Sleeping Beauty’s friend

I touched it.
I finally touched it.
　Shigure-san’s chest. Her breasts. Her boobs.
Over her night bra and loungewear, and just a little bit, mind.
Heh heh.
No, it’s not that. Please don’t misunderstand. It might not be very convincing, but what makes me happy isn’t actually touching her chest itself – it’s that Shigure-san allowed me to do it.
That we’ve reached that point. That’s what makes me happy.
　At this point, wouldn’t it be fair to call us lovers? We’ve hugged and kissed – isn’t that pretty much what lovers do?
Maybe she’ll let me do more things from now on. You know, touch or be touched in deeper, softer, more sensitive places.
Just thinking about it makes my chest tighten and my cheeks melt into a sloppy mess.
Heh heh.
Yeah.
　But.
But, you see.
If I were to confess here and now, saying “Shigure-san, will you go out with me?”, I’d probably be brushed off.
After all, I’m underage.
Shigure-san seems unlikely to cross that final line until I graduate high school, or at least turn eighteen.
That strong sense of ethics is another point I like about her, but regardless, Shigure-san is a natural succubus, so whether my rationality lasts another year is doubtful.
　What’s this about ‘touching while asleep is okay’? Are you trying to implant that kind of kink in me?
Ah well. If that’s what Shigure-san wants, I’ll just have to work harder to get her to make a move sooner. Succubus vs. Little Devil. Kayako vs. Sadako. Don’t underestimate a former idol.
I feel like I’ve been losing lately, but I’m sure it’s just my imagination.

　Probably, I’m just a little impatient.
I’m gradually reclaiming my sleep, and Shigure-san is working hard too.
Eventually, we’ll both regain peaceful nights. Whether that’s in half a year or a year, I don’t know.
For that day that will come someday, I want one more reason. A reason to sleep together.
I want us bound by a thread so sturdy and resilient that excuses become unnecessary.
　I want a bond so certain that no matter the storm, pulling on it would connect me to Shigure-san without fail.
Being the same sex, the seven-year age gap – these are transparent walls that won’t vanish.
　It’s usually invisible, but it’s definitely there, and when the moment comes, it stiffly, coldly blocks outstretched hands.
So I can’t afford to wait leisurely until graduation.
As a more realistic concern, someone wonderful could appear before Shigure-san tomorrow and steal her heart.
No, just imagining that hurts too much.
Haa… I want to marry her.

　My phone buzzed.
A message had arrived.
Incidentally, it was the middle of the night. Shigure-san was already asleep.
I slipped quietly out of bed, careful not to wake her.
Keeping the light away from the bed, I unlocked the screen.

‘How have you been lately? Getting enough sleep?’

I tapped out my reply and sent it.

‘Yeah. It’s getting much better.’

‘Still with that person?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Is that person really alright?’
‘They’re not doing anything weird, are they?’

‘I said it’s fine.’

Honestly, I’m the one trying to do it. Or rather, wanting to.

‘Don’t let your guard down just because they’re the same sex. Ibara, you’re cute.’

‘I know.’

‘I’m serious, though.’

‘I told you, they’re not that sort of person.’

‘Are you absolutely sure?’
‘You’re not being tricked? Made to buy weird stuff, or persuaded to do porn?’
‘Or subjected to lewd behaviour?’

The last bit might be a bit of a possibility.
I wouldn’t say it, couldn’t say it.

‘No, no.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘They’re just kind.’

‘That’s the least trustworthy thing you could say.’
‘Keep your guard up properly.’
‘Also, that thing we’ve been talking about for ages, have you thought about it?’

‘The thing about wanting to meet in person because you have something to discuss?’

‘Yes.’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘The agency told us not to contact each other, didn’t they? What if more weird rumours start flying around?’
‘Think about your own reputation. You’ve got a terrestrial TV commercial lined up, haven’t you? You’re a hot commodity.”

“I’m just a stand-in. If Ibara were available, the agency would absolutely have pushed her.”

That’s ridiculous.
What are you getting so humble about?

“You’ve gone to the trouble of growing your hair out, so give it your all.”

I sent a ‘Goodnight’ sticker and closed the app.
I slipped into bed, careful not to leave any traces.

　──The agency would absolutely have pushed for Ibara.

“That’s impossible…”

Closing my eyes in the darkness.
The blue light from my phone is the enemy of good sleep. I know that, yet I couldn’t stop myself.
Setting aside how I feel about Shigure-san, if she needs someone to talk to, I want to be there for her.
But meeting her in person is difficult.
　She was surely the one I’d inconvenienced the most, so I didn’t know what face to show her.
Shigure-san, fast asleep, faced the wall, her back to me.
I wished she’d turn towards me. I silently prayed for it, but all I heard was her peaceful breathing.
No matter how many words of forgiveness I’d received, the palm I tentatively reached out could only touch her back at best. Anything more was terrifying and impossible, of course.