Episode Thirty-Eight: Will You Marry Me?
Valentine’s Day drawing close, on a bright, sunny day.
I went with Yuuri to the department store’s Valentine’s fair. I was the one who’d invited her, of course. The goal: picking out chocolate to give Yui-san.
We toured store after store of specialty chocolate shops. Since Yui-san isn’t especially into sweets, I figured something a little more sophisticated, adult-leaning, might suit her better.
“You’re really agonizing over this, huh.”
Yuuri said it, grinning, mouth full of a sample. Somewhere along the way this winter, her trademark blonde had quietly shifted to silver. Apparently to match some “favorite” she’s into.
“Aren’t you getting anyone anything, Yuuri?”
She’d come along with me, but showed zero intention of buying anything for herself. She kept picking at samples, but nothing about her looked like she was seriously choosing.
“I mean, there’s no one I like right now, so no plans to give anyone anything.”
“Eh, then why’d you even come with me today?”
“Obviously because you asked me to, Kanata. So? Why are you agonizing this hard over chocolate for your senior?”
Asked so plainly, I got stuck for words. I hadn’t even told her who I was picking chocolate for — had she known from the very start?
Embarrassed, I cleared my throat, hiding it.
“…Well, you know, Yui-san gets chocolate from all kinds of people.”
“I’ve heard the rumors, but getting chocolate even during spring break — that’s a whole different level.”
Right — Yui-san really is more popular than any rumor could capture. It’s spring break, so I’d assumed, at first, there wouldn’t be much chance for her to see other girls.
“…Yui-san goes out drinking a fair amount, you know. I think that’s where she gets it. It’s not even Valentine’s yet and she’s already brought home five.”
Even though her habit of staying out overnight has mostly quieted down, going out at night hasn’t disappeared entirely. Of course, it’s dropped drastically compared to before, and Ritsu-san’s usually there too, so it’s not like I actually mind.
Impressive, Yuuri laughed. But honestly, it’s not really something to laugh about. I ate every single piece of chocolate Yui-san brought home, but the problem is, every single one of them was from some recognizable luxury brand.
Which is exactly why I’m stuck. Being lumped in with everyone else, treated as just one more in the crowd — I hate that, more than I can say.
“Why not just make some yourself?”
“…I’m not really good at that kind of thing.”
Store-bought is definitely more delicious anyway. And besides, living together like we do, if I tried making chocolate, she’d catch on in about two seconds.
Because I basically never set foot in the kitchen.
“It’ll be fine. Whatever you give her, she’ll be happy.”
I know that already. Yui-san would probably be happy even with a cheap drugstore chocolate. But that doesn’t mean picking something out carelessly feels right either. Valentine’s Day is, at least nominally, the day you give chocolate to someone you love.
Since I can’t manage a heartfelt homemade one, I want to at least choose seriously.
“Ugh… yeah, I know, but…”
I groaned, agonizing, and Yuuri laughed and gave my shoulder a light pat.
“Well, agonize away and pick something. C’mon, one more lap. I’ll keep you company all day, lovestruck maiden.”
She said it, teasing, but I think even Yuuri would understand this feeling, someday, once she falls for someone herself.
Since she’d gone out of her way to come with me for this, I couldn’t really complain, though.
In the end, after two more laps around the floor, I settled on a chocolate wrapped in a cute red box.
Since I’m giving it to her on the actual day, I need to hide it somewhere Yui-san won’t find it.
＊＊＊
The message from Yui-san, out drinking, saying heading home now, came in at nine at night, and she actually opened the door a little past ten.
Welcome home, I rushed over, and she said I’m home and hugged me with one arm. I nuzzled into her neck, breathing in, checking for her perfume. This is a routine confirmation, by now. Good — the perfume scent hadn’t faded, and no other scent was mixed in.
Yui-san was holding two unfamiliar paper bags in one hand, and, sharp-eyed as ever, I recognized instantly that both were chocolate.
Not noticing my staring at all, Yui-san set the chocolate down on the coffee table and settled into her usual spot.
