Episode Six: There Was No Way I Could Refuse ―June 2033―
The hectic days passed in a blur.
With each passing day, I was forced to realise, whether I liked it or not, just how clumsy and slow I was as a teacher.
Every time I acutely felt my inadequacy as an educator, I felt particularly sorry for the pupils in my charge, Class 2 of Year 1.
I might well be assigned first-year classes again next year, but for them, this first year of high school is a once-in-a-lifetime period. There absolutely must be no significant shortfall in the quality of their education.
The one thing I found most intolerable, as someone who takes pride in this job, was the notion that taking on a homeroom class meant I was cutting corners in my regular teaching. So I made a conscious effort never to neglect my lesson preparation.
There are only twenty-four hours in a day. Naturally, when prioritising what to cut back on within that limited time, entertainment came first. Then, inevitably, sleep and meals followed.
Consequently, my health inevitably deteriorated. I was aware of a chronic, heavy feeling in my body and headaches I’d never experienced before, but I simply pretended not to notice and pushed through.
◇
That day, Ogata-san came to the second-choice classroom for counselling, looking visibly downcast.
“It seems there’s a chat room created by the other three without me. They’re apparently talking badly about me in there, and making plans to go out together…”
“Why not just ignore it? I never exchanged messages with my classmates once during my student days, but if it’s just conveying information, there are plenty of ways to do that. I never found it inconvenient.”
My advice seemed utterly unhelpful; Ogata-san’s expression only grew cloudier.
“It’s not that simple. But… if they have a problem with me, they could just tell me directly…”
It wasn’t just today; Ogata-san had been troubled by this for a long time. Her concerns – or rather, her complaints and expressions of weakness. The solutions seemed incredibly simple to an outsider like me, merely listening: there were two paths.
One is for her to change herself to align with the values of her group of friends and strive to maintain a close friendship.
The other is to simply cut ties with those friends and be alone. Or to cultivate friendships with other classmates.
Whichever she chose, there were pros and cons. That’s why Ogata-san kept agonising endlessly, putting off a decision.
“Why do they act friendly on the surface when they clearly find me bothersome or look down on me? I just don’t get it. …Though I suppose I don’t understand myself either, for still not leaving them even after all this.”
“That’s a mystery I’ve found utterly perplexing since childhood. Even as an adult, I still don’t understand it, so I can’t really say anything. But if you ever solve this puzzle, Ogata-san, do share it with me.”
I suspected that her inability to decide immediately meant she still wanted to stay with her friends, but I didn’t tell her that. It wouldn’t mean anything if she couldn’t choose for herself.
“Solve the mystery… heh, I’m no detective.”
Ogata-san laughed, though I hadn’t intended to make her. I didn’t quite understand what made her laugh, but I thought she had a very refined way of laughing.
“…You really don’t give very teacher-like advice, do you?”
“Didn’t I say so from the start?”
Just from the words, we might seem tense, but in reality, it was an exchange within gentle conversation. Ogata-san even seemed rather cheerful.
“Your smile is truly lovely, Ogata-san. I hope you can spend your days able to laugh like that.”
When I conveyed my true feelings, Ogata-san suddenly looked flustered and turned her face away.
“I… I should be off to cram school now. Excuse me, Kakei-san! Thank you for your time again today!”
Before I could wonder if I’d said something to upset her, Ogata-san swiftly left the classroom. It did make me wonder, though her tone didn’t suggest she was crying or in distress. Perhaps I shouldn’t read too much into it.
Even so, while our school’s liberal ethos attracts all sorts of students, Ogata-san strikes me as particularly polite in her speech.
It was only after speaking one-on-one like this that I realised it. Perhaps she genuinely doesn’t click with the more laid-back types like Toyama-san.
From now on, I’ll need to make more effort to get to know the students in my class and those in my tutorials. If I gather more information, perhaps I can notice and reach out to those pupils who lack the courage to seek advice themselves.
Despite having so much to do, I found myself sighing. My shoulders felt stiff, my body oddly heavy.
Later today, Uehara-san is coming to discuss the results of the recent mock exam.
It’s nearly time for our appointment. I’ll close my eyes for just a moment and rest…
…………
………………
“—Sensei… Sensei!”
Startled by the voice at my ear, I snapped my head up to find Uehara-san standing there. I’d only meant to close my eyes briefly, but apparently I’d fallen asleep.
The blood drained from my face. Dozing off in the classroom? For a student, perhaps, but for a teacher? Unthinkable.
“I-I’m terribly sorry. I only meant to close my eyes for a moment, but—”
“I don’t mind at all… but, you know, Sensei, have you lost weight?”
Under Uehara-san’s steady gaze, I hurriedly adjusted my slipping glasses.
“I’m not sure. I don’t have scales at home, so I can’t tell myself.”
“If I say so, it must be true. Your skin condition’s poor too. It’s such a waste when you’ve got such lovely, translucent skin.”
“I think the poor skin condition is simply down to age. You wouldn’t understand, being in your teens, Uehara-san, but I’m already—”
It happened suddenly. Before I could finish, Uehara-san had my cheeks cupped in both hands.
She looked serious as she asked slowly.
“Knowing you, I thought you’d dodge it if I said it directly, so I tried hinting around… but I reckon you wouldn’t get it. So I’ll just say it straight. …You’re pushing yourself too hard, aren’t you?”
“…I’m not. I’m just doing what needs doing.”
“Well then, are you eating properly? Sleeping? Do you even remember what you ate last night?”
It felt like I was being scolded, and I found myself looking away without meaning to. Last night, I’d had no appetite and hadn’t eaten anything.
The silence could easily be taken as an admission. Uehara-san exhaled.
“You know, I like you, don’t you?”
“…Yes.”
“How do you think you’d feel if you saw someone you liked not looking after themselves properly?”
Her tone was like that used when admonishing a small child.
“…Sad, I suppose.”
“Right? So I’m going to your place now to cook dinner. I’ll make enough for about a week.”
“Eh… but…”
“It’s all I can do, but I’m worried about you.”
From her eyes and her voice, I could feel her deep concern for me.
“…Thank you. I’m terribly sorry to trouble you…”
“I’m doing this because I want to, so don’t apologise.”
Saying that, Uehara-san smiled softly, took her hand off my cheek, and stroked my head.
Feeling such affection when I was so exhausted, there was no way I could refuse.