Episode Three: Yui-san’s the Bad One
Rain fell in thin, scattered drops from a thick blanket of grey cloud, staining the concrete underfoot.
The forecast had said it would rain today, and yet, idiot that I was, I’d left my umbrella at home.
All I had left to do was get home, but I couldn’t decide whether to buy an umbrella at the convenience store on campus, and ended up killing time in the library instead.
I could’ve bought one, sure, but it didn’t sit right with me, cluttering up Yui-san’s spare, minimalist house with a pile of umbrellas. And the forecast said it’d clear up within the hour anyway.
Wondering what to do with myself, I wandered the wide library floor and spotted a familiar face bent over a desk.
Long, loosely curled hair in pink-ash.
I’d met that person before. The moment she glanced up, her eyes, gently downturned at the corners, met mine dead on.
“Oh.”
Right, her name was Nakahara Ritsu-san.
A friend of Yui-san’s. I remembered being introduced to her once before.
“Kanata-chan, long time no see. What are you up to?”
“Hello.”
Ritsu-san pulled her earphones out and smiled; she’d apparently been studying, several thick books stacked on the desk in front of her.
The gap between that and her flashy looks was almost startling. I’d never once seen Yui-san studying, and here was her friend, buried in textbooks.
“I forgot my umbrella, so I figured I’d kill time until it lets up.”
“Ah, gotcha. You could’ve just had Yui come pick you up, though. She’s not on campus today — isn’t she home?”
She pulled out the chair beside her, inviting me to sit, and I took her up on it, settling in next to her.
“Yui-san didn’t come home last night, so I don’t know if she’s there.”
Last night she’d said she was going out drinking, and that was the last I’d heard — she hadn’t come back even by morning. Ours wasn’t the kind of relationship where I could ask who she was with or what she was doing, so as always, I’d sent her off in silence and waited for her to come back.
“That woman, I swear. Crashed at some other girl’s place again, probably.”
“…Has Yui-san always been like that with women? Even before college?”
“No idea about before college, but at least since our first year, yeah, she’s been like this. Pointlessly good-looking, so she gets plenty of attention. What she actually does with it is pretty trashy, though. Kanata-chan, you sure you’re okay living with that libido-driven savage? She hasn’t tried anything?”
I couldn’t help laughing. Part of me envied a relationship close enough to talk about Yui-san with that much affectionate venom. I still didn’t have the nerve to go anywhere near that territory myself.
Who, where, doing what — even asking scared me.
“I’m fine. Apparently I’m not her type.”
“Hm… Yui said that?”
She leaned in, curious, her gentle downturned eyes, a hint of mischief flickering in their dark brown depths.
I nodded, honestly, and Ritsu-san grinned, baring white teeth, clearly entertained.
“Huh. Well, let’s just go with that, then.”
“Do you know, Ritsu-san? What Yui-san’s actual type is?”
“‘Cute, and not a hassle.’ That’s the type.”
Apparently that was the answer Yui-san always gave whenever someone asked her preference over drinks.
Made sense — say that up front, and it probably scared off anyone who might turn out to be “a hassle.” Basically announcing that she’d only take casual, no-strings arrangements.
“What about you, Kanata-chan? No boyfriend right now?”
“No, not right now…”
“Not even looking?”
“People tell me that a lot — do I really give off that impression?”
Did I really look uninterested in romance? If so, that was half right and half wrong.
It wasn’t that I was still hung up on my last relationship. But it was true that I’d gone passive about it.
“I mean, you’re cute, so it seems like you could get a boyfriend easy.”
“I do think it’d be nice if someone came along… but there’s just no opportunity, really.”
“Yeah? Then give me your contact info. I’ll invite you to drinking parties and stuff, all kinds of get-togethers. Bring friends too, if you want.”
“I’m not even twenty yet, though…”
“Orange juice is fine. I’ll get proper permission from your guardian too, don’t worry.”
Guardian — did she mean Yui-san? I wasn’t actively looking to meet new people right now, but it did seem like college life would be more fun with a wider circle.
And Ritsu-san was Yui-san’s friend, so I felt safe with her.
At her prompting, we exchanged contact info. One more cute little icon added to my chat app.
