Episode Forty-Two
“The Tsukishima Sisters Council is now in session.”
“Yay~”
I pulled my eyes away from Ao, clapping happily, and kept writing in the notebook in front of me.
Now that July had arrived, the heat had properly set in. We’d finished this week’s study quota and were spending a quiet Sunday in the air-conditioned room.
Since that rainy day, our relationship had changed considerably. Sister time, and lovers’ time. We’d been switching between the two, more or less without thinking about it. Though I suspect the lovers’ time has been winning out more often.
“Today we’re deciding some rules for us as sisters.”
“Rules seem kind of pointless, don’t they? Can Onee-chan even keep them?”
Ao pouted, looking thoroughly unimpressed, and doodled something in the corner of my notebook. I was planning to put this up in my room later — please don’t ruin it.
“I can keep them. I’m making these rules for Ao’s sake, after all.”
“Hmm. Well, fine, I guess.”
Glancing sideways at an unconvinced Ao, I wrote out what we’d decided the night before, one line at a time.
“Rule one. No holding hands on the way to school.”
“Why?”
“Rule two. No climbing into my bed uninvited while I’m sleeping.”
“Even though you look so happy when I do?”
“Rule three. Ki— kiss marks are only allowed on Fridays and Saturdays. No other days.”
“Isn’t that a bit much?”
I nearly crushed the marker pen in my hand.
“No objections accepted. I’ve already written it down.”
This is for the sake of a healthy sibling life. History has proven that people need rules to live well. If I don’t hold the line on this, I don’t know what’ll become of me.
“Can I object to each one, one at a time?”
“No.”
I said it firmly, stood up, and went hunting through my desk for tape. I hadn’t used it in a while — where had I put it?
“If we can’t hold hands, will you stop looking at me all sad and lonely every single morning?”
“Isn’t that basically an invitation?”
“It— it’s not an invitation at all! It’s just how I always look!”
My hand paused for a second before I went back to searching for the tape.
“The bed thing too.”
Ao tapped the desk with the end of her pen, continuing, clearly unsatisfied.
“Whenever I say I’m heading off to sleep and go back to my room, you always invite me in.”
“I’ve never once invited you!”
I wish she’d stop making things up. Sure, we’re together now, but I hardly ever initiate anything with Ao… I think. I still get swept along by her, same as always.
“Scary, not even realising it yourself. You can’t go showing that face to anyone else, you know.”
“…I would never show that to anyone.”
I let out an exaggerated sigh and sat back down across from her. The tape seemed to have vanished entirely. I’d need to buy more later.
“Last one, but I’m confident about this.”
Ao held up a third finger, wearing that mischievous smile of hers. Nothing good ever comes of Ao wearing that particular expression. I caught my breath despite myself.
“You’re always asking, aren’t you? ‘Can I do it again?’”
“And I always say I won’t if you tell me not to, don’t I?”
I nearly spat out the water I’d just sipped. A cough shook loose, and tears pricked at the corners of my eyes.
“I— I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“Guess I’ll record it next time, then. It’s Onee-chan who’s the one begging for it.”
A cold finger traced along my neck, and my whole body went rigid.
“Recording is… also banned.”
I brushed her hand away and added another line. I’ll just keep adding to this list going forward.
“Fine by me. Whatever rules we make, Onee-chan’s going to be the one breaking every single one of them anyway.”
“I won’t break them. If you break them, no dinner.”
I think withholding food would actually work on someone as food-motivated as Ao. I could even eat in front of her, just to rub it in.
“Then can I be the one who decides the penalty when Onee-chan breaks a rule?”
“No. You’d definitely make it something weird.”
“Come on, it’s fine. Hand that over.”
Ao snatched the notebook out from under me and, looking thoroughly pleased with herself, started writing beneath “recording banned.”
If Ao breaks a rule: no dinner. If Yuna breaks a rule: she has to do one thing Ao says. An absolutely non-negotiable clause, written in thick, deliberate strokes.
“Wait, mine’s way worse! Make yours the same as mine.”
“Onee-chan’s not going to break any rules though, right? So it doesn’t matter what the penalty is.”
Ao set the pen down and leaned her face in close to mine. I should have just pushed that face away and stood up — and yet I couldn’t look away from those wide eyes.
“Or… were you planning to break one on purpose?”
The sweet whisper sank into every part of me, and a breath that wasn’t quite a sound escaped me.
Once you’ve fallen into the mire, it seems there’s no simple way back out. A month or so has passed since the day we crossed the line between sisters, and instead of getting used to it, my feelings for Ao have only grown. I suppose that’s only fair, given how long I spent holding them back. Someday I’ll get used to this. That’s what I keep telling myself — but I don’t think it’s ever going to change.
“…Won’t know until it happens.”
I let my back rest against the hard floor and looked up at the ceiling. The sound of melting ice clinking against the glass carried unusually clearly.
Back in April, I’d been vaguely watching the cherry blossoms bloom outside the window. Only three months have passed since then, and yet everything about my life has changed completely.
Ao and I want each other too much. A feeling this intense, past all reasonable limits, might end up being a blade that cuts us both. And even so, we chose to stay together anyway.
I need Ao. Ao needs me. We’ve locked ourselves into a pair of handcuffs with no key, and there’s no going back from here now. Sometimes I hate myself for carrying a feeling this heavy, this ugly, this twisted. But Ao accepted me anyway, exactly as I am.
If she keeps smiling happily in front of me like this, then I suppose it’s fine to stay exactly who I am.
I think I’m allowed to believe that now.