Episode 92: After the Family Meeting (2)

I felt a discomfort in my eyes that wasn’t quite pain, and my consciousness began to clear. I gradually relaxed the tense muscles in my eyelids and opened my eyes.
Takizawa was right in front of me.
Was I dreaming or something…?

‘Wake up, Endo-san.’

She tugged sharply at my cheek. I felt embarrassed that she’d seen my silly, half-asleep face, and I was instantly wide awake. I usually get up early in the morning, but for once, I hadn’t woken up.

‘Why is Takizawa in my bed?’
‘Endo-san, I’m hungry. Let’s make breakfast together.’

She completely ignored what I said, got out of bed and walked out of the room.

My heart was racing from the moment I woke up. Even though Takizawa was no longer in the room, my heart wouldn’t stop pounding.
　Takizawa had said we should cook together. To make sure that wasn’t just brushed aside, I hurried out of bed and headed for the living room.

When I looked at the table in the living room, glasses and chopsticks had already been laid out. I glanced at the clock; it was nine o’clock.
I usually get up around seven, even on days when I don’t have school, so I was surprised at myself.

‘Sorry for getting up so late…’
‘I bought some bread from the convenience store. Is it OK if I toast it?’
‘I’ll do it.’

　Takizawa had said she was hungry. She could have easily eaten on her own first, but I was touched by the fact that she’d gone to the trouble of preparing everything and waiting for me.

‘Thanks for buying it. I’ll take it from here, so just sit down.’
　I guided her into the living room and got on with preparing breakfast. Takizawa seemed to be waiting patiently, watching the telly. That made me happy, and preparing breakfast became a joy.

　It shouldn’t have been getting hot, but as I watched the red light on the toaster, I felt a tingling heat building up in my face. Before my face got burnt, I took the bread out of the toaster, spread butter and jam on it, brought out the leftover soup from yesterday, and finished getting everything ready.

“Let’s eat.”

　Takizawa was eating her breakfast politely, her hands clasped together. Not wanting to be outdone, I whispered “Let’s eat” and clasped my hands too.

　In summer, just hearing the cicadas chirping makes me feel as though I’m about to break out in a sweat, and it completely saps my concentration.

　I couldn’t sleep at all last night.
　Takizawa said, ‘When I go to university, it’d be fine if I lived with you.’ She told me straight after that it was a joke, but I can’t help but get my hopes up.
　Yesterday, I wanted to sleep next to Takizawa, but I kept my distance because I didn’t know what I might do if I got any closer to her.

　There’s nothing I can trust less than my own rationality.
I just want to touch Takizawa all the time.

Still, perhaps I should have just gone to sleep with her like that yesterday and made a move.
Then, I might have been able to find out how Takizawa feels, and I might have been able to tell her how I feel too.

…………

No, I think yesterday turned out just fine as it was.

‘Takizawa, do you have any plans today?’
‘I’ve got a tutoring job, Miumi-chan.’
‘What time does it start?’
‘Six o’clock.’
‘In that case, would you mind coming shopping with me this morning? And I’d like to study with you this afternoon.’
‘Why? You could just go shopping on your own.’

　What Takizawa is saying isn’t wrong, but those cold words sting my heart.

‘I want to buy some stationery, so could you come with me for a bit?’
‘Endo-san, you’ve been making a lot of demands since yesterday.’

She’s absolutely right.
Yesterday, I stopped Takizawa when she was about to go home. And today, I’m trying to get her to come shopping with me without even having made a proper plan.
My desire to be with Takizawa has become too strong. Speaking without considering how Takizawa feels, I really am selfish and a right wretch.

‘I’m sorry…’

I couldn’t think of anything to say other than an apology. I glanced at Takizawa and our eyes met; she let out a deep sigh.

‘…I need to buy a notebook too, so let’s go to the stationery shop.’

Hearing Takizawa say that, the gloom that had been weighing on me just a moment ago lifted instantly. She might have really hated it, but I was still happy that she was putting up with my whims.

‘Hehe, thank you.’

　Trying to suppress the grin of delight spreading across my face, I looked at Takizawa. She was her usual expressionless self, but I thought I saw the faintest of smiles?

　The shopping centre in summer was overflowing with children on their summer holidays. We made our way through the crowds and, upon reaching the stationery shop we were looking for, Takizawa quickly bought a notebook.

　As I went to pay, a mechanical pencil with a picture of a polar bear caught my eye.
That polar bear looked just like the one on the keyring hanging from my bag, the one I’d bought to match Takizawa’s.

“Cute…”

Perhaps she’d heard my muttered remark, because Takizawa said, “Why don’t you buy it?” There’s no way I could use something so childish.

‘Endo-san, you really do love polar bears, don’t you?’
‘They’re cute, aren’t they?’
‘The moving polar bear was certainly cute.’

　Those words brought back memories of that day.
　I remember it very clearly; not just the animal, of course, but Takizawa’s happy face is something I still cannot forget.

　I want to make Takizawa happy again.
　How can I make her happy? I still haven’t found a way to please Takizawa. I thought I’d like to find that way, even if it’s just a little at a time.

Having finished buying what we’d set out to get, we decided to leave the shopping centre. An advertisement for a fireworks festival was posted on the noticeboard at the exit, and we stopped in our tracks.

Last year, I caused Takizawa a lot of trouble on the day of the fireworks festival.
To avoid bumping into anyone from school, we went to a festival a bit further away, but I ended up with blisters on my feet and, in the end, couldn’t watch the fireworks.

　I want to watch the fireworks with Takizawa—

However, given what happened last year, I felt it would be difficult for me to ask her myself. During last summer’s festival, Takizawa had said that watching them could wait until another time. I’m hoping she might still remember that.

‘…Are you going to the fireworks festival?’

At that unexpected question, I could suddenly feel my heart beating.

‘No, nobody’s asked me, so I’m not going at the moment.’

Up until last year, Nao and Akari used to ask me, but since we’ve been in different classes, I’ve grown distant from them. It’s not that I feel lonely about it, and I’m actually glad I’m in the same class as Takizawa now, but it really makes me realise just how fleeting human relationships can be.

“……Shall we go and watch?”
“Huh?”
“Never mind if you don’t want to.”

　Takizawa started striding ahead, so I hurriedly grabbed her arm.

“It’s not that! I thought you might not want to go with me anymore because I caused you so much trouble last year… and also, since it’s a local festival, there’ll be people from school there, so I thought you might not like that. I… I want to go with you.”

I held my breath, not knowing how she would respond.

“We’re just friends, after all, so it wouldn’t be strange for us to be at the festival together, would it? Last year, you were looking forward to it but couldn’t see them, Endo-san. I thought it might be nice if we could see the fireworks this year…”

　Takizawa didn’t even look at me; she just hurried off ahead. I broke into a run to keep up with her and walked alongside her.

My heart wouldn’t stop pounding. It kept pounding away, as if pleading with me.

I was so happy that Takizawa had asked me to go with her. That made me happier than anything else, and even though we were outside, I couldn’t help but smile.

The warmth in my chest didn’t subside for the rest of the day.