Episode 3: Yui-san is to Blame

Thick grey clouds dripped raindrops onto the concrete, leaving patches of wetness.

The weather forecast had said it would rain today, yet foolishly I’d left my umbrella at home.

I only had to get back home, but I hesitated over buying an umbrella at the campus convenience store and ended up killing time in the library instead.

　I could buy one, but I wasn’t keen on leaving several umbrellas at Yui-san’s place, which was sparse and simple. Besides, the forecast said the rain would stop in an hour.

Well, what to do? As I wandered through the vast building, I spotted a familiar figure at a desk.

Long, loosely curled hair in pink ash.

I’ve met that person before. The moment she looked up, our eyes met perfectly – hers slightly drooping.

“Ah.”

I recall her name is Nakahara Ritsu.
Yui-san’s friend. I remember being introduced to her as such before.

“Kanata-chan, it’s been a while. What are you doing?”

“Hello.”

Ritsu-san smiled, removing her earphones. She seemed to have been studying; several thick books were lined up on her desk.

　The contrast with her flashy appearance was striking. I’d never even seen Yui studying, for that matter.

“I forgot my umbrella, so I thought I’d kill time until it stops.”

“Oh, I see. Why not ask Yui to come and fetch you? She hasn’t come to uni today, so she must be at home, right?”

She swiftly pulled out the chair beside her, inviting me to sit. I accepted the offer and settled down next to her.

“Yui didn’t come home yesterday, so I don’t know if she’s at home.”

Last night, she said she was going out for drinks and didn’t come back until morning. We’re not the sort of friends where I can ask where she is or what she’s doing, so I always just send her off silently and wait for her return.

“She’s got a way with them, doesn’t she? Probably crashing at some other woman’s place again, as usual.”

“…Has Yui-san always been like that with women?”

“I don’t know about before uni, but he’s been like that since at least first year. She’s got a uselessly good face, so she gets all the attention. What she gets up to is pretty scummy though. Kanata-chan, are you alright living with that sex-crazed savage? Has she done anything to you?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. I was slightly envious of the kind of relationship that allowed her to speak so maliciously about Yui-san. I still didn’t have the courage to delve that deep.

Asking who, where, what she was doing… it was terrifying.

“I’m fine. Apparently I’m not Yui-san’s type.”

“Huh… Did Yui say that?”

Her gentle, drooping eyes peered at me with interest. A mischievous glint flickered in her dark brown irises.

　When I nodded honestly, Ritsu smiled, showing her white teeth with an amused grin.

“Hmm. Well, let’s just leave it at that then.”

“Do you know, Ritsu? Yui-san’s type?”

“A ‘cute girl who isn’t a hassle’, right?”

Apparently, whenever Yui-san is asked about her type at drinking parties, that’s always her answer.

　I see. If you play your cards right, perhaps the “troublesome types” really wouldn’t bother her. It’s like saying she only accepts casual relationships.

“Kanata-chan, you don’t have a boyfriend at the moment?”

“No, I don’t…”

“Doesn’t seem like you’re looking either?”

“People often say that. Do I give that impression?”

Do I seem uninterested in romance? If so, that’s half right and half wrong.

It’s not that I’m hung up on past relationships, but I am definitely passive about it.

“But you look like you could get a boyfriend easily, you’re so cute.”

“I do think it’d be nice to meet someone nice… but I don’t really meet anyone.”

“Oh? Well then, give me your contact details. I’ll invite you to drinks and all sorts of gatherings. You can bring friends along too.”

“But I’m not even twenty yet…”

“Orange juice is fine. I’ll make sure to get permission from your guardian, alright?”

By guardian, did she mean Yui-san? While I wasn’t actively seeking encounters right now, it was true that having various experiences would probably make university life more enjoyable.
　And since Ritsu-san is Yui-san’s friend, I feel I can trust her.

I exchanged contact details as requested. A cute new icon appeared in my chat app.
Having no high school friends in Japan, I need to build relationships from scratch, so I want to cherish any opportunities that come my way.

