Episode Forty-One
The rain soaked into my hair and shirt, stealing the warmth from my body. My legs had reached their limit, threatening to give out with every step.
But I couldn’t stop. Because Ao was waiting.
“Ao!”
I threw open the front door hard enough to nearly kick it in and hurled myself inside. Water dripped steadily from every part of me, pooling slowly at my feet.
No answer. But I spotted her familiar loafers, and without thinking I dropped my backpack and ran straight up the stairs.
I stood in front of Ao’s door and tried to steady my breathing.
She should be right there, just past this door, and yet I couldn’t find the courage to knock. The words had knotted themselves in my throat.
I breathed in, breathed out, again and again. Once I opened this door, there’d be no going back.
She might reject me. She might say she never wanted to be kissed, that it was disgusting, family doing something like that — and throw me out. But that would be fine. Because it would be the truth.
Fuuka was right. Nothing starts without an apology. Whatever happened after wasn’t going to change by standing here thinking about it.
“Ao, you’re there, right? I want to talk.”
My voice was shaking — from the cold rain, maybe. Or maybe not.
“…I want you to open the door.”
A small sound came from the other side. But the door didn’t open.
“Ao.”
I said her name again. She was so close, and yet it felt like an impossible distance.
Click.
The door opened slowly. Ao stood there, eyes swollen red.
“…Ao.”
I need to apologise. I knew that, and yet the words stayed lodged in my throat. In front of her, I can never manage to speak properly.
“—!”
“Wait, I’ll get a towel!”
Her eyes went wide, and then she’d already darted past me out of the room. The sound of her footsteps growing distant left an ache behind.
“Mmf—”
I was still standing frozen in the doorway when a large towel dropped over my head.
“What were you thinking?! You’ll catch a cold!”
Ao rubbed roughly at my hair and shoulders, her voice sharp with something that wasn’t quite anger.
“I’ll go run you a bath—”
I grabbed the hem of her shirt as she turned to leave.
“Wait.”
“I want to… talk.”
If I let go of this hand, I felt like I might never see her again. I knew that wasn’t true. I felt it anyway.
“At least change your clothes first.”
“…I can’t talk properly like this. I can’t concentrate.”
I looked away from Ao’s reddening cheeks and fled into my own room like I was running from something. Everything really was showing through, soaked the way it was.
I changed into loungewear and let out a breath in front of the small mirror. My hair still wet, my eyes swollen red. Whatever way you looked at it, I looked far less cute than usual. But maybe that was fine. Maybe this was better.
I came back to find Ao waiting in the still-open doorway, knees drawn up, looking uncomfortable. I sat down close to her and turned to look at her face. Her eyes stayed fixed on some corner of the room, refusing to meet mine. What was she thinking right now?
“Sorry. For showing up like this, out of nowhere.”
“No — I’m glad you came. I thought you might not come back at all.”
“There’s no way I wouldn’t come back.”
Ao’s voice came out small, muttering. She looked sulky, and on the verge of tears, both at once.
“About what happened… I’m really sorry. It must have been disgusting.”
I forced the words out through a throat that wouldn’t stop shaking.
“I didn’t hate it.”
“…What?”
“Being kissed by you — I didn’t hate it.”
“I wanted… more.”
My heart pounded hard. Harder than it had while I was running, hammering fast and insistent against my chest.
“…Weren’t you scared? Or disgusted?”
“Family, suddenly doing that to you?”
Was I even managing to speak properly right now? With my head gone completely blank, I couldn’t even tell what I was doing.
“…I like you. I couldn’t help falling for you.”
Ao lifted her face and slowly leaned in closer. I couldn’t look away from her.
“Do you like me, Yuna?”
My heart felt ready to burst, my breathing wouldn’t come properly. I thought I might actually die like this.
“…I like you. Since a long time ago.”
The words spilled out before I’d decided to say them.
“…More than Fuuka?”
I love Fuuka too. She matters to me more than almost anyone. But—
“I like Ao the most. There’s never been anyone else I’ve liked, not once.”
I like Ao. I have for a little over a year now. Even after we became family, that never changed.
And Ao… likes me too. I’d thought so, seeing her in that yukata. But I’d believed I’d ruined it, forcing my own desire onto her like that.
I couldn’t look away from her glistening eyes. She must be feeling the same thing. We stayed like that, looking at each other, for a long moment.
I wanted to touch her. Just a little further, and I could.
I don’t remember which of us moved first.
By the time I noticed, our lips were touching.
Gently, testing the feeling, touching and pulling back, again and again.
Just a brief, childlike kiss — and yet it felt so much better than that night had.
“Say you like me.”
Ao’s whispered voice sent warmth spreading through me. I wanted to look away, too embarrassed to bear it, and yet looking away felt like it would waste something.
“…I like you.”
“How much?”
“…Enough that… family stops mattering to me at all.”
At that, Ao’s arms wrapped around my back and pulled me into a tight embrace. I could feel her warmth where our skin touched. Her scent.
“I love you so much. Both as Onee-chan, and as you.”
“We’re sisters and we just kissed so much. We’re kind of terrible, aren’t we.”
Her voice, whispering innocently by my ear, felt so good that my arms around her back tightened on their own.
“We really are terrible. Might not be able to go back now.”
“Then we’ll just have to keep it secret. From everyone at school, from Mum and Dad too.”
“…Okay.”
My clothes were still damp, my socks too, and none of it bothered me at all anymore. With Ao here, every unpleasant thing simply disappears.
I could hear the rain hammering hard against the window.
I’m glad it rained today. I think I’ll be remembering this day for years to come. If that’s how it’s going to be, then a day this memorable is exactly the kind I want. Coming home soaked through and having Ao warm me up. A memory like this, I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
My cold body had warmed up considerably, thanks to Ao. Was she cold too, I wondered?
“Go take a shower.”
Ao looked at me with a faintly resentful expression while drying my hair with the towel.
“…Don’t want to. Don’t want to be apart from you.”
The hand gently stroking through my hair stopped.
“Y— Onee-chan, please don’t say things that sound like an invitation.”
“…Want me to ravish you?”
“N— no! I didn’t mean it that way!”
Something in Ao’s voice had gone slightly heated, and my body, about to pull back on reflex, was held in place instead.
“There’s no other way to mean it…”
“But I’m happy.”
She said it, eyes narrowing. I found myself laughing along with her, unable to help it.
What’s the right word for what we are now? Girlfriends. Sisters. Somehow it feels like both apply.
Why had I ever thought I could only choose one? We could stay sisters and still become girlfriends. It took such a long way around to arrive at something this simple.
We’re probably in for a hard road ahead. Hiding our relationship, both at school and at home. Knowing how mischievous she is, she’ll probably keep pushing right up to the edge of getting caught. Whether I’ll be able to stop her — probably not.
But I think that’s exactly what makes us who we are.
I touched, once more, the lips I’d only ever watched from far away for so long, and leaned my face in close to her cheek.