“H-hold on. Please, let go for a moment.”

After squirming at Amamiya Tōru’s utterly outrageous suggestion, I broke free from her embrace and took several steps back to create distance.
Amamiya Tōru, naked.
Because we’re the same sex? Because I’m a girl?

Surely it couldn’t be that I was allowed to go that far?

“Still agonising over it? What’s wrong with these terms? Not that interested in my body, are you?”

No, no, of course I’m interested.
　But there was no way I could honestly put that into words.
Just… just this weird sweat running down my back and forehead.
Still, staying silent any longer felt wrong too.
All this time, Amamiya Tōru had been seducing me one-sidedly, and the conversation itself hadn’t progressed at all.
It’d been stuck in limbo the whole time.

For now, I reached into the school bag hanging beside the desk to check if my wallet was there.
Yep, I’d brought it properly.

　Not that I’d succumbed to temptation. But just in case.

“Ah, perhaps—”

I don’t know how I looked to her as I rummaged silently through my bag, but Amamiya Tōru slowly clapped her hands and said something off-target, yet deeply meaningful.

“Wasn’t there enough modesty? I mean, I’m a proper girl too, you know. I mean, showing my naked body to boys is incredibly difficult for me. That’s why I’ve kept my purity until now. Look, I mean, I said I’d show it to you, Mashiro-chan, without batting an eyelid, but, well, yeah… it’s embarrassing, you know? Even for me. Just showing it is embarrassing, so what comes after that… …………Wah-yay, my face is getting hot!”

I stared intently at Amamiya Tōru’s face.

　She pressed both hands over her flushed cheeks.

It was different from when she’d been tempting me, her face flushed just moments ago.
It was as if Amamiya Tōru were demonstrating the very concept of ‘shyness’ she possessed, right before my eyes.
Such a sense of incongruity.

This too must surely be an act.

“(Ah, I see.)”

It dawned on me then. Only now did I realise the weaknesses and strengths of Amamiya Tōru as a person.
　She surely doesn’t know how to express genuine emotion.
Observing others’ expressions, calculating, then expressing that learned emotion if necessary.
That’s how she must have lived her life, I think.

This isn’t shyness or anything of the sort; it’s surely some acquired restraint, or something akin to it.
Most likely, the environment Amamiya Tōru has lived in until now has shaped her into who she is today.

　This approach is Amamiya Tōru’s very outlook on life.

I recall.
My mind was already filled not with the Amamiya Tōru before me, but with the expressionless, transparent Amamiya Tōru I’d seen before in classrooms and such.
Ultimately, isn’t the world at fault?
Her past, her environment – things that made her unable to express her own feelings honestly.
And then her current situation, where expressionlessness and calculation seem to be working out well.

　It’s just my imagination, but if that’s the case…

Surely, right now, Amamiya Tōru must be living such a dull existence.
In this murky, awful world, it’s as if Amamiya Tōru has been forced into transparency.

Thinking it through that far, I suddenly wonder.

So then, who is going to teach her how to show colourful emotions?
Who is the person who could do that right now?

　………In this situation, isn’t it just me?

I want to see Amamiya Tōru laughing from the heart.
I want to see Amamiya Tōru enjoying herself from the heart.
I might even want to see Amamiya Tōru getting angry from the heart.
Amamiya Tōru from the heart―――.

“Hey, Mashiro-chan, are you listening properly? I want you to tell me whether you’ll support me financially or not.”

　When I turned my attention to the girl before me, she was adorably puffing out her cheeks, hands on her hips, staring at me.
………. Because I’d been thinking about that, Amamiya Tōru seemed even more endearing than usual, which was rather troublesome.

“How much do you want?”

Before I knew it, I was smiling as I asked a question that seemed to move the conversation to the next stage.
Then, ……….

“Also, you don’t need to put on that expression in front of me. I’ve seen you sitting in class all this time, looking bored stiff with that straight face. I get it, and there’s no need for any calculations or anything.”

When I said that, I thought I saw Amamiya Tōru’s eyes widen just a little.
Then she became transparent again in front of me.
She stared at me, transparent. Probably trying to gauge my true intentions after my sudden reaction, but it was simple.

　I was simply captivated by the immediate allure.

What colour would I draw out?
Would it bleed? Would it stain? Or would it fade, eventually disappearing again?

“You were watching me that much?”

Amamiya Tōru asked.

“Yeah.”

I nodded.

“You’ll give me offerings?”
“Yeah.”
“You like me that much?”
“Yeah. ………Probably, yeah.”
“Hmm.”

Amamiya Tōru turned her back to me without changing her expression.
That image too burned itself onto the film in my mind.
Understanding she hadn’t turned away because she’d lost interest, I took my eyes off her as she started walking and grabbed my bag from beside the desk.

“Let’s go home.”
“Right.”

I followed Amamiya Tōru out of the classroom.

◇

“You stopped using polite speech?”
“Ah, yeah. Did you mind?”

Walking side by side with Amamiya Tōru along an unfamiliar route home.
As I savoured the silent time, matching her stride, Amamiya Tōru asked me that question.

“Hmm. Not really. It just took me a moment because you dropped the formal speech so suddenly.”

That ‘moment’ was back in the classroom.
After imagining her upbringing in the worst possible circumstances and feeling inexplicably more fond of her than ever, I’d stopped using formal speech.
I was aware it had been abrupt.
I’m still not quite sure how to close the distance between people. This is the fate of someone who’s neglected human interaction for years.

“Would you have preferred the polite form?”
“Hmm. But Mashiro-chan… Since today was the first time I’ve spoken to you, I kind of wanted to see a bit more of polite Mashiro too.”

She said this with a serious expression.
Did that mean she was at least somewhat interested in me as a person, not just as an ATM?

…If that’s the case.

“Then I suppose I’ll revert to formal speech.”
“Eh? Why’s that?”
“Because I just realised it might be rather nice if you, Amamiya-san, came to like me too, and only then grew annoyed at the subtle distance created by this formal speech.”
“What on earth?”
“Until you wish it from the bottom of your heart and say ‘Stop using formal speech’, I shall continue using it.”
“That means you’ll keep using formal speech forever, until your wallet’s empty. Are you sure?”

Still expressionless, Amamiya Tōru seemed utterly convinced she’d never like me.
Perhaps she truly never would.
But I cared more about the process than the outcome.
I found myself fixated not on the fully transformed her, but on the her still in the process of being transformed.

“You won’t fall for me, will you?”

“Of course not.”

“I see,” I murmured, and the conversation ended.
We walked on in silence once more.