Episode 17: Even If a Single Pack Costs Over a Thousand Yen

Two weeks passed without me being able to contact her, and Seno-san came to work as if nothing had happened.

“I’m sorry for taking so long off and causing trouble.”

I stared intently at Seno-san’s bowed face. She was smiling, but I immediately realised it was a forced smile and instinctively looked away.

　Frankly… it was rather awkward.
Was I the only one feeling uncomfortable?
When I glanced at Seno-san again, she was staring at her monitor with an expression that suggested she hadn’t even noticed my presence from the start.

When did I become so timid? I never imagined I’d reach a point where I’d be this sensitive to the emotions others directed at me.

Even I could see I’d done something wrong.

　What on earth should I have done? I’ve replayed that night over and over in my mind.

Worrying alone won’t get me anywhere. I’m terrible at both giving and receiving advice.
But right now… I just want someone to listen.

Unable to bear the heavy atmosphere any longer, I tapped my fingertips on the keyboard. Before I knew it, I was searching for my junior colleague’s name in the company chat.

＊＊＊

　Come lunchtime, I waited in the entrance hall. The junior colleague I’d summoned arrived, wallet in hand, wearing a sparkling smile.
Ever since becoming the president’s secretary, Aosawa-chan always looks so happy whenever we meet.

“Good afternoon, Mitsuya-san.”

“Good afternoon, Aosawa-chan. Sorry for asking you out so suddenly. Was it alright?”

“It’s fine. It feels like ages since I last had lunch with you, Mitsuya-san.”

“Mind if I choose the place? There aren’t many spots where you can smoke.”

“Of course not.”

We chatted about trivial things as we headed to an izakaya I’d been frequenting lately for lunch meetings, even when alone.

My appetite wasn’t great, but when you’re troubled, you really must eat properly – otherwise both body and mind just wear themselves down.

　There was a reason I chose this place. While smoking being allowed was certainly part of it, I also thought we could talk properly in a private room.

Upon entering and being shown to our seats, Aosawa-chan promptly handed me the menu.

“Here you are, Mitsuya-san.”

“Thank you.”

As I scanned the menu, I replayed Seno-san’s attitude from that morning in my mind.

　I could feel a dim cloud settling deep within my heart.
Even now, at this stage, I was utterly crushed by my own pathetic indecision about what I actually wanted.
After polishing off the pork cutlet set meal I’d ordered to steel myself, I still couldn’t bring myself to start the conversation. Aozora-chan peered at my face with concern.

“Um, Mitsuya-san. Wasn’t it because something happened today that you invited me out…?”

“Eh? How did you know…?”

“Well, if you’d like, I’d be happy to listen.”

What an observant girl…
Thanks to Aosawa-chan reaching out, the tension drained from my shoulders. I cleared my throat once.

“…Aosawa-chan, sorry. Mind if I have a cigarette?”

How many years had it been since I’d become unable to let this go? Lighting a cigarette to calm my nerves, I held it between my lips while shoving the packet and lighter into my pocket.

“…Do cigarettes taste nice?”

Aosawa-chan asked, looking puzzled.

“…It’s not about whether they taste nice or not. Honestly, I couldn’t live without them. I’d keep smoking even if a pack cost over a thousand yen.”

When I said it seriously, Aosawa-chan smiled softly.

“So, what’s up?”

“Hmm, well, nothing really happened. I just wanted to ask something. Your boyfriend, Aosawa-chan… he’s rich, right?”

“Eh? Um, yes. …Yes.”

Aozawa-chan looked surprised, as if she hadn’t expected to be asked such a thing.

“I see. …What’s Aozawa-chan’s lover like?”

When I asked, she paused as if considering for a moment, then suddenly smiled gently.

“…They’re incredibly kind and truly wonderful.”

I understood immediately.
Ah, Aosawa-chan truly, deeply loves her boyfriend. Her gaze overflowed with affection.
Could recalling one’s beloved really make someone smile with such a gentle expression?

“Aosawa-chan, you really adore him, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, what if, for example, that boyfriend wasn’t rich… what then?”

“Nothing, really. I don’t think having money or not has anything to do with wanting to be with someone.”

Those straight, honest eyes. I envy her… being able to say that so clearly.
She must truly mean it. It’s not just pretty words.

“Yeah, I suppose so. Well, I guess you would say that, Aosawa-chan…”

“Does Mitsuya-san’s lover not have any money? Could it be they’re terribly in debt or something?”

“No, they’re not even my lover to begin with. …Apparently, they want to marry someone rich.”

“…So, they told you that?”

Aosawa-chan frowned.
She looked like she might say something like “You really shouldn’t do that” at any moment.
　Well, that makes sense. She probably never imagined it would be Seno-san…

“They didn’t say it directly… but they’ve been saying things like that for a while… They lacks confidence, I suppose. Honestly, they don’t really know what they wants or what they want to become.”

Even though I know I can’t give Seno-san the “happiness” she seeks, why can’t I bring myself to give up?

“…Mitsuya-san. Before I started dating my current partner, I actually made a huge mistake.”

“A huge mistake?”

“…I couldn’t be honest with my own feelings. I didn’t really want to leave, but I was terrified I might ruin the other person’s life… so I ran away. At the time, I genuinely believed it was the best course of action. But… what awaited me afterwards was hellish days. I still think… if only I hadn’t chickened out and had looked for a way to stay together back then…” I still think that.”

It must be a painful memory she’d rather not share with anyone. Yet I could tell Aosawa-chan was trying to push me forward, so I wouldn’t have any regrets.
Her light brown eyes narrowed gently as she looked at me.

