Episode 26: I Couldn’t Say Sorry
I safely put on the skirt Hanamori had lent me.
A flared skirt, not something I normally wear.
Actually, when was the last time I’d worn one? Back in school, maybe?
Since I only ever wear suit pants normally, the draft felt strange.
Checking myself in the mirror, nothing about it felt right.
But I was grateful to have something protecting me from full exposure. Genuinely grateful. Without this skirt, I’d be a criminal right about now.
“…Well then, we look forward to starting the contract from the first of next month.”
“Yes, thank you for your business.”
I bowed to the well-built executive and left the conference room.
The deal with the major client had closed successfully.
The moment we stepped out of the conference room after the meeting, my eyes met Hanamori’s.
“We did it.”
“Yeah, we did.”
Hanamori and I shared a small laugh.
Genuinely, thank god.
There’d been the major incident of the exploding pants, but the outcome had worked out fine.
I figured that must’ve used up all my bad luck for the day.
After finishing the evening dinner with the client, we started walking toward the hotel.
The first time we’d been alone together since the exchange on the shinkansen.
A night street lit by streetlamps. Hanamori walking beside me.
Somehow, it felt awkward.
Every so often, our eyes would meet.
And immediately look away from each other.
I didn’t know what to say.
Only the click of heels echoed between us.
“Hey, um, really, thank you.”
I let the words drop, quietly.
“If you hadn’t been there, I’d have been done for today.”
“…Whatever.”
Hanamori answered curtly, looking down.
“No, seriously, you really saved me. The skirt, and covering for me in the meeting too.”
“It’s just work.”
Her voice was still a little cold, after all.
Was she still mad?
“…Yeah.”
We’d made up.
We’d laughed together on the shinkansen.
But something still felt caught, unresolved.
I knew, in my heart, exactly what it was.
I hadn’t properly apologized. For the sly lie I’d blurted out in the moment.
That lie was what had hurt Hanamori.
I’d said “sorry,” but that hadn’t been a real apology.
It had just been an excuse to get through the moment.
I wanted to apologize properly. But how should I even say it.
The words stuck in my throat.
While I was caught up in that, we reached the hotel.
We got in the elevator. A space just for the two of us.
The awkward air and silence stung.
The elevator reached the third floor. The doors opened, and we stepped into the hallway.
My room was 302. Hanamori’s was 303. Right next door.
“Well, good night.”
“Good night.”
Hanamori went into her room. The door clicked shut.
The sound of the door closing rang out unusually loud.
A cramped single room. An equally cramped single bed and a small desk.
Through the window, the lights of the night city.
I showered, changed into pajamas, lay down on the bed, and turned on the TV.
A late-night variety show played. A comedian shouting something. Loud laughter. But none of it registered.
Wonder if Hanamori’s asleep already.
Or is she still up.
I remembered the joking conversation from before the trip.
“Morning to night, glued together the whole trip, right? So that means we’d be bathing together too, right?”
“It’s literally just bathing normally with a coworker. What exactly were you picturing?”
At the time, it had been a throwaway joke exchange.
But thinking back on it now, my chest stirred uneasily.
…Bath.
I wonder if she’s in the bath right now.
The moment I thought it, an image rose up in my head, unbidden.
Hanamori, taking a shower.
Wet hair.
Skin wrapped in steam.
“…!”
I shook my head.
What am I even thinking.
Gross. Genuinely gross of me.
But the image, once it had surfaced, wouldn’t fade easily.
Hanamori’s pale skin.
Slender shoulders. The round curve of her hips. And then—
Uwaaah, no, I can’t.
I buried my face in the pillow.
Of course we’d sleep in separate rooms.
We’re working professionals, just senior and junior.
Not lovers, not close friends.
Business partners.
Nothing more, nothing less. I know that.
I know it, and yet.
Why does it feel this lonely.
I found myself wanting to talk more.
What even is this feeling.
Watching the late-night variety show flicker on the TV, my consciousness started to melt away.
My eyelids grew heavy.
The clock hands were about to pass one in the morning.
Ugh, I stayed up a little too late.
Early start tomorrow too, I should really sleep soon, just as I thought that—
DING-DONG DING-DONG DING-DONG DING-DONG DING-DONG DING-DONG DING-DONG!!!!!!!
“…Eh!? Wha!? What!?”
What’s happening!?
A fire!?
A suspicious intruder, maybe!?
What could possibly be happening at one in the morning!?
Still half-asleep, I bolted upright on reflex.
The chime wouldn’t stop ringing. Who does this at this hour.
No, wait, did I do something?
Was I too loud?
Was the TV volume too high?
Even so, ringing a doorbell this violently, this repeatedly, at this hour, what kind of nerve does someone need to have.
Half irritated, half anxious, I opened the door, and what leapt into view was—
Hanamori, on the verge of tears.
Hair disheveled, face deathly pale.
In her nightwear.
A thin satin camisole with a loosely open neckline, a cardigan thrown over it.
…My eyes drifted, involuntarily, to the small mole at her collarbone.
No, wait, that’s not the point right now.
“…Eh, what’s wrong?”
My voice came out sounding dumb.
“A C-cockroach!! There’s one in my room!!!!”
Her face looked like someone returning from a war zone.
Completely in panic mode. Her eyes were glassy, on the verge of tears.
A total stranger from the cold expression she’d worn all afternoon.
“Asami-san, switch rooms with me!!”
“No, no, no, absolutely not.”
I answered instantly.
“Why not!?”
“What do you mean why, I don’t want to sleep in a room with a cockroach either.”
“Then you deal with it!!”
“I can’t!! I’m bad with them too!”
“Ehh, why are you so all-talk-no-substance!?”
“Quiet! Bad at something is bad at something!!”
“Ugh, you’re absolutely useless! If Tamura-san were here he’d handle it! Tamura-saaan!”
“Hey, keep it down! Saying that now doesn’t help anything!”
“That cockroach was definitely boss-tier!!”
“What’s ‘boss-tier’ even mean!?”
“It was huge! At least ten centimeters!!”
“Hiiiiiii.”
“And then it flew straight at me!!”
“Hiiiiii! No, absolutely not, I can’t! Sorry!! Good night!!”
I tried to close the door and flee, but Hanamori forced it back open.
“Are you seriously going to abandon your cute junior!?”
“Don’t play cute now, of all times!”
“Then what am I supposed to do!!”
“C-call the front desk?”
“Didn’t the sign say the front desk closes at midnight? I already called, no one picked up!!”
“…Ugh, you’re right.”
I hung my head.
Despair, round two.
Silence.
We stared at each other.
Hanamori’s eyes were glassy. Looking up at me with that upturned gaze.
Her usual expression is a cold glare, but right now, her eyes were pure abandoned-puppy, begging for help.
And then, a mutual sigh.
After a moment of thought, Hanamori mumbled quietly, looking down.
“…So, can I sleep in here too?”
“…Eh?”
My thoughts ground to a halt.