Episode Ninety-Four: Better Behave Tonight, Then
Slow, drifting up from a soft, floating doze, consciousness gradually surfaced. I woke to the sensation of lips, gentle, pressed against my cheek.
Feeling the warmth of skin against my back, damp and soft, I lifted my face slightly and realized I was being held from behind — Yui-san, peering down at me, smiling faintly.
Not a stitch of clothing between us, the bare skin touching mine felt pleasant. Left to myself, I might have drifted right back into sleep, but a gentle, soft voice pulled my consciousness back.
“Kanata, wake up.”
Whispered gently at my ear, I blinked, several times.
Glancing slowly toward the window, it was still dark outside — we were still, I realized, in the middle of the night.
After everything, combined with the alcohol, I must have fallen into a light sleep.
“Mm, nh…”
“Want to bathe first? Or would you rather have cake?”
Accepting the kisses falling gently on my cheek, my neck, I rebooted my still-sleepy brain.
Bath, or cake. Both tempting propositions.
“…I’m hungry, but… I want to bathe first.”
After genuinely weighing it, I decided to prioritize bathing.
We’d worked up quite a sweat, and wanting to feel clean again edged out my appetite, just barely.
Pressed close to Yui-san, it hadn’t bothered me much, but my slightly sticky skin didn’t sit well against the sheets.
“Got it. I’ll go run the water.”
Stroking my hair gently, Yui-san briskly gathered up her underwear and put it on.
Throwing a white shirt over her shoulders, she slipped out of bed, and the sudden absence of her warmth left me faintly wistful.
Time had passed since dinner, and, mercilessly, the alcohol that had shattered my composure so thoroughly was starting to wear off — my fogged head clearing, gradually.
I reflected, seriously, on my own conduct from the past few hours.
I’d stubbornly insisted “I’m not drunk,” but Yui-san’s warning — “you’re drinking too much” — had been absolutely right.
I did it again. Sighing, I pressed a hand to my forehead.
Drunk, the spoiled, needy side of myself I usually keep firmly suppressed comes right out.
Things I could never normally say slip out easily, with a little alcohol’s help, and just remembering it makes my face feel hot enough to catch fire.
Sex while drinking, with reason thrown completely aside, feels passionate enough, in the moment, to make you think you might just float straight up to heaven — but once it’s over, the wave of embarrassment that follows is on a completely different scale from ordinary nights.
Why did I say something like that, I thought, regretting, flushing red.
Before dating Yui-san, I never once thought I had any “desire” of my own. But I was wrong. I simply never knew any better.
If I could, I’d want to erase every single word I’d spilled in this bed, every last one, from Yui-san’s memory.
While I was busy reflecting like that, Yui-san came back from the bathroom.
A plastic water bottle in hand. Twisting the cap open with a small crack, she handed it to me.
“Thirsty, right? Drink some water.”
“Thank you…”
Pulling the sheet up as I sat up, I hugged my knees and accepted it.
Actually, my throat had been parched since I woke. Drinking the water, a cool sensation traced down my throat, settling into my stomach.
“Sobered up?”
“…Yes.”
Pressing my flushed cheek against my raised knees, hiding, Yui-san just watched me, silent, and smiled.
*
Once the bath had filled, we headed to the bathroom together. True to being a suite, the bathroom was surprisingly spacious, gold accents here and there catching the light like something out of a movie.
Delighted by the huge tub and the bergamot-scented bath amenities, we washed each other and finished bathing.
I’d wanted to soak longer, honestly, but the cake was waiting, and with alcohol still in my system, staying in too long wasn’t a good idea.
Rinsing off the sweat, slipping into plush bathrobes, we took turns drying each other’s hair in front of the vanity mirror.
Her glossy long black hair felt like silk thread, slipping smooth between my fingers as I combed through it.
The fine, smooth texture of a woman’s skin, the scent of soft hair — I’d never once been moved by things like that before meeting Yui-san. But now, I love this beautiful black hair from the very bottom of my heart.
