Episode 70: Like the Night Sea

“Yui, hurry up, hurry up!”

After parking the car, I couldn’t contain my impatience and started walking, pulling Yui’s hand along.

“You don’t need to rush like that. The whale shark isn’t going anywhere.”

Yui intertwined her fingers with mine, which had naturally started walking quickly, and laughed at me for acting like such a child.

　As we emerged from the park, a colossal whale shark monument came into view. I couldn’t help but run towards it and look up.

“Is this life-size…?”

“Well, I don’t know. I’ve never seen one in real life either.”

Looking up from below, it seemed as though it were swimming through the blue sky. Beyond this, there really was a whale shark. Thinking that, a smile naturally spread across my face.

“Yui-san, let’s go inside. The main tank should be exciting, won’t it?”

“Yes, I suppose so.”

We took the escalator up to the facility entrance on the third floor. This aquarium’s route doesn’t start on the first floor; instead, it descends from the upper floors downwards, seemingly designed to mimic diving deep into the sea.

　Having pored over the official website from cover to cover until I fell asleep last night, the map of the building is firmly lodged in my mind.

Seeing me glide along without hesitation, Yui-san remarked, “So you were looking forward to this, were you?” and smiled happily.

　Ever since childhood, whenever my father was transferred, I always made a point of visiting the local aquarium. Having lived in places from Tōhoku in the north to Kyūshū in the south, I reckon I’ve probably seen more aquariums than most people.
The real thrill of an aquarium lies in how it recreates the unique seas of that particular region.
Take this place, for instance – the large coral reef tank right before us now.

“When did you first become fond of aquariums, Kanata?”

Asked so casually, I traced back to childhood memories.

“Around primary school age, I suppose. My mother’s family home is in Kamakura… During summer holidays, my grandfather often took me to Enosui. We’d take the train, then walk just a little way.”

The sensation of wind mingled with the scent of the sea brushing my cheeks, the sound of cicadas. The taste of the Calpis my grandmother gave me. It all comes back easily.

Kites circling and spiralling through the sky, always keeping an eye on them as I walked along that path, held by my grandfather’s hand.

Precious summer memories spent in Japan.

For someone like me, who’s moved around so much I don’t really have a hometown, I always loved returning to my mother’s hometown every summer. I adored the streets there.

“Enosui, you say?”

“It’s the aquarium on Enoshima. She always took me there during the summer holidays, so maybe that’s why I always want to go to an aquarium when summer comes around.”

“Is that so? Enoshima, eh? I’ve never been there.”

“Well then… next year, I’ll take you there, Yui-san.”

I smiled and peered into Yui-san’s eyes. In that town, I could walk with my eyes closed.

　Next year — if possible, as your girlfriend — I want to walk hand in hand with you without a care.
Right now, I can truly believe that day will come.

She didn’t rush me as I gazed intently at each tank. Her eyes, calm and still like the night sea, kept watching me gently.

　Up ahead lay the spectacular main tank, where whale sharks and southern manta rays swam with grace. This aquarium’s crowning glory.
I’d always wanted to see it. Passing through the corridor, the sight of that immense ocean filling my vision drew an exclamation of wonder from me.

“Amazing…”

Perhaps because it was summer, even on a weekday it was by no means quiet. Carefully avoiding bumping into people, I slowly descended the slope and approached the front of the tank’s acrylic panel.

Children who had been looking up at the whale sharks in front of the tank ran excitedly back to their parents.

“It’s the summer holidays, so there are lots of families, aren’t there? How lovely, a summer holiday like this. A family trip to Okinawa, how wonderful.”

　Saying this, I approached the now empty tank and gently touched its surface.
Beyond the thick acrylic panel lay the sea I longed for.
Its enormous body, with its distinctive, regular pattern, swam towards the opposite side of the tank—if I waited a little longer, it would surely come this way.

“…Kanata, do you ever think you’d like to have children?”

“Eh?”

