Episode 14: Even if she’s younger than me, that’s no excuse for such a high-handed attitude, is it?
Weekend. I boarded the Shinkansen bound for Niigata at Tokyo Station, heading reluctantly towards my family home.
The appointment was for six o’clock.
The purpose was to see the face of my younger sister Yu’s fiancé.
The last time I’d been home, I believe, was New Year’s the year before last.
When I said I’d turn tail and leave after dinner, Mum suggested I should stay the night.
But after eight years away, my old room had become a storage space, and the bed had long since been disposed of.
The thought of sleeping on a guest futon laid out in the tatami room was utterly repellent, so I refused.
Truth be told, I just didn’t want to listen to her nagging.
Yesterday, I agonised over how to reply to Seno-san’s message. Finally, having sent nothing, I realised the date had changed. In the end, I sent a random sticker and closed my phone.
At this stage, I feel both impatient about the distance that remains unbridgeable and that I shouldn’t get any deeper involved.
It’s as if my heart is split in two, tossed about by these contradictory feelings.
Even if I try to bridge the gap, it’s nothing but self-indulgence when I’m clearly not needed.
I sigh, letting myself drift along in the Shinkansen as it travels through this long, long tunnel.
I’m already struggling to come to terms with my own situation, and the thought of having to listen to my mother’s nagging next – it was utterly depressing.
I arrived at my parents’ house a full ten minutes early. He, today’s main attraction, was already sitting on our living room sofa, looking tense and making himself small.
Yu, seated beside him, wore a smug expression, beaming happily every time she spoke.
The happiness aura thrust upon me before I could prepare myself was so blindingly bright, it nearly scorched my retinas.
The dinner proceeded pleasantly. Father served sake, Mother served her home cooking, and they were in high spirits as they entertained him.
Watching the two of them, so fresh and new together, it felt like witnessing the very peak of happiness in life.
“I’m truly looking forward to Yu-chan’s wedding. You should find someone nice soon too, Kaori. Your parents won’t be around forever, you know.”
I suddenly realised the conversation had turned towards me and gave a wry smile.
Marrying at twenty-six? It was utterly inconceivable to me. Absolutely far too soon.
“It’s not that I’m saying I don’t want to get married. It’s just that I’ve only just changed companies and I’m busy…”
“That’s what everyone says these days. But I can’t help feeling uneasy about you staying single forever. You could at least introduce us to one potential partner, couldn’t you?”
Uneasy, eh?
The idea that marriage brings security is a thing of the past. It’s from an era when women had no choice but to be supported by men.
I don’t mean to dismiss my mother’s values, shaped by that era, but she seems convinced that marrying off her children marks the end of parenting.
Marriage offers no guarantee of happiness whatsoever.
I thought this, but not wanting to spoil the pleasant atmosphere, I nodded silently without reply.
After finishing our meal, I hurriedly began preparing to leave and headed for the entrance. Yu came running after me.
“Big sis, thank you for coming back today even though you’re busy.”
“No, it’s fine. He seems like a good sort, doesn’t he? Truly, congratulations.”
This child, once so shy she always hid behind my back, during the time we’d been apart, she had become a proper, fully-fledged woman.
What must it feel like, that moment when you resolve to spend your life with someone?
What must it feel like, that moment when you tell your lover, ‘Will you marry me?’ What joy must that bring?
Seno-san’s words from that day, they resurface.
—The moment I thought, ‘If I marry this person, I’ll suffer for the rest of my life,’ I instantly grew cold. The waves receded. Even though I loved him so much.
For her, it was a wall she couldn’t climb.
If we’ve grown so much as adults that we can no longer choose a partner based solely on affection, then our relationship will surely remain barren no matter how far it goes.
An indescribable loneliness and emptiness welled up inside me. While I could still maintain a smile, I fled the house as though escaping.
＊＊＊
Monday, after a gloomy Sunday.
I hadn’t slept well last night. Stifling yawns on my way to work, I noticed an unfamiliar figure standing beside Arimura-chan.
Sun-kissed skin. A well-built young man with a two-block haircut.
Muscles bulged beneath his rolled-up shirt sleeves. Standing tall and imposing, he seemed to be talking at Arimura-chan in a torrent of words.
Somehow, I had a bad feeling about this.
“Um, is something wrong?”
When I spoke up, a pale-faced Arimura-chan noticed me and shot me a pleading look.
Hey now, where’d all that usual bravado go? I almost snapped, but it didn’t seem like the right moment.
I instantly sensed something was up.
Spotting me, he twisted his thick neck round to look this way, then narrowed his imposing brows in displeasure and advanced.
“The budget doesn’t add up. I checked the data first thing this morning, but the figures registered are all wrong. What’s going on?”
