Episode 16: I’ll Tell You If You Kiss Me

The pin on the map app pointed to a street between the university I attended and the nearest station.

Walking through the familiar station gates, I reached the designated spot and couldn’t help but widen my eyes.

Because right there, in front of me, stood my favourite set-meal restaurant from my university days.

“…No way…”

　The blinds at the shop entrance were down.
Feeling utterly incredulous, I switched on my phone and called Seno-san. She answered after just a few rings.

‘Hello?’

“Listen, I’m here.”

‘Ah… I’ll be right out.’

Hearing her voice after so long sounded slightly calmer, but my heart was pounding relentlessly.

　The blinds rose, the glass door opened, and the face that peeked through was, of course, the one I knew so well. I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

“No way, I can’t believe it. What are the odds of this!?”

“Eh? What?”

Seno-san, clearly not grasping the situation, stared at me with wide eyes.

“Well, of course I’ve eaten that fried chicken! I used to come here five times a week during uni. That surly shop assistant… you were her?”

I patted Seno-san’s shoulder, laughing heartily. Finally grasping the situation, Seno-san looked startled.

“Eh? So the university Kaori went to was…”

“Right over there!”

I’d never believed in fate or destiny, but I couldn’t help being astonished that we were connected in such an unexpected way.

Seno-san’s family home had a set meal restaurant on the ground floor and living quarters upstairs.

The shop retained its old look. The glass display case was empty now, but at lunchtime it would be filled with several bento boxes.

　The daily special set meals were cheap and generous portions, popular with the men in my department. I always ordered the fried chicken set.

Told it would be a shame not to go upstairs, I climbed the narrow staircase at the back of the shop to the second floor. It wasn’t exactly spacious, but it was a tidy, clean house.

Sitting at the dining table, Seno-san started boiling water in the kitchen.

“Mum, is she alright? Is she at home?”

“No, she’s in hospital. But she’ll be fine, it’s just overwork. She keeps working without rest, even though she’s getting on a bit.”

She sighed, looking somewhat weary herself.
I took the envelope from my bag and placed it on the table just as Seno-san served coffee.

“Thanks for the documents. Sorry for the trouble.”

“No, work’s fine. …Are you getting enough sleep, though?”

　Sitting opposite me, she took the envelope. After staring at it for a moment, she gave a soft, faint smile.

Realising the meaning behind that smile made me feel awkward, but I kept quiet without reacting. And no wonder – the envelope had her name clearly written on it, even with a stamp affixed.

I thought she might tease me about going out of my way, but Seno-san said nothing. She simply placed the envelope beside the table.

　I stared blankly at her unadorned, natural face and realised.
I like this girl’s natural face. It draws me in far more than her perfectly dressed-up appearance. It’s been like that since the first time I saw her.

“…Kaori, have you had dinner?”

“No, I meant to go straight home after delivering this, so I haven’t eaten anything.”

“Shall I make something? We’ve got leftover ingredients.”

“Eh, really? Then I’d like some karaage.”

“Karaage again? You really do love it, don’t you?”

Staring at the dinner spread on the dining table, it suddenly dawned on me why Seno-san was such a good cook.

“I always loved it when your mum would sneak in an extra piece of karaage for me.”

As I said this, chewing on the nostalgic flavour of the karaage, Seno-san gave a wry smile.

“That’s the problem, you see. My mother really isn’t cut out for running a business. I tell her she should take a day off once a week, but she just insists, ‘The students come in.’”

“Does your mum run this place on her own?”

“Yes. Actually, my father started this shop. He left us for another woman when I was in primary school. I helped my mother when I was a student, but I can’t do it anymore. I have no intention of taking over the shop either.”

“I see. …You’ve been through quite a lot. You went to a good university, so you didn’t seem like someone who had.”

“I just didn’t have the money, so my options for universities were limited. Being poor is tough, you know. Though you probably wouldn’t understand, Kaori.”

Saying that, Seno-san laughed.

“Well, thanks to that, I get a decent enough salary now, and I basically get off on time, right? It’s not all bad, I suppose.”

Even as she said this, a faint shadow flickered in her eyes.
She didn’t seem… satisfied with her current situation.

After being treated to dinner, I stood up, thinking it would be rude to overstay. Seno-san stopped my hand.

　Her intense gaze pierced me.

I’d only come to see her face. That wasn’t my intention.
But when her arms wrapped around my back and she pressed her cheek against my collarbone, my hands instinctively embraced her body.

Her height, similar to mine. Her waist, slightly slimmer than mine. The heartbeat transmitted through her full, soft breasts. The sweet scent.
　Even though it was a woman’s body just like mine, why did it draw me in so strongly?

“Kaori, you know… do you ever act clingy with your boyfriend? Celebrate anniversaries or do those typical couple things?”

“What’s that? Why are you suddenly asking me that?”

“No reason. Just thought I couldn’t quite picture it, that’s all.”

I could hear her giggling softly, her face still pressed against my chest.

“…I do celebrate things, I suppose. I might not be very girly about it, though. People often say I’m not very sweet.”

“Hehe. You might not be sweet, but… you’re kind, aren’t you? Deep down. It’s strange you don’t have a boyfriend.”