Even the first time we met, Yui-san had already been complete, already beautiful — but at twenty-six, whatever faint trace of youthful innocence had lingered from her college years had faded completely, leaving nothing but the refined beauty of a grown woman.
Her fine features are beautiful, like a work of art. Surely, that beauty will only keep growing, from here on.
I gathered a strand of her flowing hair and pressed a kiss to it. I felt, for the first time, like I understood the feeling behind everything Yui-san’s always done for me.
All the countless “happy things” she’s given me, this whole time — I want to give them back to her now, just as much, or more.
This love, burning steady in my chest, hadn’t lost any of its heat, and yet, before I noticed, it had reshaped itself into something deep and strong.
If wanting someone intensely is what “romantic love” means, then I finally understood — the desire to give is what people call real love.
The love Yui-san’s kept giving me, without pause, has filled this heart of mine, endlessly, with more happiness than I could ever ask for.
So I, too. I can swear it now, without a shred of hesitation, before God — that I’ll love only you, for the rest of my life.
*
Changed into loungewear, I settled onto the large sofa. The night view through the high-floor window was beautiful, and the snow, carried in by the massive low-pressure system that had swept through Kanto this winter, kept falling, quiet, steady, blanketing the whole city white.
Yui-san pulled the cake from its box, and a wonderful chocolate scent drifted up.
The classic Christmas cake — a lovely bûche de Noël.
On the log-shaped cake, atop powdered-sugar snow, sat a tiny sugar-candy Santa.
Even after eating that much dinner, just seeing something sweet in front of me was enough for my stomach, food-loving as ever, to growl immediately.
Handed a cut slice, I smiled, unbidden. Without hesitation, Yui-san had placed the little Santa on my plate, and she watched me, happy.
Bringing it to my mouth, the chocolate cream melted on my tongue, and I couldn’t help a small, appreciative groan.
First time trying cake from a well-known chocolate brand, and the depth of flavor was noticeable, even in a single bite.
Exactly the kind of taste meant for a special day.
“Good?”
Yui-san, beside me, asked, and I nodded, honest, “yeah.”
The one Christmas I’d spent with Yui-san back in college is an irreplaceable memory for me too, but this one — our first Christmas as girlfriends — I’m sure will become a memory I’ll never forget, for the rest of my life.
“So, actually, there’s one more present for you, Kanata.”
Right as I finished polishing off the cake, Yui-san said that, suddenly.
One more? Never having expected that, I looked up, startled.
Is there really something more?
Watching me sit there, blank, Yui-san laughed, and, apparently having prepared it without my noticing, pulled a small wrapped box from her loungewear pocket and set it, gentle, on my lap.
“Open it.”
What could it be. Still unable to hide my surprise, I did as told, unwinding the red ribbon on the box and opening it.
Inside sat a glossy black leather key case. Picking it up, I felt a faint bulge inside.
Something’s in there? Snapping open the gold clasp, I opened the case.
Inside, a slightly worn key hung from the ring, tied with a red ribbon.
I understood immediately. This key — it’s the key to that house. The one Yui-san handed me the very first time we met, before I started college.
There’s no way I could mistake it. The one I used every single day, that whole year we spent under one roof together. The key I returned to her, the day we parted.
The memory of the day we first met, sudden, vivid, full of color, came flooding back. I was still eighteen then, and she was twenty.
Stepping into that house for the very first time, suitcase in hand, I’d been more nervous than I’d ever been in my life.
Which is exactly why I remember it. That day, Yui-san pressing this brand-new key, not a single scratch on it yet, into my hand.
I’d been full of anxiety.
I hadn’t known, then, what kind of person Yui-san actually was, and had no idea what to even talk to her about.
For the first few weeks, just seeing her face left me tense the whole time, unable to make casual conversation, coming across, I think, prickly and unlikable.
But Yui-san never once showed the slightest displeasure at that. She was always, without fail, kind.
Every single season we spent together in that house is filled, wall to wall, with sweet, bittersweet memories of falling in love.