None of my high school friends were in Japan, so I had to build my whole social world here from scratch, and I wanted to hold onto any chance that came along.
Chatting idly with Ritsu-san about nothing in particular, I looked up to find the rain had, just as forecast, already stopped.
She said she’d stay a bit longer to keep studying — for all her flashy looks, Ritsu-san apparently led a genuinely diligent college life.
Honestly, between the two of them, Ritsu-san felt a lot more like the “proper college student” I should be aspiring to be…
I stopped by a cake shop near the station and picked up two tarts, perfect for afternoon tea, and headed home to find Yui-san still hadn’t come back — the quiet house was exactly as I’d left it that morning.
I was setting the kettle to boil and getting the teapot ready when I heard fumbling at the front door. Good timing — Yui-san was home.
Now the two tarts I’d splurged on wouldn’t go to waste.
“I’m home.”
Welcome back, I said, turning around, and found her still in the same hoodie from yesterday, though the long black hair that had been loosely curled was now dead straight.
Not noticing my gaze, Yui-san tossed the black cap she’d been wearing onto the rack.
Her makeup was on, but different from yesterday’s. She must have bathed somewhere.
While I was warming the pot, I heard the pat-pat of slippers approaching.
As she got close, an unfamiliar, heavy perfume hit me, and startled, I spun around fast.
“Huh, what?”
“Yui-san, did you change your perfume?”
“No, I’m not wearing any today… huh?”
I leaned in, trying to trace the source of the scent. When I brought my face close to her chest, a cloying, heavy fragrance filled my nose.
Like a woman marking her territory, thick with want.
“…Yui-san, did someone spray perfume on your clothes?”
“What, seriously? I didn’t notice at all. Guess my nose is shot.”
If you spend a whole night with a woman wearing a scent like this, I suppose you really would go numb to it.
This hoodie was expensive, too, she said, shoulders slumping, and I nearly sighed out loud.
“…Yui-san, exactly how many fuck buddies do you even have?”
“Huh?”
I looked up at her, resentful, and she blinked back at me, eyes rounding in a way that was almost comically startled.
“I don’t think of it as making fuck buddies, though…”
“Wow, so you genuinely don’t realize…”
“I mean, I don’t really like that kind of hassle.”
Tugging at the perfume-doused front of her chest, wearing an expression of pure distaste, I finally started to piece together how her mind worked.
A relationship contained to just that one day was fine, but anything involving a specific, recurring person was not — apparently even a fuck buddy fell under her “too much hassle” category.
Which meant, obviously, there was no way she’d ever have a girlfriend…
Yeah. I decided to stop thinking about it. There was no way I’d ever understand.
“…Yui-san, would you like some afternoon tea? I picked up tarts near the station.”
I looked up and asked, and her sulky expression brightened instantly.
I busily set the tarts out on the coffee table and lined up two teacups.
I knew Yui-san preferred coffee, but I firmly believed milk tea was the only proper match for afternoon tea.
Biting into my tart, I glanced sideways at her.
“Um, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but… Yui-san, are you the type who has sexual desire but no romantic feelings?”
The day I’d learned Yui-san was gay, I’d rushed to look up the sexuality of someone I’d never once thought to consider before.
Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and apparently plenty of others besides.
There was even a category for people who didn’t experience romantic attraction to others at all…
“No? I fall for girls just like anyone…”
“Wait… you fall for people?”
I was startled by how flatly she denied it. Her conduct, to put it kindly, didn’t exactly look like someone who fell in love.
Bringing a bite of fruit tart to her mouth, Yui-san narrowed her eyes, faintly displeased.
“What exactly do you think I am, Kanata?”
A libido-driven savage. Ritsu-san’s words flashed through my mind, and I swallowed them back down. I wasn’t trying to pick a fight. I just wanted to understand her.
“Right now I’m just not looking to fall for anyone, so I make a point of not getting involved with girls who like me that way. There’s no point, since I can’t return the feeling anyway.”
“You don’t want a relationship, but you still want sex?”
“What about you, Kanata? Never wanted to do that kind of thing with some nice guy?”
