Hah, hah, hah!

I stared at my hands, stained crimson.
My chest ached.
My head spun from lack of oxygen. My vision blurred.

My hazy field of view was a sea of red,

“Ugh!”

I couldn’t help but vomit.

　A balance lay within my mind.
I followed its verdict. There was no mistake.
I was right. I should have been.

“Ugh!”

But why?

It felt as though a gaping hole had opened in my heart.

◇　◆　◇

Exactly one week had passed since winter break began.

　Ever since my mother poured out her feelings to me, I’d kept returning to the apartment where Amamiya Tōru lived.
Pressing the intercom still yielded no reply, yet I patiently waited outside her door from morning till evening.
I couldn’t say about nights, but staking out Amamiya Tōru’s place revealed one thing: she never left the house. It wasn’t just because I rang the intercom; she simply never went out, holed up inside.

　Or perhaps… perhaps Amamiya Tōru isn’t even in this apartment anymore?

Such a thought crossed my mind.
Admittedly, it was rather crude, but when I pressed my ear to the door to check for sounds inside, it was eerily quiet, giving no sense at all that anyone lived there.

The time was 5 PM.

If Amamiya Tōru was no longer in this apartment, all my efforts up to now would have been in vain.
　Harbouring that slight unease, I was about to head home again today without any results, when I passed a man.

For some reason, I couldn’t take my eyes off this middle-aged man with stubble, a cigarette in his mouth, blowing smoke without a care for me.
It was his eyes.
This man’s eyes were similar.

　Uninterested in others.
Finding life tedious.
Lacking the vitality to live. Yet not contemplating death either.

They were exactly like Amamiya Tōru’s eyes, not long ago.

This man has the same eyes that clouded hers.

Could it be?
Holding that thought, I discreetly followed the man’s path with my eyes.
　He turned towards the apartment block where Amamiya Tōru lives, the one I left. I still don’t know. I follow quietly, tiptoeing so he doesn’t notice.
The man starts climbing the apartment stairs with an unpleasantly loud thump, thump.

And then, there can be no mistake.

He opened the door to the very flat that had rejected me so many times.
He had a key.
That man has the key to the flat where Amamiya Tōru lives.
　The key to her flat, the one she said she lived in alone.

mashiro: ‘Mum’
mashiro: ‘Might be a bit late home today’
mashiro: ‘A friend who’s been busy lately seems free to meet up now’

After telling my parents just that, I switched my phone to silent and tucked it into my pocket.

As I gradually drew nearer, I finally began to hear sounds of activity coming from inside Amamiya Tōru’s flat.
　Only, it was a thumping sound.
A violent noise one wouldn’t normally make in daily life.

“―――Stop!”

Eh?

Mixed in with the noise, I distinctly heard the voice of the person I most wanted to see right now.
It was so tense it bordered on a scream, and my brain refused to comprehend what my ears had caught.

The noise inside the house grew even more intense.

“Stop it already!”

As I drew nearer to her house, I heard it clearly this time.
I heard it – Amamiya Tōru’s cry.

What should I do?
I knew she was home.
And I also knew she was still refusing my visit.
I couldn’t understand why. Even though I wanted to see Amamiya Tōru, she clearly didn’t want to see me.

But did I have time to think about that?

That man is probably Amamiya Tōru’s father or something.
Right now, inside her house, something impossible in a normal household is happening.
The violent sounds I hear make me think of violence from that man towards my precious person?
Or something similar.

No, actually, it’s possible that man is completely unrelated to Amamiya Tōru, somehow stole the key, and is committing something akin to robbery.

　Should I call the police?

What should I do?

………What should I do?

……………What on earth should I do right now?

Amamiya Tōru must be in trouble.
She must be crying out for help.

　But as a child, I can’t seem to do anything directly.
At times like this, I really have no choice but to rely on adults.

Hah, hah, hah

My breathing grows shallow.
My hands tremble.

Even if I take out my phone, I don’t know who to contact or what to say.

It might just be my imagination.

By making a big deal out of this, I might actually be causing Amamiya Tōru more trouble.

　Ah,

I,

could only cower, hidden behind objects, listening to the sounds coming from inside the house and Amamiya Tōru’s voice, which sounded like a scream.

The passers-by walking in front of the apartment, the residents who should be living in other flats.
Doesn’t anyone care?
You adults, surely you can do something?

‘We want you to rely on us’

The trembling stops.
　I recall Mum’s words.

It’s hard enough to tell my parents about this situation as it is, and on top of that, if asked what my parents could do, I wouldn’t know either.
But please, if Amamiya Tōru is suffering, if she’s crying…
Anyone, please help her.

My phone screen jumps to the call screen for Mum.
Just as I’m about to tap the call button, I notice the sounds inside Amamiya Tōru’s flat have stopped.

　Clunk.

Then the door opened.
I’m now holding my breath behind the stairs on the first floor of the apartment building.

A man descends the stairs.
Whistling, he leaves the area without noticing me hiding.

My heart is racing, beating loudly.
Sweat pours down me at an extraordinary rate.
My body starts shaking again.

Even so, even so.

　Is Amamiya Tōru all right?

My concern for her overpowered all the other fears inside me.
I hurriedly ran up the stairs.
Right now, the door might still be unlocked.
That was the right call.

I turned the knob, and the door opened easily.

“…Amamiya-san?”

I stepped into her home for the first time in ages.