Episode One Hundred: I’ll Give You Everything. Everything I Have, I’ll Give to You
The president’s office, filled with nothing but the sound of typing.
At my own desk, I kept mechanically shoveling into my mouth, one after another, the chocolate Yui-san had received from various female employees.
Now and then I felt her glancing at me, checking, but I ignored it and tore open another wrapper, crinkling loud.
Some of the message cards tucked into the neatly wrapped ribbons had phone numbers or chat IDs written on them, so I crumpled those up and tossed them straight in the trash.
These were made with real feeling, and it’s not that my conscience felt nothing at all — but I think this kind of border patrol really is essential.
Complacency is the enemy. I need to be ruthless about this, mechanical.
My position is different now than it used to be. From here on, it’s a purely defensive war. The enemy could come from anywhere, at any time.
Having polished off two boxes just in the morning, and eaten a full lunch besides, by four in the afternoon I’d already started in on a fourth box.
Yui-san had received five boxes total. Less than half of what she used to get back in college, but the intensity behind each one felt, somehow, stronger.
Back in college, Yui-san had openly declared “I don’t make girlfriends,” so the girls who approached her had understood the arrangement, going in with no illusions.
But the girls courting her now have no idea about her past — and I think, probably, every single one of them is genuinely serious.
“…Hey, Kanata. Are you sure you’re okay, eating that much? You won’t feel sick?”
“I’m fine. I’ve never once felt sick from eating chocolate.”
“You’re so slim, and yet you really can eat, huh.”
“You think?”
Maybe it’s just that Yui-san eats too little. A single onigiri and a salad for lunch — I could never manage that myself.
Just as I popped the last piece from the fourth box into my mouth, the light on the desk phone suddenly started blinking, red.
Checking the display, it read “Reception.” An internal call.
Flustered, I swallowed the chocolate and grabbed the receiver.
“Thank you for your work. This is Aozawa, secretary.”
“This is Wada at reception, thank you for your work.”
At the sudden internal call, I met Yui-san’s eyes. There shouldn’t have been anything on the afternoon schedule. Wedging the receiver against my shoulder, I pulled a memo pad from my desk drawer.
“What’s going on?”
“Ah, um, sorry for the sudden call. Actually, there’s an unexpected visitor for the president…”
Her voice, hushed, sounded troubled, and I tilted my head.
Somehow, this development felt familiar. A bad feeling… crept in.
“A visitor?”
“Yes, it’s… someone who’s come before, a Mr. Kitagami, from Holdings…”
A wave of revulsion crawled over my whole body, unbidden. The pen I’d been holding, ready to take notes, trembled, faint.
“Ah, wait, please hold on a moment…!”
Suddenly, Wada-san’s voice went flustered, and the line cut off with a click. Nothing but the flat, mechanical dial tone reached me through the receiver.
“Kanata, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”
I looked back into Yui-san’s eyes, watching me, worried.
I felt the blood drain, all at once, straight down to my toes. I must be completely pale right now.
“Yui-san… Kitagami-san’s here. He’s probably headed this way.”
For a beat, Yui-san’s eyes went wide, and then her brows drew together, sharp, unmistakably displeased. An expression I’d never seen before. I’ve never once seen her this angry.
“…Understood. I’ll go handle it. Kanata, stay here.”
“Ah…”
I watched, stunned, as her back headed briskly toward the door.
Why now, of all timing, would he suddenly show up like this? Yui-san had made him promise, hadn’t she, not to come to the company.
Breaking that promise, coming today, of all days. For what possible reason—
I don’t know. Nothing but bad thoughts kept churning, round and round in my head.
—Am I even allowed to be here? Should I really be hiding? Really?
I could tell the space beyond the president’s office door had suddenly grown noisy, restless.
Unable to just sit still, before I knew it, I’d stood and rushed out of the president’s office.
*
In the middle of the office, drawing the gaze of every single employee on the floor, I caught the two of them, facing each other, in my sight.
My feet felt caught, like something had grabbed hold of them from below, and I couldn’t move from that spot.
A dark navy suit, not a single wrinkle in it. The Ichinose Group’s company pin glinting sharp at his chest. Silver cufflinks peeking from his sleeves. —And, held in both hands, a bouquet of vivid red roses.
Behind that composed, refreshing-looking face, beneath dark hair falling over his brow, that thick, snake-like gleam in his eyes sent a chill straight down my spine.
“…What is this? Some kind of joke?”
Yui-san’s voice, dry and cold, dropped into the hushed, silent office. I could feel every employee holding their breath, focused entirely on the two of them.
“It’s Valentine’s today, isn’t it?”
