Episode 3: Who on Earth Would Notice Someone Like You?

I’d never given much thought to love or marriage.

When I was younger, I vaguely imagined that one day, when the time was right, I’d meet my destined partner. We’d naturally fall in love, our feelings deepen, and we’d marry. That’s how I pictured it.

It’s only recently I realised such a pattern isn’t very realistic.

Your destined partner doesn’t suddenly appear like in a drama.

　Marriage often just happens with whoever you happen to be seeing when you reach marriageable age, or you end up sizing someone up and choosing them with marriage in mind from the start, by this age, only a handful are still enjoying romantic love.

The kind of love you could have as a child, based purely on pure affection, somehow doesn’t work that way as you get older.

It had been ages since I last had a lover, and I couldn’t even remember how to love anymore.

　The next morning, I felt awkward even facing Seno-san.
Yet she, even with the alcohol worn off by morning, showed no sign of distress whatsoever. She spoke to me as if nothing had happened.

I tried my best not to let her see my unease, hiding my racing heartbeat and acting as usual. Gradually, I regained my composure and was able to converse with her.

　After the training session ended, we parted ways without mentioning the night’s events, parting quite simply.

But even after returning home, it took me a long time to process what had happened. In fleeting moments, I’d recall that irritating colleague’s sweaty naked body and her clingy voice, and the number of cigarettes stubbed out in the ashtray grew.

We were simply colleagues: same gender, same age, working in the same company, same department.

　Judging by her attitude, having a physical relationship with me surely held no deeper meaning for her.
She was actively seeking a marriage partner, a woman who had once boldly declared to me, “I’m looking for a life partner” and “I want to marry a rich man.”
Even if I was drunk, I bitterly regretted having so easily fallen for such a scheming woman’s advances.

　It’s true that despite our completely opposite personalities, I found comfort in a relationship where I didn’t need to tread carefully.

I thought it was mutual, not just me.
But perhaps it was only me who felt that way.

　I’d never felt the urge to get closer to her beyond a colleague relationship, never harboured feelings that deep.

At least within me, the fact that I’d slept with that woman was a major event, one that shook my life to its core.

It wasn’t that I had no reservations about sleeping with someone of the same sex. But if asked whether I’d taken her purely through the force of alcohol and stubbornness, even I couldn’t say for certain.

　My heart pounded relentlessly, as if it were breaking. I’d never felt anything like it before.

It felt as though someone had forcibly slipped into my heart, and the sensation was unbearably unpleasant.

Whether at work or back home, the fact that this hateful colleague was still stirring up my emotions only clouded my mind further.

Yet, Seno-san said nothing about that day.

　＊＊＊

After lunch, I headed to the office rooftop for a smoke. Squinting against the blazing midsummer sun, I lit my cigarette when a voice called my name from behind. Startled, I straightened up.

“You really do come up to the rooftop for a smoke, even in this heat, don’t you?”

　She sighed exasperatedly, those hazel eyes fixed on me.
The cigarette I’d been holding nearly fell from my mouth. I hurriedly drew on it to hide my fluster, pretending nothing was amiss.

But first, did that woman just call me by my name? Kaori?

Memories of that day came flooding back, abruptly.

That night, this woman definitely called my name. Kaori, she said.

In that instant, my chest felt so tight it was as if my heart had been crushed.

Whether she knew of my complex feelings or not, she calmly approached me and peered into my face.

Her round eyes seemed intent on peering into the depths of my soul, making me feel terribly uncomfortable.

“…What do you want?”

“Can’t I come over without a reason? It’s alright, just taking a breather now and then.”

“But you don’t smoke, do you?”

“That’s true. I absolutely detest cigarette smoke.”

I felt like filling my lungs with smoke and blowing it right in her face.

　Then why come to the smoking area? Knowing I’d be here. Her actions and words don’t match. I have absolutely no idea what she’s thinking.

Seno-san gave a faint, puzzled smile at my expression, then leaned back against the guardrail and looked at me.

