Episode Forty
“…What?”
The strength went out of the hand I’d been gripping.
“I’ve liked you this whole time.”
“…Since when?”
I couldn’t get a proper breath in. The trembling that had only just settled came rushing back.
“Who knows. By the time I noticed, I already did.”
Fuuka’s voice sounded gentler than usual, and lonelier than usual too.
“But — I wasn’t planning to say anything.”
“Because I thought you and I weren’t like that.”
The corners of Fuuka’s eyes caught a faint glint of light. A drop tracked down her cheek and off her chin, landing on the table.
“…Fuuka.”
Fuuka likes me. I’d never once considered that.
“Man… this is kind of rough. Rough, huh.”
One drop. Then another. Little by little, more spilled from the corners of her eyes.
I was glad this wasn’t a quiet place. If all I could hear was a voice thick with tears and the sound of her sniffling, I don’t think I could have held together.
“So the little sister turns out to be Ao, huh. Bit more of a twist than I was expecting.”
“Sorry… for hiding it.”
“There you go apologising again. There’s nothing wrong with keeping it quiet. It’s family stuff.”
Fuuka was crying, and smiling at the same time. She must have wanted to drop that smile right then and there, and yet she kept forcing it anyway.
Nobody understands the pain of an impossible love better than I do.
“Don’t make that face. You’re about to go see Ao, aren’t you? You’ll get turned down looking like that.”
“Oh — and if you do get turned down, you can come to me, okay?”
“I’ll be waiting…”
Tears kept spilling from the corners of Fuuka’s eyes. But I think there were probably more of mine. I don’t want to see Fuuka’s face like this. I want to keep laughing together with her, always.
But… I can’t go to Fuuka.
“I love you too. So much… Fuuka, I mean.”
“You’re always so kind, always making me laugh… I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“…Stop it. I won’t be able to give up if you keep saying things like that.”
With that, Fuuka wiped roughly at her eyes with her sleeve and drained the rest of her drink in one go.
“I can’t be your girlfriend. Probably never will be, from here on.”
“But I’m still your childhood friend, your best friend — that’s a spot nobody else gets, right?”
“So, I’ll let it go.”
“Not even to Ao am I handing this seat over. If Ao’s your number one love, then I’m your number one best friend.”
Fighting back tears with everything she had, Fuuka wore a smile in full bloom. Brighter than anyone, kinder than anyone — my best friend. I really am glad she’s been by my side.
I want to answer her with a smile just like that, but I can’t quite manage it. I need to learn to be as strong as Fuuka is.
“Obviously you’re number one. There’s things only Fuuka and I can do together, things I can only ever tell you.”
“Because you’re my one and only best friend…”
“…Stay with me forever, okay.”
I didn’t care who might be watching. I kept gripping Fuuka’s hand tight, shoulders shaking.
I know it’s selfish of me. But I want Fuuka by my side, forever, from here on too.
“I’m not going anywhere. I love you, remember.”
Fuuka gently let go of my hand, leaned back against the seat, and turned her eyes toward the entrance.
“You should get going. Ao’s waiting.”
Her firm voice pushed against my back.
“…Thanks. I’ll leave some money.”
I reached for my wallet in my backpack, and Fuuka stopped me.
“My treat today. You can pay me back by going on another date with me.”
Eyes still swollen red, Fuuka grinned, mischievous as ever.
“Not just one… no limit on that. As many as you want.”
“…!”
“Haah… honestly, Yuna.”
“You’re really something, you know that.”
Still leaning deep into the seat, Fuuka let her eyes drift out toward the window.
“Sorry.”
“I know it’s a terrible thing to say, but I’m saying it because I love you so much, Fuuka.”
I drew in a deep breath and let it out. I couldn’t quite make out Fuuka’s expression.
“I’d be happy if you stayed with me, from here on too.”
“See you tomorrow.”
With that, I grabbed my backpack and ran.
The worst. I know it’s the worst. But I want to believe the words that pushed me forward.
I kept running toward home without even opening an umbrella.
My hair’s going to be a mess, my make-up will wash away. My body will get cold, I might even catch something.
But I wanted to see Ao right away, apologise, and tell her how I felt. I didn’t need to think about family right now. All I needed to think about was Ao. If she said no, that would be the end of it. I don’t know if I could really give up — but at least it would be a reason to.
If I’d known it would come to this, I should have practiced running faster ahead of time. Not caring about my soaked clothes or my burning lungs, I ran with everything I had down the road I know so well.