Sharp-eyed as ever, he’d apparently caught sight of me over Yui-san’s shoulder. That gaze flicked, briefly, sharp, toward me.
“Women giving chocolate to men — that’s actually only a Japanese custom, you know. Abroad, Valentine’s is mainly men giving presents to women. Isn’t that right, Aozawa-san?”
My throat clenched, tight, and I couldn’t manage a single word. Yui-san, startled, turned to look back at me.
“So there’s nothing strange about this at all, is there. I’m just here to deliver a present for my beloved fiancée.”
—Fiancée.
At that word, a murmur swept through the office.
My chest ached, sharp, like being pierced by an invisible blade.
I bit down on my lip. A relationship I could never announce, however loudly I wanted to — and this man, simply by virtue of being a man, could declare it, without hesitation, to the entire company.
It hurt, enough to make me want to cry. My eyes stung, hot tears threatening to well.
But no. I mustn’t cry. It would look suspicious. Gripping my palm tight, using that pain, I forced back the tears threatening to spill.
Kitagami-san’s real intent — I understood, vaguely. He was deliberately trying to make the fact of their “engagement,” never publicly announced, known to everyone.
“…Come with me. We need to talk.”
Yui-san grabbed Kitagami-san’s arm, rough, and pulled. Then forcefully dragged him toward the president’s office. The distance between us kept closing.
Our eyes met. Her gaze held mine, worried, gentle.
“…Sorry. Could you step out for a bit? I’ll come get you once we’re done talking. Go relax in the break room.”
Said in a voice gentle, caring, I nodded, small.
“…Okay.”
Passing each other, I met his gaze, looking down at me with something like triumph. I tore my eyes away and fled the office.
＊＊＊
The empty break room. Sitting on the plush red sofa, I stared, blank, at the coffee swaying in its paper cup.
I let out a deep sigh.
I’d thought it strange, how quiet he’d been lately — but I never expected something this brazen.
I want to praise myself, at least, for not losing to the frustration and crying.
Understanding his real intent, I felt something like disgust rise up in me.
At Christmas, he’d been eerily quiet. He probably knew, then, that with peak season overlapping, employees would be scattered, out of the office.
To make it widely known that he’s Yui-san’s fiancé, he’d need to declare it in front of as many people as possible.
So he’d avoided Christmas — and picked Valentine’s instead.
Going out of his way, even, to prepare a bouquet of roses.
It wasn’t that I didn’t feel some relief it hadn’t been a proposal… but there’s no way he’d actually do that. Getting turned down in front of everyone would defeat the whole purpose. He must have calculated that would only backfire, and deliberately settled on just revealing the “fiancée” fact instead.
Nothing about what he’d done would change our feelings. All it does is amount to harassment, aimed at me and Yui-san both.
Isn’t he satisfied with the promise of a position within the Ichinose Group? I don’t understand it at all.
What could possibly be driving him this hard? I don’t think I could ever understand it.
Right now, what are they talking about, the two of them?
The impact of the engagement to Yui-san on his own life — maybe it had been far, far bigger than I’d ever imagined.
*
After a while, still sitting there, head down, a single set of footsteps stopped right in front of me. Lifting my gaze, Yui-san stood there, looking down at me, worried.
Still gripping my now-cold coffee, she sat down beside me, and a gentle palm stroked my back.
“Kanata, sorry for keeping you waiting.”
I shook my head, side to side.
“Did Kitagami-san leave?”
“…Yeah.”
I hesitated, briefly, over whether to ask what they’d talked about. But this wasn’t somewhere we could talk safely, without being overheard, so I just brought the cold coffee to my lips and stayed quiet.
“…Should we head back? Almost time to clock out anyway.”
“…Okay.”
Nodding, small.
I followed Yui-san’s back toward the president’s office. Her long, smooth black hair swayed, and that sweet scent tickled at my chest. Something in me ached, tight, with longing.
I want to shout it, loud, to the whole world — that I’m this person’s girlfriend.
I know I can’t do something like that. So, at the very least, I found myself wanting a promise.
Some proof, on each other’s left ring finger, of a vow between us.
＊＊＊
In the car on the way home, we exchanged far fewer words than usual, both of us.
I asked her nothing, and Yui-san never told me what she’d talked about with him in the president’s office.
But the bouquet of roses, the one Kitagami-san had surely given her, she wasn’t carrying. That, I think, was answer enough.
I — want, more than anyone, to be the one who stands beside you.
However hard the times get, however painful the nights ahead, I want us to share that pain together, help each other, and keep living.
I watched the city lights slide silently past the window. I hoped, wanting it badly, that Yui-san felt the same way.
