Episode 142: Promise
Today I was so despondent that everything I did felt distant.
“Hey — Hina, you okay?”
“Your soul’s gone AWOL.”
Mai and Saaya were making fun of me. It wasn’t as though I wanted to be like this.
Today I didn’t want to go home.
Because Takisawa wouldn’t be there when I got back.
That kind of life had been normal all through middle and high school — and yet after just a few months of living with Takisawa, I couldn’t believe how dreary being alone had become.
I was a little appalled at how weak I’d become.
“I’ll listen if you want to talk?”
Saaya was peering at my face with a grin. She might have figured out what I was struggling with.
“Hina, if something’s really wrong, you can talk to me, okay? Don’t hold back.”
Unlike Saaya, Mai said it with a genuinely worried expression — and reflecting on my own behaviour in response to their kindness, I decided to pull myself together.
“Sorry, you two! I’m fine!”
I put on my usual smile and somehow got through the lectures that day.
On the way home I walked partway with Mai, and quite often the two of us stop by the supermarket together.
“Something happened with Sora, didn’t it?”
I jolted at those words.
Mai has been sharp since high school. So she’d probably figured out right away why I was in this state.
“Yeah. Takisawa isn’t coming home today.”
“Mm… okay… and?”
“I’m lonely.”
“That’s it?!”
“Yeah.”
Mai looked exasperated and appeared to be on the verge of her knees giving way. Takisawa had also said that’s all to me.
It was true — being reduced to this state just because she wasn’t coming home for one day was probably strange.
“Then do you want to stay over at mine?”
“No. I haven’t told Takisawa in advance, and if I suddenly said I was staying at yours she’d probably get moody — I’ll go home quietly.”
“Are you two a married couple or what.”
Mai giggled and kept shopping.
Like a married couple. True enough.
I wanted to actually be married to Takisawa by now.
I wanted a vow that she would always be beside me.
“She’s staying the night at Yamamoto-san’s — someone who was in the same class in third year — and I keep thinking things like whether Takisawa gets close to other people, whether she talks and laughs with her, and it makes me feel awful.”
“Well, I understand how you feel — but from anyone watching, even back in high school it was obvious you were special to Sora.”
“Really?”
“Sora was so obvious about it and you didn’t notice?!”
“No…”
“You’re surprisingly oblivious in your own way, Hina.”
I ended up being gently coddled by Mai.
On the way back we said our goodbyes and I headed home.
I opened the door, which felt heavier than usual, and stepped inside.
“Mom, Dad, I’m home——”
After greeting them, I laid out the ingredients in the kitchen.
Since Takisawa wasn’t coming back today, there was no need to put special effort into cooking. I stir-fried some chicken, made some blanched greens, rice, and miso soup for dinner.
The house was frighteningly quiet.
Of course it was, being alone — and this had been normal in high school.
“Takisawa…”
Only two days apart, and my chest was tight.
Was Takisawa talking happily with Yamamoto-san right now?
Was she eating something delicious?
Takisawa’s expression only softens when she eats. Usually she looks displeased, like nothing is enjoyable — but when eating, she looks happy. Only when eating.
That was something only I needed to know. I didn’t want anyone else to know it.
Being alone, I kept thinking unpleasant thoughts.
To stop the unsettled feelings from going on and on, I decided to sleep.
But even burrowed under the covers, I couldn’t sleep.
It had been a long time since my heart had ached this much.
I want tomorrow to come soon.
Please let time pass faster, even just a little…
In the end, I reached the next day without sleeping at all.
The next day too, the moment lectures ended I hurried home.
The house was exactly as I’d left it that morning.
This house without Takisawa — time passed at an unbelievably slow crawl.
Even so, all I could do now was wait — so I sat quietly in the living room chair and stared blankly at the television.
After a little while, I heard the click of a key turning — and rushed to the door.
Running down the hallway at this speed — probably not since primary school.
By the time Takisawa opened the door, I was already standing in the cold entryway in my socked feet.
I pulled wide-eyed Takisawa inside and held her close. Her hair smelled different from usual, and my chest tightened.
“Endo-san…?”
“Welcome home.”
“I’m home.”
“Takisawa, use my shampoo today.”
“Why?”
I loosened my hold on Takisawa slightly — reluctantly — and stroked her head gently.
“Because I want you to think about me a lot——”
“That makes no sense.”
Even while saying it made no sense, she didn’t go anywhere or push me away, and I felt relief.
I led Takisawa inside.
The chest that had been so tight until just moments ago began to ease and open, slowly becoming part of my body again, the longer I spent with Takisawa.
I watched her eating happily in front of me, and she caught me looking and fixed me with a suspicious glare.
“Is something on my face?”
“No. I was just looking because I love your face.”
“Weirdo.”
Takisawa’s ears were going redder and redder, and at that, my own face felt like it was warming too.
“Come to think of it…”
“What?”
“Endo-san, are you going back home for New Year’s?”
“Hmm, I think I’ll stay here this year.”
Being asked about New Year’s gave me a start.
Takisawa would probably be going back to her family.
I could stay at my childhood home too — but if I was going to be alone, a smaller place seemed better for keeping my mind occupied.
“Then we can eat New Year’s soba together again this year.”
“What——?”
Takisawa seemed satisfied with having said what she wanted to say and went back to eating. Perhaps because I was staring at her with such a strange expression, she looked at me and smiled.
“What’s with that dopey face.”
“Do you not need to go home, Takisawa…?”
Takisawa had finished eating at some point, and was looking at me with a serious expression.
“Endo-san said let’s watch the first sunrise together next year too…”
I swallowed.
I never imagined she would have remembered those words I’d said casually last year.
Takisawa never breaks a promise.
Realising that again today, my heart overflowed with joy.
The feeling welling up quietly reached my eyes in no time. Since Takisawa was busy clearing away her dishes, I rubbed my eyes quickly and started clearing my own.
“Thank you, Takisawa.”
“For what?”
“For remembering the promise.”
“That’s obvious, isn’t it.”
I had wrapped my arms around her from behind before I knew what I was doing. Takisawa said nothing and stayed like that for a little while.
“Endo-san, I want to wash the dishes.”
“Wash them like this.”
“You’ve gotten selfish, haven’t you, Endo-san.”
“Do you… not like it?”
Being called selfish by Takisawa made me feel a flash of anxiety.
I sometimes became selfish toward Takisawa without realizing it. The thought that she might come to dislike me for it was frightening.
Takisawa turned around to face me and looked into my eyes. She quickly looked away, made a difficult expression, then looked back.
“I like this Endo-san too.”
Saying that, she turned straight back toward the sink and pulled my hands around to her waist. I held her close, drawn by her pull.
“I’m so happy~”
“Sure, sure.”
I couldn’t see Takisawa’s face from here — but she said not a word of complaint and let me stay pressed against her until the washing up was done.