Episode 8: Stop talking nonsense, let’s grab some ramen and head home

A Friday evening when the autumn breeze felt pleasantly cool.

To celebrate the huge success of the large resort hotel that had finally opened this summer, a celebratory party was held at our company hotel’s beer garden.

At the table were me, Seno-san, and Aosawa-chan.

Getting the chance to drink with my cute junior colleague after so long made me feel like all my daily worries might just vanish.

“Right then, Aosawa-chan, cheers!”

When I offered my beer mug, Aosawa-chan modestly presented her lemon sour mug.
Seeing her sip her lemon sour slowly, I smiled faintly.

Aosawa-chan is adorable.
Unlike Seno-san, her expressions change clearly and rapidly.

　Though Seno-san sometimes teased Aosawa-chan, seeming to enjoy her flustered reactions, I thought I understood that feeling a little.

I couldn’t leave her flustered like that, so I always ended up coming to her rescue.

That same Aosawa-chan had been popular within her previous company too, always attracting attention.
So I’d always found it strange she didn’t have a boyfriend…

　When Seno-san shifted the topic to the diamond necklace glinting on Aosawa-chan’s chest, she flushed bright red and looked embarrassed.

It seemed I’d finally learned that Aosawa-chan’s love had blossomed.

Just what sort of person was her boyfriend?

A lover who could casually gift such an expensive necklace must be incredibly wealthy.
　He must fit perfectly to the very image of the ‘ideal lover’ that Seno-san so desperately craves.

“Aosawa-chan… perhaps she really was born under a star that attracts wealthy suitors,”

I murmured softly, gazing at the bashful Aosawa-chan.

I’ve never seen Aosawa-chan’s boyfriend, but I imagine he must be someone who truly cherishes her.

　Seeing Aosawa-chan so happy sometimes makes my chest ache as if it’s being squeezed tight.

Ah, how envious I am.
I too, wanted to experience a love like that.

“Are there other rich men who fancy Aosawa-san?”

Seno-san said this while taking a sip from his beer mug.

“Ever since her last company, Aosawa-chan’s been constantly pursued by Niiyama-kun.”

Niiyama-kun is a male employee in the production department. He’s a year older than me, but we often bumped into each other in the smoking area and became friends.

He’s slim and tall, and while he’s certainly not unpopular, he’s the type who aims too high and ends up with unrequited love.

　Despite being completely ignored, he’d been pestering Aosawa-chan for ages.
From her attitude, I’d always sensed she wasn’t keen on him.

“Niiyama-san? From Production? He’s rich, then?”

Seno-san suddenly asked, sounding intrigued.

In that instant, something stirred deep within my chest.
Again. As if a sudden sandstorm had blown in, my heart was thrown into turmoil, leaving me utterly helpless.
I felt irritated, as if a fire had suddenly ignited within me. I didn’t even want to know why.

“Ah… I heard he’s a landowner’s son. What, are you interested? If so, why not just ask him out? Aosawa-chan doesn’t seem interested in Shinzan-kun anyway, so wouldn’t you make a good match?”

I realised I’d spoken sharply, but it was too late.

“…What’s with that tone? Making me sound like I have no principles.”

You have no principles, no matter how you look at it.
Sleeping casually with a same-sex colleague you’re not even dating.
Though then again, I’m hardly one to talk…

“But you do like rich people, don’t you?”

I know. Our relationship is nothing but a fling. I knew from the start that clear boundaries had been drawn.

Knowing that, I still went along with his invitation. I understand we’re both to blame.

Over Aosawa-chan’s shoulder, I saw Niiyama-kun heading this way.

“Well, speak of the devil.”

Why am I so furious now?

　After Niiyama-kun sat down, I took my cigarette and stood up.

After telling him to stop messing with Aosawa-chan already, I blurted out something I didn’t even mean: “If you’re going to flirt, you should stick to Seno-san.”

＊＊＊

When she followed me to the smoking area, I was shaken to realise for the first time that I felt relieved about it.

　What on earth am I seeking from this woman?
I stared intently into those eyes, their colour accusatory.

“What was that earlier?”

“What do you mean?”

“…Don’t say strange things to Niiyama-san.”

