Episode 9: Do You Like Me? Or Do You Hate Me?

“Hey, Seno-san, what sort of guy does she fancy?”

Suddenly, when I bumped into Niiyama-kun while smoking on the rooftop, he asked me that. It made me remember telling him at the recent celebration party, “You should just go for Seno-san.”

　Oh dear, I might have gone and done it.

I thought, but it was too late. Apparently, my one remark had completely convinced Niiyama-kun.

“I don’t know about that sort of thing. Why don’t you ask her directly?”

All I know about what kind of man she likes is that she “likes rich men”.
It’s not the sort of thing you ask formally, and even if you did ask, what would he do with that information?

“Mitsuya-san, you’re close with Seno-san, aren’t you? Ask her!”

Seeing him bow his head to me with his hands clasped together, I felt an urge to blow cigarette smoke right into his cowlick.

“We’re not exactly close, you know. Well… maybe slap her cheek with a wad of cash?”

Even as I said it, I could easily picture Seno-san frowning angrily, and I felt like dying.

　I’m getting to know her so well now that I can easily predict her reaction to anything I say.

“More importantly… Niiyama-kun, have you given up on Aosawa-chan?”

Ever since Aosawa-chan joined the company as a new graduate, Niiyama-kun had been after her.
Honestly, I thought it was reckless, but I never imagined he’d switch targets so easily.

“Well, she said she’d got a boyfriend.”

Niiyama-kun slumped his shoulders and sighed as he said it.

Can love really be given up so easily?

At least, it’s not the ‘love’ I know. I thought love was that feeling that burns deep within your chest, that smoulders on even when you learn the other person has a partner.

　To keep thinking about it even knowing it will never come to fruition is futile. So Niiyama-kun is right.

But, even knowing it’s far more rational to give up, if you could fall in love so deeply you couldn’t forget… I don’t think there could be anything happier.

I sighed towards the blue sky.
The white smoke dissolved into the air instantly, vanishing in the blink of an eye.

　＊＊＊

After drying my hair, I returned to the living room of her house. The owner of this house, currently the source of my worries, was sitting on the long-pile white rug watching television.

Her face, having bathed before me, was bare. Still, no matter how many times I saw it, her bare face was astonishing.

Particularly, the translucent quality of her skin and the line of her profile were terrifyingly beautiful.

　The toners and serums I borrow from her every time I stay over probably aren’t the cheap stuff sold at your average chemist’s, like what I use.
Proof of that is how much better my skin feels the day after staying at this house.

“Is there something interesting on?”

“Nah, just watching because it’s boring.”

Glancing casually at the telly, I spotted something out of place in this otherwise distinctly feminine home.

“Eh? You play games?”

“Eh?”

Underneath the TV stand sat a previous-generation console. Feeling nostalgic, I sat cross-legged beside Seno-san and reached for it.

“Blimey, this brings back memories. Used to play this loads with mates when we stayed over at uni. Mind if I switch it on? What games are in there?”

When I turned it on, the familiar start-up chime played, and the TV screen changed.

“…Tetris on a console? That’s quite niche. Don’t you play anything else?”

“This is the only game I’ve got.”

Though he was supposedly living alone, I didn’t comment on the two controllers present. Instead, I picked up the other controller and placed it on Seno-san’s lap.

“This is playable against someone, right? Let’s have a go.”

“Kaori, are you any good at Tetris?”

“Eh? Is there such a thing as being good or bad at Tetris? I’ve played it before.”

“Hmm… Well then, since we’re at it, fancy betting something?”

Seno-san grinned amusedly and picked up the controller.

“Eh, wager? What would we wager?”

“Well now, how about the winner gets the loser to do one thing they ask? Doesn’t that sound fun?”

What on earth. This isn’t a blind date, I thought, yet surprisingly, seeing her so keen made me feel motivated too.

I couldn’t keep getting beaten all the time. It wouldn’t hurt to get one over on this girl occasionally.
It was the perfect opportunity.

　Or so I thought, but jumping at that proposal so readily was my mistake.

The block I wanted just wouldn’t come. Straight sticks. I waited and waited, but nothing.

Meanwhile, the blocks kept piling up in awkward shapes, never quite fitting together.

It was just like our relationship. Nothing ever quite matched, yet those indescribable feelings never faded, they just piled up, endlessly, in a huge heap.