Hearing that in her soft, sweet voice, I laughed awkwardly.

“Stop it. It gives me the creeps when you compliment me.”

　Even though we usually trade insults, once we’re alone in a closed room, this is what happens.

My hand reached out as if drawn by a magnet, unable to resist touching her.

“…When I see my mother, sometimes I feel incredibly hollow. She struggled with men, struggled with money… There are times I wonder if this was really the right life for her. When I broke up with my last boyfriend, I saw her face flash before mine. I’m grateful she raised me single-handedly, but I don’t want to live like that. I wanted to get married normally, work moderately… live supported by someone. Seeing my mother, I thought you couldn’t be happy without money.”

I don’t know how much hardship she endured. But each word she uttered, one by one, carried weight and resonated deep within my chest.

“So you want to marry a rich man?”

“…I thought having money would make me happy. Heh, pretty simple, isn’t it?”

She said it lightly, but those words hit me like a bomb.

I understood exactly what Seno-san meant. It’s not like I hadn’t imagined things myself.
For instance, if by some chance I could become her lover, I couldn’t help but think about where that path would lead. That’s precisely why I couldn’t take that first step.

“I thought I was a bit smarter than that. …Hoping ‘this time will be different’, only to end up repeating the same thing over and over.”

“Then… why did you want to do this with me? Isn’t this just a waste of your time? Sorry, but I can’t give you designer bags or presents.”

Seno-san pressed her cheek against my collarbone and laughed.

“Well, that’s only to be expected. After all, your salary’s about the same as mine, isn’t it?”

I’m not so sure about that. As a permanent employee, yours might even be higher due to your pay rises.

“But… Kaori’s different from me, isn’t she?”

“Different in what way?”

“She’s capable at work, different from me. Kaori will definitely be a manager in a few years. She could become like Manager Yamazato.”

That was unexpected. I hadn’t anticipated her saying that and hesitated for a moment, unsure how to respond.

“…But that applies to you too, doesn’t it? Potential is something anyone can have.”

“Isn’t that impossible? I think Kaori realises it too, but I’m not the type to burn with passion for work.”

“Why give up before you even try? Work hard, get promoted, and if there’s something you want, just buy it yourself. Relying on others just makes life unstable.”

“Don’t make it sound so easy. If it were that simple, I wouldn’t be struggling. You know I’m not exactly good at work, right?”

“Great players don’t always make great managers, and sometimes players who were mediocre during their playing days become great managers, right?”

“…What are you talking about?”

“Baseball.”

At that, Seno-san laughed out loud.

“I really don’t see eye to eye with sports club types.”

“Watching baseball is fun, you know? You can have a beer too. Let’s go together sometime, invite Aosawa-chan and all.”

I forced the conversation off track, but Seno-san’s words had struck deep within me.

　Whenever I vaguely imagined the future, there was always a hint of dependency lurking somewhere in my heart.

Even while saying it was fine if her income was lower than mine, it was always conditional on “at the time of marriage”.
The unfounded assumption that a man would eventually earn more than me.

And the desire to be supported by that someday, to eventually drop out of this work-obsessed daily grind – I couldn’t deny that such feelings, faint though they were, definitely existed.

　But, when I imagined a future with another woman, that indulgence vanished instantly.
No room for silly dreams. Not leaning on each other, but genuinely supporting one another.
Standing firmly on both feet, facing reality.

“Kaori.”

“Hmm?”

“…Today’s my birthday.”

“Eh? No way. Sorry, I haven’t prepared anything.”

“It’s fine, really. I don’t need anything.”

“No, I can’t let that stand.”

“…Then, would you grant me one favour?”

“Sure, if it’s something I can do.”

“Kiss me.”

It was the first time she’d said it so directly, and I gasped.

“……………….”

Unable to move, unable even to speak, I was utterly pathetic. Seno-san let out a small sigh, then laughed, sounding deflated.

“Still got reservations? About doing it between girls?”

“No, that’s… too late now. It’s not that…”

It’s not that. I want to know if you’re the one wanting to put a name to this relationship.
I’m standing on terribly unstable ground. In this state, I couldn’t possibly make up my mind.

“What… exactly are you playing at?”

“…I’ll tell you if you kiss me.”

Her eyes met mine directly, so clear they made my heart ache with the pressure.

All the blood in my body rushed to my heart, which began to pound violently.
No matter how much I tried to hide it, my heart was something I could never fake.

I leaned in just a little.
When I realised she’d closed her eyes, I held my breath.

I want to know. What she’s thinking.

But, but what if she tells me, ‘I don’t intend for this to become anything more’?

Could I accept that?
If she just pushed me away, saying we’re nothing but fuck buddies—

　Noticing my hesitation, she wrapped her arms around my neck and drew my face closer. In that instant, I reflexively turned my face away in refusal.

“…Sorry.”

Just as a sandcastle crumbles instantly when swept away by the waves, the relationship we’d built collapsed in a moment.

　As our bodies separated, Seno-san stared intently into my wavering eyes, then smiled wryly, almost self-mockingly.

“…I understand perfectly how you feel, Kaori.”

The arm around my neck slipped away smoothly, pulling away.

I couldn’t say anything.