#46: Shall We Dance? / ep.3
“…That concludes the basic waltz routine. If you repeat it, you should be able to fool people who know nothing about ballroom dancing. Anyone who genuinely practises it will see through you immediately, of course.”
The instant Shandy released the closed position, where their right sides had been pressed together, Mikoto collapsed hard onto the studio floor.
Her legs were trembling. Her knees had turned to jelly. Having used muscles she never normally used, a dull lactic ache had begun to spread through her body. She would certainly be sore the next day.
“My, my. Did I whirl you about a little too much?”
“I-I can’t… How are you so completely fine?”
“I have experience. It isn’t as though there were any lifts involved.”
Somehow, Shandy produced a sketchpad and began explaining every step in meticulous detail. A series of little drawings, apparently representing feet, ran across the page.
The natural turn Mikoto had first danced was actually followed by a spin turn, together making the six-beat natural spin turn. This turned their direction one hundred and eighty degrees from where they had started, leading into the next movement.
“In a waltz, you travel in an anti-clockwise circle around the room. The beginner’s sequence uses the natural spin turn to change direction, then restores it with a reverse turn, a whisk, and a chasse from promenade position. Then you return to the natural spin turn and repeat. Do you understand?”
“Oooh…”
“Well, that is only natural. I am cramming a great deal into this because we need you ready for the event in one week.”
Mikoto understood none of what Shandy had said. When Shandy suggested a break, the two leaned against the wall and looked across the studio. At the far end, Sanae had at last graduated from holding on while standing. Now, with Kuze Fumika as her partner, she was carefully learning the same steps Shandy had taught Mikoto, one movement at a time.
The teaching styles were completely different. Shandy had seemed to be teaching seriously, but she had apparently only been playing with Mikoto. As Mikoto lowered her shoulders in weary resignation, Shandy glanced at Sanae’s hesitant steps and laughed softly.
“Really, Sanae-san is so competitive.”
“You are alike, you know. Do you dislike each other because you are so similar?”
“Are we similar?”
Those crescent-moon eyes seemed to ask, How rude, and Mikoto could not help laughing. Even Shandy’s occasional unguarded expressions, so different from her freely wilful and meticulously polite exterior, were dear to her.
“I think you are alike. Capable, proud, competitive. Neither of you can say what you really feel honestly.”
“Hm? What could you possibly understand about me?”
“I will prove it. That is you hiding your embarrassment.”
“Oh? Perhaps I am only acting.”
“You speak as though even your love for me is an act. After we have loved each other so much?”
“Do you think I truly love Mikoto-san?”
“You still enjoy wrapping yourself in mystery.”
“You said you would love me including the mysteries.”
“…I do love you.”
Whenever Mikoto tried to match Shandy in this exchange of sweet, suggestive words, she lost. All she could do was lean her shoulder against Shandy’s and answer without speaking.
The warmth through Shandy’s right shoulder and her orange scent were pleasant.
“My, my. Have you gone completely soft?”
“Do not make me say it…”
“Come here.”
Shandy slowly drew Mikoto close. Mikoto wanted to laugh at the self she had been only last month, the one who had claimed she lacked resolve.
She loved Shandy this much. She had fallen this deeply in love with her. And she had never built love like this with anyone before.
“I have made you too drunk on me. Shall we try a little sharp-tasting love for a change?”
“I want to be drunk on you a little longer…”
“Hehe. I am happy, but…”
Shandy suddenly pushed Mikoto back and stood. Her amber eyes looking down at Mikoto were crescent moons as she said, in a testing tone:
“I will tell you one of my secrets. Why I can dance ballroom.”
“Er… Are you sure? Without a game?”
“Yes. It is a small prank of mine. I want to see proof that you love only me.”
“Is that not too suspicious? I love you this—”
Shandy’s forefinger stopped the lips about to say much.
“I do not trust words. Words can be decorated however one pleases.”
“Then what am I meant to do? Swear it again with a kiss?”
“No.”
Laughing mischievously, Shandy began to dance in front of Mikoto. Even after so many steps, and even after Mikoto had stepped on her foot during practice, Shandy’s legs were still perfectly fine.
Naturally. She had experience. But why did Shandy have that experience? And why was telling Mikoto the secret a prank?
As though answering Mikoto’s question, Shandy spoke.
“Do you remember why Fumika-chan stopped dancing ballroom?”
“She said it was because she separated from her partner.”
“What would you do if I told you that partner was me?”
“Eh…”
Shandy smiled quietly.
