quiet talk #6: Peach Blossom
At about the same time as the game at antiqua. Monday night.
On her way home from work, Shirai Rinko flinched as the horn of a kei car1 parked in the roundabout outside her nearest station blared.
Rinko had always had nerve, yet she was weak to sudden sounds. Or rather, hypersensitive. Not merely in hearing, but taste, smell, sight, and touch as well. Though she had not been raised in any unusual environment, her senses were strangely acute. It was a trait everyone, herself included, recognised in her.
“Long time no see, Rin-chan.”
Someone had called her by her working name. Rinko glanced at the woman leaning out from the driver’s seat of the kei car, then began walking away, determined never to have anything to do with her again.
“Ah, wait, wait! There is something I really need to discuss with you!”
The silly horn sounded outside the station again. This time it had the rhythm of the final notes of “Flea Waltz”.
A police officer was peering out from the nearby police box. If Rinko continued to ignore the car’s owner, she would eventually end up having to explain herself as someone involved.
She had no choice. Turning on her heel, she walked over to the side of the kei car, which was crawling along after her.
“I told you I quit the shop. There is nothing to discuss.”
“I know! But our shop was kind of being carried by Rin-chan, so honestly, this month’s targets are really tough!”
“That is Manager Ayuru’s problem. It has nothing to do with me any more.”
“Wait, please, Rin-chan! Otherwise I will honk the horn again!”
A short beep sounded, and Rinko sighed. Then, with practised resignation, she climbed into the passenger seat. The mint smell of the car deodoriser had not changed one bit since the days she had been Rin.
The women-only outcall sex-work service where Rinko had once worked: Aromatic.
Its manager, the woman who had come to collect Rinko, was Hiroo Ayuru, a young entrepreneur who ran multiple businesses despite being only twenty-two. However, one could hardly say her business was on a roll. Most of her income came from Aromatic, with a strictly non-contact “adult daycare” business coming second. She also ran a café and private-room massages, entirely above board, but her finances were in dire straits, perhaps because each business occupied such a niche.
As she sped along ordinary roads, Ayuru apologised to Rinko, who wore an unmistakably displeased expression.
“I am sorry, Rin-chan. This month is really hard. Losing you did not help, but it is the times we are living in, right? Aromatic’s customers have dropped too. And the adult daycare is really struggling as well. I have to pay Aya-chan, who works as one of our carers—”
“That is enough. If you only wanted a chat, let me out.”
“Sorry, sorry! You are angry, right, Rin-chan!?”
Ayuru was always like this. When she apologised, she went all the way, bowing so deeply she could dig a well with her head and hips. Then Rinko, who ought to be the one receiving unfair treatment, would start to feel as though she were doing something wrong, and in the end she would do as Ayuru wanted. Bulldozing others was Ayuru’s ultimate weapon.
Naturally, that was how things went today too. Rinko had accepted that the moment she sat in the passenger seat, perhaps even the moment the horn had stopped her.
“…I can at least listen.”
“Really!? Thank you! Honestly, Rin-chan is the best girl I have ever had working for me!”
The eyebrows that had been bent into such a helpless shape brightened as if the trouble had never existed. Ayuru was an utterly slippery woman.
“Do you remember the last customer you saw, Rin-chan? She called herself Takahashi Mikoto.”
Rinko could remember not merely Takahashi Mikoto’s face, but her voice and appearance in perfect detail. Because she had been someone performing the name and appearance of her older sister: Rinko’s favourite actress, Kurosu Kotone.
“…I remember. What happened to Takahashi-sama?”
“She called and said, ‘Please send me Rin-chan.’ I told her you had quit, so we could not send you, and asked whether another girl would do. But she would not give up and insisted on having your contact details…”
“You did not give them to her, did you?”
“Of course not! Even if I am a hopeless manager, I protect personal information! But Takahashi-sama would not back down. And then… I had a moment of weakness.”
“A moment of weakness…?”
Ayuru stuck out her tongue in a sheepish grin and turned the kei car’s wheel. The navigation directed them towards the Bayshore Route of the Shuto Expressway, bound for Yokohama.
“I told Takahashi-sama that I would send you if she paid ten times the price of our most expensive overnight-date course. If you tell someone to pay a million yen, you would usually expect her to give up, right?”
“…She said she would pay?”
“She did! I thought, Yes! Easy! A million yen will somehow cover this month’s payments! …Not that I thought that. I did not think that, all right?”
Perhaps sensing Rinko’s glare, Ayuru visibly panicked.
But Rinko’s feelings were complicated. She had known both good customers and bad ones, and she would have put Takahashi Mikoto, Kurosu Kotone, closer to the latter category. It was not because she disliked her appearance or personality.
Quite the opposite. She liked her too much.
