Episode 51: Winter Arrives (6)

When I looked at Takizawa, she had a gloomy expression on her face.

We’d been caught up in all sorts of things today; I suppose Takizawa was exhausted from being dragged into it all as well.

‘Takizawa, shall we go to bed?’
‘Endo-san, could you lay out my futon on the floor?’

Had I really misheard her when she said she wanted to sleep with me just a moment ago?

‘Let’s sleep together in the bed, like we did yesterday.’
“I don’t want to. I only slept with you yesterday because you asked me to as part of a deal.”
Saying that, Takizawa sat down on the floor.

I sat down beside her.

“Takizawa, can I ask you something?”
“What?”
“Why were you angry just now at dinner?”
“I’m not telling you.”
“I want you to tell me how you feel.”
As soon as I said that and took her hand, she pulled away.

“Don’t do things like that.”
“Well, I’ll let go if you tell me.”
Saying that, I took Takizawa’s hand again.

Perhaps having given up, Takizawa let out a deep sigh and began to speak.

“I don’t like ranking people.”
“Why?”
“I’m a failure, and I’ve spent my whole life being compared to others, so I don’t want anyone else to feel the same way.”
“I see. You’re a kind person, aren’t you, Takizawa?”

I stroked Takizawa’s head.
　Takizawa must have hated being on the comparing side so much because she’d had so many unpleasant experiences being compared herself.

‘Don’t treat me like a child.’

Saying that, Takizawa gave my hand a sharp slap and shook it off.

‘But Mayo-nee-san’s dinner was delicious, wasn’t it? I’ll have to work hard so I don’t lose out.’

I meant it.
Why is that person so perfect?
　She’s so perfect it’s frustrating, and I envy her.

“Yeah. Mayo-nee can do anything, after all. But Endo-san’s is better—”
“Hm?”

Takizawa’s voice trailed off, and she buried her face in her knees as she sat cross-legged.

“What’s wrong, Takizawa?”
“I prefer Endo-san’s oyakodon. Endo-san’s cooking has a gentle flavour.”

Hearing those words, my heart nearly stopped.

　—I’m so happy.

Takizawa isn’t the sort to lie just to spare someone’s feelings.
She’s the sort who absolutely never lies.

The mere fact that, in Takizawa’s eyes, my cooking was the tastier of the two instantly wiped away the feelings of inferiority I’d been harbouring today, as well as the emotion bordering on jealousy I’d felt towards Mayo-nee-san.

“Hehe, thank you. Please eat my food again sometime.”

I’m sure I must have been grinning from ear to ear, but when I thanked Takizawa with a smile, she turned her face away.
I thought I heard her say “Yeah” in a voice so soft I wasn’t sure if she’d actually heard me.

There was a question I simply had to ask, so I changed the subject.

‘Why don’t you want to have a boyfriend?’

It was the question I most wanted to know the answer to today; it was scary, but I couldn’t help asking.

‘Whatever. I’m not telling you. You’re being a nuisance today, Endo-san.’
‘I see. I don’t want to force you, but I’d really like to know if you could tell me.’

I ignored Takizawa’s comment about me being a nuisance and carried on talking. Takizawa seemed honest today, so I had a feeling she’d answer me.

“——I just don’t want to create anything precious or any memories.”

It might have been the first time I’d ever heard Takizawa talk like that. She’s being unusually talkative today.

I’d heard a bit about her home situation from Mayo-san, so I’d suspected that perhaps what comes naturally to most people is difficult for Takizawa.

In a situation like that, it’s certainly understandable that she might think it’s foolish to form attachments to people or things and then get your hopes up.

I found myself strangely convinced.

‘I see.’
I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
I leaned my shoulder against Takizawa, who was sitting next to me.

‘Endo-san, you’re heavy.’
‘That’s rude, calling me heavy. Takizawa, I haven’t thanked you for helping me with my studies yet. What would you like me to do?’

I’d hoped she might say something like ‘I want you to sleep with me’, but that expectation was quickly dashed.

‘I’ve laid out the futon, and I’m sleepy.’
Exactly… I gave up and decided to lay the futon on the floor.

‘Takizawa, you can sleep in my bed.’
‘Why?’

It was because I thought it would be nice if my bed was filled with Takizawa’s scent. Last time, after sleeping with Takizawa, my bed smelled of her, and I could feel her presence for a while.

　I couldn’t say something so cringe-worthy, so I came up with a few half-baked excuses.

“I was worried the floor might be too hard on a futon and your body might ache.”
“But then you’d be the one in pain, Endo-san.”
“I’m used to it, so I’ll be fine.”

Takizawa, unaware of my ulterior motives, is kind and looks out for me.

Feeling a twinge of guilt about it, I slipped into the futon I’d laid out.
Then Takizawa quietly climbed into bed too.

　……

I wonder if Takizawa has fallen asleep yet.
As I got out of the futon to turn off the light, she spoke to me.

‘It’s nearly winter, so it’s cold.’
‘Shall I turn the heating on?’
‘……’

As soon as I asked that, Takizawa grabbed my arm and pulled me towards her.

　I lost my balance and ended up practically pushing Takizawa onto the bed.

“S-sorry!”

Being so close to Takizawa made my heart race.

I’m sure my face must look a right mess right now. It feels so hot, as if it might burst into flames.

As I tried to pull away, Takizawa grabbed my arm.

“——It’s cold, so let’s sleep together.”

When I looked at Takizawa’s face, I felt as though I might be sucked into her beautiful, jet-black eyes.

My heart was beating even faster than before, and it felt as though it might burst.

I felt that if I kept her waiting any longer, she might just say she’d changed her mind, so I obediently turned off the lights and lay down beside her.

My heart was pounding so loudly I couldn’t think of a thing.

　Moonlight streamed into the room, which had been dim under just the night light, and we could see each other’s faces.

‘Endo-san, your face is red. Do you have a fever?’

Saying that, Takizawa, seemingly unconcerned, brought her forehead close to mine. I could feel my face growing hotter and redder by the second.

Just as I was struggling to make sense of the situation, Takizawa touched the area around my collarbone.

‘It’s still there…’
When she strokes the mark she left on me, my body jerks in response.

This can’t go on.
I should take refuge on the futon spread out on the floor right now.

I have a feeling I’m going to do something that will make Takizawa dislike me.

As I try to reach for the futon, she grabs my hand.

‘I won’t do anything, so just stay here.’
Saying that, Takizawa refuses to let go of my hand.

　Calm down, calm down…

I took a deep breath to compose myself.

It’s rare for Takizawa to act so clingy like this. That’s precisely why I want to respond to her feelings. Thinking that, I was able to gradually regain my composure.

Today must have been such a bad day for Takizawa that she felt the need to seek comfort from me.

I still don’t understand Takizawa very well, but I think today was a day when I got to know her just a little bit better.

　It certainly is cold today.
I think sleeping together was the right decision.
Once the pounding of my heart that I’d been feeling until just a moment ago settled down, I must have drifted off to sleep without realising it.