Episode 27

When I forced my heavy eyelids open, there was a girl in front of me, breathing shallowly, eyes closed.

She had both my hands gripped tight and wouldn’t let go.

Warm.

That warmth was so comfortable it made me want to stay here forever.
Being with Nanoha, I’d felt this way a number of times before.

Her body heat and her smell, I didn’t dislike them.
More than that, I think I liked them.

A warmth that wrapped gently around my small, insignificant self. A smell, neither too strong nor too faint, that drifted softly past my nose.

And the soft, deep bed and blanket.

Well — that’s what you’d expect from someone rich.

I only felt like not going home because she had all these luxuries. That was all.

I needed to get up quickly and leave Nanoha’s flat.

“Nanoha—”

I called her name meaning only to say thank you, but she didn’t wake. When I tried to shake my hands free, she gripped them tighter and wouldn’t let go.

Something about that felt wrong.

“Nanoha, you’re awake, aren’t you?”
“…Caught me?”

Her long lashes lifted slowly. She opened her eyes a little, looking drowsy.

She reached toward my temple without asking and stroked it with her too-warm hand.

“Did you sleep properly?”
“Shut up. Stop touching me.”
“Morishita really is as wary as an abandoned puppy.”
“I’m not a dog.”

I moved to push her away, but her fingers happened to fall into my line of sight, and I noticed a red mark running straight across them.

That was from earlier, when I’d known her fingers were caught in the door and pulled hard anyway, and hurt her for it.

“Why didn’t you let go of the door even when it was crushing your fingers?”
“Because if I let go there, I thought Morishita would never talk to me again.”

Nanoha said it calmly, matter-of-factly, but her face had a loneliness left in it somewhere.

“Keeping your hand in a door even when it hurts — that’s just stupid.”
“Probably. But I’m glad I didn’t let go.”

She tried to touch my temple again with that same hand. I caught it with a snap.

I didn’t want to keep being on the receiving end and building up a debt.

“Where’s that cream from before?”
“You mean this…?”

Nanoha looked puzzled as she handed me the tube that had been sitting by my head. I squeezed some of the thick ointment onto my hand and spread it gently across her fingers.

Her fingers and mine tangled together, both of them sticky. When I tried to pull away after, she caught my hand and held on.

“Morishita, what’s got into you?”
“Your fingers… I kept doing something awful to them until they hurt. Sorry…”
“You were worried about that?”

Her fingers, slimmer than mine, wound themselves between my fingers.

I wanted to pull away, but Nanoha held my hand and wouldn’t release it.

“If you’re really sorry, stay over tonight.”
“What?”
“I’m not forcing you. If that’s too much, then eat dinner with me.”
“Neither.”
“You’re so mean.”

Nanoha grumbled in a sulky voice, but then brought her face close to my temple.

I wondered what she was about to do, and then near my forehead came a small, soft sound.

“What?! What are you doing!”
“A spell for it to heal faster.”
“You’re an idiot. You really do like kissing, don’t you, Nanoha.”

I buried my face in the duvet from embarrassment.

It made no sense.
Being suddenly undressed, having my hair stroked, being kissed, all in a row.

Nanoha really is a fool.

But every one of her actions carried an attitude of treating me with care, and my chest kept aching with it.

Nanoha is a hypocrite acting for her own benefit. That’s what all of it has to be.

And yet feeling even the slightest happiness at it, I think I’m an irredeemably foolish person.

“That wasn’t a kiss, it was a spell.”
“You absolute weirdo.”
“Ahaha. I really do enjoy talking with Morishita.”
“Being called a weirdo and enjoying it — you’re unhinged.”
“But it’s fun. Can’t help it.”
“I’m not having fun.”
“Hey hey, stay over tonight. And I’m sorry about before. I had no room and took it out on you.”

Nanoha suddenly turned serious and apologised.

It was true that Nanoha’s state had been strange that day.

But looking back at my own behaviour up until then, if anything it was a miracle she hadn’t thrown me out.

I reflected quietly on my own attitude toward her.

