Episode Seventy: Like the Nighttime Sea
“Yui-san, hurry, hurry!”
The moment we’d parked, unable to hold back my eagerness, I pulled Yui-san’s hand and set off walking.
“No need to rush, the whale shark isn’t going anywhere.”
She laced her fingers through my hand, which had naturally quickened its pace, and laughed at me, delighted like a kid.
Passing through the park, a massive whale shark monument came into view. I found myself rushing over, looking up at it.
“Is this… life-size, I wonder?”
“Who knows. Never seen one myself, so I can’t say.”
Looking up from below, it looked almost like it was swimming through the blue sky. Somewhere ahead, there’d be a real whale shark. Thinking that, a smile spread across my face without my meaning it to.
“Yui-san, let’s go inside. I can’t wait for the big tank.”
“Yeah, let’s.”
We rode the escalator up, heading for the entrance on the third floor. This aquarium’s route apparently doesn’t start from the ground floor — it runs from the top down, structured so it feels like you’re diving deeper and deeper into the sea.
Last night, I’d read through the official site cover to cover before falling asleep, so the whole floor map was already in my head.
Moving through, easy, never once lost, Yui-san laughed, happy — “you’re really looking forward to this, huh.”
*
Since childhood, every time my father got transferred, I’d always made a point of visiting whatever aquarium was local to wherever we landed. From Tōhoku in the north to Kyushu in the south, having lived in so many places, I think I probably know more aquariums than most people.
The real appeal of an aquarium lies in how it recreates the sea unique to that particular region.
Here, for instance — that huge coral reef tank right in front of us now.
“When did you start loving aquariums, Kanata?”
Asked so casually, I traced back through childhood memory.
“Around elementary school, I think. My mother’s family home is in Kamakura… every summer break, my grandfather used to take me to Enosui. We’d take the train, then walk a little ways.”
The feel of a breeze mixed with the smell of the sea against my cheek, the sound of cicadas. The taste of Calpis my grandmother always packed for me. Easy to remember, all of it.
Black kites circling overhead in slow loops, always catching my eye as I walked that road, hand in my grandfather’s.
A precious summer memory, from my time in Japan.
With so many moves, I never really had a hometown of my own — so I always loved that stretch of streets we’d return to every summer, my mother’s hometown.
“What’s Enosui?”
“An aquarium on Enoshima. I always got taken there during summer break, so maybe that’s why I want to go to an aquarium every time summer comes around.”
“I see. Enoshima, huh. Never been.”
“Then… next year, I’ll take you there, Yui-san.”
Laughing, I looked into her eyes. That town — I could walk it blind.
Next year — if it’s possible, as her girlfriend, I want to walk it hand in hand with you, without hesitation.
Right now, I could genuinely, wholeheartedly believe a day like that would come.
Never once rushing me, watching me stare seriously at each tank, those calm eyes, still as a nighttime sea, kept gently watching me the whole time.
*
Just ahead lay the aquarium’s crown jewel: a massive, breathtaking tank where whale sharks and manta rays swam, elegant and unhurried.
I’d wanted to see this for so long. Stepping past the corridor, the sight of that oversized sea bursting into view pulled a small gasp of wonder out of me.
“Incredible…”
Being summer, even a weekday brought no shortage of crowds. Careful not to bump into anyone, I made my way slowly down the sloped walkway, right up to the front of the acrylic panel.
Some kids who’d been looking up at the whale shark went bounding off toward their father, delighted.
“So many families, since it’s summer break. Must be nice, that kind of summer. A family trip to Okinawa sounds lovely.”
Saying that, I walked up to the now-empty spot in front of the tank and gently touched the surface.
Beyond that thick acrylic panel, the ocean I’d longed to see.
That massive body, marked with its distinctive, orderly pattern, swam along the far side of the tank — wait a little longer, and it would come this way.
“…Kanata, do you ever want kids someday?”
“Eh?”
Caught off guard by such a sudden question, I turned to look at her. The light filtering through the tank lit her pale cheek in blue.