“I don’t know what kind of person you like, Mitsuya-san… But you should face your feelings more simply. If you like them, then you like them. Isn’t that fine?”

“…Aosawa-chan, thank you. Somehow, I feel a bit lighter.”

If you like them, then like them. Aosawa-chan really knows how to hit the nail on the head.

I must make up my mind.
Whether I charge ahead prepared to be crushed, or whether I give up and end it all.

After that, we walked together to the office.
　It had grown chilly enough to feel the hint of winter approaching, and Aosawa-chan, walking beside me, rubbed her arms as if hugging herself.

“Aosawa-chan, you’re dressed rather lightly. You look cold.”

“Yes, I suppose so. I didn’t expect it to get this cold.”

“It wouldn’t do for the President’s secretary to catch a cold, would it? I’ll lend you my jacket for today.”

I took my cigarettes and lighter from my jacket and draped it over Aosawa-chan’s shoulders.

“It’s alright, Mitsuya-san will catch a cold.”

“Me? Ah, it’s fine. I’ve got a cardigan at the office.”

“…Are you really sure it’s alright?”

“It’s fine, just bring it back when you come in tomorrow. Right then, I’ll have another smoke.”

“Yes. Thank you for the meal today.”

“No, thank you for keeping me company.”

I parted ways with Aosawa-chan at the entrance. Heading for the rooftop, I lit a cigarette while feeling the cold wind.

“Ah, Mitsuya-san, good work today.”

Hearing my name, I turned around to see Kurosaki-kun approaching with a broad grin.

“Good work, Kurosaki-kun. Still skiving off energetically today, eh?”

“You’re one to talk, Mitsuya-san.”

“It’s fine for me. If I don’t have a smoke now, the afternoon’ll be brutal.”

If I’m away too long, Arimura-chan might give me a nudge.
Well, lately she’s been quieter—or maybe it’s because I owe her a favour—but she’s been very easy to deal with.

“Things are going to get even busier, so taking a breather is important.”

“Is that so?”

“We’ve got next term’s budget planning… and it clashes with the Christmas and year-end sales period… Last year nearly killed me, honestly.”

“What’s your role again, Kurosaki-kun?”

“Progress management for investment plans. …But truth be told, I wanted into Sales Planning. It’d be brilliant fun, right? I wanted work where you could actually see the results.”

“You’re right, Kurosaki-kun, you’d probably be better suited there.”

“Right? I wish the department head would realise my worth sooner.”

Kurosaki-kun is kind of like a big dog, you know? Not exactly hateful, but… well.

“Oh, right, Mitsuya-san, are you free today? Fancy going for a drink? Let me vent some more.”

“Today? Ah… sure. I’m free, free.”

Going home and just brooding over Seno-san would probably just get me down.
Thinking that, I agreed. Kurosaki-kun smiled happily.

I kept watching Seno-san all afternoon too, but time just passed without our eyes meeting once.

Glancing at the clock, it was nearly quitting time.

　Normally, we wouldn’t drag this out this long and would make up by now, just as I was wondering if there was any way to find a chance to start a conversation, a clear, commanding voice called my name: “Mitsuya-san.” I reflexively stood up from my chair and turned around.

“Oh, good evening…!”

The president was standing there. I looked up at her slightly taller frame than mine, and she gave me a warm smile, but, what was that feeling? A chill ran down my spine.

“Aosawa-san borrowed your jacket today. Thank you.”

“Eh?”

I lent it to Aosawa-chan, so why is the president returning it…?
I thought, but hurriedly took the jacket offered to me.

“Ah, sorry, thank you for bringing it all the way…”

I bowed my head, unable to hide my surprise. Then the president tilted her head and peered closely at my face.
When those perfectly chiselled features stared intently at me, I felt like retreating.
This person really is beautiful… Too beautiful, even. It felt almost intimidating.
When those jet-black eyes fixed on me, my breath nearly stopped and I reflexively looked away.

“…Mitsuya-san?”

“Y-yes.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“A boyfriend? No, I don’t…”

“Hmm… What’s your type, then?”

“My preferences? Um…”

Caught off guard by the sudden question, I couldn’t hide my fluster. My type!? Why would she ask that? But the president’s piercing gaze made me gasp.

　If I answered wrong here… For some reason, I had this feeling it would be irreversible…
Type… What kind of type did I like? I’d never thought about it before. Wiping away cold sweat, I tried to think.

Um… Baby-faced, smelling nice, with big breasts, no!

“Muscular, perhaps…?”

It was something that just slipped out, but the moment I said it, the president’s expression brightened instantly.

“…I see. Sorry for asking something odd. Well then, good work today.”

“Y-yes… Good work today.”

What on earth was that all about? I felt the tension drain out of me and slumped back into my chair. With a clatter, Seno-san across from me stood up, bag in hand.

“I’ll be off now. Good work today.”

Seno-san’s cold gaze pierced me.
Ah, right. It’s already quitting time.

“Ah, wait… just a moment…”

　Before I could stop her, Seno-san was gone, her back receding as she hurried away. I let out a deep sigh.

This is hopeless. There’s no way to approach her.

Then, Arimura-chan, who’d been observing quietly all along, let out a small sigh and gave me a sidelong glance.

“Did you have a row with Seno-san or something?”

“…Does it look like that? She’s definitely angry, right?”

“You should make up quickly. Before it starts affecting your work.”

“…I’ll see what I can do.”

I buried my face in my hands and hung my head. I wanted to, too. But somehow, Seno-san’s atmosphere felt different than usual, and I didn’t have the courage left to chase after her.