I sat down right beside her.
I know, having gone to the Valentine’s fair myself today. This is expensive stuff.
“…You’re late today.”
“Ah, got caught up on the way back, ran later than I meant to.”
I gave her a flat, unimpressed look as she pulled off her earrings.
Caught up — caught up in what? Invited somewhere, obviously. A hotel? Or some girl’s place? I swallowed down the urge to press her on it.
Even if she was invited, she came home properly, turning it down. But it’s still not exactly fun to hear.
“…That makes seven, then.”
“Eh?”
I pointed at the chocolate sitting on the table. Yui-san glanced at it, ah, like she’d just remembered.
“You really are popular, Yui-san.”
“Not really. It’s all obligation chocolate.”
“Hmm…?”
“You can eat it, if you want.”
Yui-san probably thinks I ate all the chocolate she’s brought home, up to now, just because I love chocolate.
If she’s going to say that, then. I pulled the pink wrapped box out of the paper bag. I picked up the small message card tucked in the brown ribbon and opened it.
“Ah.”
“‘To Yui-san, I love you so much. Let’s play again sometime. I’ll always be waiting’… it says.”
I held the card up, dangling it, right in front of her face. A message card covered in hearts is not what you attach to obligation chocolate.
She apparently hadn’t even noticed the card was tucked in there, and I watched her gaze skitter away, caught out.
“This is obligation chocolate? Hmm… doesn’t really match the obligation chocolate I know.”
“No, um… Kanata, this is…”
“Sounds rough, White Day’s coming up.”
I said it with a bright smile, thoroughly sarcastic, and Yui-san took the card still in my hand and tossed it onto the table. Then she took my hand gently, watching me with eyes gauging my mood, cautious.
“I’m not returning anything on White Day. I’ve told them from the start.”
“…Hmm. Really?”
“Really. I always make it clear I can’t return their feelings.”
Hearing that, I found myself thinking, just slightly — if I ever gave Yui-san chocolate and got told that, it would genuinely hurt.
A small fear crept in. There are moments I can’t help wondering — what if, to Yui-san, I’m really no different from any of those girls?
So then, who does Yui-san actually give chocolate to?
Just as I started to ask that, a certain name crossed my mind. A face I’d never even seen, an imagined figure that refused to leave my head.
“…Yui-san, are you giving chocolate to Kitagami-san?”
The instant I forced the name out, unable to hold it in any longer, Yui-san’s eyes widened, faintly startled.
“Eh? Why?”
“Just a feeling, I guess. I mean, you’re always getting presents from him, aren’t you. I figured, since it’s that kind of relationship, opposite-sex and all, maybe you’d return the gesture.”
Every birthday, every Christmas, that faceless person who keeps sending her expensive presents.
Valentine’s Day, somehow, always carries this image of being a man-woman event… so maybe she does. If so, I’d hate it. Enormously.
“I’m not giving him anything.”
Yui-san shook her head, side to side, denying my worry outright. Good. I felt a small wave of relief. I’d been dreading what I’d do if she’d said yes.
“…You’ve been really preoccupied with Shinji lately, huh. Why?”
“Eh, does it show?”
“Yeah, it shows.”
Our joined hands, stroked gently, her eyes trying to see straight through to my heart. I love this gaze of Yui-san’s. Deep, calm black, like a nighttime sea. I love, more than I can say, these eyes that always try to understand what’s in my heart.
Saying I’m not preoccupied with him would be a lie. I don’t even know why it bothers me. Probably woman’s intuition. Pure instinct, nothing more. I can’t explain the reason. But it’s a real, persistent unease all the same.
“Hey, why? Tell me, Kanata.”
Pressed for an answer, my name called like that, but I won’t say it. Absolutely not. Being bothered by something with no real reason.
“…Yui-san.”
“Hm?”
“…I’m hungry. Make me something.”
Thrown by the sudden non sequitur, Yui-san’s eyes went round, surprised.
