Episode 31

“I’m so happy we’re together again this year.”

Ran pressed herself against me happily.
I was relieved to have her too.
Making new friends from scratch felt exhausting to think about.

There was just one thing I couldn’t make peace with.
I covered the irritation by noisily gulping down my vegetable juice.

“You’re bothered too, right, Mei? It’s kind of intimidating over there.”
“Intimidating isn’t quite the word…”

I made sure not to look in that direction.
The gaze coming from where Ran kept calling intimidating was getting on my nerves.

“Having both the student council president and vice president in the same space is a lot of pressure.”
“It is.”

I answered Ran between bites of bread.

Yudzuki, Hinata, and Nanoha were eating lunch together in the middle of the classroom. Yudzuki and Nanoha were in the adjacent class, and apparently since Hinata had ended up alone in ours, they’d been coming here to eat at lunch.

It was perfectly fine for anyone to eat wherever they liked — but I kept feeling Nanoha’s gaze, and every time I glared back at her to say stop looking over here, she looked pleased about it.

The stress was considerable.

Getting noticed through involvement with Nanoha, getting pulled into unnecessary things — I wanted none of it.
I wanted to live quietly.

“We’re finally third-years. It’s exam year.”
“…Yeah.”

Ran’s words pricked somewhere in my chest.

Our school was the type that called itself an academic institution, so most people would sit entrance exams, get into university, and continue living as students.

I felt envious of that, along with something closer to resentment rising in me, so I tried not to think about it.

I had to look for work.

No particular ambitions, so I was thinking of finding a company that would hire someone with just a high school diploma.

Somewhere to go, nothing to aim for, just working on and on.

That’s probably how my life would end.

“By the way, you were working so much over spring break — was there a reason?”

Ran’s casual question made my heart lurch.
I kept my expression neutral and kept talking.

“Various things.”
“You seemed pretty pressed for it. Don’t push yourself too hard, okay? You have to look after your body.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”

She patted my head when I thanked her, clearly pleased.

Ran treated me like a child fairly often, which didn’t always sit well with me — but I couldn’t bring myself to say so, and just let her fuss over me.

Using Ran as a kind of wall, I glanced in Nanoha’s direction. She was absorbed in talking with Yudzuki and Hinata.

During spring break I’d barely gone to Nanoha’s place.
Partly because I’d taken on extra shifts, and partly because of the awkwardness after the kiss.

That had been a reward for Nanoha.
I told myself it was a meaningless kiss — and yet when I recalled that day clearly, my face went hot.

I didn’t know what face to make around Nanoha anymore.

She hadn’t messaged me to come over either, so spring break ended and third year arrived without resolution. Which made having Nanoha in the classroom right now even more awkward.

Still, there was something I needed to ask her, so I’d been turning it over, not sure what to do.

“Haah…”
“Something bothering you?”
“No. I’m fine.”

Fine wasn’t quite true — I actually wanted someone to help. But I kept that to myself.

Nanoha’s birthday was coming up soon.
Because she’d done that unnecessary thing at Christmas, I’d started feeling like I needed to give her something in return.

I had almost no experience giving anyone presents, so I was starting from nothing.

While I was worrying about that, a notification came through on my phone.

I looked at the screen, then immediately glanced toward Nanoha at the edge of the classroom.

She was smiling happily.
I looked away quickly and unlocked my phone.

Come over today.
Why.
I have something to talk about.

Something to talk about…
I had no idea what, and the curiosity meant I couldn’t concentrate on lessons at all for the rest of the day.

I made my way through classes in a fog of restlessness, and the moment school ended I was heading for her place at speed.

When I arrived, Nanoha was in a remarkably good mood, looking over at me brightly.

“What did you want to talk about?”
“Don’t rush me.”

She was slowly slurping hot cocoa.
There was a cup of the same in front of me too, for the record.

“I don’t want this. It’s tiring.”
“I went to the trouble of making it, so drink it.”
“Never mind that, just talk—”

Before I could finish, Nanoha pressed her finger to my lips, and I couldn’t say anything.

She was just smiling away, utterly pleased with herself.
I decided she was playing with me and felt a flash of irritation, knocking her hand away firmly.

“Stop drawing it out. Just talk.”
“Morishita, you don’t have anything you want to do with your future, right?”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“After high school. You said before that you’d be fine with anything as long as you were working.”
“Well… yeah…”
“I thought this might suit you. It’ll take some studying, but I think Morishita could do it.”

A pamphlet was slid in front of me. On the cover: Civil Service Examination (Upper Secondary School Graduate Level).

