Flashback over.
　Just remembering it makes my body flush. My face starts to redden.
　She hugged me, then caught me off guard with a kiss on the cheek.
　Then it was over. Hand over the cash. Right, it’s all there, thanks. Right then, let’s leave the hotel. That whole sequence felt a bit lacking in consideration towards me, who was experiencing everything as utterly new.

　Even after getting home, I felt like I was still in a dream. By the time my head finally started working properly, I’d somehow already eaten dinner, taken a bath, finished getting ready for bed, and was lying in my own bed.

And that’s when things really got tough.

Once my mind started working, I couldn’t sleep at all.
　Things at school, things at the hotel. Mainly flashbacks of this and that with Amamiya Tōru, making me anxious all over again about how I’d closed the distance between us, or remembering her warmth, softness, the sweetness of her scent, covering my face and tossing and turning in agony…

Because of that, I couldn’t fall asleep for ages, and now, even during this third period chemistry lesson, I’m being hit by a bit of drowsiness.

　I’d suddenly flush red, recalling yesterday’s events, then grow drowsy from lack of sleep.
My rhythm was utterly thrown.
Yet the very person responsible for this disruption sat there, propping her cheek like on that rainy day long ago, her bored-looking back turned to me as she stared blankly out the window at the overcast sky.

Don’t you feel anything?
No regret at the memories? No shame twisting your insides?
　With an attitude that seemed utterly untouched by such things, what on earth was Amamiya Tōru thinking as she gazed at that cloudy sky?

I was thinking about such things, fighting off sleepiness.

Before I knew it, time had passed and I was back home.

◇

Given it was the day after yesterday, I thought Amamiya Tōru might call me over again after school, but she simply said “See ya” to me and hurried home.
　It’s not that I think I understand her just because I mentioned her briefly yesterday, but somehow, Amamiya Tōru’s usually expressionless aura seemed more hazy than usual. Her transparency felt heightened.

But she hasn’t confided in me about anything.
I’m well aware we’re not yet close enough for her to confide in me.

So for now, until she does confide in me…
　I’ll shift my focus towards working on developing a relationship where she feels comfortable confiding in me.

Entering my room, I removed my socks.
I carefully placed my school-issued bag beside the bed.
I stood before the full-length mirror leaning against the wall next to the wardrobe.
First, I took off my blazer. Without a thought for creasing it, I let go, and it fell to the floor.
　Long-sleeved shirt and the uniform skirt below.
I undid the shirt buttons one by one from the bottom. Pop, pop.
My navel showed, then my underwear.
Once all buttons were undone, I first unhooked the skirt fastener and lowered the zip.
It slid down, revealing my slightly thicker thighs – a complex of mine. And of course, my underwear was visible too.
Finally, I removed the shirt, buttons undone.

　Before the full-length mirror, my shameless self in underwear is reflected.

My gaze falls upon the area above my left elbow.

The white lines, layered upon each other.

They won’t fade, the scars I inflicted upon myself in the past.
Made with the black-handled scissors sitting on my study desk, magical cuts that soothe a lonely heart and an anxious mind.

“If you’re feeling anxious, Amamiya-san, I’ll always be here to help.”

I hugged my arms, as if to conceal the scars, and smiled.
Not looking at my reflection in the mirror, but gazing at the girl in my imagination.