Ah, I see.
Last weekend, I finished checking and approving all the work assigned to me before leaving. I cross-checked and verified every single figure; there’s absolutely no mistake.
So then, yeah, Arimura-chan, you’ve messed up.
Ignoring the imposing figure who looked ready to pounce, I leaned in to peer at the monitor.
“Arimura-chan, let me have a look.”
Noticing her hand gripping the mouse was trembling, I gently pushed her shoulder aside and turned back to the computer myself.
This was a mistake, I reflected. I knew the workload was too heavy for a new recruit, but it was my fault for not offering help when her insolent attitude got the better of me.
If it had been Seno-san… well, she’d probably have checked the figures discreetly after Arimura-chan left.
“…Did you cross-check the source data with the system figures?”
“I confirmed the company’s total profit.”
“Hmm, the totals match. Have you looked at the figures per store?”
“I-I’m sorry… I only checked the totals.”
“I see. So there’s a discrepancy somewhere, then.”
It was a simple careless mistake. But everyone experiences one at least once in their long working life.
No one is infallible. We’re not machines, after all.
I turned to face him, who was likely glaring at the screen from behind.
I met his sharp gaze head-on and bowed my head.
“I’m terribly sorry for the trouble. I’ll correct it, so could you give me a moment? …Arimura-chan, go report this to Manager Yamazato immediately. I’ll find the mistake.”
Saying this to the pale-faced Arimura-chan, she nodded and turned her back on us, trotting off.
“…This sort of thing is a real bother. It never happened once when Seno-san was doing it. We need to be more careful.”
His anger clearly still simmering, he said this with a grim expression.
Naturally, the fault lies with us. But judging by Arimura-chan’s pale face, this man must have really pressed her hard.
I almost retorted, “Surely you didn’t need to go that far?”, but doing so might have wounded that earnest junior’s pride.
So I could only bow my head in silence.
“My apologies.”
There wasn’t even time to ask who he was, so while bowing, I discreetly glanced at the name tag hanging from his neck.
Corporate Planning Department, Kurosaki.
I’ll remember that, you troublesome chap. I muttered that silently to myself, ignoring my own department’s fault, rolled up my sleeves, and turned back to the monitor.
＊＊＊
Having skipped my usual morning cigarette break to focus intensely at my desk, even after finishing a task and reaching lunchtime, I still felt somewhat wound up and wasn’t particularly hungry.
Afterwards, Manager Yamazato sent apology emails to all relevant departments, and by correcting the data, we managed to smooth things over for the moment.
Arimura-chan seemed quite shaken by her first mistake. I considered inviting her out for lunch to take her mind off things, but I couldn’t think of what to say, so I ended up buying coffee from the vending machine and heading up to the roof alone.
On days like this, I’d have loved to vent to that irritating colleague, but unfortunately, she wasn’t around today, tomorrow, or the day after.
Feeling the autumn breeze turn slightly chilly, I lit a cigarette and noticed someone had joined me, shifting slightly to the side.
“New face, eh? New hire?”
A low, deep voice. Startled by the sudden address, I looked up in alarm to find the man from earlier standing there, cigarette in mouth.
Blimey, he was a smoker too. Just when I was trying to relax, I ran into the last person I wanted to see.
“…New hire, I suppose. I transferred over from another company this spring. Mitsuya.”
He didn’t seem angry anymore, just peering intently at my name tag.
“Hmm… From another company, then. How many years?”
“Same as Seno-san.”
At that, he twitched his eyebrow and his eyes darted around.
Intrigued, I leaned in to look at his face.
I hadn’t noticed before, but he had quite a handsome face. His sun-kissed skin looked healthy, and his broad shoulders and large frame gave him an undeniable imposing presence.
“…How many years have you been here, Kurosaki-kun?”
“…Years… I’ve been here…”
Where’d that earlier swagger gone? I almost wanted to ask, but he spoke in a weak, small voice.
“Hm?”
When I asked him to repeat, he took the cigarette from his mouth and lowered his eyebrows apologetically.
“Third year…”
“…………”
“…………”
I stared at him silently. Seeing how awkward he looked, I realised, had he thought I was younger than him?
“Er… sorry, I just assumed you were younger…”
I chuckled at his sudden meekness. His solid build had made me suspect it, but yes, he was definitely the athletic type. The sort who’d be quite particular about seniority.
“…Even if I were younger, that doesn’t give you any excuse to act so high and mighty, does it?”
I gave him a sharp retort.
“Sorry.”
Then, he apologised so readily that I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
“But well, I was in the wrong for getting it wrong, so we’re even.”
As I said this, pressing the cigarette out in the ashtray, Kurosaki-kun smiled carefree, looking relieved.