　While chatting idly with Ritsu-san, the rain had stopped completely, just as forecast.
She said she needed to study a bit more – contrary to appearances, Ritsu-san seemed to be leading a rather serious university life.

Ritsu-san felt more like the ideal university student than Yui-san did…

　Stopping at a cake shop near the station, I bought two tarts perfect for afternoon tea and headed home. Yui-san still seemed to be out; the quiet room was exactly as I’d left it that morning.

As I boiled water in the kettle and prepared the teapot, I heard rustling sounds from the entrance. Yui-san returned at just the right moment.

It looked like the two tarts I’d bought wouldn’t go to waste after all.

“I’m home.”

“Welcome back,” I said, turning around. She was wearing the same hoodie as yesterday, yet her long black hair, which should have been loosely curled, was straight again.

Unaware of my gaze, Yui-san flicked the black cap she’d been wearing onto the rack.

She was wearing makeup, but it was different from yesterday. She must have bathed somewhere.

As I warmed the pot, I heard the patter of slippers.

　As Yui-san drew nearer, a strong, unfamiliar perfume scent hit me. Startled, I whipped around abruptly.

“Eh? What?”

“Yui-san, have you changed your perfume?”

“No, I haven’t put any on today… Hmm?”

I moved closer to pinpoint the source of the scent. Bringing my face near her chest area, a sickly sweet, overpowering fragrance assaulted my nose.

　It was the scent of a woman, marked with desire, as if she were claiming it as her own.

“…Yui-san, has perfume been sprayed on your clothes?”

“Eh? No way, I hadn’t noticed at all. Maybe my nose is numb?”

I thought, if you spent a night with a woman wearing this scent, you’d probably lose your sense of smell.

　Seeing Yui slump her shoulders, muttering about how expensive this hoodie was, made me want to sigh.

“…Yui, how many fuck buddies do you actually have?”

“Eh?”

Looking up at her resentfully, Yui just stared back, her eyes wide in utter bewilderment.

“I don’t think I’m actively making fuck buddies…”

“Blimey, you really don’t realise, do you…”

“Well, I don’t like all this hassle, you see.”

Pulling at the collar of her shirt, which had clearly been sprayed with perfume, she looked utterly disgusted. Seeing that, I began to understand Yui-san’s thought process.

She preferred one-night stands; she disliked committing to anyone specific. Even if it was a fuck buddy, did that fall under the “hassle” category for Yui-san?

　Well, no wonder she’d never get a girlfriend…

Yeah, best stop thinking about it. There’s no way I could understand.

“…Afternoon tea, Yui-san? How about it? I bought some tarts near the station.”

Looking up to ask, Yui-san’s previously sullen face brightened instantly.

She busily set the tarts on the coffee table and placed two teacups side by side.

I know Yui-san prefers coffee, but I absolutely believe milk tea is the perfect match for afternoon tea.

While tucking into a tart, I glance over at Yui-san beside me.

“Um, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but Yui-san, are you the type who has sexual desire but no romantic feelings?”

The day I found out Yui-san was homosexual, I frantically looked up the sexuality of someone I’d never even considered before.

Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, apparently there are various others too.

There’s even a sexuality where you don’t feel romantic attraction towards others…

“No? I fall for girls normally, but…”

“Eh… you do fall in love?”

I was surprised by her straightforward denial. Even if I were being generous, Yui-san’s behaviour didn’t exactly scream ‘in a relationship’.

As she lifted a fruit tart to her mouth, Yui-san narrowed her eyes in displeasure.

“What on earth do you think I am, Kanata?”

A sex-crazed savage.

　Ritsu-san’s words flashed through my mind, but I swallowed them back. I didn’t want to argue; I just wanted to understand Yui-san.

“I’m not interested in romance right now, so I avoid getting involved with girls who like me. I couldn’t reciprocate their feelings anyway.”

“You’re not interested in romance, but you want sex?”

“Kanata, if you met someone wonderful, wouldn’t you ever want to do that sort of thing?”