I don’t fall for women. This feeling isn’t love.
I should know that, so why do I feel this urge to reach out to her alone?

　Deep within my chest, I know the name of this emotion, hot, heavy, smouldering, like molten lead dropped inside.

That day, I must have touched something I shouldn’t have.

I shouldn’t have reached out.
If I wish to continue my peaceful daily life, there are countless things in this world better left unknown.

　It feels as though I’ve been driven to the edge of a sheer cliff. Take one more step forward, and I’ll tumble headlong into the raging sea below.
Once I fall, there’s no turning back. That’s why I’m so terrified.

“It’s nothing… I just said it because I genuinely thought they looked perfect together.”

I lit the cigarette in my mouth and drew in the smoke. It tasted of nothing. I just wanted to calm down.

“Don’t be ridiculous. …I don’t need your concern. I can choose my own partner.”

Her voice was bitterly cold, cutting deep into my chest.

Please don’t look at me like that. Don’t make that hurtful face because of my words.

Please, just stay the strong-willed person you always are.

　No matter how much I wish to know, one can never truly fathom another’s heart.
If neither of us is willing to meet halfway, our relationship will remain parallel lines forever.

When this woman finds her ‘ideal partner’, will I be able to offer her congratulations with eyes utterly clear, without a single word of resentment?

At that moment, I couldn’t begin to imagine what expression I would wear.

　After that, we didn’t exchange a single word, and the tense atmosphere lingered until the very moment we parted.
It’s always like this. We always end up arguing and fighting like this, only to find ourselves making up again before we know it.

“Right then, I’ll be off this way. Mitsuya-san, Seno-san, thank you for your hard work today.”

Aosawa-chan gave me a concerned look.
　To be causing even my juniors worry… I really am hopeless lately.

“Yeah, Aosawa-chan, good work.”

She seemed to have plans with her boyfriend later, so I waved at her retreating back as she hurried towards the station.
Her single-minded devotion to love seemed dazzlingly bright to me right now.

“…Kaori, you know…”

Seno-san called my name quietly beside me, so I turned around.

“Do you like Niiyama-san?”

“…Hm?”

What on earth is this girl talking about?
I stared intently at her face, still sulking with that cold, displeased look.

“So that’s why you were in such a foul mood? If that’s the case, why not just say so from the start instead of beating about the bush?”

“…What are you talking about?”

Where on earth did she get that idea?

I know Niiyama-kun had his eye on Aosawa-chan from the moment she joined the company, and he even came to me for advice about it. —Though I just brushed it off, of course.

To begin with, my looks aren’t really the type Niiyama-kun would go for.
Flattery aside, I’m not what you’d call a ‘cute face’ like Aosawa-chan or you.

　My narrow eyes seem so sharp that people meeting me for the first time often mistake my gaze for a glare, and that’s been a complex of mine since my school days.

So when you told me those eyes were ‘sexy’ that day, I gasped in surprise.

“…Stop talking nonsense. Let’s just grab some ramen and go home.”

“Listen, I genuinely—”

Seno-san frowned angrily, so I gathered all my strength and delivered a fierce flick to the forehead peeking out from her soft fringe.

“Ow! Hey, what are you doing?!”

Shaking off her angry grip on my arm, I leaned in close, glaring at him.

“Listen, there’s no way I like Niiyama-kun. Don’t say such nonsensical things. Enough already, let’s just go. I’m starving. I didn’t get to eat anything today.”

“Oh, come off it… It’s not my fault you didn’t get to eat!”

Ignoring Seno-san, who was still grumbling, I started walking.

　I could hear her footsteps following close behind. As I pondered which ramen shop to go to, somewhere deep down I felt relieved that we’d made up.

Oh dear, how ridiculous.

I simply couldn’t accept the fact that a female colleague could unsettle me this much.

＊＊＊

Even after eating ramen, we didn’t go our separate ways.

　Naturally, she followed me home, and I didn’t point it out.
No words were needed; a glance was enough. Even if I couldn’t fathom her innermost thoughts, this much I understood.

“…Aosawa-san, is she the type who gets spoiled?”

Just as I returned from the balcony and flung my cigarette packet onto the bedside table, Seno-san, lying completely naked on my bed, murmured.