Rinko was Kurosu Kotone’s fan. She never missed Kotone’s works, her regular radio programme, or events such as fan meetings. She even commented on her Instagram posts. She loved her with that kind of fervour.
But it was a love that was neither romantic nor friendly. It was the emotion of having an idol.
“…I am not even seriously in love with her.”
She simply wanted Kotone to stay alive. She wanted Kotone to be happy.
Kotone made her living as an actress, and Rinko’s honest feeling was that she paid money to support her with something like the feeling of paying tax.
“You turned Takahashi-sama down, right?”
“Mm. I tried! But she would not take no for an answer!”
“Manager…”
“I am sorry! But I cannot leave her alone. Our work is not only taking money to have sex, is it?”
The reason Rinko had continued sex work was not merely that her take-home pay at Meiji Stationery was low.
Every customer who called Aromatic carried some kind of worry.
A customer who wanted to lead her first girlfriend, and asked to be taught what to do.
A customer who wondered whether she might be a woman who liked women, and asked someone to try loving her.
A customer who did not need sex at all, and only wanted to be comforted.
A customer who wanted someone to accompany her shopping in place of a friend—
Rinko liked listening to their worries. Naturally, most were worries she could not solve. But she liked seeing the relieved faces of customers after she listened, worrying alongside them and doing her best to accept them.
“You see, I want to heal girls who are hurting in this world. I began this work because I wanted girls who are worried, miserable, and shut away from the world to be able to face forward, even a little.”
“I have heard that before, Manager. Saying things like that is unfair.”
“I am sorry! I really am sorry! So—”
“I understand already! I will sleep with Takahashi-sama and take the million yen! I will give it all to you!”
“You do not want any money, Rin-chan?”
“No! I am not Rin any more! I am only working this one time, this one time, because the manager who looked after me is in trouble!”
“Thank you, Rin-chan, you are so ea— I mean, wonderful!”
“Please fix that habit of calling me easy immediately.”
“Certainly!”
The kei car sped towards Yokohama along the Bayshore Route at night. Watching the lights of the port district through the window, Rinko could only feel gloomy as she thought of what face she should make when she met Takahashi Mikoto.
“…I am here in response to your call.”
“Come in.”
Rinko passed through the entrance of the familiar luxury apartment building in Yokohama, heading for the room where Takahashi Mikoto waited. There was no nameplate. If there had been one, it would probably have read Kurosu, but she clearly had no intention of displaying it.
Rinko was thinking exactly that as she reached to ring the bell, when the door opened.
“Sorry for making you come, Rin-chan.”
“…I am Shirai Rinko.”
“Oh, right. Shirai-san, then. Could you take this to the people at the shop?”
Takahashi Mikoto, Kurosu Kotone, held out a bare stack of bundled ten-thousand-yen notes. Cash. A million-yen bundle. Rinko had once been hired for fifty to a hundred thousand yen; she had never seen a price like this.
“…Could you not give it to me afterwards?”
“No. It is like Shirai-san’s mizuage2 payment.”
“I have already quit.”
“Come on, do not be so stiff about it. I have always wanted to do a mizuage once. Doing it for some host would be boring.”
At the very least, Kotone thought Rinko was worth a million yen. The moment she considered that, the unreal bundle of notes became horribly tangible.
“I am not such a cheap woman.”
“Ahaha, I like that. Actually, I figured this would not be enough. But your manager said a million was fine.”
If Ayuru had told her she was someone she could charge freely, perhaps the sum would have been even higher. Yet Rinko hated the thought of her idol’s wallet being hurt for the sake of someone like herself.
“…I will take it to her. But I might take the money and go home.”
“All right. If that happens, that happens. I am the one who made an unreasonable request and called someone who had already quit. Just as I chose Shirai-san, Shirai-san has the right to choose too, does she not?”
“…”
Holding the bundle of cash, Rinko went to Ayuru, who had parked at a nearby convenience store. Ayuru gave her a curious look when Rinko climbed into the passenger seat, and Rinko handed over the money.
“You are done already!? Takahashi-sama is easy!”
“Stop calling people easy. Especially do not talk about Takahashi-sama that way.”
“Ah, right! Sorry! But a million yen… This will get us through the month…! It is all right to take all of it, right? You will not demand it back later, will you!?”
“I will not.”
“Yes! I love you, Rin-chan! Right, I will take you home! The Ayuru-mobile is setting off!”
“…Wait.”
Amid the sound of the engine idling, Rinko stopped Ayuru’s hand on the steering wheel.
“What is wrong?”
“…Your driving made me carsick, so I will stay at a hotel.”
“Ah, sorry! Then I should pay you after all! For the overnight course, a hundred thousand yen… is hard, so… would thirty thousand do?”