“Yui-san, this key…”
“Might be a little early, but I wanted to give it to you today, while we’re at it. Once spring comes, let’s live together again. This time, without setting any deadline. Forever.”
Why — the tears just wouldn’t stop. What I’d let go of that day had come back into my hand again. Just thinking that, some overflowing, unspeakable feeling turned into tears, spilling over, unstoppable.
I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand. Then Yui-san took my hand, tight.
“Don’t cry, Kanata.”
“But…”
As if drinking up the tears, her lips pressed gently against my eyelid. Unable to hold back, I clung to her, and, through her loungewear, her pale skin carried a sweet, refreshing bergamot scent.
Our bodies pressed flush together. Like being pulled by some magnetic force, my body refused to let go of her. Her warm palm stroked my back, gentle, cherishing.
“Once spring comes, let’s go buy new furniture, a new bed, everything. What kind of room do you want, Kanata?”
“Is that really okay? It’s your house…”
“From here on, it’s our house.”
I’d always loved her house too, simple and spare, nothing unnecessary in it at all.
I know, too, that the room she gave me back then still sits exactly as it was, frozen in time, even now.
Yui-san never gave up. She believed, the whole time, that someday I’d come home again.
“…Can I… go back to that room, then?”
Asked that, Yui-san rubbed her cheek against my hair, laughing.
“No, that won’t do. I’m getting rid of the bed in your room. Because I want to sleep with you, every single night. So let’s make my room our shared bedroom instead.”
The arm around my waist tightened, pulling me close. Starting over again, from scratch, a life together — imagining it, one thing after another, my heart danced.
Nuzzling against her neck, I hugged her back, tight, tight, determined never to let go of the warmth of the body holding me, ever again.
＊＊＊
Once we’d finished getting ready for bed, we tumbled, tangled, laughing, into bed together. The balloon art, pushed aside earlier, still floated, swaying, around the bed.
Yui-san nipped playfully at my neck, peeking from my loungewear collar, and, ticklish, I turned my face away, only for her hand to catch my wrist, faintly forceful.
Startled by that grip, I looked at her, and, as if she’d been waiting for exactly this, our lips met. Tilting again and again, the feel of it pleasant enough that I accepted it, easy — until her mischievous palm stroked my side, ticklish, and I scrambled to push her shoulder back.
“Wa— wait, Yui-san…!”
Her black eyes, catching the dim orange room light, narrowed, sly.
“Aren’t we supposed to be sleeping?”
“Hmm… do you want to sleep already, Kanata?”
Unbelievable. After everything we just did, where does she get this much stamina?
Yui-san, pervert — I nearly said, but, remembering how I’d wanted her myself, just a while ago, I decided to swallow that particular word, just for tonight.
Normally, I’m rarely the one who wakes up later than Yui-san — but if I use up any more energy tonight, I might genuinely fail to wake before her.
If I can’t get the present by her pillow before morning, Christmas loses its whole meaning.
“Hey, Yui-san. If you’re not good, Santa might not come tonight. Is that okay with you…?”
Saying that, Yui-san’s eyes went round, blinking.
“…Santa comes for me too?”
Asked that, so genuinely surprised, I couldn’t help but laugh. Of course he does — I bit back the urge to say it, and hugged her body instead.
“If you go to sleep quietly, like a good girl, I’m sure he’ll come.”
As long as I’m here beside you, a Christmas without Santa will never come again.
Yui-san laughed and lay down beside me, hugging my body back, tight.
“I see, then… better behave tonight, then.”
Hearing that happy voice, I smiled too. I vowed to wake before Yui-san tomorrow, absolutely, no matter what.
After making that vow, I pressed my face against her chest, and, wrapped in happiness, closed my eyes.
*
The next morning.
Just as promised, Santa came to Yui-san again, after four years.
Opening the wrapped present left by her pillow, Yui-san’s smile was genuine, innocent, delighted.
Watching that smile, I found myself thinking, from the very bottom of my heart — I want to keep being her Santa, next year, and the year after, and every year after that.