Final Episode: I’ll Love Your Clumsy Ways Too

On a snowy night, we walked together to Seno-san’s house after work, exhaling white breath.

A white Christmas for the first time in years.

At a convenience store we stopped at along the way, I spotted a single two-pack of shortcake with a discount sticker still on it.
When I put it in the basket with the beer, Seno-san smiled happily.

　Two women on Christmas Eve. Carrying plastic bags, walking side by side.

To an outsider, would it look like two women without partners heading off for a lonely drinking session?

While I felt a pang of loneliness at not being able to hold hands, I also thought it was enough that only we knew about us.

　Will we carry on like this until we die, never telling anyone?

Our parents, our siblings, our friends – never telling them the truth, ever.

Even if she gets hit on by someone right in front of me, I still couldn’t say, ‘I’m her girlfriend’.

I finally understood why Seno-san once said, ‘You’ll understand once you date a woman’. It’s true, there’s a lot of unnecessary hassle.

“Kaori’s family home is in Niigata, right?”

“Yes.”

“So snow isn’t that unusual for you then?”

“This isn’t even proper snow. You couldn’t make a snowman in this.”

The white snow fell lightly, covering the black asphalt. The snow that fell in my hometown was nothing like this.

“Oh, really? I’d like to visit sometime.”

“It’d be boring for a city kid like you. My hometown’s especially rural, even within the prefecture.”

“I’m not exactly city-bred myself.”

“Born in Kanagawa? To me, that’s city-bred.”

“Is it?”

“It is.”

We reached the apartment entrance. She took her key case from that luxury brand bag and unlocked the door.

　If I got promoted and my salary increased, maybe I could afford to buy her a present that suited her.

This year, I could only afford a cake from the convenience store.
Next year, I’ll prepare something more proper.

As soon as we entered the room, Seno-san turned on the heating. I took off my coat and, as if I knew the place well, put the beer and cake in the fridge.

“Is dinner fine, whatever I make?”

“Ah, I’ll help.”

“It’s fine. Actually, you’re useless, so just sit down.”

Harsh. But it was true, so I had no retort.

“…Then I’ll wash up after dinner.”

When I suggested this, Seno-san put on an apron and gave a faint smile, saying, “Right then, I’ll leave it to you.”

I probably earn less than her.
　Housework too… I can barely manage laundry.

Is there anything I can beat this girl at? I felt a bit deflated.

A lovely smell wafted from the kitchen.
Watching Seno-san cook efficiently, it slowly dawned on me.

We were undeniably, genuinely, a couple.

She said it was fine to be casual, but whatever she cooked was always delicious.

　Living together would be wonderful, I thought, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud – I’d feel completely dependent on her.

I want a relationship between independent adults. I want us to support each other, not lean on one another. So we can stay together forever.

After dinner, gazing at the two shortcakes laid out on the coffee table, Seno-san murmured softly.

“It’s been years since I last had cake, I think.”

“Eh, really? Well then, I really should have bought a proper cake. Sorry, I won’t forget to book one next year.”

Not some cheap cake with a discount sticker on it.
As I thought that and said it, Seno-san took a bite of her shortcake, glanced at me, and smiled.

“Hey, why’ve you suddenly gone all coy? Don’t force yourself, just be yourself.”

“I’m not forcing anything. It’s just… I’m not used to this sort of thing… I’m a bit scared you might be disappointed in me.”

She stabbed her fork into the strawberry and sighed.

I’d promised her I’d be there if she felt uneasy, but the truth was, I felt uneasy too.
It had only just begun, yet I was already conscious of the end, trembling with fear. Desperately trying to push the end away.

Seno-san laughed, so I looked at her.

“Disappointment happens because you have expectations, you see…”

“You’re just going to say you never expected anything from the start, aren’t you?!”

“I don’t want you to replace a man. It’s fine, just as you are. I’ll love you even with your clumsiness. So don’t worry, just stay as you are.”

　…That hit home.

I flung my fork aside and threw myself at Seno-san. My weight was too much for her, and she toppled backwards onto the sofa.

“H-hold on! I’m still eating my cake!”

“You can finish it later.”

“More importantly, am I on this side again today?”

“Not just today, it’s always been like this. You’ve always been on that side.”

“Then let Kaori go first today, and we’ll swap later.”

“No.”

“Why? Didn’t you enjoy it last time? You looked so cute. Call me Rei again.”

Teasingly, Seno-san slid her fingertips along my neck, so I instinctively swatted his hand away.

“It’s because you tease me like that I don’t like it!”

I raised my voice, trying to hide my embarrassment. Seno-san laughed and wrapped her leg around mine. I couldn’t help but feel a little flutter.

“Well then, how about a compromise today?”

“A compromise?”

“There’s a way we can both feel good together… want to try it?”

＊＊＊

“Come to think of it, Kaori, why is it you only ever call my name when we’re having sex?”

