Episode 2: My Pride Won’t Allow Me to Be Held by You
Several weeks prior. It was the beginning of summer.
“Training, you say? Overnight?”
Shortly after arriving at the office, both Seno-san and I were summoned together by our supervisor, Manager Yamazato.
What we were handed was a thick booklet. Its cover proclaimed in bold Gothic type: “Fourth-Year Training Textbook”.
“Our company has annual training until the fifth year after joining. Though you joined mid-career, Mitsuya-san, it seems you’ll be with the fourth-year lot, like Seno-san.”
Manager Yamazato said with a smile.
Glancing at the curriculum handed over, I saw the training venue was the multipurpose hall of a hotel operated by our company, the closest to headquarters.
“This venue is conveniently close, so you won’t need to stay overnight—you can commute from home.”
As she said this, Seno-san, who had also been handed a booklet beside me, let out a sigh.
“I understand why you’d prefer that, Mitsuya-san, but since colleagues from all over the country are gathering, we’re automatically assigned to share rooms in pairs, no questions asked.”
With practiced ease, Seno-san flicked through the materials and pulled out the training roster tucked inside.
It seemed the room assignments were listed there.
She’d been staring intently at her papers, but her expression suddenly shifted. I peered over her shoulder at the sheet.
My eyes scanned downwards. Next to my name was written—
“Blimey.”
After blurting it out, I glanced sideways to check Seno-san’s reaction. She narrowed her eyes and gave me a look of disgust.
“No way. I don’t want to share a room with Seno-san!”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I couldn’t possibly share a room with a smoker either!”
Manager Yamazato chuckled at our squabbling.
“Now, now, both of you. Don’t be like that. Make the most of it and enjoy yourselves. Dinner will be served at the restaurant too.”
Manager Yamazato scolded us with that carefree remark, but to be honest, I felt incredibly awkward.
If this had been a new graduate induction programme, I might have made an effort to get along with my roommate.
But we were both of a certain age now, and this wasn’t our first meeting.
We’d been working together for some time.
With each passing year, I keenly felt how harder it became to open up to others.
It hadn’t been so bad when I first started working. But after turning twenty-five, I’d lost any inclination to make new friends. Unless someone was exceptionally compatible, that is.
I doubt either of us feels like forcing a connection now, but to spend a night sharing a room, we know far too little about each other.
Sharing a room for one night…
We’d never last the night. How much better it would have been with a complete stranger.
It was on the first day of the training that I heard it was ostensibly called an “annual training session,” but actually served the purpose of fostering interaction among participants.
Of course, proper employees like Seno-san were the majority, but it seemed about twenty percent were mid-career hires like me, transferred from other companies.
The training included group work and simple discussions.
Listening to the others, I realised everyone except me worked on the front line. While I could imagine the duties of those handling accommodation services, I couldn’t grasp even half of what the restaurant or banquet staff were talking about.
It was only natural, really. The nature of our work was completely different. I hadn’t even grasped the company’s ethos yet, so it was inevitable we wouldn’t connect.
The training I attended with such gloomy feelings passed in the blink of an eye.
After finishing dinner at the restaurant, I returned to our assigned room only to bump straight into Seno-san, who had apparently got back before me, emerging from the bathroom.
I stared intently at her face, now bare of makeup and clad in the provided roomwear.
“…What?”
I gasped at her puzzled frown.
Her bare eyelids, her unadorned lips – though devoid of makeup, they only served to accentuate her striking features.
Usually, going barefaced is a downgrade… but this girl? Impressive. As a woman myself, I genuinely respect that about her.
To hide these thoughts, I averted my gaze and tried changing the subject.
“Don’t you ever go out for drinks? With your peers?”
“No way. Even if they’re peers, it’s not like I’m close with any of them.”
“Hmm…”
Looking at the roster, I’d realised that among the ‘fourth-year cohort’, only Seno-san and I were assigned to headquarters.
Given that, it made sense she wouldn’t click with her peers.
Two people whose work was practically unimaginable to each other would never understand one another’s complaints.
Besides, Seno-san didn’t seem the type to enjoy socialising much.
Contrary to her soft appearance and gentle manner of speaking, she was fiercely strong-willed inside, sharp and intense.
As someone who both admits and is acknowledged by others to be strong-willed, we often clashed like opposing magnets.
When I opened the fridge to put away the tea I’d bought, I noticed several cans of beer inside.
“Hey, you plan to drink all that in one night? You’ve got training early tomorrow morning, you know. Are you sure?”
“I’m fine, just a little. If you fancy one, you can have some too, Mitsuya-san.”
“No, I’m fine. I wouldn’t want to oversleep.”
“Hmm, you can’t hold your drink? How cute.”
Seno-san grinned teasingly. Feeling mocked, I snatched a can of beer and slammed the fridge door shut.
Before I knew it, we’d started drinking, munching on Cheetara snacks while watching television.
Watching a late-night dating talk show, we exchanged pointless arguments until the conversation suddenly turned towards me.
“So, Mitsuya-san, you’re not interested in getting a boyfriend? Don’t you have any desire to get married?”
“It’s not that I don’t, but I don’t feel like actively pursuing it yet. If the right person came along, I’d consider it.”
“Hmm. But you know, time flies by in the blink of an eye while you’re saying things like that. Being fawned over is only for now, you know.”
“Sadly, unlike you, I’ve never once been fawned over in my entire life.”
She was relaxing with her pure white legs, visible beneath her loungewear, stretched out on the bed. She looked at my face with interest and smiled.