Want kids? Why ask that, out of nowhere. Maybe seeing that happy family a moment ago had prompted it.
Yui-san didn’t turn to face me, kept her eyes on the tank instead. So I let my own gaze drift back to the whale shark on the other side too.
“I haven’t really… thought about that kind of thing much.”
“Then think about it. Right now.”
I could feel her grip on our joined hands tighten. Her voice, firm with real weight, pierced straight through my chest.
Unusual, her asking something like that. And this was the first time she’d ever pressed me for an answer this directly.
Watching a manta ray glide past overhead, I thought it over, seriously.
Would a day come, someday, when I’d want to hold a child of my own? If a future like that existed, I think it would be a happy one.
Raising a child of my own might be hard, but it would surely make for a full, meaningful life.
But Yui-san wouldn’t be there. You, who treasures someone like me more than anyone else in the world — you wouldn’t be there.
A future and a possibility built with someone else, someone who isn’t Yui-san. Wanting that badly enough to give her up — I couldn’t, no matter how I tried, bring myself to think that.
“…Whether there are kids or not, that’s not what matters. Not if I can be with the person I love.”
My own child is fine. I don’t need one. It’s not that I’ve never wondered what your child might look like. But that’s only if it were our child, yours and mine. Something that could never actually happen in reality — nothing but a fantasy.
“Do you… want kids, Yui-san?”
“You’re asking me that?”
Yui-san laughed, saying it. Being gay, the person she loves might only ever be women — but I thought, whether she wants kids or not is a separate question entirely from that. So I asked. Because I genuinely wanted to know how she felt. Even without a man, there are surely all kinds of ways to make that wish come true, if she wanted it.
“So, which is it…?”
Nervous, I waited for her answer, and finally, her gentle eyes met mine.
“I don’t think I want a kid of my own… but I think I’d like to see what a kid of yours would look like, Kanata. I bet they’d be adorable.”
Realizing she was picturing some not-yet-existing child of mine in her mind, I felt a flash of displeasure.
I want “adorable,” in your eyes, to mean only me. Is that a selfish thing to wish for?
“…I’m satisfied, as long as the person I love thinks of me first, above everything. I don’t need a child.”
The instant I said it plainly, a shadow fell overhead. Startled, I looked up, and there, right above us, the whale shark I’d been waiting for was finally passing by.
Its sheer scale left me speechless. Looking up from below, it looked almost like it was flying through the sky.
As if pulling me back to reality, our joined hands were gripped tight.
“…Kanata.”
Called by name, I looked over. Still gazing up at the whale shark, Yui-san murmured a small “thank you.”
Why “thank you”? I wondered — but I didn’t ask any further than that.
＊＊＊
After thoroughly touring the aquarium, hugging the whale shark plushie Yui-san had bought me against my lap, we headed back to the hotel.
Since this doubled as competitor research, we had dinner at the hotel’s lavish restaurant. Once both stomach and heart were full, today’s “work” — if you could even call it that — wrapped up. The two of us headed back to our room together.
Today’s booking, again, was a twin room, and, naturally, my bed and Yui-san’s bed sat apart.
The lavish, spacious room was appreciated, sure, but I found myself faintly frustrated by that subtle, deliberate distance.
I should have just listened to Yui-san and gone with the double after all, I thought — the same thing I’d thought yesterday.
The gap between the two beds felt strangely wide.
The moment we got back to the room, Yui-san ran the bath for me and said, easy, like it was nothing at all, “you can go first.”
Gratefully taking her up on the bath, I changed into a T-shirt and shorts and stepped out of the bathroom.
Same as yesterday, having Yui-san in the same room makes me a little tense.
“Thank you for the bath.”
“Mm, guess I’ll go in too.”
Not knowing a thing about how I felt, Yui-san got her change of clothes ready and disappeared into the bathroom, perfectly composed.
She’d said she wouldn’t do anything, sure — but honestly, having her actually keep to that threw off my rhythm in its own way too.
Is it possible… I’m the only one whose heart’s been racing this whole time?