“You don’t need to be so conscious of me.”

“…Who’s conscious of you, anyway?”

I was startled.

　Realising she’d seen through my fluster, I drew on my cigarette to cover it up.

“You know, Kaori, you’re surprisingly cute in ways you wouldn’t expect, aren’t you?”

“Shut up. I’m not conscious of you, I told you.”

Why does this woman only ever manage to say things that piss me off?

　Watching her smile defiantly through the cigarette smoke, I thought something utterly out of place: there really are women who look this ill-suited to the direct summer sunlight.

She seems the type to care about her appearance, so she doesn’t look like someone who’d willingly expose herself to the sun without a parasol.
What on earth could she possibly want here?

　Doubts surfaced.
Simultaneously, I shuddered at the realisation I was trying to find deep meaning in her actions.
No good. Being around this woman throws me off balance.

The me before sleeping with her and the me after seem like entirely different people.
Ever since, it’s as if a sandstorm rages in my brain, clouding my thoughts.

　If I could go back to that night, I’d never have accepted this woman’s invitation.
Had I held back then, my heart wouldn’t be in such turmoil now.

“…What do you think, Kaori? About Aosawa-san’s secretary position?”

The sudden mention of my cute junior colleague’s name made me instantly understand why this woman had come to me.

　It happened soon after we returned from the training programme.

Aozawa-chan, a junior colleague in the same Budget Management Section, told me she was considering applying to be the President’s secretary.

If that wish came true, it would mean a vacancy in our Budget Management Section, which only had four members.

She said the President’s reaction hadn’t been very positive, her shoulders slumped, but I thought she might just manage it.

　Sincere, earnest, hardworking, and with nothing but potential for growth – there was no way the president wouldn’t recognise her promise.

“…I said that thing, but I wonder if it’ll be alright?”

“That thing.”

Seno-san seemed quite concerned about the rather reckless advice she’d apparently given Aosawa-chan: “Pretend you like her and barge into the president’s office every day to launch a full-on offensive.” It was the sort of suggestion that could easily backfire spectacularly.

“You didn’t mean that as a joke, did you? I think Aosawa-chan took it seriously.”

Though I doubted it, I peered at Seno-san’s face. She awkwardly averted her gaze.

“The president’s always so calm. I’ve never seen her angry, so I think it’ll be fine… but maybe I pushed Aosawa-san too hard?”

　It was surprising she’d made a joke, but knowing this woman cared about Aosawa-chan in her own way made my shoulders relax a little.

“Well… she’ll be fine. I don’t think she’ll do anything foolish. She’s brilliant. But… if she gets in, I’ll miss her. I’ve always looked after Aosawa-chan, you see.”

The year since Aosawa-chan joined the company has been nothing but fun.
We went out for lunch together every day, grabbed drinks after work—she was a special junior colleague to me.

“Hmm. You’re rather taken with her, aren’t you? Kaori is certainly very kind to Aosawa-san. Not to me at all, mind. Is that the sort you fancy?”

“…Just so you know, there’s absolutely no ulterior motive here. More importantly, you absolutely mustn’t make a move on Aosawa-chan.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it. Besides, she’s already got someone, hasn’t she?”

She said it as if completely uninterested, so I tilted my head.

“She did say she liked someone, but she said she didn’t have a boyfriend.”

“She’s just not officially dating yet. You can tell by looking at her ears.”

Ears? Does this woman really know whether someone has a boyfriend just by looking at their ears? What kind of logic is that?

I absentmindedly pinched my own ear, and Seno-san laughed, saying, “That’s not what I meant.”

　In the end, because Seno-san acted as if she wasn’t bothered at all about that day, I completely missed my chance to bring it up. Now, I couldn’t very well grill her about what she was playing at… Before I knew it, proper summer had arrived.

And finally, my beloved junior, Aosawa-chan, secured the position she’d hoped for as the president’s secretary. It was decided she would be leaving our Budget Management Department.