.

I was still hesitating about the right moment to consult Yui-san.

The thing was, this period was incredibly busy. On top of preparations for the Christmas and year-end sales rush, she was swamped with planning next term’s management and investment strategies. Yui-san’s schedule was packed from morning till night with meetings and consultations with all the relevant departments.

　Since December began, I’d increasingly seen her sitting at her desk, arms folded, deep in thought.
Honestly, having witnessed this so often, I didn’t want to burden her any further.

Dragging my heavy body, I rubbed my arms as I crawled out of bed.
Off to the office. If I go, I’ll see Yui.

Truthfully, I’d felt uneasy since last night — I’d considered calling her many times.

　I couldn’t bear it, I wanted to see Yui-san so badly.

＊＊＊

When I entered the president’s office this morning, Yui-san was already facing her PC. Just what time did she arrive today?
I hear she’s been staying at the company flat on weekdays for ages now, but could she be working from home too?
Yui-san paused, looked up suddenly, and smiled happily.

“Good morning, Kanata.”

“Good morning, Yui-san.”

Strange, I thought. Just seeing Yui-san’s incredibly happy face made my tense heart feel a little softer.
I placed my bag on my desk and booted up my computer.

First, I must check my emails.
Thinking this, I opened my inbox only for the name ‘Shinji Kitakami’ – a name I’d been trying so hard to forget – to leap out at me, making me feel sick to my stomach as if my heart had been crushed.

Damn it. I should have deleted that email yesterday.

Back in my student days, long before I even met him – yes, from the moment I first heard that name – I’d probably been conscious of him in all sorts of ways.

　Now, several years on, I realise this name has apparently become something of a traumatic level of dislike for me.

Because of yesterday’s incident, he’s gone from being someone I neither liked nor disliked to being, quite spectacularly, someone I absolutely detest.
I can’t even bear to see his name. So, to avoid seeing it again, I hastily shoved the email into the trash folder.

　I sigh deeply. I can’t consult busy Yui-san yet. I know I have to deal with this myself somehow, but yesterday’s me was truly pathetic.

He said to give him an answer in a week… but no matter how long I wait, the option of leaving Yui-san simply doesn’t exist for me.

The only thing worrying me is… my father. Would Kitakami-san really go that far? I don’t know. I don’t know Mr Kitakami well.
Unless I ask someone who knows him better, it’s difficult to judge…

“…Kanata, hey, Kanata, are you listening?”

“Eh?”

Startled by the sudden address, I jerked upright. Lost in the sea of my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed Yui-san calling out to me at all.

“S-sorry, I was just lost in thought…”

As I apologised flusteredly, Yui narrowed her eyes slightly, making me flinch.

Yui is frighteningly perceptive. I should have easily anticipated that if I wasn’t careful, she’d immediately notice I was feeling down.

　With a clatter, she rose from her desk and plopped down onto the black leather sofa. Then, patting the space beside her, she said, “Come here.”

I couldn’t ignore her now that she’d called me. I walked over as instructed and sat down beside her.

Her gentle black eyes peered intently at my face.

“…Kanata, are you feeling unwell?”

A gentle stroke across my cheek made my heart skip a beat, quite unexpectedly.

“Er, no, it’s not that. Sorry, I was just spacing out.”

“So, did something unpleasant happen yesterday while I was away?”

When treated this kindly, I feel like leaning in. Like throwing myself into those arms.

—Listen, Yui. Yesterday, Kitakami-san called me over and said some awful things. He said I was ‘unnecessary’…

　Yet, I swallowed the words that had reached my throat. Then I shook my head vigorously from side to side.

“Honestly, it’s nothing. More importantly, what were you trying to say to me just now, Yui-san?”

Forcing a smile, I said this. Yui-san still looked unconvinced, then sighed softly before gently squeezing my hand.

“…I was planning to go to Yukiyo’s company this morning, wasn’t I? But I couldn’t go because I haven’t finished my work yet. Kanata, could you go instead and deliver the minutes for me?”

“Eh?”

This was unusual. Yui-san should be extremely reluctant to have Yukiyo and me meet. What was going on? Wondering this, I tried to read her expression.

“…So today, you can go straight home afterwards.”

Seeing the slight reluctance on Yui-san’s face, I understood her intention and the tension left my shoulders.

Ah, I see. That’s it. She knew perfectly well that just saying “you can go home” wouldn’t make me leave willingly, so she deliberately asked me to run an errand. Yukiyasu-san’s company is on my way home anyway.

“…Even if I don’t go straight home, I could still make it back if I go in the morning, couldn’t I? You’ll be busy with meetings this afternoon too, Yui-san.”

“Kanata. When I said I’d make you my secretary, do you remember the promise we made?”

I lifted my gaze from our intertwined fingertips to look at her. The gentle admonishment in her eyes made my heart give a sweet little squeeze.