Kuze Fumika. A woman who had been Shandy’s junior at Hotel Maverick. Strong enough to carry Mikoto, and knowledgeable enough to teach various dances to active idols.
At once, Mikoto remembered that night in Yokohama.
The Cheshire Cat.
A woman Alice had once loved, who had left Alice’s side. When Mikoto had awoken in the hotel room, the first thing she had asked Fumika was whether she was the Cheshire Cat. Fumika had denied it.
But—
Ordinarily, someone called “the Cheshire Cat” would ask what on earth that meant before denying it. Immediate denial was strange.
“…Wait. Then Kuze-san is the Cheshire Cat…?”
“Hehe.”
Mikoto instinctively tried to read Shandy’s expression. All she found on her porcelain face was an unreadable smile. In an instant, doubt covered the happiness in Mikoto’s heart.
“Shandy-sa—”
“Fumika-chan, shall we show our beginners an example? Some ballroom dancing between you and me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I have missed being held in your arms.”
Fumika released Sanae, whom she had been steadying, and put her arms around Shandy.
What sprouted in Mikoto’s heart was—
“…No.”
—nausea.
The feeling of seeing the woman she loved held in another person’s arms. Its ugly, burning core was a fierce sense of loss. And jealousy towards Fumika.
“Senpai’s character is too awful. You will be hated if you do things like this.”
“Do not find fault with how I love.”
“Honestly…”
Mikoto did not even hear the words between them. She could not take her eyes from the former pair, leader and partner, as they drew close.
Fumika’s hand linked with Shandy’s. Her arm came around Shandy’s shoulder. Their bodies touched in closed position. Shandy’s body arched beautifully.
The posture was different from the waltz she had danced with Mikoto moments before.
It was like two former lovers meeting again and rekindling their feelings.
“Akari-san, give us the rhythm. Ninety BPM, three-four time.”
At Fumika’s instruction, Hida Akari clapped and repeated the rhythm: “One, two, three.”
From the preparatory movement, their feet moved in unison. This natural spin turn bore no resemblance to Mikoto’s unsteady steps. Held by Fumika, Shandy swayed boldly and gracefully, and Mikoto could not look away.
“No, I don’t want this…”
It was only ballroom dancing. Only ballroom dancing.
But Fumika might have been the Cheshire Cat Shandy had once loved. The moment Mikoto thought that, her chest hurt. There were only so many words she could find.
The choreography continued from a reverse turn to a whisk. Shandy danced elegantly, as though intoxicated. She did not meet Mikoto’s gaze. She looked only at Fumika, the leader of the pair.
All Mikoto could hear was the merciless waltz rhythm of “one, two, three”. She could not hear their conversation at all.
“I do not know what you told Kurosu-san, but I cannot watch this. Let us stop.”
“Since when have you been entitled to interfere in my business?”
“That is why the Cheshire Cat ran from you. You never listen.”
“I do not want to love someone who would run away.”
“Love is not something you should test.”
“I test it.”
“…You are a pitiful woman!”
Fumika lifted Shandy’s body. While Sanae and the others let out admiring sounds, Shandy showed no surprise. She clung to Fumika and spun beautifully through the air.
Large tears spilled from Mikoto’s eyes.
The lift ended and their steps stopped. Shandy’s profile, smiling like a girl in love, blurred behind Mikoto’s tears.
Fumika spoke.
“…Why not consider the feelings of the person you test, even a little?”
“Thank you for your advice. But I refuse.”
“Honestly…”
Still laughing quietly, Shandy walked towards Mikoto. Mikoto lowered her face, not wanting Shandy to see her tears. A voice came from above.
“How was it? A lovely dance between experienced partners.”
“…”
“Hehe. Was it so lovely that you have lost your words? Or…”
Shandy’s hand came down upon Mikoto’s head. Usually it would be a cherished caress, but now it was sharp and painful.
“Were you sad because you thought I had been taken from you?”
“…!”
Mikoto realised. Shandy had understood exactly what she was doing. She had placed suspicion on Fumika as the Cheshire Cat, then danced with her. And she had worn that expression of longing, the expression she had shown only to Mikoto.
“…Was that your intention from the beginning?”
“From the beginning of what?”
“Do not pretend you do not know!”
She shouted. Though she loved Shandy, she rejected her.
Because what Shandy had done was—
“…You tested whether I really loved you, didn’t you!? You used Kuze-san!”
Shandy said nothing. Tears blurred Mikoto’s vision so badly that she could not see her face.
“You pretended to dance with a former lover in front of me! Like that…”
“Mikoto-san, I—”
“I can’t believe anything said by someone who tries to test another person’s feelings!”