Her toes were painted with glossy red pedicure polish. True to her status as a rising star, this woman was well-groomed from head to toe.
I sat on the edge of the bed, glancing down at my own toes after kicking off my slippers.
Having no occasion to display my toes in public, my nails were naturally bare, unadorned by any colour.
“You’re quite strong-willed, aren’t you, Mitsuya-san? Must be difficult for men to approach. No openings, you might say. Though you’d probably be popular with women.”
I glared at her face, flushed from alcohol. Unfazed by my stare, Seno-san popped the tab on her third can of beer.
“Oh, come off it… What good would being popular with women do?”
Just because I’m not popular with men doesn’t mean I particularly want to be popular with women.
As I picked at the cheese puffs in exasperation, Seno-san narrowed his eyes.
“Don’t be so prejudiced. You should try it.”
“Eh?”
Not understanding what she was saying, I found myself staring intently into her eyes.
Then, suddenly, Seno-san sat up, repositioning herself to sit facing me on the edge of the bed, and reached her hand towards my face.
Her white fingertips gently brushed the corner of my eye. Instantly, my heart felt like it was caught in a sandstorm, and I reflexively jerked back.
“…Those slanted eyes of yours, I think they’re incredibly alluring. You’ve got the kind of face that women find attractive.”
She said it with a laugh, teasingly, and I was so startled I probably grimaced violently.
We weren’t exactly at a comfortable, casual distance where such contact would be expected.
Yet here she was, suddenly and without permission, invading my personal space. I was deeply unsettled.
“…You’re drunk, aren’t you? That’s a bit too nasty for a joke.”
What on earth had she suddenly started saying? And then, out of nowhere, she touched me as if I were the opposite sex. How could I not be shocked?
Her eyes, glazed with drink, fixed on me.
“It’s no joke.”
“And you’re asking me that? Got any experience?”
I frowned, asking half-believingly. It was just my own image, but this type of person just didn’t strike me as someone who could go for the same sex.
Seno-san smiled defiantly and touched my shoulder.
The moment I felt the heat of her palm through the thin fabric, she leaned her weight on me and I fell backwards onto the bed.
Her face, cast in shadow by the ceiling light, looked up at me with an amused smile. An indescribable shiver ran down my spine.
“Fancy giving it a go?”
“…You’re joking, right?”
“Heh heh, you’re scared. You look tough, but you’ve got your cute moments, eh?”
Her cackling laugh made me feel exposed, as if she’d seen straight through me.
This girl is seriously drunk…
Her neck was flushed red; she probably couldn’t hold her liquor well. Still… it wasn’t an unpleasant kind of drunkenness.
“It’s alright, Mitsuya-san doesn’t have to do anything. I’ll take care of everything.”
Her fingertips traced a path from my throat down to the hollow of my collarbone.
It happened so suddenly I hadn’t even registered what was happening when I swallowed, my throat moving. As if enjoying seeing through my unease, the corners of her mouth lifted slightly.
What gives you the right? Instantly, blood rushed to my head.
I’ve always thought it, but I can’t stand your insolent attitude.
Without hiding the irritation churning inside me, I grabbed her shoulder hard and pulled with all my strength.
It was easier than I’d imagined to flip her slender body over.
Her long, light brown hair scattered across the white sheets.
Looking down at her wide-eyed, startled face felt satisfying.
“…Don’t be ridiculous. My pride won’t allow me to be held by you. If it comes to that, I’ll do it to you.”
Seno-san, pinned down by me, looked up at me, momentarily bewildered, then burst out laughing.
“Oh? I don’t mind either way. But can you really do it? I mean, you were so scared just now.”
Speaking with amusement, her fingertips traced my neckline invitingly. You drunken fool.
“…Don’t say I didn’t warn you if you regret it.”
Truthfully, I hadn’t pushed her down intending to seriously take her.
I thought that if I pretended to be serious, this woman would laugh it off as a joke too.
Perhaps we were both equally impaired by alcohol.
I admit I was half-desperate. At that moment, I felt frighteningly bold.
Sleeping with a female colleague? It seemed utterly insane.
She’d stop me halfway through, anyway.
Completely stubborn now, I thrust my hands into her clothes and pulled them up in one swift motion.
But even when her underwear was exposed, Seno-san didn’t stop me.
Deep down, I was panicking about that, but having made such a grand show, my pride got in the way and I couldn’t back down now.
My heart kept beating relentlessly, in a rapid rhythm.
I should have been confused, but the moment I saw her body illuminated by the room lamp, I almost forgot to breathe.
It was frustrating, but her naked form was more beautiful than any woman’s body I’d ever seen.
Why was I doing this? I could still turn back now. I felt I shouldn’t go any further.
I was standing right on the edge of a line I shouldn’t cross. Stepping over it felt like there’d be no coming back.
Even thinking that, I couldn’t suppress the urge to touch those breasts laid bare before me.
Leaving reason’s warning bells behind, I acted on instinct, cupping her round breast in my palm.
As my fingertips sank into the soft, yielding flesh, I lost all sense of what I was doing to her.
I’d never imagined it. That the day would come when I’d sleep with a woman.
Of course, bodies are built the same.
I knew instinctively where and how to touch her, without needing to be told.
—Even though it was me who said, ‘Don’t come crying to me later.’
The next morning, it was me clutching my head. The woman sleeping beside me, her naked body exposed without a care, stretched lazily, yawned, and then tossed a listless ‘Morning’ my way.