Episode 126: First Date (1)

‘What should I wear…’

My first date with Takizawa—

It might just be me assuming this is a date, but surely this counts as one, doesn’t it…? For better or worse, I’ve been so close to Takizawa up until now that I’ve lost track of the usual steps a normal couple takes.

　What sort of clothes does Takizawa like girls to wear? Does she have a preference for certain hairstyles or make-up? It’s certainly quickest to ask her directly, but the thought that I might be imposing on her by asking such things paralysed me.

　In the end, I found myself standing frozen in front of Takizawa’s room. Just then, as if on cue, the door opened and Takizawa looked at me with wide eyes.

‘What’s the matter?’
‘…………I want you to choose which outfit you prefer.’
‘Why me?’
‘I want to wear the one you think is cute.’

I felt so embarrassed I couldn’t look Takizawa in the face. I was overcome by a sensation of heat rushing from my toes straight up to my face.

‘Should I come to your room, Endo?’
‘――Yeah. Sorry for interrupting your preparations.’
“It’s fine.”

I led Takizawa to my room and laid out the two outfits.

One was a checked long skirt paired with a beige knitted top. The other was white trousers with a brown top tucked in. Without hesitation, Takizawa pointed to the trousers.

“This one, I suppose.”
“Do you actually prefer trousers, Takizawa?”

　Since I’d mostly worn skirts when going out with Takizawa until now, I found myself worrying about the past, something I couldn’t change.

“You look good in anything, Endo-san, but I haven’t really seen you dressed like this before, so I’d like to see it.”

With those casual, flattering words, Takizawa left the room.

Takizawa always says things that make me happy without thinking. But if she’s saying it because we’re dating rather than by accident — that expectation made a rush of happiness well up inside me.

I tied my hair up, finished my make-up, and left my room.

As I stepped out, I saw Takizawa wearing jeans with a turtleneck tucked in. Our outfits might actually be quite similar today.

Apparently, Takizawa has recently been learning make-up from Yamamoto-san, a fellow student at university.
Today, too, she was wearing the make-up she’d learnt from Yamamoto-san, and her already beautiful face was even more striking.

　However, the thought that she was being taught by a friend stirred up a feeling inside me that I couldn’t quite come to terms with. What bothered me most of all was that the make-up Yamamoto-san had taught her was tailored to Takizawa’s features and was exactly the sort of look I preferred. Suppressing my resentment, I sat down beside Takizawa.

‘From now on, I’ll teach you how to do your make-up, so stop asking Yamamoto-san.’
‘Why?’
‘Just because.’

　I could never bring myself to say it was because I was jealous of Yamamoto-san.
　I had no intention of taking away the only friend Takizawa was close to at university. Yet, the feeling of jealousy is something that springs up the moment you try to suppress it. And there is one simple way to calm that jealousy.

‘Takizawa, close your eyes.’
‘Why…?’
‘You should know without me having to say it.’

Takizawa looked at me in silence with her usual expression. I found myself thinking it was strange how naturally I used to be able to do this — since getting together, touching Takizawa felt remarkably difficult.

Perhaps up until now, I’d been desperate for Takizawa to notice me.

“Why don’t you close your eyes, Endo?”
“Then I won’t be able to see, so I can’t do it.”
“Learn to do it with your eyes closed. Also, your lip colour will come off, so better not right now.”

Saying that, Takizawa stood up with “let’s go” and headed to the entrance. I should be happy to be going out with her — and yet not knowing how to act, feeling the frustration of this distance, I think that’s how I’ve been spending these past few weeks.

In the end, I stepped outside without even managing to kiss Takizawa.

We simply walked side by side along the road to the station. I’d glance at her out of the corner of my eye, then look straight ahead as we walked.

I wanted to hold her hand, but would she get angry if I just took it without asking…?

Takizawa hates drawing attention to herself. If we held hands in the street, we’d certainly stand out more than if we were just walking side by side.

I kept reaching out for Takizawa’s hand and then pulling mine back, and it was clear my behaviour was becoming suspicious.

My behaviour was obviously too strange, so Takizawa noticed how odd I was acting and stared at me intently. I felt embarrassed and looked away.

The next moment, something slightly cool touched my hand. Takizawa’s hands are always a little cold. However, as my hands are too warm, when they touch hers, the temperature becomes just right.

‘T-Takizawa…’

A mixture of joy and surprise caused a strange sound to escape my lips.

“Endo-san, you’re acting really weird. If you’ve got something to say, just say it.”

Takizawa looked a bit sulky. Deeply remorseful that my baffling behaviour had upset her, I whispered, “I’m sorry…” in a feeble voice.

Ignoring my feelings, Takizawa pulled my hand, which she was clutching tightly, towards her, pressing her body close to mine. Just that alone made my heart start pounding so hard I thought it might burst.

“Do you mind holding hands with me, Endo-san?”

There stood a girl with a slightly anxious expression, much like my own had been a moment ago.

“No. I’d been wanting to hold it all along… I just got anxious wondering if it was okay, so I’m happy.”
“You really are way too suspicious. If there’s something you want, don’t hold back — just say it. This is…”
“This is…?”
“We’re dating, after all——”

　Even though it wasn’t a particularly hot day, Takizawa’s face was flushed all the way up to her ears. Her behaviour was making my heart feel like it might burst.

I’m not just pining for her anymore…

I still find myself wondering if it’s just a one-sided crush, but Takizawa’s actions are calming my heart. The hand she was holding was thumping loudly. I couldn’t tell anymore whether it was my heartbeat or hers.

“Takizawa, I want to kiss you—”
“Endo-san, you’re being silly. We’re outside.”
“Then, when we get home…”
“I’ll think about it.”

Takizawa buried half her face in her scarf and looked straight ahead. Knowing that I might be able to touch her when we got back home made the whole point of going on a date together suddenly feel beside the point. As a result, I couldn’t focus on shopping at all.

“Endo-san, you’re spacing out too much.”
“Sorry.”
“And you apologise too much.”
“S-sor-…”

　My words were cut off by Takizawa’s thumb. She traced my lips with his finger.

“Ta-Takizawa…”
“Hmph. You’re really weird, Endo-san. Aren’t you having fun?”
“I am. I am… I’m just so happy and it’s making me giddy.”
“I see. Listen, I’ve been thinking I’d like to get one of those pancake makers. I’d like to go and have a look.”
“Why do you want one?”
“Because I want to make something together to eat with you, Endo-san.”

　Takizawa wouldn’t look at me. Yet today, she kept holding my hand the whole time. Even though it was just that, I felt as though my heart was crumbling to pieces.

　With a gentle atmosphere still lingering between us, we decided to have lunch.