Mikoto ran back to the changing room. She shoved everything from her locker inside, then stormed out of Kariya Lesson Studio still in her dance clothes.
Her happiness vanished like mist. No matter how deeply she loved Shandy, the trust she had placed in her shattered so easily because Shandy had tested that love.
There was only a missed call from Sanae on her phone. No calls from Shandy.
It’s over.
All strength left her body. Near Nakameguro, she sat on the pavement and watched the crowds and stream of cars go by. There was still no call from Shandy.
“Hehehe. What are you doing somewhere like this, pretty lady? Want to have some fun with me?”
Mikoto looked up.
The pick-up artist lifting the mask that covered their nose and mouth was laughing loudly.
“Do not do confusing things, Kotone…”
Sanae was quietly furious. Not because the lesson had been ruined. Not because her dancing had been laughed at by Fumika’s students and, of all people, Toko.
She was furious at what the woman called Shandy had done.
“Hehe. It has been a while since we had a reflection meeting at an izakaya. Server, one beer, please.”
“Don’t talk rubbish! Do you understand what you did!?”
“Eh, Sanae? Kansai dialect?”
Yanase Sanae: a woman born and raised in Osaka.
Her standard Japanese was usually held in place by iron self-control. But when she was truly furious, Kansai dialect slipped out. A rage she had not even shown when she rose up to save Toko was now directed at the selfish Shandy before her.
“My, Sanae-san is very passionate today. It suits you better.”
“I don’t care! You tested Kurosu-san, didn’t you? Fumika-san told me everything. You lied about being an old lover and made her anxious! You meant to make her jealous and make sure she really loved you, didn’t you!?”
“So what?”
“You, honestly…!”
“C-calm down, Sanae! You cannot hit her!”
Thanks to Toko stepping in to stop her, Sanae regained some degree of calm. She lowered her raised fist and glared at the odious woman before her.
Shandy was smiling.
“…I lost my composure. In any case, what you did was far too cruel. Anyone who saw Kurosu-san’s attitude could easily see that she loves you.”
“Oh? I wonder.”
“This is not your bar. I will not let you smooth it over with mystery. You are awful. The worst kind of woman.”
Shandy’s temple twitched. Even she had apparently taken offence.
“If you are going to speak that way, then let me say this: you have nothing to do with Mikoto-san and me.”
“I do! I support Miko-Sha!”
“Toko, please be quiet. You are making this more complicated.”
Moving the sulking Toko aside for the moment, Sanae asked:
“…Why did you test Kurosu-san?”
“I have no obligation to answer.”
The medium beer Shandy had ordered arrived. As though Sanae’s words did not matter in the least, Shandy reached for its handle.
At that moment, Sanae stopped her hand.
“Then let us have a game.”
“Oh? A game with Sanae-san. What sort of game would you like?”
“If I can drain this draft beer in one go, you will answer my question.”
“But Sanae cannot drink! And downing drinks is—”
“Toko, be quiet. It is a matter of resolve!”
Toko tried to stop her out of concern. It was true that Sanae was weak with alcohol. Even alcohol in chocolates could make her feel ill, never mind a can of beer.
Even so, she had to make the woman before her pay. She had to make Shandy reflect.
“Can you really do that? Little Sanae-chan who cannot even drink cocktails?”
“What will you do? Take the wager, or tuck your tail between your legs and run home?”
“…Go ahead. I bet you spit it out halfway through.”
“Fine. Here I go!”
Gripping the handle, Sanae stared at the amber surface. She hated the smell of alcohol. The smell alone made her feel sick. Still, Sanae made her decision.
She was doing this for those two. To somehow tie together the bond between Mikoto and Shandy, which had begun to fray and break.
“Hehe.”
“Sanae…”
Bitter, awful, bitter, awful, bitter, awful. It was hard to breathe. She felt like vomiting.
She poured the amber carbonation down her throat in one gulp. Beer could not be tasted. It was meant to be enjoyed for the way it went down the throat. So Sanae held the glass firmly, keeping it off her tongue and pouring directly down.
The freezing liquid travelled down her throat. It hurt a little. The carbonated sting tickled her throat.
But… wait?
“Phew!”
“Wow! That was amazing, Sanae! Since when could you drink beer?”
“I-I don’t know… But it is actually a little delicious…”
Sanae understood, a little, why office workers drank beer. The bitterness, foulness, and pain numbed their senses and emotions. That way, they could forget daily stress and swallow it down.
“Cough… So? This is my resolve!”