　Caught off guard by the question, I looked at Yui-san beside me. The light streaming in from the tank cast a bluish glow on her pale cheeks.

Whether I wanted children? Why ask that? Had she thought of it after seeing that happy family earlier?

Yui-san didn’t turn to face me, her gaze fixed on the tank. So I too quietly returned my eyes to the whale shark on the other side.

“That sort of thing… I haven’t really thought about it much.”

“Well then, think about it. Now.”

I felt the strength in the clasped hands. A resolute voice pierced straight through my chest.

It was unusual for her to ask such a thing. And it was the first time she’d ever pressed me for an answer.

Watching the southern manta ray pass overhead, I thought about it seriously.

　Would there ever come a day when I too wished to hold my own child? If such a future existed, I was certain it would bring happiness.

Raising my own child might be hard work, but each day would surely be fulfilling.

But Yui wouldn’t be there. You, who cherish me more than anyone else in the world, wouldn’t be there.

　A future and possibilities drawn with someone else, not Yui. To think I’d want that so much I’d let go of this person — I simply couldn’t bring myself to believe it.

“…Whether or not I have children isn’t important. As long as I can be with the person I love.”

My own child? Fine. I don’t need one. It’s not that I don’t want to see your child. But that’s only if it were mine and yours. That’s impossible in reality; it’s just a fantasy.

“Yui… do you want children?”

“You’re asking me that?”

She laughed as she said it. Though she was a lesbian who might only love women, I thought whether she wanted children was a separate matter. That’s why I asked. I genuinely wanted to know what she thought. Even if she couldn’t have that with a man, there must be countless ways to fulfil that wish.

“So…?”

I waited nervously for her reply, and finally, our eyes met—her gaze gentle.

“I don’t think I want children of my own… but I suppose I’d like to see Kanata’s child. I’m sure it would be adorable.”

Knowing she was picturing my unborn child deep in my eyes made me bristle.

I want you to think only I am adorable. Is that selfish?

“…I’m satisfied just knowing I’m the one you love most. I don’t need children.”

Just as I stated this firmly, a shadow fell overhead. Looking up in alarm, the long-awaited whale shark was about to pass directly above us.

Its sheer size left me speechless. Looking up from below, it seemed to be flying through the sky.

As if to pull me back to reality, the hand I was holding tightened its grip.

“…Kanata.”

Hearing my name, I looked over. Yui-san, still gazing up at the whale shark, murmured softly, “Thank you.”

Why “thank you”? I wondered… but I didn’t ask any more.

＊＊＊

After taking our time exploring the aquarium, we returned to the hotel with the whale shark plushie Yui-san had bought me cradled in my lap.

Since it also served as competitive research, we dined on the hotel’s luxurious dinner. With both stomachs and hearts full, today’s work… well, I’m not sure if I should call it that, but it was done for now. We returned to our room together.

　We’d booked a twin room again today, and naturally, Yui-san’s bed and mine were separate.

While the luxurious, spacious room was appreciated, this subtle distance felt frustrating.

I should have listened to Yui-san and just booked a double room. I found myself thinking the same thing as yesterday.
The gap between the beds felt uncomfortably wide.

　As soon as we got back to the room, Yui-san ran a bath for me and said, “You can go first,” offering it to me as if it were the most natural thing.

After gratefully taking the bath first, I changed into my room clothes – a T-shirt and shorts – and left the bathroom.

I’d thought it yesterday too, but having Yui-san in the same room made me feel just a little tense.

“Thank you for the bath.”

“Hmm, well then, I suppose I’ll have one too.”

Unaware of my feelings, Yui-san prepared her change of clothes and calmly disappeared into the bathroom.

She did say she wouldn’t do anything… but honestly, her doing absolutely nothing is somehow throwing me off balance.

Is it just me who’s been feeling this constant fluttering in my chest?

　Opening the curtain and stepping out onto the balcony, I saw the private beach lit up in orange.