“You promised not to overdo it, didn’t you? So today, just listen to me. Will you?”

Honestly, why is Yui-san so incredibly kind? Feeling truly cherished, a warmth spread deep within my chest.

“…All right. In that case, I’ll take you up on your offer.”

Nodding obediently, Yui-san smiled happily and said, “Mm-hmm.”

Unable to hold back the emotions welling up inside me, I tugged gently at Yui-san’s hand, wanting just a little hug.

Almost immediately, Yui-san seemed to understand what I wanted. She wrapped her arms around my waist and held me tightly. Feeling that sweet, beloved scent, I closed my eyes.

It’s strange. My heart, which had been so turbulent, felt itself calmly settling just from being held like this.

　I must pull myself together. Yui-san is trying so hard for me, so I must do the same.
Not always just receiving things from her, but becoming someone who can support her too — I must become stronger.

＊＊＊

I placed the meeting minutes and the return envelope into an A4-sized envelope and tucked it into my bag.

“Right then, I’m off.”

“Right, take care.”

I waved to Yui-san and left the company.
Feeling the icy air on my cheeks, I hurried towards the nearest station.

Earlier, I’d phoned Yukiyasu-san’s secretary to say I was coming instead of Yui-san — but just to be safe, I should contact Yukiyasu-san too.

　This was the first time I’d sent him a message since we exchanged contact details. Slightly nervous, I slid my finger across the smartphone screen.
Yuki-san had mentioned he was Kitakami-san’s childhood friend. That meant he must know him well.
Since I had this chance to meet him, I’d ask about Kitakami-san.

—Thank you for your continued support. This is Aosawa. I’m on my way to deliver the meeting minutes. Separately, I have something I’d like to discuss with you. Would you be able to spare a moment?

Feeling a little nervous, I tap the send button. Within seconds, the message shows as read.
Almost immediately, a light ‘ping’ sounds, followed by a message saying “Sure” and a cute cat sticker. I chuckle softly.

　Yuki-san is similar to Yui-san, but perhaps a little different in this respect.

Yui-san never responds this quickly, and I’ve never seen her use stickers.

That’s right. Don’t shoulder it alone — try asking for help. From those who will help.

I want to believe my love with Yui-san isn’t just a love that deserves blame.
Because people like this, who give us a push forward, are definitely here.

＊＊＊

Kanata-chan, I’m terribly sorry to trouble you when you’re so busy. Thank you for delivering the minutes.

Yukiyasu-san’s company was located in an office block a few stations away from ours.
He appeared at reception looking, rather unexpected, dressed casually though wearing a jacket, with smart white leather trainers on his feet.

　Seeing him not in the sharp suit he wore for board meetings felt somehow like meeting him for the first time.
After taking the envelope, he showed me into the reception room. Prompted, I settled onto the plush, soft sofa.

“Um, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. More importantly, what’s this consultation about? Trouble with Yui or something?”

　Taking a sip of the coffee the female employee had brought earlier, Yukiyasu immediately got to the point.

Those eyes, that familiar colour, fixed intently on me. I could tell he was listening seriously, wanting to hear what I had to say.

“No, it’s not about Yui… Actually…”

I clenched my palms tightly.

　Despite being busy, Yukiyasu-san was making time to listen to me.
So I would tell him everything. With that thought, I opened my lips.

That in summer, I’d started seeing Yui.
But that Kitakami-san had noticed the relationship between me and Yui.
And that yesterday, Kitakami-san had summoned me and proposed a reverse transfer to the Holding company.

　That he’d threatened me, bringing up my father, to make me leave Yui.

I poured it all out, bit by bit, spilling everything.

He didn’t rush me when I faltered occasionally, nor did he interrupt like Kitakami-san, Yukiyasu-san just listened silently, waiting patiently for my words.

“I realise I’m doing something unforgivable. It’s no wonder Kitakami-san is angry…”

After hearing everything, Yukiyasu let out a deep sigh and pressed his fingers to his forehead.

“…Kanata-chan, I’m sorry for putting you through this pain. You’re not at fault here. Yui really ought to handle things better. Honestly, she’s such a troublesome little sister.”

Yukiyasu leaned back against the sofa, folding his arms as if deep in thought. Ah, that gesture, Yui does that a lot too, I thought, an observation rather out of place, as I waited for him to speak.

“Shinji hasn’t changed a bit since childhood, has he? When he realises he can’t win fair and square, he always resorts to underhand tactics like this.”

“Yukiyasu-san… Do you think Kitakami-san will tell my father’s company about this?”

She voiced the worry that had been gnawing at her.

“Hmm… I’m not sure. Your father is also a close friend of our father’s, so Shinji surely knows Dad wouldn’t stand for it if he did something like that. Besides, you two are women, and staying over at each other’s houses… You can just say you’re close friends and brush it off. So, there’s no need to worry excessively. It’s just bluffing. I think you should carry on as usual.”