“M-my…”
Shandy’s eyes opened wide, as though dumbfounded. Seeing the unpleasant woman finally show a human emotion, Sanae felt victory was hers.
“Talk. Why did you test Kurosu-san?”
“…Could that perhaps have been non-alcoholic beer?”
“You ordered it yourself! Answer honestly!”
“Haa… All right…”
Shandy’s face made her irritation plain.
“I tested Mikoto-san because I wanted to know whether she loved me, including my lies.”
“That is a lie.”
“Oh, how cruel. You cannot trust me that much?”
Sanae had seen through it. This liar was merely afraid.
“I hear you have told Kurosu-san very little. That you carry many mysteries.”
“Yes. Mysteries are an accessory that adorns a woman.”
“Is there a past you do not want known so badly?”
“What sort of past do you think I have?”
“You cover yourself with lies because you do not want Kurosu-san to know. Your true self.”
“…”
Shandy fell silent. But she could not be trusted. It was possible that this woman only performed silence, appearing to have been struck at her core.
A histrionic personality. Someone who never brought her true feelings to light.
“To state my conclusion: you truly love Kurosu Mikoto.”
“Yes. That is true.”
“But you carry a vast number of secrets. And you are afraid that if they come to light, Kurosu-san will leave your side.”
“Exactly. Scary, isn’t it?”
Shandy laughed quietly and made a little interjection. She was irritating to the very end.
Even so, Sanae’s reasoning was reaching the heart of it.
“You continued lying, and became unable to trust anyone’s words.”
“…And?”
“Because you cannot trust words, you wanted certain proof of love.”
“…”
“That is why you shook Kurosu-san’s heart to make sure she loved you.”
“…I understand. Stop.”
“I will not. This is a good opportunity. Reflect on what you have done.”
The politeness had left her speech. Shandy’s amber eyes had lost their brightness. Her smile was gone; her face had become stiff.
“You pretended Fumika-san was your former lover. You performed being in love with expressions and gestures you would probably show only to Kurosu-san. If Kurosu-san became jealous or sad, you could confirm her love.”
“Sanae, wait. Shandy-san… She’s crying…”
“…”
Large tears spilled from Shandy’s eyes.
If even this were an act, it would be impressive. Sanae had never dealt with someone this difficult. She could only corner her by feeling her way forward.
Sanae could not help thinking that Kurosu Mikoto had done remarkably well to win a woman this formidable.
“…In the end, as you intended, Kurosu-san became jealous. But she was wiser than you expected. No, perhaps you had trained her to be wiser. She realised that all of it was your scheme.”
Shandy was a truly awful woman.
But at the same time, she was a pitiful one.
“…Please trust Kurosu-san. There is no person in this world more suited to accepting you than she is.”
“Yes! We support you! Miko-Sha or Sha-Miko, I do not care. I only want to see the two of you happy.”
“…Were we a suitable couple?”
Crying, Shandy asked it. Her words and behaviour made everything difficult to judge, but Sanae thought this was not an act. If it was, she wanted to leave and have nothing to do with Shandy ever again.
“Go back to being the lovey-dovey idiots who suit each other. Only that woman could love a spiteful, needling bitch like you.”
“That is cruel… You will make me cry…”
“If even those tears are a lie, I will entrust Kurosu-san to that woman — Shirai-san, was it? — instead.”
“…Do you think you could? Do you think Mikoto-san could ever love Rinko-san?”
Was she seeking reassurance, or provoking her?
Sanae disliked women who could not be straightforward. It would be easier if everyone were as clear as Toko, she thought.
“…Nothing can come between the two of you, as long as you stop testing her love.”
“…”
“Why not face her honestly already? I do not know what secrets you carry, and I do not want to know. But she will accept them.”
“She was completely devoted to you, just like you are to me, Sanae.”
“That was unnecessary.”
The yakitori they had ordered arrived. Picking at her favourite chicken-and-leek skewers, Sanae tried a small amount of the sake Toko had ordered. This could be delicious too.
But—
“Mmm…”
Sanae’s consciousness drifted far away. Chugging alcohol she never normally drank had brought on an overwhelming drowsiness.
“Sanae? Sanae? Are you all right?”
“She is only asleep. This is not a situation that needs an ambulance.”
“Really?”
“I know how to recognise an intoxicated person. Trust me.”
“…Can I trust what Shandy-san says?”
“Hehe. I will not say ‘Who knows?’ this time. Trust me. Your wife has only fallen asleep for a while.”
“What a relief…”
Shandy looked from Sanae’s sleeping face to Toko’s worried one and murmured:
“…May I become the kind of partner you two are?”