“Eh? What’s that. Kanata, you’re really bad at deflecting, aren’t you.”
She laughed, out loud, and I tugged her hand. If she’s already noticed I’m deflecting, she could at least be kind enough to just let herself be fooled quietly, instead of calling it out.
“Never mind that, hurry up, make me a late-night snack.”
“It’s already ten, though? Are you actually hungry?”
Her mischievous eyes peered into my face. She’s definitely already noticed I’m jealous.
“I’m hungry. Yakionigiri, please. The one you made before.”
“Ugh… can’t be helped, I guess. Then, in exchange, make me a highball. I’m drinking more tonight.”
Yui-san laughed, pleased. So I stood too, and followed her toward the kitchen.
I’ve never actually said this out loud, but I like watching Yui-san like this, sipping a highball while making a late-night snack in the kitchen.
I want to see that so badly that I sometimes make up excuses to request a late-night snack just for the chance — that’s how much, deep down, I treasure this side of her that only I ever get to see.
“It’ll be quick, you can sit down, you know?”
“…I’ll wait here.”
“Guess you really were hungry.”
That too, but also — I just want to keep watching. Because I think this is a side of her that only I ever get to see.
“…Whoever marries you is going to be happy, Yui-san.”
The honest thought slipped straight out, unbidden. Yui-san’s hand, mid-flip of the rice ball, went still for just a beat.
“…Why’s that?”
After a small pause, still not looking away from the pan, Yui-san said it.
“You’re perfect at housework, cooking, gorgeous, kind — the ideal wife, basically.”
“Marriage, huh. Never really wanted that.”
“Eh, why not?”
“…Because I can’t fall in love with a man.”
Her profile looked so lonely just then that something in my chest clenched, painfully tight. I hadn’t meant it that way at all. It’s true that same-sex marriage isn’t legal in Japan right now, but even so.
“…Why do you assume it’d be a man? Maybe someday, women will be able to marry each other too.”
At that, Yui-san laughed, out loud.
“Ahaha, what’s that. Are you serious?”
“Not joking… really. Someday, that future might actually come.”
The savory smell of toasted soy sauce filled the kitchen. The flipped rice ball had turned a beautifully crisp golden brown.
I’d said it because I genuinely thought whoever marries Yui-san would be happy. I never meant it as picturing her beside some man.
I never wanted to put that lonely look on her face.
“…Yeah, that’d be nice, if it happened. So, if that future ever comes, will you marry me?”
“Eh…?”
Startled, I looked up at her. Gentle eyes were watching me.
“I mean, whoever marries me is happy, right? Then I’ll be the one to make you happy, Kanata.”
My heart pounded, hard, thudding. Wasn’t that basically a proposal? My face started heating up. Is there anyone alive who wouldn’t be happy, hearing something like that from the person they love?
“I don’t think I’d make a very good wife. I can’t do housework at all.”
“That’s fine, you don’t have to. Just being by my side is more than enough.”
“Then… I suppose… I’ll think about it…”
I forced it out, and Yui-san laughed again, out loud.
*
I bit into the crisp, savory yakionigiri. Across the dining table, Yui-san watched me, smiling, happy, sipping her highball.
“Maybe I should become a politician.”
“Eh, where’s that coming from all of a sudden?”
A politician? Why? Question marks piled up over my head.
“Change Japan’s laws. So I can marry you, Kanata.”
Said with a bright smile, but whether she’s joking or serious, I really can never quite tell with Yui-san.
“…If you ever cheat on me, even once, I’m taking alimony and divorcing you.”
I said it, hiding my embarrassment, and Yui-san laughed, delighted.
“I won’t cheat. I might not look it, but I’m actually really devoted. I’ll treasure you, always.”
The nerve of her, saying that. But I hope, genuinely, that future really does come someday.
If it does, just like I promised at Christmas, our honeymoon is absolutely going somewhere the stars are beautiful.
To a gorgeous resort island, ringed in emerald green, floating somewhere in the Indian Ocean.