Episode 145: A Walk

When I opened my eyes slowly against the brightness, smooth dark-blue hair shimmering in the light was right in front of me.

It seemed Takisawa was sleeping with her back to me.

That was slightly unsatisfying — but I pressed myself against her back and held her from behind anyway.

It was the coldest part of the year, and yet warm.

Takisawa’s body rose and fell with her breathing, so she’d probably be asleep for a while yet.

When I asked to sleep together, I was now allowed to about fifty percent of the time.

Yesterday’s victory had put me here, beside her.

I was conducting ongoing research into what to say, and when, to get permission.

The short winter break was nearly over, and university started again tomorrow.

And I was thinking about increasing my part-time shifts again from tomorrow.

The reason was simple — there was something I absolutely wanted to give Takisawa by her birthday.

I’d probably drive myself hard again for it — but I was also reminding myself to keep it at a level that wouldn’t get me issued a no-working decree by Takisawa.

I’d been quietly stroking her head, but she showed no signs of waking.

I love her back and her back-view too — but I also want her to face me.

Whether that thought escaped my lips, or it was coincidence — Takisawa’s body gave a little twitch, wriggled, and turned toward me.

Just that made my heart give a sharp ping, and I think I must have been making a strange face.

Takisawa looked at me through narrowed eyes.

Even without it being hot, before long sweat was seeping down my back.

“Morning, Endo-san.”
“Morning.”

Takisawa closed the distance toward me, and my body grew warmer and warmer.

My cheek was gently stroked, then my somewhat dry lips were traced.

I was mildly disappointed to have my lips traced when they weren’t at their cutest — and then Takisawa’s beautiful face suddenly moved very close.

She filled my vision entirely, and then I heard a small chu.

It happened in an instant and I sat there with a blank expression not knowing what had occurred, when Takisawa’s happy voice reached me.

“That dopey look on your face again.”

It felt as though she had snatched my heart right out of my chest.

When I touched with my finger where Takisawa’s lips must have been, it was half damp, half dry.

The moment my head finally processed what had just happened, I seemed to have become a machine capable of boiling faster than an electric kettle.

“What was that all of a sudden?!”
“Did you not like it?”
“I didn’t not like it, I was just surprised…”

Perhaps because I was saying such flustered things, Takisawa was laughing again.

Quite a beautiful smile, I thought.

“I wonder why. I just wanted to——”

At those words I started and tried to look at Takisawa’s face — but my face was pulled firmly to her chest and I couldn’t see her expression.

That’s not fair… I thought, trying to pull back — but she wouldn’t let me go.

Apparently she didn’t want her face seen.

I gave up and let myself be held — and gradually the thought of maybe not seeing her face is alright settled in.

Because the heartbeat I could hear against my ear was faster than mine——

“Takisawa is so cute.”
“Endo-san, be quiet.”

The arm around my neck tightened and it was a little hard to breathe — but even that suffocation turned into something I found precious.

Just as I was growing greedy for more of that, the strength in Takisawa’s arm quietly faded.

What a truly mean person, I thought.

“Endo-san, what are you doing today?”
“It’s unusual for you to be curious about what I’m doing.”
“I’m always curious, I just don’t ask. I thought it might be annoying…”
“What…?”

I was pulled close again.

Apparently Takisawa pulled me close when she didn’t want her face to be seen.

I found myself with the rather wicked thought of saying lots of embarrassing things to her from now on.

“Since we’re dating, I think being curious is normal. I’ll ask you lots of things too, so ask me lots of things too, okay?”

Thinking she was probably embarrassed about her face being seen, I spoke from within her slender arms. The strength in her arms loosened a little, but she still didn’t want to be looked at.

“Is that okay?”
“Yeah. Today I’m going for a morning walk and then spending the day relaxing at home.”
“I see.”

At those words, Takisawa’s arms loosened.

Now’s my chance! I thought, and looked up — and there was a girl with a face far redder than I’d imagined, and I was the one who got embarrassed.

A strange air flowed between us — but that too was very us, and I didn’t dislike it.

“Can I come on the walk with you?”
“What?”
“It’s fine if you don’t want me to.”

Takisawa began to move away from me and turn her back — so before she could, I grabbed her.

One wrong move and this would look like a judo hold.

“That hurts…”
“Come on the walk with me?”
“I’ll come, so let go.”
“Turn to face me first and then I’ll let go.”
“Haah…”

A big sigh — but she faced me, and there was Takisawa with her usual furrowed brow.

Even displeased, that was fine.
I loved this face of hers too.

“Hehe. I’m so happy to walk together.”
“Your face is disgraceful, Endo-san.”
“That’s your fault.”
“You always blame other people.”
“Because I love you so much.”

I held her tight.

Another sigh came — and then gently, she stroked my head.

I wanted to stay like this forever — but before her mood changed, I wanted to go on that walk together.

“Shall we go for a walk?”
“Yeah.”

Reluctantly I freed myself from her arms and got ready to go out.

Once ready, I was putting on my shoes in the entryway when Takisawa was making a difficult face about something. She said hmm and held out her hand. I said hm? and tilted my head — and her expression grew increasingly put out.

“Let’s go.”

A slightly cold hand grasped my hand and we stepped out.

She could have waited until we were outside — and yet Takisawa taking my hand like that before we’d even left was new to me, and I couldn’t hide my bewilderment. Today too, she kept turning my feelings upside down.

The outside air was painfully cold, but the hands inside Takisawa’s pocket — hers and mine — was warm and tingling.

I wished this time could last forever.

“When we’re old grandmas I still want to take walks with you like this.”

What would Takisawa be like as she grew older?

She’d probably be not that different from now.

No — she’d become even more wonderful as the years went on.

I don’t want her to change…

If she became any more wonderful, more people would fall in love with her, and that would be a problem. Fewer rivals was better.

I have to do my best so that Takisawa keeps wanting to be with me…

I told myself that, like a private pep talk.

“Then let’s just keep taking walks together no matter how old we get——”

It wasn’t her usual displeased voice — it was a slightly lower tone than usual, for Takisawa. I was so surprised I couldn’t even find my voice.

Perhaps because I went quiet, the hand holding mine squeezed tighter.

“Endo-san, you idiot——”

Takisawa had sunk her face into her scarf so far that her eyes were barely visible above the edge.

I wanted to hit the version of me from a few minutes ago for not saying anything.

Next time, I want to say it properly.

I want to be with you forever too——.

It goes without saying that the next day I piled on part-time shifts like a fool and got scolded by Takisawa again.