“…Hold on, this isn’t the time for that.”

As I lay sprawled on the bed, gasping for breath amidst the sweet, languid numbness, she peered up at my face, still full of energy, and smiled.

“You work out, yet you’ve got no stamina, eh?”

“I’m just not used to this sort of thing.”

“Did you like what happened earlier?”

“…Please don’t ask.”

It felt terrifyingly addictive, like saying that would instantly reverse our positions.
Rolling onto my back, Seno-san gave me a sly smile and kissed me lightly just once.

“Haa… about names…”

“Hmm?”

“Rei… I might end up calling you that at work too. I don’t think I could tell you apart.”

“Just call me then.”

“I can’t very well call my future boss by their first name, can I?”

“Are you still on about that? I won’t do it, sub-manager.”

“You’re too stubborn!”

“Say what you like.”

I touched Seno-san’s hair as she lay beside me and stroked it gently.

“Go for it. You absolutely should. Opportunities this perfect don’t come around often in life.”

“That’s precisely why you should do it, Kaori. It’s your chance to advance.”

“It’s fine. I’ll catch up to you in no time. So this time, you take it. You might become manager first, but I’ll be the one to become department head sooner. Give it a bit more thought until the new year.”

With a grin, I said this, and Seno-san laughed, suddenly seeming to let go of something.

＊＊＊

Once Christmas passed, the year ended in the blink of an eye. Having returned to my parents’ house at the end of the year, I was bombarded with my mother’s nagging as if she couldn’t get enough.

I quickly retreated from the living room and holed up in the Japanese-style room, complaining incessantly to Seno about it all.

Oh dear, I thought once Yu got married, Mum might calm down a bit, but she’s only got worse. I might as well just tell her straight out – that I can’t marry because I’m seeing a woman.

‘Don’t do it. It won’t do any good.’

Lying sprawled on the futon, I focused on Seno-san’s voice coming from the mobile pressed against my left ear.

‘Doesn’t your mum say anything?’

‘Mine doesn’t say anything, no. Well, she’s divorced herself, so she probably understands marriage doesn’t necessarily lead straight to happiness.’

“Is that so? That’s nice…”

I couldn’t begin to imagine whether my mother, father, or sister would accept it if I told them I was seeing a woman, or whether they’d reject it.

To be honest, I’m scared right now and don’t have the courage to tell them yet. But someday. Someday, I want to try telling them.

“…Over there, is it snowing?”

“It’s snowing. I’ll have to shovel tomorrow with Dad too. I’ll send you a photo in the morning.”

“Right, I’ll look forward to it.”

A tingling sensation deep in my chest. This cherished feeling keeps piling up, layer upon layer, with each passing moment.

I want to see her soon.
　It had been ages since I’d had such a tedious long holiday. I felt just a little embarrassed at myself, thinking about her constantly, like a child newly in love.

The holiday ended, and my first day back at work arrived. The crisp, cold air made my face and ears ache.

Once the New Year greetings were over, the festive mood vanished in an instant, and another year began.

　I’d told her to think about the assistant manager role over the holidays, but had her mind changed?

When I headed up to the roof first thing in the afternoon to light a cigarette, I heard a door open and turned.

Seno-san approached me, carrying two hot coffees in both hands. I gratefully accepted the one offered to me.

“It really is cold, isn’t it?”

“Are you alright? You are rather sensitive to the cold, aren’t you? You should build some muscle. Let’s hit the gym together.”

“No way. I hate exercise.”

“Really? I thought you liked it.”

Not that kind of exercise, though.
I said it teasingly, but she gave my leg a solid kick, making me chuckle a little.

About the assistant manager thing… could I ask? No, maybe it’s too soon. I’d finally seen my girlfriend’s face after so long; work talk could wait.

　Taking advantage of the empty space, I leaned in slightly and lightly pressed my lips to hers. I slipped my tongue in, acting nonchalant.

“…Kaori, you taste bitter.”

“Ah, sorry.”

I stroked her lips with my thumb as she frowned in disgust.

“…Can I come over to your place today?”

“Sure… but aren’t you being a bit too eager? I don’t want to be tied up again, you know.”

　I admit I was being pushy. What can I say? It’d been ages since we last met.

“I won’t do that again. That time, well, I was drunk! It’s not like I have that kind of kink normally.”

…Probably.

“Hmm?”

I gave a wry smile at her sceptical gaze. She seemed to have seen through me, but I pretended not to notice and brushed it off.

　The rooftop door clicked open.
I glanced over to see Aosawa-chan pop her head through. Paper bag in hand, she approached with a smile.
She mentioned going back to England for a visit… souvenirs, perhaps?

“Good afternoon, Mitsuya-san, Seno-san.”

“Oh, Aosawa-chan! What brings you here?”

I’d forgotten to ask about the assistant manager role, but I could always ask her on the way back.

　I hope it’s a positive response… though Seno-san can be rather stubborn.