Pulling back the curtain and stepping onto the balcony, I could see the private beach, lit up orange.
Right — I remembered, I still hadn’t made it to the beach. I could go tomorrow morning, but… since we’re here, maybe I’d take a quick look while Yui-san was still in the bath.
Struck by that thought, I grabbed the room key and slipped quietly out of the room.
＊＊＊
Sitting on the soft, powdery sand, I watched the waves roll in and pull back out, again and again.
Here and there, the water’s surface caught and reflected the orange lights, glittering.
Warm, but not as hot as during the day. Listening to the sound of the waves, I found myself replaying today, savoring every bit of it.
*
“So this is where you were.”
I have no idea how much time had passed. Startled by a voice calling from behind, I turned to find Yui-san, changed into a white T-shirt, standing there.
“Were you watching the ocean? You weren’t there when I got out of the bath. Gave me a scare.”
“Ah… sorry, for not saying anything. The sound of the waves felt so nice, I just…”
Yui-san sank down beside me. Close enough that our shoulders brushed, faintly, I caught the scent of her, fresh from the bath.
Drawn in, I rested my head against her shoulder, leaning in. I took her left hand and hugged it tight.
If only time could just stop, right here, cutting out only the two of us. I found myself, genuinely, seriously wishing for something that dreamlike.
“Thank you for today. It was… really fun.”
“I had fun too. Let’s come back sometime privately.”
I nodded, and gazed out at the shallow, night-dark sea. Comfortable, and I didn’t want to move.
“Yui-san… you’re like the nighttime sea.”
“The sea?”
“I’ve thought it, ever since college. Like a calm, still nighttime sea. Peaceful, comfortable… makes me want to stay here forever.”
No one’s here. No one’s watching us. So even like this, having you all to myself—
“…Kanata.”
Called by name, I gently lifted my face. In front of me, long lashes lowered, and a beat later, I registered the soft pressure pressed against my lips.
Being kissed. I only understood it once those lips, reluctant, pulled away.
Stunned, her black eyes held mine, steady.
“Yui-san…?”
“Sorry. I meant to get the order right this time… but I couldn’t hold back after all.”
Saying that, Yui-san’s brows drew down, and she laughed.
She took my hand and gripped it tight. That habit of hers, whenever she’s about to say something serious. Just from that alone, I understood she was about to tell me something, and my heartbeat sped up, sharp.
“Kanata.”
That firm, unwavering gaze pierced straight into my wavering eyes. After a deep breath, still holding my hand, Yui-san said it, gentle.
“…I promise, I’ll absolutely break off the engagement. I won’t ever disappoint you again. As long as you’ll let me, I’ll stay by your side, always. I’ll do anything, whatever’s within my power. So…”
I could feel her hand, faintly tense. I just followed her words.
“…Go out with me.”
Simple as it was, those words were exactly what I’d wished for, without fail, ever since our college days.
Some tangled, indescribable swell of feeling rose up in me, and my vision slowly blurred with tears.
“Yui-san, I’ve been… waiting for you to say that, this whole time. Since we were students.”
Her gentle thumb wiped away the tears spilling over.
“Yeah, sorry. Sorry for making you wait. Kanata, will you be my… girlfriend?”
As if she didn’t already know the answer. Peering into my face, anxious, asking again — I nodded, firm, in answer.
Watching me, Yui-san’s own face looked like it might cry too, and then she smiled, relieved.
I let myself sink into the arms pulling me into a tight embrace. Unable to hold back, I wrapped my own arms around her back and hugged her back, tight, tight.
“I love you, Kanata. I love you so much. Even apart, I loved you this whole time, without fail.”
The words of love whispered at my ear sank deep into my chest. I have something I want to tell Yui-san too.
“I love you too… since that day. This whole time. I’ve loved you, Yui-san, this whole time.”
Saying it, Yui-san smiled, happy. Cheek stroked gently, our lips met once more, guided along.
Pulling apart, meeting each other’s eyes, we looked at one another and — hugging each other tight, tight — we laughed.