Nanoha opened the pamphlet and started explaining.
She gave me no room to get a word in.

“You don’t have a specific goal, and if you’re going to work you’d want something stable, right? And if it’s this, I can study alongside you.”
“Why have you been researching things about my future.”

This made no sense to me.
She’d gone quiet, and I’d thought she’d lost interest in me, and then it turned out to be this.

“You seemed to be struggling with your future, so.”
“Why should I have things decided for me on your behalf. This is none of your business.”
“I want to go to university in another prefecture with Morishita.”
“Sorry?”
“I’m not forcing you. It’s your choice. But I already know which university I’m going to and I can’t change that, so if Morishita could come to the same place, I’d be happy.”
“Why me. You have so many friends.”

Today’s Nanoha was making even less sense than usual. Why she was so fixed on me, I couldn’t understand.

She had plenty of friends.
I couldn’t see why she’d choose me.

“The only one I can show the real me to isn’t family or friends — it’s Morishita. That’s all. Being with Morishita is just easy.”

Nanoha said that lightly, then looked over at me with a smile she’d put together for the occasion.
I didn’t want to feel like I was playing into her hands, so I turned my face away.

“I’m not doing that.”
“That’s a shame.”

She didn’t look remotely sad as she tucked the pamphlet into my bag without asking, then took my hand and pulled.

“I’m giving it to you anyway.”
“I don’t want it.”
“Come on, let’s study together? It’s been a while.”

Before I could refuse properly I was sat down in front of the desk.

Today nothing was going my way.

During spring break she’d gone quiet on me without warning, and I’d been slightly anxious that what I’d done had made her uncomfortable.
That whole anxious stretch felt ridiculous now, watching her stay smiling the whole time.

Infuriating.
The resentment and the almost-tears and the small voice that came out of me.

“Why didn’t you message me over spring break…”

The words were out before I could stop them, and I caught myself with a start.

This made it sound like I’d been lonely.

“I go to cram school over long breaks. So I didn’t have many free days… sorry. Were you lonely?”
“I wasn’t lonely.”

Learning that she’d actually been studying made my comment feel all the more embarrassing.

But the relief — knowing I hadn’t been disliked — was enormous.

“Tell me about things like that. I nearly came over while you were busy.”
“If you’d said something I would have made time.”
“I don’t need that. We agreed to use each other when we want to be used.”

Nanoha’s eyebrow moved slightly and she froze. But then an expression close to sadness came over her face and she opened her mouth.

“You’re right. I’ll say something from now on.”
“Do that.”
“Hey, how’s your new class? Is it good?”
“Not much different from second year.”
“I’d have liked to be in the same class as Morishita.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“But you were staring at me so much.”
“That’s because you kept looking over here.”
“I can’t help looking at Morishita.”
“Why.”

When I asked that, Nanoha’s face went to genuine surprise. Then the tension left her eyes and she reached for my cheek with a soft expression and touched it.

“Hey, Morishita. Kiss me like you did before spring break.”
“Sorry?”

I had absolutely no idea what was happening.

Today’s Nanoha was completely off the rails.
When I looked at her she was gazing back at me with flushed cheeks and serious eyes — complete idiot, I thought.

“Because of what Morishita did, I kept thinking about it even at cram school. You know how much trouble that caused.”
“That just makes you a pervert.”
“Pervert or whatever, take responsibility.”

She pushed her face closer, so I smacked her cheek.

“You’re an idiot.”
“Ow! Then when I get first on the next test, give me a reward kiss?”
“Absolutely not. Why are you so fixated on kissing?”
“Mm, because it felt good? Curiosity?”
“That just makes you a pervert and the worst.”
“But Morishita said she did it out of curiosity too.”

Those words stopped me completely.
I had said that, that time.

The feeling I’d had then was something I didn’t understand, so I’d just attached a convenient reason to it.

I’ve come to know many versions of Nanoha.

The Nanoha who carries darkness inside her. The weak Nanoha. The Nanoha who retched in tears and agony.

Every time I come to know another version of her, something stirs inside me.

When she asks for something, what face will she make this time.
That kind of curiosity rose in me, and I did what I did.

“My curiosity is different from Nanoha’s perversion.”
“There’s no difference at all.”

She patted my head without asking, so I knocked her hand away. Nanoha’s cheeks puffed out.

“Why is it fine for Suzuki Ran but not for me?”
“Stop watching people, you pervert.”
“Morishita’s gone into her shell. What a shame.”

After that Nanoha kept grumbling, but I decided that was just the usual us, and stopped paying attention.