　The question bounced back at me, and I stammered for an answer. A wonderful person of the opposite sex, wanting to do that sort of thing…

“…No, I haven’t felt that. If it were a lover, I suppose I’d feel I had to respond if they asked. But I’ve never wanted it myself.”

I tried to recall past relationships. Honestly, I didn’t have any good memories regarding sex.

“…You’re the one who doesn’t really want a lover, are you?”

　This was the second time today I’d been told that. Apparently, I must seem utterly indifferent to romance.

“That’s not true. I do feel lonely sometimes. I do think about wanting someone to hold me…”

“What do you do when that happens?”

What do you mean, what do I do? I can’t do anything when there’s no one there. I don’t fancy having relationships with multiple people like Yui-san does either. The downsides are far too great.

“Nothing. I just feel lonely.”

“Hmm… Well then, I’ll hug you when you feel like that.”

I felt her arm pull me sharply, and before I knew it, I was snugly tucked into her embrace.

…To embrace another woman without hesitation, while still wearing the scent of a different woman’s perfume… what a sinful person.

　The arms pulling me close, the soft body — undeniably female. Yet why? It felt comforting.

Except for this cloying scent.

“Yui-san, I… I don’t like this smell.”

I pushed her shoulders away. Looking up from her loosening embrace, Yui-san smiled, grabbed the hem of my hoodie, and pulled it up in one swift motion.

“Right then.”

Before I could react, she flung the hoodie onto the floor beneath the sofa. Now in just a T-shirt, Yui’s arms wrapped around my neck and pulled me close. The distance closed as if in slow motion.

A single diamond necklace swayed against her white chest.

Simply being held so tightly, our bodies pressed together, made breathing difficult, as if I were underwater.

“Is this alright?”

“…Wasn’t that hoodie rather expensive?”

My gaze fell on the hoodie she’d tossed to my feet without a second thought. Poor thing. Doused in perfume, thrown about – it might well be today’s most victimised item.

“But you didn’t like it, did you?”

“…Do you do this sort of thing to everyone, Yui?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Liar.”

“It’s true. You’re the only one. You’re special.”

The devil’s whisper echoing from my ear to my brain. If I knew nothing, I’d be completely fooled.

This person, who apparently doesn’t like my type, what on earth is she playing at?

I don’t understand anymore. I close my eyes and try to relax my body.

　Since living with Yui-san, I’ve discovered a side of myself I never knew. Being pampered like this… I don’t dislike it.

I give the sleeve of her T-shirt a little squeeze. Feeling her hands pat my back, I think, ah, that feels nice.

When Yui-san touches me, I feel surprisingly little desire. Only kindness flows from her touch; it’s clear there’s no ulterior motive.

　I still don’t know whether I should be glad about that, or sad.

Maybe I’m just not attractive. After all, even the guy who used to tell me I was cute, ended up leaving me.

Because I’m incomplete as a woman. Because I can’t do sex properly, well.

“…Yui-san.”

“Hmm?”

“I saw Ritsu-san today. She said she’d invite me to the next gathering, so I should come.”

“Eh?”

Perhaps because her ear was pressed right against my chest, Yui-san’s soft voice, which usually carried just a little, sounded tense.

“…Should I not go?”

“Hmm, I’m a bit worried…”

“Worried?”

“You can go, but you absolutely mustn’t drink any alcohol. There are bad people out there. Can you promise me that?”

“Bad people, like Yui-san?”

“Yes, exactly. It’d be awful if you got taken home, wouldn’t it?”

“Hehe… You’re quite aware you’re a bad person, aren’t you?”

She gently stroked my head. It tickled a little, and I closed my eyes.

I felt like I might melt away in this sugar-sweet tenderness.

Because Yui-san gives me everything I want, every word I long to hear, as if she’d known it all along.

　If I’m treated this kindly. If I’m spoiled this much. I might just go to ruin.

I didn’t want to know. It’s about me, yet I never realised it until now.

I’ve always lived thinking I had to be strong, because I have a little brother and I’m the big sister.

For the first time in my life, I’ve become aware of my own desire to be spoiled.

And it’s all Yui’s fault.