The question bounced right back at me, and I caught myself, stumbling for an answer. Some nice guy, wanting to do that kind of thing with him…
“…No. Never. I mean, if he were my boyfriend, I’d feel like I ought to go along with it if he wanted to. But wanting it myself, on my own… no, never.”
I thought back over my past relationship. Honestly, when it came to sex, I didn’t have any good memories.
“…You don’t actually want a boyfriend either, do you, Kanata? Not really.”
That was the second time today someone had said that to me. I must really come across as completely indifferent to romance.
“That’s not true. There are times I feel lonely. Times I wish someone would just hold me…”
“What do you do, when you feel like that?”
What was I supposed to do about it. There was no one there to do anything with. And I wasn’t the type who could just take up with random people the way Yui-san did. Too much risk, not enough upside.
“Nothing. I just feel lonely, that’s all.”
“Hm… Then I’ll hold you, when you’re like that.”
Before I knew it, she’d pulled my arm and I was folded neatly into her embrace.
…Wrapped in another woman’s perfume, holding someone else without a second’s hesitation. What a sinful person.
The arm around me, the soft body pressed close, unmistakably a woman’s, and yet — why did it feel so good?
If not for that cloying scent still clinging to her.
“Yui-san, I… I don’t like this smell.”
I said it, pushing back at her shoulder. Looking up from the loosened embrace, I found Yui-san smiling, gripping the hem of her hoodie, and in one motion pulling it up and off.
“There we go.”
While I sat there stunned, she flung the hoodie onto the floor by the sofa, and in just her T-shirt now, looped her arm back around my neck and pulled me in close. The distance closed like slow motion.
A single-diamond necklace swayed against her pale collarbone.
Pulled in close, our bodies pressed flush together, and just from that, my breath went tight, like I was underwater.
“Better now?”
“…Wasn’t that hoodie expensive?”
I glanced at it, tossed to the floor without a second thought. Poor thing — doused in perfume, then flung aside. Might be the biggest casualty of the day.
“Well, you didn’t like it, right?”
“…Do you do this with everyone, Yui-san?”
“No.”
“Liar.”
“I’m serious. You’re the only one, Kanata. You’re special.”
A devil’s whisper, murmured close to my ear, sinking straight into my brain. If I didn’t know any better, I’d fall for it completely.
Someone who’s apparently decided I’m not her type — what does she even think she’s doing, doing this?
I gave up trying to understand. Closed my eyes, let my body go slack.
Something I’d never known about myself until I started living with Yui-san. Being spoiled like this — I didn’t hate it.
I curled my fingers into her T-shirt sleeve. She stroked my back, gentle, patting, and I thought, this feels nice.
When Yui-san touched me, there was startlingly little desire in it. Just kindness, coming through wherever she touched, no ulterior motive in sight.
Whether to be glad of that or sad about it, I still didn’t know.
Maybe I just wasn’t appealing enough. Even he, the one who used to call me cute, cute, over and over, had left me in the end.
Because I was incomplete, as a woman. Because I couldn’t do sex properly, the right way.
“…Yui-san.”
“Mm?”
“I ran into Ritsu-san today. She said she’d invite me to a get-together sometime.”
“Huh?”
Maybe because my ear was pressed right against her chest, Yui-san’s voice, soft as it reached me, seemed to catch, just slightly.
“…Should I not go?”
“Hmm, I’m a little worried, honestly…”
“Worried?”
“Go if you want, but promise me you won’t drink. There are bad people out there. Can you promise me that?”
“Bad people, like you, Yui-san?”
“Exactly like me. It’d be a disaster if someone took you home.”
“Heh… you sure seem self-aware for a bad person.”
She stroked my hair gently, and it tickled just enough that I closed my eyes.
I felt like I might melt into this sugar-sweet kindness.
Because Yui-san gave me exactly what I wanted, exactly the words I needed to hear, like she’d known all along, from the very start.
If she kept being this kind to me. If she kept spoiling me like this.
I was going to end up ruined.
I hadn’t wanted to know this. About myself, of all things, something I’d never once noticed, all this time.
I had a little brother. I was the older sister. I’d always, always told myself I had to be the reliable one, the steady one.
And here I was, for the first time in my life, waking up to a desire I’d never admitted to: wanting to be spoiled.
And it was all, every bit of it, Yui-san’s fault.