“It is fine. I earned enough through you, Manager.”
“Are you really sure!? This is from my own pocket, not shop revenue, so you do not need to hold back—”
Rinko stepped down from the Ayuru-mobile and gave Ayuru, sitting in the driver’s seat, the warmest smile she could manage.
“This really is goodbye. Do your best, Manager Ayuru.”
“…Thank you for everything, Rinko-san.”
Rinko left the convenience store and began walking back towards the luxury apartment building.
Watching her go from inside the car, Hiroo Ayuru released the steering wheel and leaned back in the driver’s seat. Taking out Rinko’s CV from when she had first joined the business, Ayuru lit a cigarette. The smoke stung her eyes.
“I could not heal Rin-chan’s heart…”
“Welcome back.”
Kotone stood in front of the apartment building’s first-floor entrance, wearing only sweat clothes. Her unreadable, smirking smile held a deeper mystery than it did through the screen in films and dramas.
“Is it really all right for a celebrity to be standing around somewhere like this?”
“It is fine, it is fine. Most people here work in the same industry. They know how to keep their mouths shut.”
“What if paparazzi are watching?”
“No chance. I can just say I was waiting for a friend, right? And at worst, I can pretend to be my sister again.”
Thanks to Kotone’s Instagram, the name Kurosu Mikoto had become known across Japan overnight. Mikoto’s bunny-girl appearance gripped Rinko’s heart enough that she had taken screenshot after screenshot. She had even set one as her phone wallpaper. Rinko loved Mikoto as a romantic interest.
Which was exactly why she wanted to protect her.
From a vicious woman like Shandy.
“Oh, right. Did you see Instagram? You must have been surprised at how similar we are.”
Once inside, they sat on a sofa in the centre of the spacious living room. As Kotone made coffee, Rinko hurriedly put away her phone.
“Your eyes resemble each other, but you do not have such similar atmospheres.”
“Right? And Sis has way more charm than I do. She acts like some cool beauty, but she blushes immediately. It is that gap appeal. And she does it naturally, which is annoying.”
“…Are you close?”
Kotone set the coffee on the table, then sat beside Rinko and smiled.
“I love her. She understands me better than anyone, and she was my first fan. When the agency scouted me and I was worried about it, Sis was the one who encouraged me. She sends me her thoughts on every drama and film I do.”
“I see. She sounds like a good person.”
“Mm. I am proud of her. Honestly, sometimes I wish she would come into this world too.”
The sisters’ beauty had spread across Japan through that Instagram post. With an older sister like Mikoto, entertainment agencies would surely not stay quiet. If they seriously approached Mikoto and she agreed, she would become someone far away, beyond Rinko’s reach.
The words left Rinko’s mouth on their own.
“That is not allowed!”
“Eh, why?”
“…No, it is nothing.”
“That makes me curious. Why should I not invite Sis into entertainment?”
Kotone’s quiet gaze seemed almost to glare at her, as if measuring her true intent. To Rinko, it was the gaze of her idol. For Rinko, merely one of the many people who supported Kotone from afar, it was a gaze she did not want directed at her.
I do not want Kotone to recognise me.
Please do not add someone as dirty as me to a page of your life—
“…Sorry. When I thought Kotone was looking at me, I panicked.”
“Oh, you said you were a fan, right? Do you really like me that much?”
Rinko recoiled despite herself. Her lips shook, and her tongue would not work. Finally, she managed only a single word.
“Yes…”
“Are you nervous?”
“Of course I am! I love you so much!”
Kotone burst out laughing at Rinko’s confession.
“It is a bit late for that. You slept with me, so there is no point being nervous now.”
“But I was a service worker then! I have quit the shop now!”
“Then what is the relationship between me and Shirai-san?”
“That is… You are my idol, and I am only a fan.”
“A fan…”
Kotone leaned back against the sofa and smiled without energy. The closer Rinko watched each small movement, the less she understood what Kotone was thinking.
Because the Kotone Rinko had watched was an acted Kotone. With a story as training wheels, she could understand the intent inside an enigmatic performance. But she did not know what meaning lay in the unperformed Kotone’s actions. She read too deeply into everything.
“Well, that is fine. Then, Shirai-san, will you play Kurosu Kotone now? I will play Kurosu Mikoto.”
“W-why…?”
Kotone gave her a sly smile and handed her a booklet. It was a script, with a short title printed on the cover:
The Miniature Garden.
“It has not been announced yet, so keep it secret. In my next stage play, I am playing a younger sister who is embraced by her biological elder sister. I have been struggling with the role. I understood same-sex love through Rin-chan, but even for me, understanding how it feels to commit incest is difficult.”
“…Is that why you wanted me?”