If she were to genuinely refuse, I’d have no choice but to accept it myself. But I wanted Seno-san to realise her own potential.

She’s the type to be easily misunderstood, but you’d understand if you were around her.
She’s diligent and takes her work seriously. She’s perfectly capable. I want Seno-san’s efforts to be rewarded.

We’re fortunate to work under a boss who properly values us, so it would be a shame to squander opportunities ourselves.

After work, we walk side by side to Seno-san’s house as if it were the most natural thing.

A distance where our hands might touch, yet never quite do.

We can only touch as lovers when we’re alone together, and sometimes that feels terribly lonely.
　If only I had more courage, I might be able to take that hand, but I’m still a coward.

We should go travelling somewhere far away soon. Somewhere we won’t meet anyone, where we could casually walk arm in arm.
Japan would be fine, but overseas would be better. She said she’d never been abroad.

“Listen…”

“Hmm?”

“Get your passport sorted.”

“Why the sudden interest?”

“Let’s go abroad. I can’t speak English though.”

“…Neither can I.”

“For someone with such a fancy degree! Aosawa-chan can speak it, can’t she?”

“You’ve got some nerve saying that, putting yourself on a pedestal. Before we even talk about degrees, that girl’s a returnee!”

I ended up saying something unreasonable in the heat of the moment and laughed.
It’s okay if we can’t speak English. We’ll manage somehow. Probably.

　I gave Seno-san’s indignant back a light pat.

“Let’s go before things get busy. Spring would be fine. So get your passport sorted.”

“…Overseas? Where exactly are we going?”

“We’ll decide that now. From now on, whenever we get a bonus, we’ll plough the whole lot into travel. Obviously, we’ll each cover our own expenses!”

“Hmm? Fine by me, but won’t it be more trouble for you if you have to match mine?”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, you’re becoming my subordinate this summer, aren’t you? Naturally, my bonus will be bigger than yours. And I’ll be the one assessing your bonus too, for goodness’ sake.”

Seno-san grinned.

“…Don’t get too cocky. I’ll overtake you soon enough, just you wait.”

“That’s no way to speak to your superior. I’d say that’s a C- overall rating for you.”

“Hey, don’t give me an unfair assessment!”

When I whinged like that, Seno-san laughed heartily, ahaha, and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud too.

　Then summer arrived in the blink of an eye. Manager Yamazato went on maternity leave, and my girlfriend changed roles from colleague to boss.

Actually, President Ichinose had stepped down a little while before. When she returned to the parent company, my comfort, Aosawa-chan, left the company with her.

Aosawa-chan made a huge career leap. As her former trainer, I’m chuffed to bits. Thanks for the bragging rights that’ll last me a lifetime.

　A new president arrived, and the company atmosphere changed slightly.
But the corporate culture President Ichinose built remains deeply ingrained here, still present today.

I continue my busy days supporting Arimura-chan and training the new recruits assigned since spring.

　Overtime, overtime, overtime upon overtime.

Such is the nature of things when a new organisation is launched. Seno-san, as sub-manager, is constantly pulled into meetings and discussions; I can’t help but feel she sighs more often now.

Having moved to the supervisor seat where Manager Yamazato used to sit, I can no longer catch a direct glimpse of her during work hours.

　Soaking up the blazing midsummer sun, I take a breather on the rooftop.
Huge cumulonimbus clouds peek through the gaps in the grey skyscrapers – ah, summer’s truly here.

I clamp a cigarette between my lips, pull a disposable hundred-yen lighter from my pocket, and light up. I exhale smoke towards the blue sky.

　Come to think of it, my relationship with Seno-san started around this time of year too, didn’t it?

Has it really been a year already?

Since becoming a sub-manager, her workload has skyrocketed and she’s become so busy she no longer comes to the smoking area. It’s a bit lonely.

Maybe it’s about time I quit smoking. Perhaps I should try a smoking cessation clinic.

Oh yes. Back in spring, when we timed our holidays together and went to Singapore for the first time as a couple, there was that incident where I got a bit traumatised trying to buy cigarettes.

Why on earth are foreign cigarette packets so grotesque?
Seeing me too scared to buy them, Seno-san was doubled over laughing.

It was fun… I’d love to go again.

Just as I was thinking that, a notification pinged. I pulled my phone from my pocket.

　——Kaori, get back here fast! Arimura-san’s having a row with the new girl. I’ve got to head to a meeting, so hurry. Urgent.

Reading the panicked message, I laughed and stubbed my cigarette out in the ashtray.

Troubles never cease, making every day endlessly entertaining.
Though the road ahead is fraught with difficulties, together we’ll surely be alright.

　Gripping the rooftop door handle, scorching hot from the sun, I pulled it open.

I had to hurry and help.
Before my beloved lover got properly angry and it turned into a pointless fight.

— I’ll tell you if you kiss me. The End —

Thank you for reading!