Episode Four
“Hey. Can we talk for a bit?”
I caught Selene on her way back to her room after dinner.
“What is it?”
She frowned for just a moment, then quietly took her seat.
Even in our own home, the tension wouldn’t leave my body. I looked away from her, dropped my eyes, and made myself breathe.
“I met with Rizett today.”
“I know. You told me yesterday.”
The same flat voice as always. But today it seemed to stick in my ears in a way it didn’t usually.
“Right. I thought — being at the Magic Association, maybe Rizett could find something — so I’d asked her to look into my condition.”
My eyes caught on the glass of water on the table. My throat was dry, but I felt like if I stopped talking even once, I’d never manage to start again.
“She looked into quite a lot, but in the end she said she couldn’t find anything.”
In the edge of my vision, I thought the silver hair shifted slightly. What was she thinking right now?
“She’s going to keep looking, but I don’t think anything’s going to turn up.”
“I see.”
Selene’s tone didn’t change.
“And Rizett said… why do I keep being an adventurer…”
“…She told me I might die.”
The hands I’d laid in my lap had, without my noticing, balled into fists.
“Why does Selene — make me use magic?”
A terribly weak voice crawled out of my trembling throat. I hated myself for not being able to say it firmly, clearly, the way I wanted to.
“Selene can manage on her own. You’re strong, you’re smart.”
“When you’re with me, you have to worry about me. Give me supply. That’s a lot to ask.”
“There’s nothing good about having me around, is there?”
A silence fell — tight, like something had seized in the air.
“Be quiet.”
Selene’s voice cut through it, taut and sharp.
“The White Witch needs the Black Witch. The two of us have to be together.”
“You don’t need to worry about anything. I would never, ever let you die.”
“Sion belongs to me. Don’t go getting any ideas.”
She held the glass without lifting it, eyes fixed on me.
“Belong to you… I don’t remember agreeing to that.”
Was this fading voice even reaching her? I still couldn’t lift my face.
“The supply is — it’s humiliating and it’s awful. I hate it.”
The shallow breathing, the flushed body. The sounds I make that I can’t quite suppress. None of that is something anyone should have to show another person.
“I don’t hate it.”
I snapped my head up before I could think, and met those golden eyes.
“Wh— that makes no sense! That’s not something you do for someone you don’t even like—”
“Be quiet. Or I won’t give you your supply.”
That coaxing, testing tone of hers. I hate her when she sounds like that.
“F-fine then! I’m not using magic anymore. I won’t do what you say.”
“You don’t have to give me supply at all!”
“…I don’t even care if I… die…”
My hollow voice dissolved into the quiet room. The only sound was the second hand of the clock, unusually loud in my ears.
Words I didn’t mean had fallen out of me. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to hurt her. That wasn’t what I meant at all.
Selene stood abruptly, and walked towards me without a sound.
“Wh — what. Say something—”
I shrank back under the force of her presence, and her hand closed around my arm, hard.
“Sion. If you ever say that again — I won’t forgive you.”
The eyes fixed on mine held anger she couldn’t entirely keep out of them.
“Sion stays as the Black Witch. Whatever happens, I will protect you. And I will keep giving you supply.”
“You don’t need to think about the reasons.”
I’d never seen Selene let this much feeling through at home before. Something was different about her today.
“So — I’m sorry. For the threats.”
She turned her face away as she said it — and in profile, I could see something there. A lost look, almost. Something like loneliness.
That expression made it impossible to refuse her.
I wish she’d just tell me the reason. Forcing me to be the Black Witch, choosing that particular way of giving supply — I can’t stand those things about her. But if she would only talk to me honestly — there’s a part of me that knows being with her isn’t something I actually mind. Even now.
Twisted as it is, we are childhood friends. We’ve been through hard times and good times side by side.
“…I went too far too. Sorry.”
I murmured it, and traced the beads of condensation on my glass with one finger.
I glanced over at Selene where she’d returned to her seat. Her eyes seemed uncertain of where to rest — something unsteady in them.
I cleared my throat to break the awkward quiet, and spoke.
“One thing, though. The supply — can you just hold my hand? The normal way?”
“The… licking. And all that. I don’t… like it.”
Heat crept slowly up through my face. I was probably red from ear to ear. My fingers wouldn’t be still — opening and closing, over and over.
“No.”
The unsteadiness from a moment ago was gone, as if it had never been. She said it in her most unreadable voice.
“…What? It’d be easier for you too, wouldn’t it? It might take longer, but—”
“Far too inefficient. Do you know how long we’d have to hold hands every time we come back from a job?”
“Besides—”
She said something, then leaned in close, suddenly. Her soft silver hair brushed against my cheek.
“Sion makes the most exquisite face when I’m giving her supply.”
A voice I’d never heard before poured into my ear — thick, syrupy, unhurried, warm with something. Not her polished public voice, not her flat at-home voice. Something else entirely. The heat of it seemed to seep into my whole body, and a completely humiliating sound nearly escaped me.
“Wha— what?!”
“I — that makes absolutely no sense! That’s the worst — I hate that about you—”
“Maybe we should do it in front of a mirror next time.”
At the edge of my vision: the faint curve of a smile.
Something touched the deepest part of my chest — a sensation I’d never felt before — and my vision flickered.
I couldn’t keep talking to her. I had a job tomorrow, which meant supply too, and I couldn’t afford to come undone tonight.
I dropped my face to the table and hid it in my arms. There was no point thinking about it anymore.
The collar she’d put around my neck — it didn’t look like I’d be free of it any time soon.