“…What, all of a sudden? Ah, you mean that thing you mentioned today about Aosawa-chan’s boyfriend?”

“It’s enviable, isn’t it? Maybe it’s that lack of greed that’s appealing. Pure, and cute. Why wasn’t I ever liked by rich men? I suppose they see right through me… the ulterior motives…”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Ulterior motives,” huh. Well, maybe there is something to that.

　Seno-san has a childish face, the kind that’s generally considered cute. But her eyes hold a ferocity too, different from Aosawa-chan’s.
A strength of spirit seeps from those eyes, impossible to mask with her soft features or gentle tone.

“…If you want money that badly, why not try sugar daddy dating? It’s all the rage these days.”

I pushed her out of the way on my semi-double bed and lay down. Eager to warm my body chilled by the autumn night breeze, I pulled the duvet over me.

“Sugar daddy? No thanks. I don’t want to be touched so casually. It’d devalue me, wouldn’t it?”

Not exactly the line to say after having your breasts groped by a female colleague. Or perhaps she’s the type who doesn’t count women?

“Then… did you give up on pursuing the president?”

“She didn’t seem interested, so I gave up. I wouldn’t go after someone else’s woman, you know.”

“Someone else’s woman?”

“Kaori, you really are thick. Didn’t you notice the necklace?”

“Necklace? What necklace?”

“If you don’t know, fine.”

“What is it? Tell me!”

“No. This sort of thing shouldn’t be said by someone else, you know~”

“Hmm. But I suppose, being that beautiful, she must have a boyfriend or two. Wonder what sort of person he is.”

“…At the very least, it’s certain she doesn’t fancy the kind of degenerate types like me or Kaori.”

“Hey, don’t lump me in with you. I’m not degenerate at all.”

“You are. Just by going along with my invitation like this.”

Seno-san grabbed my shoulder firmly. My body, which had been facing away, rolled over onto my back.
Looking up, Seno-san was staring down at me intently. Her long brown hair tickled my collarbone.

“What? I’m already sleepy.”

“…Hey, how about I do it for you for once?”

“Huh?”

Hearing that out of the blue, my drowsiness vanished. My eyes snapped open, and I pushed away her slender shoulders as she drew near.
“No. My pride won’t allow me to be held by you.”

“Like I said before… what kind of pride is that?”

Seno chuckled. But I couldn’t laugh it off lightly.
I wanted to put on as composed an expression as possible, hiding my unease, but I turned my face away in refusal, not wanting her to see my expression.

　This is no joke. Being held by a woman?
I still couldn’t shake this strong resistance. I couldn’t possibly imagine exposing everything about myself to this woman.

“You like being held, don’t you?”

That night during the training, and the several nights we’d shared since then – she’d never once complained about our positions, so I’d assumed that was how it was.
　But the words that came back from Seno-san were different from what I’d imagined.

“I… I suppose it doesn’t really matter. Might depend on the person.”

Huh. Is that how it is?

“I don’t really know. I’ve only ever been with you when it comes to women.”

“Well, yes. Take Aosawa-san, for example. She’s rather cat-like, isn’t she? You can’t imagine her being held, can you? So if it were her…”

“Huh? Wait a minute, are you looking at Aosawa-chan like that? That’s disgusting, stop it, she’s my cute junior!”

I bristled, forgetting how I’d imagined it myself just the other day.
I wanted her to stop looking at pure, innocent-looking Aosawa-chan “like that”.

I recalled her earnest figure hurrying off to her boyfriend. I must protect that girl with all my might, so she doesn’t fall prey to this woman’s venom.

“It was just a hypothetical example, don’t get angry. Besides, I don’t think I could ever get a girl like Aosawa-san.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. She’s not the type to fall for flattery like Kaori does, is she?”

Seno-san grinned maliciously.

“I didn’t fall for it!”

Without thinking, I kicked Seno-san’s leg, which was still draped over me.

Seno-san rolled over onto the bed beside me with a clatter from the kick and laughed, but honestly, I couldn’t laugh at all.

I admit it.

That day, I was indeed ensnared by this woman. Drawn into a bottomless pit, dark and deep, a trap leading straight to the abyss.