11th January. Friday.
I slowly rise from the bed, careful not to wake the adorable girl I adore sleeping beside me.
I open the curtains just a crack to check the weather outside.
Hmm.
Clear skies. A blue sky so pleasant it lifts the spirits.

Yesterday was clear too.
The day before that was equally cloudless.
　8th January.
Since that rainy day, it’s been nothing but clear skies.

Just like my heart.
From the 8th January onwards, I became free.
The ‘emotions’ that had been shackled by the chains of ‘Father’ and sealed away by my past memories no longer needed to be suppressed. I can laugh from the bottom of my heart, cry, and get angry.
All of this is thanks to Mashiro.
　It’s all thanks to the girl still sleeping peacefully in bed.

Because she broke ‘that thing’, I am who I am today.

Ah.

So the light really is…

You.

◇　　☆　　◇

“Good morning, Mashiro.”

The person I love sits up in bed.
She stares blankly into space.
Even those sleepy eyes are precious.

“……… Mm.”

Mashiro looks at me and nods.

“It’s sunny again today. What shall we do? Fancy going out for a date?”

At my question, Mashiro stares not at me, but at the curtains.
I understand her intention and pull the curtains wide open.
Leaving the lace curtains in place, the moment the light-blocking effect is lost, sunlight floods the room.

“……”

Mashiro shook her head.
Oh dear.
Today too, then.

“Don’t you want to go out?”

Mashiro gave a slight nod.

“I don’t want to go out…”

She sat on the bed, hugging her knees.

Why?

　Ever since the eighth of January, every day has been sparkling and joyful for me.
But since that day, Mashiro stopped smiling. Far from smiling, she stopped reacting to anything, stopped changing her expression.
Her blank face made her seem like a glass doll that would shatter at the slightest touch.

Lately, I’ve been thinking.

Mashiro has become transparent.

“Oh, I see. …Well then, what shall we do in the room today?”

But I like this transparent Mashiro too.
I like her so much. I love her. I adore her.
I don’t know why she suddenly discarded her emotions, what caused it. But as long as Mashiro stays by my side in the end, no matter what she becomes. That’s enough for me.

I speak with a smile.

Games are fun too, so that’s definitely an option.
　Read manga? Novels are fine too, but you seem to like difficult novels, Mashiro, so ideally manga or magazines would be best.
Oh, come to think of it, I recently downloaded a new table tennis game app on my phone.
This one seems to have multiplayer too, so shall we play this?
Ahaha, it ends up being a game anyway.

I try suggesting various things.
But what you can do inside the room is limited.

“………I’m hungry.”

　Transparent Mashiro murmurs.
It’s a word from her, who rarely speaks anymore.
I catch it without missing a beat.

“Right. Let’s have breakfast first, then think about the rest later, shall we?”

I take her hand.
Almost as if caring for her. I gently pull that hand, helping her stand.
Slowly, I lead her, opening the room door.

I step out into the corridor.

　Then I felt a hand tugging at my back.

Ah, not again.

“Mashiro?”
“N-no. I don’t want to. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to go out! I don’t want to go out!”
“H-hold on, Mashiro, calm down.”
“Haa, haa, haa!”

Mashiro clutched her chest, breathing heavily, her back hunched in distress.
Overwhelmed by hyperventilation, she finally dropped to her knees and crouched on the floor.

　………。

Ever since that day, Mashiro occasionally becomes like this.
She’ll face an empty space and repeatedly say “I’m sorry”, or before leaving the room,
she frequently panics like this.

And when that happens, ultimately, there’s only one action she takes—

“Mashiro, where are you going?”

She approaches her study desk.
And, as usual, she picks it up.

　Scissors with a black handle.

Mashiro takes off her pyjama top.
She rolls up the sleeves of her undershirt, baring her arm.

“Again? Honestly, it’s painful to watch, you know.”

She presses the blades of the scissors she holds against her exposed left arm, digging them in.

And then.

She pulls back with force.

　Blood gushed from the gaping wound on her arm.

“Haa, haa, haa…”

It seemed today’s Mashiro wasn’t satisfied with just once; she proceeded to slash her arm twice more in the same manner.
A small pool of blood formed on the floor.
Mashiro placed the scissors, their blades now wet with blood, on her study desk.

　Feeling a bit exasperated, I still managed a smile as I asked her.

“Well? Do you feel better now?”

Mashiro’s shoulders jerked.

She looked at me.
For the first time today, it finally felt like she properly acknowledged me.
Mashiro looked at me, frightened. It stung a little.

“Ah, ah… I’m… I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Amamiya-san.”
“Eh? Why are you apologising?”
“I… I couldn’t… hold back…”
“About the self-harm?”
“Hah, hah, hah, hah! I’m… I’m… I’m sorry!”
“So why are you apologising? Sure, I was stopped from doing it by Mashiro before, but…”
“……”
“Mashiro hasn’t been stopped by anyone, has she?”

　So it’s not a bad thing.
You haven’t done anything wrong, so you don’t need to apologise.
I love Mashiro even when she’s hurt.

I spoke to her gently with affirming words.

Now I was free, I decided first to aim to be a gentle light for others, like Mashiro.

How about it? Mashiro.
I’m kind, right?

I’ll never deny anything about Mashiro.
　I’ll affirm everything about you.
I absolutely will.

I’ll become your light.

Just as you were my light, you see.

“Ama… Miyasan…”

Masahiro gazed at me, eyes brimming with tears.
Then, as if clinging to me, she reached out her hand.
Blood still flowed freely from her arm.
Should I stop the bleeding and tend to her first? But Mashiro isn’t concerned about her wounds right now; she’s seeking me out…

Yes, I’ll let Mashiro do as she wishes.

I undress beforehand, leaving only my undergarments.

Then I spread my arms wide.

“Yes, it’s alright. You want a hug, don’t you, Mashiro?”
“I-is that alright?”
“Of course. I won’t refuse Mashiro.”
“Ah, Amamiya-san…”

Finally, tears streaming down her face, Mashiro clings to me.

Usually transparent.
When emotionally unstable, she just cries like this.
Oh dear, I’d like to see Mashiro smile too.

Holding that thought, I whisper into Mashiro’s ear.

Because I know one way for transparent Mashiro to express her feelings.

“Mashiro, shall you unleash everything you’re carrying today onto my body again?”

It was a “spell” to ease her burden.
It was plain to see she’d succumb to my temptation.

“Haa, haa, haa…”

Mashiro’s breath came in ragged gasps.

I was pushed down onto the bed.

“All right. Come to me.”

I scooped up the blood flowing from her arm with my finger.
Then, as if to flaunt it before her, I licked it.

Roughly.

With violent hands.

When drowned in carnal desire, Mashiro would whisper “I love you” to me, almost like a soliloquy.

This affair has been going on since two days ago.

〇　〇　〇
Chapter Four, End