Yukiyasu-san glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall.

“But a week from now… That’s the day before Christmas Eve, isn’t it? Doesn’t Shinji have anyone to spend it with? Poor sod.”

　He chuckled teasingly, and I couldn’t help but laugh along.

“…It’s alright. Leave Shinji to me. I’ll look into things myself. If anything new comes up, let me know straight away. You don’t want Yui to know yet, right? So this stays our little secret.”

Yukiyasu placed his index finger to his lips and smiled warmly.

“…Understood. Thank you, Yukiyasu-san.”

“No, thank you. I’m the one who should be grateful. …Kanata-chan. Thank you for choosing to be with Yui.”

Saying this, Yukiyasu-san smiled, looking genuinely happy.

Perhaps it was because he’d said it would be alright. My heart, which had been shaken violently by Kitakami-san’s words, began to settle a little.

My footsteps felt considerably lighter than on the way there as I set off home.

　Problems were piled high. But my feelings had settled. I deeply regretted letting myself be swept along by Kitakami-san’s pace and wavering.
I won’t run away anymore. A week from now, no matter what he says, I won’t be pushed around. I’ll refuse properly.

And if, because of that, he truly bares his fangs at me — I absolutely won’t lose.

I swore that firmly in my heart.

＊＊＊

Perhaps because I hadn’t slept well last night, upon returning home I found myself fast asleep on the sofa like a log without even eating dinner.
When I woke, the room was dark, and glancing at the wall clock showed it was past seven.

No wonder I’m starving. How could I have forgotten to eat…?
Still sprawled on the sofa, I stroked my rumbling stomach as it loudly protested its hunger. What to do? I’m starving, but I can’t be bothered to cook anything.

I fumbled for the light switch remote and pressed it.
Then, thinking I might order something in, I pulled my phone out of my pocket where it’d been left.

Just then, as if on cue, my phone rang. I was slightly startled to see my girlfriend’s name suddenly appear on the display, but tapped the call button immediately.

“Hello, Yui-san? What’s up?”

‘Ah, Kanata? Are you at home right now?’

“Eh? Ah… yes, I am, but…”

‘Oh, good. I sent you a message but you weren’t replying at all.’

“Ah, sorry, I fell asleep straight after getting home…”

Just as I said that, the doorbell chimed, ‘Ping-pong!’, making me straighten up in a fluster.

‘Kanata, I’m here, open up.’

“Eh…?”

Still unsure what was happening, I scrambled up from the sofa.

　Could it be… she came? All the way to my place?

Running to the front door without even slipping on my slippers, I smoothed my hair with my fingers. Clicking the lock open, I found Yui standing there, her face completely covered by a blue checked scarf, even her mouth hidden. The edges of her ears peeking out from her long black hair were slightly red from the cold.

“Yui, why…?”

“…Sorry. You seemed down, so I got worried and came over.”

Saying this, Yui lowered her eyebrows and smiled shyly. Unable to resist that smile, I instinctively grabbed her hand and pulled her forcefully inside the entrance.
The door slammed shut. Simultaneously, I threw my whole weight against her, clinging to her body.

“Whoa!”

Startled, Yui gently caught my body and steadied me.
Her thick black coat was cold from the winter air outside. We don’t have a car park… Did she perhaps come by train?
Touching her pale cheek, it was surprisingly cold, and suddenly I felt like crying.

“Kanata, are you alright?”

I nodded. It’s alright now. Because you came to me just now. That alone is enough.
I held her slender frame tightly, tightly, filling my chest with the sweet scent of her perfume.

“Yui…”

“What is it, Kanata?”

“…I love you. Always look only at me.”

　Pressing my face against her chest, I clung to her as I spoke. Yui-san laughed out loud, then hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe.

“…I’m being serious. Why are you laughing…?”

“Sorry, sorry… It’s just, you’re so adorable. Don’t worry, I only have eyes for you, Kanata. Always have, always will.”

Her cold lips pressed against my cheek. When I protested, “It’s cold,” Yui-san nuzzled her cheek against mine, saying, “Well then, warm me up.”

“…Hey, Yui-san, I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten yet, so let’s make something together. We’ve got ingredients.”

“Of course, that’s fine. Kanata, you’re actually cooking for yourself? Good for you.”

I’d been about to order delivery just a moment ago… but since she’d gone to the trouble of complimenting me, I decided not to mention it.

“Please don’t tease me. Since I started living alone, I’ve been trying my best, even though I’m not great at it…”

“I’m not teasing you, I’m praising you. Oh, right, I bought some cream puffs from your favourite shop near the station. Let’s have them together after dinner.”

Taking the paper bag she offered, I nodded vigorously. Then, taking her hand, I pulled her into the warm room.

　Tonight would surely be bitterly cold.

But it would be alright. If they could sleep clasped together, she believed they could weather any winter together.