Episode 84: Preparing for the Family Meeting (1)

After going to watch Endo-san’s retirement match, the summer holidays began straight away. Since retiring from the club, Endo-san has been throwing herself into her studies almost every day.

Miumi-chan’s weekly tutoring job has resumed, but on the other days I’m either at the library or studying for my entrance exams at Endo-san’s house, so it feels as though I’m spending almost all my time with Endo-san. It feels strange to be spending so much time with Endo-san even though it’s the summer holidays.

‘Takizawa, I’m stuck here…’

　She comes to me like this whenever she’s stuck, and we work through it, but she gets so absorbed in her studies that she hardly takes a break, which makes me a bit worried.

‘Endo-san, exam preparation is important, but you’ve been studying almost non-stop since you retired, haven’t you? Why don’t you take a breather every now and then?’

‘I’m anxious about my current grades. But you’re right, Takizawa. ‘Right then, we’ll have a sleepover study session at my place this Saturday.’

Huh??

I told her to take a break, yet she’s planning to study for a whole day. I don’t even understand why it has to be a sleepover in the first place.

‘I told you to take a break, though.’

Even though I’m speaking in a grumpy tone, Endo-san is all smiles.

‘Just being with you, Takizawa, is my break.’
“I don’t get it.”
“Hehe, that slightly flustered look on your face is cute, Takizawa.”

My heart starts pounding at Endo-san’s words. I’m not used to being called cute, so I don’t know how to respond in situations like this.

Lately, being around Endo-san makes me feel like it’s bad for my insides, so I should turn down the sleepover. It’s the summer holidays and my older sister is coming home, so I’ll just make up some excuse and say no.

“My sister’s coming home, and I need to talk to my family about university plans, so it’s a bit difficult for me to stay over.”

“Well then, why don’t you ask Mayo-san to come over also? She said last time she stayed over that she wanted to prepare for the talk with Takizawa’s family this summer, so why not use this as a chance to sort that out too?”

That’s not what I meant.

But when it comes to this, Endo-san absolutely won’t back down.
　Why does it always turn out like this… I shouldn’t have told her to take a break. I sighed and decided to give up.

　＊＊＊

Lately, one more worry has been added to my list.
During the summer holidays, my sister will be staying at our family home for a while, so Hikari-san will be coming too. But I don’t know what my parents would say if she stayed at our house for such a long time, so it’s been decided that Hikari-san will stay at Endo-san’s house.

Endo-san and Hikari-san, alone together every day…

Since Hikari-san is dating Mayo-nee, I don’t think she’ll do anything strange to Endo-san, but I simply hated the idea of anyone else being at Endo-san’s house with her.

I’ve been feeling rather conflicted lately.

Being with Endo-san makes me ache, and yet I want to be with her. So I’m jealous of Hikari-san, who gets to be with her all the time. It’s not fair… The thought of Hikari-san eating Endo-san’s cooking, seeing the unguarded side of her, I didn’t like it.

“Are you jealous of Hikari?”
“Why would I be.”
“You made quite a face just now when Hikari headed over to Hina-chan’s place. I wish our parents weren’t so strict…”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m jealous of Hina-chan, you know.”

Why? Does Mayo-nee feel the same way, like she doesn’t like it either? As I looked puzzled, my sister smiled gently and answered.

‘It’s because I love Hikari. I trust her, and it’s not that I’m suspicious of her, but I just want to spend more time with her. I’m fine with being the only one who knows about Hikari’s private life, and I don’t want anyone else to know the Hikari that only I know. I’m just a petty person.’

　Mayo-nee gave a wry smile, but I shook my head, telling her that wasn’t true.

It was surprising to hear Mayo-nee, who always seemed so composed, say something like that. I suppose that’s just how much she loves Hikari-san.

…Love…

Endo-san is precious to me, and special in a way that no one else is. That’s why I think I love her. But at this point, I hadn’t yet looked deeply into what exactly that love was..

Perhaps because I looked troubled, Mayo-nee came over and gave my head a gentle pat.

‘You’re feeling a bit jealous that Hikari’s with Hina-chan, aren’t you? Like you don’t like it, right?’

When she asked me that, I honestly nodded. My sister just smiled.

I found myself wishing this Saturday would come sooner.

　＊＊＊

　Saturday arrived in the blink of an eye, and we were due to study at Endo-san’s house during the day. Hikari-san, who had been staying at Endo-san’s house, had already left, saying she was going out.

　Mayo-nee and Hikari-san were due to come to Endo-san’s house in the evening.