“Nanoha, you’re going to get first place on the next test, right…”
“Huh…?”
“Follow through on what you said. Until then I’ll keep coming here.”

I put all the blame on Nanoha and made a reason to be with her.

I don’t know how to be with people.
I don’t know how to hold onto a connection with someone.

But right now, even if it made me wretched, I didn’t want to be apart from Nanoha.

“Yeah. Stick with me to the end, okay?”
“Shut up. I know that without being told.”
“I’m counting on you.”
“Also… I’m hungry.”

I squeezed the hand I was holding linked with hers.

If I said that to my mother, I’d get hit.
What was the point in saying it to Nanoha, I thought, but I wanted her to know the honest feeling I had right now.

“I’m hungry too. I’ll go get something, wait here?”
“I’ll come with you.”
“You’re going outside looking like that?”
“I’ll cover it. It’s fine.”
“I see… okay, let’s go then.”

Nanoha said that and got out of the bed. Her hand left mine, and the loneliness I felt at that was surely just some kind of momentary confusion.

We headed to the nearby convenience store with me in a mask and hat pulled down, looking thoroughly suspicious.
The store had rows and rows of good-looking food, and my stomach was so stimulated it felt like my hands were reaching out of their own accord. But I was at the onigiri corner, same as always.

“What do you want to eat, Morishita?”
“Onigiri is fine.”
“What do you actually want?”
“Onigiri.”
“Tell me what you really want~”

Nanoha leaned against me without restraint, so I stepped smoothly aside and she nearly lost her balance and fell.

Even so she kept asking her questions persistently.

“Favourite food?”
“None.”
“Food you hate?”
“None.”
“Anything you can’t eat?”
“None.”

Nanoha said “hmm” and bought a bento packed with various brown-coloured things, a salad, and a cup of soup.

“You eat quite a lot, Nanoha.”
“I suppose.”

I bought one salmon onigiri and left the store.

Back home, Nanoha was warming her bento in the microwave. Then she quietly divided the salad onto two plates.

“What are you doing?”
“Not telling. More importantly, go get what’s finished in the microwave.”

Without my noticing, the microwave had stopped, so I brought it to Nanoha.

She started dividing that onto two plates as well.

I had a bad feeling about this.

“Hey, what are you doing.”
“Morishita, let’s eat.”
“Stop ignoring my questions.”
“I made Morishita’s portion too.”

My bad feeling had turned out to be exactly right.

“That kind of thing is unnecessary, I said.”
“I’d get fat eating all this alone, so eat half?”
“Then don’t buy that much in the first place. And don’t make it sound like you cooked it.”
“What does it matter, I plated it nicely!”
“You really are only good at transferring things onto plates.”

At that Nanoha looked sad.

Today I should be grateful to her, and yet why can I only say sharp things.

“Haah…”

I sighed and took the plate from her.

On the plate, the rice and the side dishes had all been divided exactly in half.

Nanoha kept pushing things on me I said I didn’t want, forcing them into my hands.

Without noticing when, sharing things with Nanoha had become ordinary to me.

“Nanoha…”
“Mm?”
“Fujishiro…”
“What?”
“…Thank you.”

Still holding my plate, I hurried noisily to my seat.

Nanoha came slowly up behind me with a smile so loose and helpless it was almost embarrassing to look at, and seeing that face, I felt a little annoyed at myself for having said it.

“Thank you too, for coming over.”
“You kidnapped me.”
“Yep. Kidnapped you.”
“You’re such an idiot.”

I pressed my hands together quietly and said itadakimasu, and brought the food to my mouth.

The rich savouriness of the meat spread through me, and just from eating food, the back of my eyes grew hot.

“Is it good?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad.”

It was just convenience store food, but the dinner that tasted good was finished before I knew it.

After eating we studied in Nanoha’s room.

Even with manga I loved right in front of me, I sat beside her and studied hard.

I didn’t end up staying the night, but Nanoha kept smiling that happy smile, and the feeling that had been grinding away at my chest had eased, just a little.