“…Kaori, if you win, is there anything you want me to do for you?”

“Shut up, I’m concentrating. Don’t talk to me.”

I hear laughter.

I glance over. The neatly stacked blocks are disappearing one by one. Because of that, my own pile of blocks is being pushed up relentlessly from below.

　I didn’t know. Is Tetris designed so you can obstruct your opponent when playing against someone?
I thought you just had to clear your own blocks.

No matter how stubbornly I twist and slide the blocks trying to make the mismatched ones fit, the gap in skill remains.

The light Russian folk tune music makes my heart race frantically.

　Blimey. This girl’s bloody good. What do I do?

If she could make me do just one thing, what on earth would she want from me?

The thought alone is terrifying.

If I can’t beat him with skill, I’ll have to resort to psychological warfare.
But I can’t think of any topic that might slow her down, then suddenly, I remembered what happened at lunch today.

“Come to think of it… Niiyama-kun asked me what kind of guy you like.”

I might have chosen the wrong topic.
Would this woman really be unsettled by something like this? Then, after a slight delay, Seno-san spoke.

“…What’s the point of asking that?”

Her voice carried a hint of irritation. I could feel the air tense slightly at the mention of his name, the very cause of our recent quarrel.
　The atmosphere soured, but surprisingly, the tactic might have worked. The offensive had slowed.

“I was told to ask, so I just asked.”

“Hmm… I think I’ve said this before, but please stop trying to play matchmaker. I can choose my own partner.”

Hearing her state it so clearly felt like being stabbed in the stomach with a sharp blade.

　I couldn’t help but think how utterly strange our relationship had become.
We shouldn’t like each other romantically, yet we felt comfortable together.
Despite being the same sex, we’d somehow ended up in a physical relationship.

While lost in these thoughts, the blocks piled up in an instant, nearing the top, and I genuinely panicked.

　Damn it, I shouldn’t have made such a reckless bet.
The thought of what command I might receive sent a chill down my spine.

I glanced at Seno-san’s screen. The neatly stacked blocks showed no sign of reaching the top yet. What to do, I’m losing.

“Hey, wait a minute! What was that? That’s cheating!”

“You don’t even know the T-spin? How dare you challenge me with those skills!”

Seno-san cackled. Simultaneously, the block landed on top, the word LOSE appeared on the screen.

“Right, I win.”

She flung the controller down with a clatter and grabbed my shoulder.
Her full weight came down on me, slamming my back hard onto the pure white rug. I groaned involuntarily.

Startled, I looked up. Her serious, dark brown eyes were fixed on me.

Her face drew closer, her lips approaching mine.

Without thinking, I shoved her body away with all my strength.

“Ow…!”

Pulling away from me, she frowned in displeasure, then rubbed the shoulder I’d genuinely pushed.
I sat up, creating a little distance between us.

“…Didn’t you say you’d do anything I asked?”

Her resentful glare made me uncomfortable, and I looked away.

“This sort of thing is out of the question, isn’t it? Think about it logically.”

Logic was hardly a word I could claim to understand.
The awkward atmosphere made me unable to look at Seno-san’s face.

If it was just one-sided touching, that might be fine. But I had resistance to touching each other like lovers.

I didn’t want to allow intrusion into the softest parts of my heart. It was my last stand.

I’m not as experienced in playing around as you are, so I can’t just compartmentalise this as purely physical.

　If we touched like that, I, I’d surely end up wanting more from her than just a colleague, more than just a fuck buddy.

The thought terrified me, utterly terrified me.

A sigh escaped me. It echoed in the silent room.

“…Kaori, I have no idea what you’re thinking. Do you like me? Or do you hate me?”

“Huh? What’s that? I’ll give you a taste of your own medicine.”

The relationship that began in summer had transformed into something even more twisted by autumn.

Even without relying on alcohol, I no longer felt any discomfort about simply having sex without reason.

It wasn’t a relationship that could be neatly summed up with words like ‘like’ or ‘dislike’.

　To an outsider, we were just fuck buddies. Why didn’t she call me that?

Where would this relationship lead?

If I were to ask for more than what we had now, how would she react?

Would she laugh and push me away?

Or, would she accept me?

Even someone like me, who possesses nothing you could possibly want.