Come to think of it, I hadn’t been to the beach yet. I could go tomorrow morning, but… since I’m here, maybe I’ll just pop over while Yui-san is in the bath.

With that thought, I grabbed the room key and slipped quietly out.

＊＊＊

I sat down on the smooth sandy beach, simply watching the waves roll in and out.

Here and there, the water surface sparkled and shimmered, reflecting the orange glow of lights.

It was a little warm, though not as hot as during the day. Listening to the sound of the waves, I savoured the happy memories of today, reliving them.

“There you are.”

How long had I been sitting there? Startled by the voice behind me, I turned to find Yui-san standing there, now changed into a white T-shirt.

“Were you watching the sea? You weren’t here after the bath. I was worried.”

“Ah… Sorry for not saying anything. Listening to the waves felt so peaceful.”

Yui sat down beside me. As she drew near enough for our shoulders to brush lightly, I caught the scent of her freshly bathed skin.

As if drawn to it, I rested my head on her shoulder and leaned in. Taking her left hand, I pulled her close and held her tight.

　I wish we could just be cut off like this, the two of us alone, and time would stop. I find myself seriously thinking such a dreamlike thing.

“Thank you for today. I really… enjoyed myself.”

“I enjoyed it too. Next time, let’s come privately.”

I nodded, ‘Mm-hmm,’ and gazed out at the shallow, night sea. It felt so good, I didn’t want to leave. That’s how I felt.

“Yui-san… you remind me of the night sea.”

“The sea?”

“I’ve thought so since my student days. You resemble a calm night sea. Serene, comforting… it makes me want to stay here forever.”

There’s no one here. No one is watching us. So even if I were to claim you all for myself like this—

“…Kanata.”

Hearing my name, I gently lift my face. Long lashes are lowered before me, and a moment later, I feel the soft touch pressed against my lips.

I’m being kissed. I only fully understood that after those lips reluctantly pulled away.
Those dark eyes stare intently into my dazed gaze.

“Yui-san…?”

“Sorry. I was trying to get the order right this time… but I just couldn’t hold back.”

Saying that, Yui-san lowered the outer corners of her eyebrows and smiled.

She took my hand and squeezed it tightly. It was her habit when she was about to have a serious talk. That alone made me realise she was about to tell me something, and my heartbeat suddenly quickened.

“Kanata”

A piercing gaze, strong and unwavering, met my wavering eyes. After taking a deep breath, Yui-san, still holding my hand, spoke softly to me.

“…I promise I’ll definitely break off the engagement. I won’t disappoint you again, Kanata. As long as you’ll forgive me, I’ll stay by your side forever. I’ll do anything I can for you. So…”

I could feel Yui’s hand stiffen ever so slightly. I simply followed her words.

“…Will you go out with me?”

Those simply spoken words were what I had wished for, longed for, ever since our school days.

A muddy torrent of indescribable emotions surged up, my vision slowly blurring with tears.

“Yui-san, I’ve been… I’ve been waiting for you to say that for so long. Since our school days.”

A gentle thumb wiped away the overflowing tears.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you wait. Kanata, will you be my… girlfriend?”

Even though she knew the answer all along. Peering anxiously into my face, Yui asked again. And I — nodded firmly.

Seeing me like that, Yui looked as if she might cry herself, then smiled with relief.
　I surrendered myself to the arms pulling me tightly against her body. Unable to bear it, I wrapped my arms around her back too, hugging her back, hard, hard.

“I love you, Kanata. I love you so much. Even when we were apart, I always, always loved you.”

The words of love whispered in my ear seeped deep into my heart. I too had something I wanted to tell Yui-san.

“I… love you too. Ever since that time. I’ve always loved you, Yui-san.”

Hearing this, Yui-san smiled happily. Her gentle hand caressed my cheek, urging me once more to press our lips together.

When we parted and met each other’s gaze, we looked into each other’s eyes — and laughed, clinging tightly to one another.