“Mm. If you like me, you can keep a secret, right? Really, I want to ask you to play the elder sister, but Shirai-san does not know my actual sister, right? So you can be Kotone, the younger sister. Then tell me what you feel.”
Kotone had summoned Rinko for role preparation. She was taking her work seriously as an actress. Rinko was happy to see that side of her idol, to help the side she loved.
But a small pain ran through her heart.
Kotone does not need it to be me.
“I cannot play Kotone-san.”
“It will be fine. If I play Sis perfectly, Shirai-san will be pulled along with me. Do not underestimate a professional actor.”
Kotone grinned and ruffled her fringe. The casually soft, untidy fringe was one of Mikoto’s traits. Then she repeated vocal exercises over and over, lowering her voice slightly from Kotone’s usual register. Her eyes became composed, and she straightened her back.
Before Rinko appeared—
“Good evening, Shirai-san. I am Kurosu Mikoto, Kotone’s sister.”
“Ah…”
Mikoto and Kotone’s faces overlapped perfectly. Though Rinko had thought they did not resemble each other so much, Kotone reproduced Mikoto’s expressions, gestures, and voice flawlessly.
“Now it is Shirai-san’s… no. Kotone’s turn. Please play the Kurosu Kotone you love most. I will support you.”
There was no way she could do that. She was already nervous merely facing her idol, and now her idol was impersonating the person Rinko loved.
Perhaps, ordinarily, this would have been a fortunate encounter no fan could hope for. Even so, she could not rejoice honestly. Rinko shook her head.
“I cannot do this after all. Why not ask your sister to help you prepare?”
“I cannot ask Sis. I would be uncomfortable being embraced by her, and Sis could not embrace her little sister either. Besides—”
Kotone’s next words brought Rinko, who had been in a kind of dream, crashing instantly into the worst possible reality. She could no longer understand anything.
“—Sis belongs to someone else now.”
Rinko had forgotten even to breathe. She no longer knew where she was or what she was doing. The sound that came from her was not even a voice, only something like breath.
“You see? My sister started living with someone recently. A woman who works at the bar she goes to.”
“…”
“She is such a difficult woman. She is probably not a bad person, but she hides all sorts of things…”
“…Stop.”
“But the drinks there are delicious. I am not much of a drinker, but I always end up drinking too much.”
“Do not say any more!”
The phone Rinko had been holding slipped from her palm and rolled across the floor with a dull sound. Its motion sensor activated, revealing the wallpaper: Mikoto in her bunny-girl costume.
“Ahaha, you made it your wallpaper? Shirai-san, you are supposed to be my fan, but you like my sister more. Is that what people call cheating?”
“It is not… cheating…”
“…Shirai-san, why are you crying?”
Only when she said it did Rinko realise. Tears were falling. The moment she became conscious of them, they overflowed without end.
For two years, she had watched Mikoto from nearby, in something almost like love at first sight. Yet because Mikoto was a woman who did not love women, Rinko had loved her without stepping closer. But then someone had interfered, and Rinko had stepped forward because simply watching could no longer be enough. She had been completely defeated.
Still, she could not give up. She had waited for a chance to come along, waited for the chance when the obstruction would disappear and Mikoto would be alone.
“No… Why can it not be me…? Mikoto-san…!”
“Mikoto-san…?”
Kotone picked up the phone displaying Mikoto in the bunny outfit. At that moment, Rinko’s business card fell from the pocket of its folio-style case.
Shirai Rinko
Meiji Stationery
“…Ah, I see. So something like this really happens.”
“I… I…”
Kotone ruffled her hair again. Then, using that slightly lower voice, she took Rinko by the shoulders.
“You may think of me as Sis.”
“…I cannot do that! The person I love is Mikoto-san!”
“Then try it.”
“Try what…?”
Kotone played Mikoto. Not merely because she had won theatre awards with performances that delighted people, enthralled them, and sometimes brought them to tears. She had watched and followed Mikoto from closer than anyone for twenty-three years.
She delivered perhaps the greatest performance of her acting life.
“…Come here, Rinko.”
“Stop your bad imitation! It does not sound like her!”
“Then tell me. Tell me how you want Mikoto to love you. Tell me every feeling you are carrying now.”
“I cannot, I…”
Kotone hugged Rinko. There was a softness and warmth much like when Mikoto had hugged her before, and a familiar scent.
Ah. This scent is the same as Mikoto’s.
“Let me accept you, Rinko.”
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A kei car (軽自動車, keijidōsha) is a special category of very small car in Japan. The name literally means “light automobile.” They have yellow license plates, rather than the white plates used by ordinary passenger cars. ↩
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Mizuage (水揚げ) historically referred to a payment associated with a courtesan’s sexual debut, particularly within Japan’s traditional licensed pleasure districts. ↩