　Endo-san was wearing shorts and a T-shirt.
　Even though it was summer, I was wearing long sleeves. There was no particular reason; I just don’t really like wearing light clothing. However, I hate the heat, and seeing Endo-san dressed like that, I looked at her enviously, thinking she looked cool.

In the end, I’ve reached this point without knowing anything at all about which university Endo-san wants to go to or what she wants to do.

I wonder where Endo-san is going?

I used to think it was better not to ask for details, but I can’t help but wonder. The last time I asked, she said she was undecided. However, seeing her studying so hard, I think she must have decided on something.

‘—Endo, what are you going to do after you graduate?’
‘I want to be an architect, so I’m planning to apply for a degree in that field.’
‘Which university are you going to?’

　When I asked that, Endo looked troubled and said,
‘I can’t answer that right now.’

　Why won’t she tell me? Where is Endo going to go…? I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I couldn’t concentrate on my studies.

　To clear my mind of this nagging feeling, I decided to change the subject.

‘How did it go with Hikari-san?’
‘Hikari-san was actually quite nice, and we had a good time. We cooked meals together, and in the evenings we played games and cards.’

　I regretted asking.
　My heart ached.
　I’d cooked a meal with Endo-san before. It had left such an indelible impression on me that I’d never forget it, so I suppose it must have been fun. Apparently, she does that sort of thing with Hikari-san as a matter of course.

　What’s more, whilst we hardly ever did anything other than study at Endo-san’s house, it seems Hikari-san does play with her. I could tell from Endo-san’s face that he’d had a good time, and the dark mist in my chest grew thicker.

I don’t want to see or even imagine Endo-san having fun with someone else or doing things together. I want her to treat everyone else with that fake smile she used to give my friends back in our second year.

　All sorts of silly thoughts like that kept popping into my head. My older sister Mayo-nee said she was petty, but I was even more so.

The darkness swirled around inside me, and my body moved of its own accord.

“—Takizawa?”

I think I must have been gripping Endo-san’s arm, who was studying next to me, with quite a lot of force.

“Stay quiet and don’t move for a while.”
“Why…?”
“I’m teaching you, so just put up with it.”

　I think my behaviour is pretty high-handed and despicable.
　But I couldn’t stop myself right now. Endo-san fell silent, and as the tension drained from the arm I was gripping, it seemed she was going to obey me.

　I brought my face close to Endo-san’s collarbone.
　I sucked on the soft skin of her collarbone as if biting into it.

That spot turns red, proving that I’m the one who left the mark on her body. It’s the only part of Endo-san’s body that feels as though it belongs to me, and that gives me a slight sense of relief.

However, my mood doesn’t lift, so I move down a little and repeat the same thing. As I add another mark nearby, then another, Endo-san finally stops me.

‘Takizawa… that’s too many…’

Indeed, there were several red marks around Endo-san’s collarbone.

I’d made them all.

With her current outfit, there were enough of them that my sisters would worry if they came round.

I thought that would satisfy me.
But today, the fog in my chest showed no sign of lifting.

　If only Endo-san wouldn’t get on so well with anyone other than me… At the very least, I wish he’d be the lying Endo-san to everyone else.

“—I didn’t say you could speak.”

　Saying that, I did the same thing to the nape of Endo-san’s neck. I thought it would be good if it left a strong, lasting mark.

“Takizawa… it hurts…”

　I had unconsciously bitten the red mark over and over. I think it must have hurt quite a bit, as there were teeth marks left behind. Yet, the distinct red mark left on her neck reassured me.

“Just shut up, will you?”

　I covered Endo-san’s mouth, which wouldn’t stay shut.
　It’s Endo-san’s fault for talking even though I told her to be quiet. Thinking that, I slid my tongue between Endo-san’s soft lips, craving more of her heat.

　Endo-san is obedient.
　She didn’t keep quiet, but she didn’t resist or try to move away from me. I wanted to stay like this forever, but I’d been so caught up in the moment that I’d forgotten to breathe, and it became uncomfortable, so we pulled apart. Endo-san’s expression had turned grim.

“You idiot, Takizawa… If we carry on like this, Mayu-san and Hikari-san will find us, and if they do, those two will definitely ask questions.”

　Endo-san looked troubled, as if she disliked the idea. I might be a terrible person, but I thought it would be fine if the red mark was found. Then perhaps Hikari-san wouldn’t get close to Endo-san anymore.

　As I kept staring at the mark I’d left, Endo said she was going to get changed and left the room, leaving only me, still feeling unsettled, alone in the room.