*
Reaching home, taking off my shoes, my arm was suddenly caught, hard, and I was pulled into an embrace. Tight enough it nearly stole my breath, painfully tight.
I felt her breath against my neck.
“…I’m sorry. I promised to treasure you, and yet I keep hurting you, over and over.”
A weak voice reached me. I gently stroked her back and hugged her back in return.
“Kanata… please. Don’t leave me.”
Hearing that voice, on the verge of tears, my chest felt like it might split apart.
I wanted, desperately, to somehow chase away the anxiety radiating from her whole body — but bad with words as I am, I couldn’t manage to string the right ones together.
I didn’t know how to convey this overwhelming feeling I carry, without leaving anything out.
Gently pushing her shoulder, Yui-san’s arms loosened easily. I looked up at her face. No tears had fallen, but her eyes were wet, glistening.
“…Yui-san.”
Saying her name, I took her left hand. White, smooth, not a single rough edge on those fingertips. Nails, rounded, kept smooth only for my sake.
I have no intention, ever again, of letting go of Yui-san. Whatever happens, from here on.
Gripping her ring finger tight, I took it into my mouth. I could feel Yui-san catch her breath, startled. Biting down, just slightly harder, at the base of that finger.
Her shoulder trembled, faint. The fingertip I’d held in my mouth was left faintly wet, marked with my teeth.
Not hard enough to actually bruise, and within a few minutes, the mark would surely fade without a trace. But right now, having left that mark on her finger, something in me felt satisfied, complete.
“…Let me reserve this. This finger is mine. I’ll never hand it to Kitagami-san. Never.”
Looking up into her eyes, I smiled. For a moment, Yui-san’s face looked like it might cry, and then, relieved, she smiled back.
＊＊＊
Sitting shoulder to shoulder on the sofa, we ate the chocolate we’d each prepared for the other. Back in college, that Valentine’s, I remember, we’d eaten chocolate the same way, shoulder to shoulder, on this same sofa.
Suddenly, Yui-san gently took my left hand. In her other hand, she held the red ribbon that had wrapped the chocolate box.
Puzzled, I tilted my head, and Yui-san, smiling, happy, threaded the ribbon through my ring finger and tied it into a neat bow.
“…Let me reserve it too. Your ring finger, Kanata.”
Fondly, she pressed her lips to the ribbon-tied finger. Just from that alone, my heart pounded, racing.
How does Yui-san always come up with something this romantic? Something deep in my chest warmed.
“Then I’ll tie one on you too, Yui-san.”
Taking the other ribbon, I threaded it through her ring finger too, tying it the same way.
The moment I finished, my downcast chin was gently lifted with her right hand. Before I could even register it, her face was already close, our eyes meeting. Soft lips pressed, gentle, against mine.
After repeating those light, brief kisses several times, I traced my finger over the ribbon-tied ring finger on Yui-san’s left hand.
I can’t wait for the day a real ring goes on this finger.
“This finger belongs only to me.”
Saying it, savoring the words, Yui-san pulled my body close and pressed her lips gently against my ear, whispering.
“…Hey, Kanata. Is the ring finger really enough? Don’t you want the middle finger too?”
“Eh?”
For a moment, not understanding what she meant, I looked at her face. Seeing that mischievous glint in her black eyes, I finally understood the meaning behind her words.
Feeling the heat gather in my face, I swatted her arm, hard.
“Wh-what are you even saying!? Yui-san, you pervert!”
At that, Yui-san burst out laughing.
“Not just the ring finger — I’ll give you everything. Everything I have, I’ll give to you.”
Pushed at the shoulder, my body tipped, slow, back against the sofa. Before I knew it, I was closed in by both her arms, her long, spilling black hair tickling my neck.
Somewhere, I’d known this would happen, and, cheeks still puffed out, I accepted those sweet, chocolate-flavored lips as they descended.
Lips that had only been pressed gently against mine gradually gathered heat, and, feeling the wet trace of her tongue along my neck, all I could do was shiver, my back trembling.
Our words grew fewer and fewer, replaced by the sound of our own heated breath, filling the room.
Just feeling the warmth of the body holding me close was enough to make me feel like I might melt away entirely.
Someday, I want to tell Yui-san — that this moment, being wanted like this, genuinely, truly makes me happy.
If Yui-san’s giving me everything, then I’ll give her everything too — every last bit of myself, all of it, to you.
*
Whatever hardship we’re faced with, as long as we never give up, as long as our feelings stay connected, I believe we can get through anything.
Winter, before long, is coming to its end.
And soon, we’ll finally reach it — the spring that we, four years ago, could never cross.