Episode Eleven: First Kiss ―June 2033―

I understand my own lips hold no particular value.

Yet it was undeniably my first kiss.

However, rather than being moved by the sudden loss of that feeling or my emotions towards Uehara-san, I was utterly flustered by the fact that, despite my position as a teacher, I had kissed a student.

　Everything I had cultivated as a teacher – my pride, my sense of responsibility, everything – collapsed in a single instant.

Guilt was crushing my chest. Normally, I should have immediately attended to her mental state after such an action, but pathetically, I was in a daze.

“I… I’m sorry…!”

Uehara-san finally seemed to snap back to her senses, her face pale as she pulled away from my lips.

“…I… I didn’t mean for it to be like this… I… I didn’t want to trouble you, Sensei…”

Uehara-san appeared deeply shaken. Though I myself was terribly unsettled, I had to prioritise reassuring her above all else.

“I… I don’t mind. Everyone loses control of their emotions sometimes.”

My fatal flaw surfaced right here, right now. Saying “I don’t mind” was tantamount to saying Uehara-san’s kiss was a trivial matter, not something that could shake my heart.

As words of reassurance, they were hopelessly inept. Uehara-san’s expression darkened further.

“…But what I most want to apologise for isn’t the kiss…”

I found myself holding my breath. A single tear was streaming from her large eyes.

“…I’m sorry. Saying things like ‘If it were you, Sensei, you’d consider your student’s feelings more’… Knowing your character, I used cowardly words…”

Her regret and remorse ran so deep she was using honorifics she normally wouldn’t.

　Seeing Uehara-san cry felt like being sliced open with a blade, such was the intensity of the pain. Because she was someone incredibly important to me.

Yes, important… as a student.

I drew a quiet, deep breath. So my voice wouldn’t tremble when I spoke these crucial words.

“I think you’re very kind, Uehara-san, to worry about me when you’re suffering. But when you’re suffering… please just think about yourself.”

It was agonising. My lungs, my head, my heart – just trying to utter these words felt like they were demanding to shut down, tormenting me.

But I had to say it. If it were affection as a teacher, I wouldn’t spare any effort in giving it freely.

　But I—I cannot give her the kind of love she desires.

“I… cannot reciprocate your feelings, Uehara-san. …I cannot see you as a romantic interest.”

“…Is that because I’m your student? Or because I’m a woman?”

Whatever I said would hurt her now. Fearful that hiding something would only make me slip up and say more than I intended, I fell silent.

“…I understand. It’s alright…”

Uehara-san lifted her face, still wet with tears.

“Seeing Mum become obsessed with a man… made me afraid to like anyone for so long… But liking you… made me finally think love could be nice… Yet I couldn’t control my feelings, troubling you, losing control of myself… In the end, I was just like Mum.”

　Just listening to her voice, slowly and quietly weaving her words, made my chest ache. And yet, it was none other than me who had hurt her this deeply.

“That’s not true. Uehara-san is Uehara-san. You’re not like your mother.”

It was a heartfelt statement, but I knew full well my words wouldn’t reach her anymore.

“…It’s painful… that my love became something that only caused trouble for the person I liked, all because I was so wrapped up in myself…! If this is how it feels… then I wish I’d never known what it was like to like someone…!”

Ignoring my words, which were never meant to be comforting, Uehara-san left the classroom.

Chasing after her would have been irresponsible; someone like me could never have done such a thing.

　After Uehara-san left, the classroom felt astonishingly empty, as if she’d taken every last shred of emotion with her.

I stood rooted to the spot for a while.

I felt profoundly sorry that I’d made her utter those words, her face which had once lit up when she spoke of knowing love.